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Girlfriend of 3.5 years called to break up with me about 2 days ago saying she needed to know if we were right for each other and that being single would test our love for each other.

 

We dated throughout high school and graduated together. For the past 3 months we have been separated due to her waiting to go to university as well as me so we had been doing long distance.

 

We used skype to keep in contact, emails, calls and texts. Then one day out of the blue she calls to break up.

 

I told her that I thought she would be making a mistake but she went through with it anyways.

 

I do feel that maybe the break up is neccesary as we are both still quite young and I haven't been with any other girl. Ultimately, the break up does feel somewhat right but I can't help but feel like crap. I miss her like crazy.

 

She wants to remain friends and talking, so far she has been texting me and emailing me since the break up telling me what shes been up to and saying that she misses me a lot.

 

I miss her so much but at the same time I guess I do have to get over her.

 

Not sure on how to proceed... Should I still be talking to her? Should I keep my contact with her limited? Should I do NC?

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I find that the best thing you can possibly do is no contact. She broke up with you and is still contacting you because she wants to believe that you will always be there for her. If you don't reply she will proably panic a little and think you have forgotten her already. That will give you amazing strength and help you to get by.

 

I think you should behave by doing the exact opposite of what she expects from you. If she thinks you'll reply or cry don't reply and laugh! We only want what we can't have and she will start to think about what she has lost. You are both young and you may be together in the future so make sure you look after yourself and be strong. If you do that you'll look back on this time and be so proud of yourself.

 

Good luck

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This board continues to amaze me in the quality of advice and the support it gives, thanks for the replies.

 

Should I let her know that I won't be contacting her anymore?

 

I feel that the relationship needs to dissolve and any past feelings for each other need to go before a friendship between us can begin. Thoughts?

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Maybe the next time she texts or calls just say I think it would be best if we weren't in contact for now. Let her know that you both need space and then follow that up by not contacting her in any way. I found it best to leave my phone in another room at night (espec if I had been drinking!) as nights are the worst, loneliest. If you say that you BOTH need space she may panic a little as you will be the one in control again.

 

As for being friends, I think that may take a while. It can only happen when both of you have no love for one another. Otherwise, one of you will get hurt again.

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Maybe the next time she texts or calls just say I think it would be best if we weren't in contact for now. Let her know that you both need space and then follow that up by not contacting her in any way. I found it best to leave my phone in another room at night (espec if I had been drinking!) as nights are the worst, loneliest. If you say that you BOTH need space she may panic a little as you will be the one in control again.

 

As for being friends, I think that may take a while. It can only happen when both of you have no love for one another. Otherwise, one of you will get hurt again.

 

I'll be sending a reply to her email telling her that its probably best for both of us to stop talking for a while. This will shock her.

 

I don't intend to be mean about it, I just want to deal with the situation as best as possible for me.

 

I think I will always love her no matter what, but the feelings, memories and sexual desire is what I hope to go away by doing NC.

 

If we decide to become friends I will definitely make sure that both her and I ready.

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Yeah, I agree that it is a good idea to cut off contact. Tell her you need to do that at this point and it is best for both you that you move on completely. I suspect she is either dating someone or has someone in mind that is why she wanted to break up...but she wants to keep you on the back burner in case things don't work out with someone else. Don't be back burner guy. She wants out so let her find out what life is like with you completely gone.

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Yeah, I agree that it is a good idea to cut off contact. Tell her you need to do that at this point and it is best for both you that you move on completely. I suspect she is either dating someone or has someone in mind that is why she wanted to break up...but she wants to keep you on the back burner in case things don't work out with someone else. Don't be back burner guy. She wants out so let her find out what life is like with you completely gone.

 

Most definitely, I suspect that another guy has come into her view or she has been surrounded by guys that are interested.

 

She said that if I had been with her in the same country she wouldnt have broken up but now that we arent together physically, now would be the time to break up.

 

She also said that it makes her sick to her stomach if I was ever with someone else but she feels that it is necessary.

 

I've had experience with being that back burner guy. I have definitely learnt my lesson.

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Most definitely, I suspect that another guy has come into her view or she has been surrounded by guys that are interested.

 

She said that if I had been with her in the same country she wouldnt have broken up but now that we arent together physically, now would be the time to break up.

 

She also said that it makes her sick to her stomach if I was ever with someone else but she feels that it is necessary.

 

I've had experience with being that back burner guy. I have definitely learnt my lesson.

 

 

True, mature love does not break up just because two people are temporarily separated by circumstances. I have known couples who made the relationship work despite the distance. She just wants a convenient boyfriend...someone who can take her out on a Saturday night so that she doesn't have to be alone. Definitely go no contact with her.

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