tattoobunnie Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 So while my ex and I are slowly working back together, we have no firm commitment, nor a declaration that we are working things out. I have been asked out by someone I have been lightly chatting with for the past few weeks, and suddenly I'm now totally afraid. he did confirm that he's not pursuing or dating other people, though his cousin's girlfriend is trying to lead me to believe otherwise. Though, I'm panicking...that things could blow up in my face, us trying again. I know it'd be easily to just go with someone new...or maybe I am just looking for a sign. We just started hanging out again, and I'm too afraid to be blunt and ask, "where is this going?" Should I go out on the date, or am I just worried about getting even more hurt and just need to chill out, and let things flow? I feel like Neo in the Matrix now...blue pill or red pill... Link to comment
Venomite Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Ask yourself if you want to get back together with your ex. Do you feel you two can work through whatever problems pushed you apart in the first place? And do you think he reciprocates those feelings? I would definitely give those questions some thought before you go out with another person. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 GO on the date. You aren't going to marry the guy. It's just a date. It will be good for your self-confidence. Tell the date if it comes up that you're currently dating someone. Don't give the date all the gory details of the current relationship. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 Do you think I should mention this prospect to my ex? Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Do you think I should mention this prospect to my ex? No........It's none of his business. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 I know if he or I are dating other people, it's technically none of each other's business, though I wonder if being honest with each other opens up lines of communication. Or am I just causing more damage by informing him that I've been lightly talking to someone else... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 If you are trying to work things out with your ex then why the interest in dating someone else...why not, in your mind, give your ex a certain amount of time and if things haven't progressed, then have a talk. There is no rush for dating...and it certainly isn't fair to date someone when you are trying to get back with your ex. That is simply called "hedging your bets". As for what your ex is up to...well, you don't really know...but this isn't about t*t for tat...you should be conducting your life according to what is right, not according to what he may or may not be doing. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 A lot of people circle each other like wary dogs when they think about getting back together. But if you can't even talk about your status as a couple, then that certainly means you aren't back together. And if the reconciliation is as delicate as a souffle (i.e., afraid to make a noise or talk about it), then something isn't right about that relationship. So i suggest you have courage and talk to your ex and ask what he's thinking now, and make decisions based on that. If he says you aren't in an exclusive relationship, then you have every right to date. If you say nothing to him and he is assuming you are back together and he discovers you are dating someone else, he might feel betrayed or like you are cheating. So you should be able to talk to him about this, and if you can't talk to him about whether you are together or not, then by default you are not really together, and the relationship has significant communication problems. Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 You know..all of this doubt. It is not like your life depends on it..or that the date will suddenly have been the love of your life and you missing out on him. Go easy on yourself..be honest. Tell your chatbuddy that you are dating someone..and feel that you would like to see where that is heading before you start dating anyone else.. They will appreciate the honesty,,and do whatever they feel they want to do. Even come back to see if you are available again if they feel you are worth that. Second ..set boundaries where your ex is concerned..you come accross as non committal casual daters. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time in which you would like to have some clarity on where you are going. Remember..he is not the only one to decide where the rels goes you know.. If he does not initiate the conversation..then you will have to..to get clarity and stop wasting valuable time. If he is wishy washy...start dating others..and tell him. I feel that when you have been through a lot together..the proces of getting back is of course a process that should not be pushed or rushed...but you both need to start with the same goal in mind... No * lets hang out and see where it ends* kind of cr*p. You make a clear choice to build and grow, with a firm commitment..and then you take it day by day. If it starts with the day by day..*let see where it goes before i make a commitment* ..in my eyes you are just another option until it feels totally save for the ex to choose you..or be the option they choose when other options aren't presenting themselves in a timely fashion.. dont degrade yourself just because he dumped you before.. In love there are no guarantees, but as long as you feel insecure, its your sixth sense telling you something or you still have your own issues to figure out...listen to it You are entitled to have the love you deserve, the commitment and the effort needed to make it work.. Remember that always.. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 Wow...this post actually helped. So I actually told him about the prospect...and actually used the term, "I'm not gonna 'hedge my bets' with this dude, since we're trying to slowly work things out together." And he said, "good. Cuz we are trying to work things out." Interesting...I'm not some young kitten, but man...I kinda can see I've taken way too long to get to this point. Being honest and open in a relationship. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Do you think I should mention this prospect to my ex? Do you think you need his approval before you go out with your date? Maybe your ex can give you his opinion on the dress your going to wear and you can e-mail him the menu before you go as well?! NO, it isn't his business anymore. If he asks, tell him you went out with a friend. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 It's not an approval I was looking for...a few years ago in other relationships, I would have schemed..."hedge my bets" as someone put it before...in the major sense, be vague and have a back-up plan...which really just means be dishonest. But I would like to be in a place with him, where while there's no need to rush, we have a common goal...working things out. And since we both agree that we are on that road...honestly, if he was doing this to me, cuz the truth would eventually be made known...he'd be dirty goods. And that would just kill it for both of us. I don't wanna be dirty or confused goods for him either. Just had a little bout of confusion and panic before...but being open seems to be less stressful. Link to comment
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