we cheated...now are dealing with the issues

[zmanks]

Hi,

 

I'm 24 years old. A few months ago I started a new job where I met this girl who is 33, beautiful, never married, no kids but in a relationship that was not healthy. Her boyfriend although a very good/decent guy and becoming a successful doctor was too self-absorbed and paid little attention to her. One day her and I went out as friends(although it seemed like a date) for some food and drinks. Well we discovered that we had a strong connection and things started to progress from there. We became physical quickly and began cheating on her boyfriend. Which is something that neither of us had done in the past and we both felt really bad and torn about.

 

Well about three months down the road with much encouragement from me she told her boyfriend that she was seeing me. About a week later their relationship came to a complete end. During this time of her and I being with each other we fell in love but now the regret of cheating has become a wall between us. I am wanting a long-term serious relationship with her and she is now trying to sort out her feelings from breaking up with her ex-boyfriend and does not know what she wants and is not ready for anything long-term. She tells me quite often that she really cares about me and would like us to be together in the future, and that she does love me.

 

We have never committed to a serious relationship (although it did feel like one) even while we were cheating and are currently taking a break from dating so that she can sort out her feelings about her break up with her ex since she is very hurt and has some regret towards our relationship. This is something that I understand and I think needs to happen if her and I are to ever have a quality relationship in the future. Although the downside is, that due to the fact that she is totally beautiful she gone on dates with other guys but she says that she's trying to figure out what it is that she wants and isn't looking for anything serious. Again something that I understand but paranoid about it because I am in love with her and do not want to lose her to someone else, but I don't want to push her away by becoming to clingy or needy.

 

We talk everyday but I'm thinking that I should stop seeing and speaking to her until she is over her ex and ready for something long-term. I know that it is something that I need to do but so much easier said then done, we have such a strong connection it's very difficult for either of us to let go of one another. I do want to wait it out and stick by her but I don't want to be around to here about the guys that she has gone on dates with.

 

God I'm confused...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I'm sorry, but at 33, she should know what she wants, and it sounds like she wants the attentions of more than one man at once.

 

Perhaps she didn't tell her 'doctor' boyfriend about you and he rather found out and dumped her (and she is not happy about that).

 

And if she has the opportunity to choose you, and she instead chooses to date a bunch of guys, her feelings for you are not as strong as yours for her. I hate to say this, but she is still shopping around.

 

What are your financial prospects compared to the other men she is dating? Could she perhaps be shopping for a rich husband, and do you qualify?

 

Some people who are very self centered will use various people for various functions. One person to get money from (nice place to live and gifts), another person for attention and ego building, another for sex. I would be very careful that she doesn't fall into the category of being one of those types of people.

 

She has certainly dragged a bunch of men into her life in a short time span and chewed them up, and you may be next.

 

Guard your heart, and tell her you'll only see her when she's ready to date you exclusively. Also find out if she is only willing to marry a man with a very high standard of living, and if you don't qualify, forget about her.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I totally agree with Bestrong. This woman used you and is using countless other men. If she could cheat with you then she would cheat on you. Who exactly are you in love with...someone who is a liar, a cheater, likes to play the field. Not exactly a good bet for a strong relationship.

[zmanks]

I do agree with what you two are saying.

 

Here is my rebutle with what your comments are, I would like to hear your opinion after this post.

 

1. I was sitting right next to her when she told her ex about us.

 

2. She was with a man for a very long time before she got with this doctor. He was an iron worker and not rich at all. And her ex is currently still in med school and not making very much money at this time. I do know that she did like the thought of having a lottery ticket but I don't believe that money is all she's after.

 

3. She has had only long-term boyfriends and has never cheated before. She does not like being single and hates being alone. Although I do agree that she is probably shopping around at the moment but she has her regrets and we are not boyfriend/girlfriend.

[KAT MOMMY]

Zmznks, she's got game. At 33 she should be settled and content with her status whether it be single or attached. She has to love herself first before you can give her your love and right now that is not where she is at with it. To me, it sounds as if she has you on the back burner you are her yes man and that is all she needs and wants from you. If I were you I would ditch on her ASAP.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Zmznks, she's got game. At 33 she should be settled and content with her status whether it be single or attached. She has to love herself first before you can give her your love and right now that is not where she is at with it. To me, it sounds as if she has you on the back burner you are her yes man and that is all she needs and wants from you. If I were you I would ditch on her ASAP.

 

I totally agree.

[midnightrambler]

Zmznks, she's got game. At 33 she should be settled and content with her status whether it be single or attached. She has to love herself first before you can give her your love and right now that is not where she is at with it. To me, it sounds as if she has you on the back burner you are her yes man and that is all she needs and wants from you. If I were you I would ditch on her ASAP.

 

words of wisdom

[redhearts]

Don't wait on her. I mean the most respectable thing to do, is to be friends and wait till her relationship were to end if it were. Right now, the trust between you two would be hard. You need to stand up and not speak to her, give her space. But don't wait on her. Her dating other guys, is like going around to see if she can find better.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think she'll keep repeating her pattern, and you'll be next in line to get dumped.

 

Not to sound harsh, but there is a great lesson in this..."Never try to start a relationship with someone that is already in one."

 

I'm sorry for your pain, but if you looked at this through someone elses eyes, what would you see?

 

And yes, there's much truth in the saying, "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."

[HeartBrokn]

words of wisdom

 

 

 

I third that

[BeStrongBeHappy]

>>I was sitting right next to her when she told her ex about us.

 

You know, i think that is really cruel. To be sitting next to her boyfried with her lover right there and telling him she has been cheating with the man sitting right there? This girl LOVES drama and men fighting over her. What a crushing blow to her boyfriend, and to have the guy who cuckholded him sitting right there when she tells him is unimaginable to me!

 

>>She has had only long-term boyfriends and has never cheated before.

 

According to her. She's already proved that she's willing and able to cheat on long term boyfriends with you. She could do that to every boyfriend and you'd never know, but you do know she is very capable of lying, cheating, and dating a bunch of guys at once.

 

>>she has her regrets and we are not boyfriend/girlfriend

 

Why are you not boyfriend/girlfriend? You are both free now, and if she really wanted to get serious with you, she could. She prefers to run around with a bunch of guys instead. I think that is her pattern. She just doesn't care enough about you to elevate you to the steady boyfriend (that she'd cheat on regardless, so you don't want to be her boyfriend).

 

Honey, find yourself a better girl. Pretty is as pretty does, and she no prize.

[zmanks]

I was sitting next to her while she broke up with him on the phone. We weren't all in the same room or anything. I should have explained better.

 

I think I will see her tonight. I'll ask her where we stand and if she says she doesn't know, I think I will tell her that we should just be friends.