smoochie Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Hey All, What do you call it when you meet someone and you sleep with them within a week? Then exactly two weeks from the day you met, you enter into a relationship with them? Then a week from meeting you are declaring your love for the new person? Three weeks from meeting and you are in love? Is that even possible? I know of the exceptions to the rule but how concrete can that be? At what point do you "buy in" to the relationship being the thing that marriages are built on? It's been three and a half months now and looking at them all over themselves is odd. It's like they can't stand to be apart from each other. I read somewhere that the loudest emotion you feel when you meet someone is oftentimes considered love with actually, its just lust/infatuation. So to sum up the question...where does infatuation end and real love begin? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I bet you're on the verge of real love. Else you wouldn't be asking this question. I wouldn't worry much about it much. If you are happy, you're going in the right direction. Link to comment
smoochie Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 I bet you're on the verge of real love. Else you wouldn't be asking this question. I wouldn't worry much about it much. If you are happy, you're going in the right direction. Thanks but nope, not me. It's a couple I know but really want to get everyone's opinion on infatuation vs. love. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks but nope, not me. It's a couple I know but really want to get everyone's opinion on infatuation vs. love. Okay, I see. I can't tell if what they are feeling is actually love. Only they can really know that. However, personally, I told my bf that I loved him after 2 months. 4 months AFTER that, I realized that I didn't truly love him. I was infatuated at the time. However, now I know for a fact that I love him. Love is a hard thing to measure because you have nothing you can compare it too. Unless you are in more than one relationship. Also, there is no absolute ceiling to how much you can love someone. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 That's called "being in love with the notion of being in love". In other words..this is lust and infatuation. Real love happens over a good while as you see the many facets of the person's personality. Jumping their bones very quickly...that's lust...grand declarations of love within 5 minutes of knowing each other and not being able to be apart for 5 minutes..that's infatuation. Real love is comfortable being apart from each other. View it like a child who early on in development has no sense of object permanence, so it is a big catastrophe if mom leaves the room. When the child gets older and has a better sense that mom is not going away just because she left the room, the child can be comfortable alone secure in the fact that mom is coming back..there is no sense of desperation when mom leaves the room. That's the same thing with infatuation vs love. Infatuation gets panicked when the object of infatuation is not around and there needs to be that constant presense...real love is when there is balance and a sense of calm and peace even when the person is not around. Link to comment
rosephase Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Well, I can't speak to it that well. I know my boyfriend of three years, met day 1 had a date day three (and slept together) said "I love you" day four. And it was painful to be apart, I could barely eat I was so in love. We moved in together 3 months in. I have no idea if that was infatuation; I know its love now. It moved pretty smoothly from one to the other if there was a change... it was more like a deepening. But I feel like if what I was feeling was just infatuation, then infatuation is just love that you can’t explain by knowing a person. It took about a year to get out of the really clinging part, if that is what your asking. Link to comment
pboy Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 yeah i dont think theres a real set text guideline for "love". so to them, it might be love..to you, it might be infatuation. its for those involved to know whats going on. so i mean, if theyre happy, be happy for them. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I really like that analogy, because its so true. I often find it hard to describe love, but for me its a calmness. Like a security that just exists within you that was created by a special bond that is shared and that grew with time and effort. Often times sex can create that loving feeling. My friend slept with a guy the second time they went out and a week later he was saying I LOVE YOU. She laughed because she knew damn well it wasn't love..but he had never been in love before, and was pretty convinced that the 'obsession' of seeing her, the constant need to be with her, the butterflies, all that was love. Its also one of those things that you really don't know till you experience. Many people will claim they are in love when it really truly is just infatuation and lust, there's no denying when you are in love, those two things are very different, and the feelings that come along with being in love are almost opposite of the infatuation. Link to comment
COtuner Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 My BF and I were infatuated about a good 2 years, but love was growing underneath that infatuation. For me it was realizing that I really could live the rest of my life with this man, despite his flaws and quirks (the not-so-cute and downright annoying ones!). Just this deeper sense of belonging together and being connected, even if the spark of lust doesn't make an appearance as often. Being willing to accept caring for him as he ages (he is 13 years older than me) and not completely freaking out at that thought..... there's an image to challenge many a relationship! Link to comment
littlestar Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I had a man who told me he was in love me after the very first date, we ended up being together for 4.5 years and later split, it was a good r/s though for the most part. My recent ex declared his love for me within a week or 2 of meeting and sleeping together, that didnt work out coz he turned out to be a loser. I know people say u cant fall in love so quickly and all that but i am a romantic at heart and like to think u can, i am also one of those people who believe in love at first sight. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I totally agree. Link to comment
smoochie Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 I guess I am thinking that for anything to be real, you would have to spend a significant amount of time and energy getting to know someone. Even if you spent every day for six months together, you still wouldn't have the time invested to "know" someone enough to love them. My ex, ex bf told me he was in love with me in a few weeks and he was extremely abusive. I didn't know at the time that was a tactic of abusive men. I thought it was odd but figured he really must love me.....NOT!!! Well, he did in his own warped way. But back to the topic couple at hand..... The female has sent her kid to live with her dad in order to spend more time/be with the guy. The guy cheated on the ex with her. And the girl knew. We keep thinking about the brightest star burning the fastest cliche. I guess because as a parent, to send your kid to live in another state to free up time with a guy you just met three months ago is insane. If it's love, you keep your kid around, right????? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 With infatuation comes insecurity and rash decisions...they will do anything and sacrifice anything and anyone in order to hold on because they are afraid if they don't the relationship will go south. Real love is when you can simmer down, take care of your needs and make sure the relationship is on equal footing. This person is dealing with the insecurity and rashness that goes along with infatuation. Her situation is made even more tenuous because he cheated on his ex with her..so if he can do it WITH her, he can do it TO her. Deep down she knows it. Link to comment
smoochie Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 With infatuation comes insecurity and rash decisions...they will do anything and sacrifice anything and anyone in order to hold on because they are afraid if they don't the relationship will go south. Real love is when you can simmer down, take care of your needs and make sure the relationship is on equal footing. This person is dealing with the insecurity and rashness that goes along with infatuation. Her situation is made even more tenuous because he cheated on his ex with her..so if he can do it WITH her, he can do it TO her. Deep down she knows it. Yeah but usually happens after a while of being in a relationship...not a month and a half into one LOL. You're right, its just interesting to watch. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 i call this moving too fast, except the sex part. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 i think infatuation can couple love...i think you just need to know that there will come a point when the "honeymoon" will be over and the relationship will settle in to something more routine and it might be more work... I think love is a decision and you can decide early but with the knowledge that it won't always be so perfect... Link to comment
lumu Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 My current BF responded to an ad on line with a poem. We chatted and sent poems and Within 1 week I was smitten. Then we met and I did sleep with him on the first date after our movie because seeing him face to face I fell and fell hard in love. I haven't told him that. He contacted after and we were going to have date two. He said his feelings were the same as mine. He talked to me about his job and his plans . Then he had a family emergency which he is still attending to. That made me sure I was right. He is the man for me because he rushed to be with his family. Dropped his projects and his job to be there when they needed him. He's written to me last friday to give me a brief update and tell me he's scared he's going to lose his mom. I've been sending him notes of comfort. Praying like crazy for his mom. I want to meet her, if only to thank her for raising him and making him the wonderful person he is. I miss him terribly but I also realize that things aren't about me now. That he has his family and they need him too and I'm fine waiting and starting again when this is over. I'm terribly worried that he will associate the loss of his mom with our relationship if she dies. I am sure this is love. I was sure if he wasn't lying that I would love him from just talking to him on the net. I think he's my soulmate. I have been infatuated once before and mistook that for love but I can tell the difference between that and this. I don't have to work as hard for this as I did for the infatuation. Its easy with him. I've already decided i would marry him if he asked me and I want to have his babies. I'm willing to wait for him to ask and for all that to come. So i think that your friends aren't crazy... just lucky Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Personally for me, I think it takes about 6 months to get to know someone well enough to call it 'love'..... Link to comment
blue69 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Infatuation can (usually) grows into love. Same initial emotional feelings. Hurts like hell if it doesn't work out. Love is something that grows over time. Infatuation is usually the first step towards true love. IMO Link to comment
Mending 08 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 You know you "love" someone when you know no matter how angry you are at each other, you know they will be back. It's an unspoken comfort and security that only comes with time and experiences with each other. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Well, I can't speak to it that well. I know my boyfriend of three years, met day 1 had a date day three (and slept together) said "I love you" day four. And it was painful to be apart, I could barely eat I was so in love. We moved in together 3 months in. I have no idea if that was infatuation; I know its love now. It moved pretty smoothly from one to the other if there was a change... it was more like a deepening. But I feel like if what I was feeling was just infatuation, then infatuation is just love that you can’t explain by knowing a person. It took about a year to get out of the really clinging part, if that is what your asking. an interesting definition! but you have to add the love that doesn't last very much. Link to comment
icarus27 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 I'm a guy who believes in the love-comes-slowly idea. No matter how intensely I may feel for someone at the start, there is a side of me that does not want to call it love -- attraction maybe, but not love - the kind which comes after you've seen a person's faults and still feel for them. Unfortunately, I recently dated a woman, who made no secret of the fact she liked me and saw we could be going somewhere. We had known each other a few months, and she would say to me how she felt she'd never met anyone like me, and that I 'reached' her in a way no-one else ever had. Suddenly she then met another guy and said to me she had fallen in love with him in 2-3 weeks. And that it was over between us. Infatuation? Love? I think I know which it is ... what would the other posters on this thread say? Link to comment
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