can't keep from crying

[Nearwater]

What do you do when all you want to do is cry? I have been broken up 5 months and triggered by seemingly everything. i have these sobbing fits where all I can think of is her coming back and all I feel is pain. Can anyone relate and tell me when it changed for them?

 

Thanks

[greywolf]

Letting yourself cry and mourn is a good thing for awhile. But there comes a point when you just need to stop thinking about them and really make an effort to move on.

Normally when I start crying alot I tell myself about how much water I'm wasting. I know it sounds silly, but it works for me. heheh

 

But seriously, when it changed for me was when I really decided that I needed to move on, that he wasn't coming back and that I was better off without him.

[Nearwater]

Thanks greywolf, I am just not in that place yet. My mind is filled with images of our happy life together, the lack of explanation of our seperation and the abusrdity of her dating a married man with children and our friends saying how stressed and haggard she looks. Something has got to give, and will eventually, I hope

[Jetta]

Sorry to hear you there too. I cry all the time at everything almost. Or at least get teary eyed regularly. I don't know how to move past it, if I did I'd be more than happy to share, but know you're not alone.

[Lexy50]

Been there, done that, still do it sometimes, but not sobbing fits anymore. My last sobbing fit came when my STBX texted me to tell me he was on his way out of town because his dad was having surgery; all the while still with the other woman (I found out he was having an affair). I no longer want to be there to be his emotional support or 'other woman.'

 

I told him our life together is over, nothing in his life is no longer important to me, and to my surprise, I meant it. He finally played the game too long. I went NC, while he tried LC.

 

I think you could focus on the fact of the absurdity of it all - do you want to live your life that way? Wanting someone absurd? You may have loved the person she was, but do you love the person she is now? That could be your focus!

[meinreallife]

Yep... No answers on how to stop, but everyday for me too. It's been 5 months for me. I think one day it will just stop, but I also find myself looking for the pain as a way to remember how great it was.

[greensleeves]

What do you do when all you want to do is cry? I have been broken up 5 months and triggered by seemingly everything. i have these sobbing fits where all I can think of is her coming back and all I feel is pain. Can anyone relate and tell me when it changed for them?

 

Thanks

 

How long was the relationship? It can take awhile to recover, but I do hope that you're taking positive steps to move on as well. Are you making an effort to create a new life for yourself? Do you go out and try to keep busy? Work out or hobbies? After 5 months you need to stop thinking about the possibility of her coming back and start making solid plans for a future without her. I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the only way.

[jpearl]

You may have some unresolved pain and issues from your past that you need to deal with, not just the relationship, but some type of abandoment issues from your childhood. You "need" her to come back to try to fill some void, some hole that was made long before you even met her. The thing you have to realize is that you need to fill that void on your own, you need to love yourself. Do good things for yourself everyday, treat and pamper yourself, every time you look in the mirror tell yourself how special and wonderful you are as a human being. Focus on YOU! Oh and it is okay to cry and grieve, but the longer you focus on her and her coming back, the longer it is going to take you to heal.

[Tamoko]

I've never cried from someone leaving me or me leaving someone.

 

The best thing to do, I think, is the next day or on your day off go through your household and remove any of that persons belongings or anything they may have liked/disliked. Removing the reminders of the person from your living space is a big help.

 

What I am going through right now is I am re-creating all of my journals/myspace/facebook/etc. I want him to have no way of finding me nor do I want to have any reminded of moments I may have had with him. True, I did the breaking up but It still hurts.

[coolgurl]

I am sorry for you....I had a 4yrs long relationship, we were on and off couple of times, but got together again and decided to get married. we thought we were made for each other and neither of us has a life of their own. When e'thing was decided, he said "no". I am devastated....i am working, and i spent most of the time out of office. My drive to office is teary....i have some teary moments in the day too. At times I go to the restroom and cry for several minutes and feel sorry about e'thing.....I get these fits too....I don't know what to say, but it helps to bring my feelings out. Sorry.....it hurts, i hope you feel better..

[jammer180]

It's been nearly 3 months for me and I still have these weird moments where I just start to cry over nothing it seems and it lasts all night... I hope it goes away! People say it will.. but I mostly cry when I think about him when I'm alone, and I don't cry as much as I used to. I think what makes me cry now is that I still miss him so much and it seems he just erased me from his life so easily and I think to myself will I always miss him this much? a year from now will I still feel sad when I think about him and still have all these feelings for someone who has all but forgotten me? That's what makes me cry, is thinking that I will feel this way forever. It sucks and it hurts. I wish I could tell you how to make it go away. I just try to focus on other things. I got a new job, a new apartment and I got a puppy and I'm slowly starting to go out more and joining some classes and getting to the gym again... It's just a slow process I think, and it takes everyone different amounts of time I guess. You'll get there! Keep your head up!

[RougeKali823]

Its natural-we all go through it but eventually the tears lessen and you get stronger. You're grieving the loss of a relationship.

[waveseer]

At first I couldn't stop crying but it gradually lessened until now years later I only cry over him about two or three times a year.

[ponder36]

At first I couldn't stop crying but it gradually lessened until now years later I only cry over him about two or three times a year.

 

I hope it does not take me years. I want this feeling of loss love to end NOW! Never to resurface.

It's been only one month and I am just at a stand still.

[belle1234]

I have been crying for 5 months also so i feel your pain. While I do still cry sometimes and feel hurt I try to put that energy into doing new things for myself. I know it wont replace the person you lost but it will help you love a new person....yoursef

[waveseer]

I hope it does not take me years. I want this feeling of loss love to end NOW! Never to resurface.

It's been only one month and I am just at a stand still.

 

I had to go through it, laying in bed crying and reciting poetry out loud for hours every night for several months. For some reason I could still function during the day. Then I only cried on the weekends. Then only every few weeks. Then after a little bit over a year I didn't have to cry any more. If I do cry now it is just a tear or two, not the gushing rivers of the newly broken hearted.

[John Bendix]

You may have some unresolved pain and issues from your past that you need to deal with, not just the relationship, but some type of abandoment issues from your childhood. You "need" her to come back to try to fill some void, some hole that was made long before you even met her. The thing you have to realize is that you need to fill that void on your own, you need to love yourself. Do good things for yourself everyday, treat and pamper yourself, every time you look in the mirror tell yourself how special and wonderful you are as a human being. Focus on YOU! Oh and it is okay to cry and grieve, but the longer you focus on her and her coming back, the longer it is going to take you to heal.

 

This is very insightful. it may not be just the relationship that continues to make you suffer. The pain that you, I know it was for me, still carry is resurfacing. The dissolution of an intimate relationship, that seems to carry large amounts of emotion, may just be a catalyst that brings this pain to the surface again.

[John Bendix]

..

This is an excellent point. I think for people like us that get "stuck" in the healing process and can't let go, is partly because losing them is bringing old feelings of abandonment to the surface that have long since been buried. These old feelings that resurface can cause us to attribute more to our ex's than they really were, IMO. We can confuse our longing and pain for our ex's when in actuality the pain we are feeling is caused by something much deeper and older.

 

Misskitty,

 

In the depths of my despair, my oldest friend told me, knowing me very well, that I was experiencing way too much pain for just this situation to be the cause. He had been through a similiar situation years before and he was right.

 

I began to see "where" my thoughts and emotions were coming from. It was a huge reservoir of pain I had carried with me for years, even before my marriage. I actually then began to see and understand the pain that my X was carrying into this situation. How it overwhelmed her and how desperate she was to escape it.

[tina-rocks]

My Divorce I decided to hit head on.. I know each individual has their own way of dealing but I found this works... Not saying you wont still have weak moments. I know I do but I keep myself occupied and so far so good

 

My heart goes out to you in your hours of need. I would take the pain for you if I could.

 

Tina x

[Nearwater]

Misskitty,

 

In the depths of my despair, my oldest friend told me, knowing me very well, that I was experiencing way too much pain for just this situation to be the cause. He had been through a similiar situation years before and he was right.

 

I began to see "where" my thoughts and emotions were coming from. It was a huge reservoir of pain I had carried with me for years, even before my marriage. I actually then began to see and understand the pain that my X was carrying into this situation. How it overwhelmed her and how desperate she was to escape it.

 

Good point John, I have had similar talks. Several months of therapy have revealed no incident or reason yet from my past or childhood. I am becoming satisfied that the pain, tears, grief IS from the loss of the 1st relationship I wanted to last for the rest of our lives.

 

I also agree my pain was hard for her to see and her not feeling it may have made her run. I shared a very good abandonment article with her and she started to get what my reaction was all about.

 

She is still in rebound land with married guy

[jasper01]

Misskitty,

 

In the depths of my despair, my oldest friend told me, knowing me very well, that I was experiencing way too much pain for just this situation to be the cause. He had been through a similiar situation years before and he was right.

 

I began to see "where" my thoughts and emotions were coming from. It was a huge reservoir of pain I had carried with me for years, even before my marriage. I actually then began to see and understand the pain that my X was carrying into this situation. How it overwhelmed her and how desperate she was to escape it.

 

I had the same thing happen several years ago. Fortunately for me I was in therapy at the time it was happening and we used the experience to get at my unresolved stuff from childhood. That changed my life.