I can't breathe

[aloneagain41]

He moved out and filed for divorce in March after 3 horrible years. We met in June and it was magic. I was worried that he may not be ready for a relationship and that this was possibly a rebound but he assured me it was not. We had a fantastic relationship and we are deeply in love and are best friends. My exhusband is a "dead beat dad" and my boyfriend despised him because of it and can't grasp how someone cannot take care of his beautiful children. He just past what would have been his 9th wedding anniversary which was very difficult and then found out a friend is about to be divorced and feels absolutely horrible for him. This news devastated me as I felt the breakup coming. He has never missed a day of calling me 3-5 times, emailing me every morning before work and telling me how much he loves me (113 eamils) and appreciates me, text messages me I love you whenever. I adore him as he is a wonderful person. He tells me yesterday that because my ex will never change he cannot see how we can continue because it makes him nuts. He also said that he is in a bad place right now (which I totally understand) and he has put the face on of being happy but he truly isn't. He misses his children horribly and feels he isn't being a good enough father to them. He has other issues with work etc and feels he needs to end our relationship in order for him to get to a better place without having to worry about my happiness. I know he loves me, but just isn't ready for this. Is there any advice out there, I'm dying inside and though I understand exactly what he is going through I'm praying and hoping that he will eventually come back to me. Does anyone see that happening? Thanks for listening, I'm a total mess and haven't hurt this bad in a very very long time. I've had many breakups and much pain and I know that I will get through it as I have through everything else, but the difference is I want him back!!!!!!

[EQD]

called you 3-5 times a day and messaged you every single day..

thats a little much.. okay its really too much imo.

and if he was bottling things up and putting on a mask of happiness then this guy really has issues that extend far beyond your relationship with him.

you say you want him back but something tells me you dont really understand whats going on here and what getting him back would ultimately do.

[jettison]

Here's my perspective from a guy who was just out of a 10 year relationship and then met someone like you and fell in love.

 

After my breakup, my heart was WIDE OPEN. You can go two directions. You can either retreat, shut down, and deal alone, or you can get in touch with your emotions, let them feed you, and then cast them out. That's what I did. I fell for this lady sooo hard after not having fallen in love with someone new in a decade. I was just ready to fall in love, and in some ways, it was like this woman just got in the way of my Mac truck of love, and I plowed her right over.

 

As much as I fell in love with her, it wouldn't have been the same had I not been coming down off of this breakup, had I not been so emotional and volatile, and had I been more grounded. Romantic love often requires elements of risk, recklessness, and abandon, and I had all that in spades. For me, it was time.

 

So honestly, I can see the same thing in some senses from this guy. I'm not saying that he didn't fall in love with you because there's no doubt that he did, but he was ready to fall in love. Had you not arrived, the chances of him falling in love with someone else besides you were extremely high. You were like a love life raft for him.

[aloneagain41]

Thank you and I pray you are right.

[aloneagain41]

Thank you.