I know he won't cheat... but what if he looks?

[sweetbutjealous]

I am currently dealing with a few issues in my relationship of 3 years that I know probably have nothing to do with him, but more of a problem that I have. The guy I am with is completely loyal to me and has proven to be one of the sweetest guys a girl could ever want... I was his first kiss... first dance, first everything...and he was 21!!! I love him with all my heart and couldn't imagine being with anyone else. We are both overweight (but, we are working on it). I am really bothered by my size. I am a size 18 and hate it. I just want to have the perfect body for him, but know that no matter what I do I could never look like the girls in the magazines or on t.v.. Somehow, I became obsessed with watching everything that he does. I'm jealous and it's not because of anything that he's done. He doesn't act like my other friend's boyfriends and watch porn or make rude comments, but I'm worried that he secretly likes to look at models or singers(Britney Spears... Victoria Secret...ect.)He is now 24 and I am 21 and we are both about done with school and looking to get married soon. But, we've been fighting a lot lately because I can't help but think about what he's thinking when he sees these hot girls on t.v. or in a magazine. To take a step towards fixing my problem... I bought him a subscription to Maxim magazine, but it came a few days ago and I went crazy thinking about him looking at those girls. I can't bring myself to give it to him. Is it okay for a one-woman man to look at Maxim? I have a hard time trying to figure out why it's okay for guys to naturally have to look at other girls. But, he doesn't go looking for it. I will actually rent a movie and he'll watch it with me no matter what it is, but as soon as somebody that intimidates me is on the screen I get really upset. He's really into cars and the nude magazines are always next to the car magazines in stores. I know that he doesn't pick them up and look at them, but is a glance in that area wrong? There are car magazines that he would like to buy for the articles, but there will be a girl on the hood of the car on the cover of the magazine and a centerfold poster so he won't buy it, because he's afraid I'll get upset. and I would. Even if he did look at them, is that wrong? Cause I can stand to think about it. I think it is but I need to know if it really is. He assures me that I'm the only one that he would ever think about, but I'm worried that he'll someday dream about having a better body next to him rather than my not so perfect body. what do i do? I know that this is an issue I have with myself and the world around me but how do i fix this. I don't want him to see anybody prettier than me? I want to change, but am pretty hostile toward girls that walk around in skimpy clothes. I would really appreciate any help with this.

[CanadianGirl]

First off:

 

You know that it's your problem...and you want some help/suggestions. That is a good first step.

 

I think that no matter if you are a size 8 or 18, it's going to bother you that your boyfriend looks at other girls. Even the most beautiful, fit women have this problem. What you have to realize is that just because someone may look pretty on the outside, doesn't meant they are pretty on the inside...and believe me, it's what's inside that counts.

 

He probably fell in love with you for more reasons than your pretty face. He want's to marry you--that means that you are special to his heart...which is WAY better than being special to his eyes. Even if he does look at pretty girls...it doesn't mean that he thinks they are better than you.

 

What about you? Do YOU look at handsome men in magazines/movies/malls etc? Don't you look at some guys and think they are hot? But if/when you do....I'm sure you realize that nobody is better than your love. I know I do.

 

You are going to have to work on your self esteem. Talking is the first step. Getting to know yourself and what you want out of life is the second. If you want to lose weight, why not start trying now? I lost 30 lbs this year, and I feel great! It was hard to cut back on things...but I did it to make myself feel better. I totally understand where you're at right now.

 

Only you can make a decision and stick to it. Try it out...you don't have to starve yourself...just make better meal choices....like: no rice/potatoes/bread -- stick to veggies and fruit with your meat...or cut down on the snack foods *soda is the worst* and try to make positive changes to you. Know that you are a beautiful, strong woman who deserves the best in life. It's hard to tell yourself these things at first...but after awhile, it becomes natural.

 

And remember: we are human. We are born with eyes. There is nothing you can do if your man looks at a girl or see's girls in magazines - it's a fact of life...but there is no reason you should feel inferior to them...they are eye candy and that is all. You must make yourself feel good - because if you don't .. your man will end up bitter for your lack of trust/faith in him.

 

I wish you luck!

[routerx]

You are right, I misread her comments.

[CanadianGirl]

She never said that he was buying the mags. She never said that he was gawking at babes.

 

And no matter what you say - we DO look. We have eyes. I'm not saying that men should all be allowed to swoon when they see a girl....but in all reality, they ARE going to look. We are going to look. Get real!

 

If he is doing it in an improper way - or buying PORNO mags or MAXIM, whatever -- maybe then she should bring it up, let him know it bothers her....but he hasn't done anything wrong (she said)...so it's really her problem.

 

I'm not trying to be an Understanding girlfriend - but I am being real. I see handsome guys all the time. I think "he's cute". And nothing more.

 

Can you honestly sit there and say you havn't done the same?

 

Get some confidence. Maybe we should just be more honest and stop pretending that we don't do the same thing...

 

Then again, everyone is different. We all have our own values - what we see as improper.

[sweetbutjealous]

Thanks for your input on this, it's greatly appreciated. I know that this is my problem, not his... but, I'm looking for a way to change. I get jealous when he watches Newlyweds on MTV, because of Jessica Simpson, or the Bacholer on ABC because of the 25 girls, or The Simple Life with the Hilton Girls... it's everywhere around me and I hate sitting beside him when he's watching it because we both know that they are a lot sexier than I am, and I'm having a hard time dealing with how to view his seeing them on T.V. or in magazines.

 

And I've actually lost 20 pounds since November. I'm on the South Beach Diet (cutting out a lot of carbs)... so I do feel a ton better.

I love him with all my heart, I just don't know how to feel about him seeing gourgeous women. I think that this might have something to do with the fact that my family thinks that it's okay to see strippers and be attracted to other people.

 

I was told that "It doesn't matter where they get their appetite, as long as they come home to eat." And this isn't what I want. I want him to always get his appetite from me, not just come home to me. I probably sound stupid, I'm sorry... I'm just trying to figure some things out.

 

Thanks for taking time to Reply to me.