ghost69 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I wasn't sure by the way you had phrased it whether you were asking a question or not. I'm not sure whether anything is going on between them or not, it just seems strange that he would be crying about work (which he has never done before) when he gets on well with everyone there and goes on a fishing trip with them. He told me he wasn't taking the work so seriously now so not reason for him to leave. weird you think it might be about this girl. why are you with this guy? just to have a bf? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I think if you really really need a vacation, then go ahead and take one on your own in Nov. at the appointed time. Let him take care of his mother. There will be other times for the two of you to vacation together, and you don't have to be joined at the hip, especially since you aren't even married. I totally agree with this. It's not the end of the world for you to go on this trip alone. To me, selfish would be throwing a fit that he didn't go and opted to help his mom. Canceling a trip of this type is a pretty big thing to expect for someone only dating. They aren't married. Link to comment
allypally Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Ghost, I am purely speculating since I have no proof or evidence to suggest that he is involved with her in any way. However, its the fact that he got all emotional about work which is what I found odd - do guys do this? I mean get emotional about work, or am I being harsh on my bf?? Imthatgirl - I rushed to book my holiday since I am giving up on SA now that any hopes of going in November have been dashed. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I totally agree with this. It's not the end of the world for you to go on this trip alone. To me, selfish would be throwing a fit that he didn't go and opted to help his mom. Canceling a trip of this type is a pretty big thing to expect for someone only dating. that would be selfish of him? or are you saying if he threw a fit to her cause she still wanted to vacation? Link to comment
allypally Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 I agree with JadedStar and BeStrongBeHappy. We are not married. If he wants me to move mountains above what I am already doing i.e. emmigration situation, he can pop the question. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Ghost, I am purely speculating since I have no proof or evidence to suggest that he is involved with her in any way. However, its the fact that he got all emotional about work which is what I found odd - do guys do this? I mean get emotional about work, or am I being harsh on my bf?? Imthatgirl - I rushed to book my holiday since I am giving up on SA now that any hopes of going in November have been dashed. people get upset with work yes. being harsh? maybe. i find it interesting you thought of some pretty girl at his work as being the problem though. and to ITG's comment and your rebuttle, you can't miss one vacation? i dunno ally, i will ask this again, why are you still with this guy? refer to my other post. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Ghost, I am purely speculating since I have no proof or evidence to suggest that he is involved with her in any way. However, its the fact that he got all emotional about work which is what I found odd - do guys do this? I mean get emotional about work, or am I being harsh on my bf?? Imthatgirl - I rushed to book my holiday since I am giving up on SA now that any hopes of going in November have been dashed. Then I guess you should have no concern about what he thinks of your rash decision? I think that you should have at least talked to him and discussed whether you should make other plans before rushing to judgement. JMO Doesn't seem he can really win anyway so... Link to comment
allypally Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Ghost, I can function absolutely fine without an SO. When I met him I knew I would like to have him in my life when I left my previous company. He has many good points. Its just that because I am tired from a high pressure job, and after 12 months of non-stop pressure need some time out before ramping up again. I'm not Superwoman. So I have been looking forward to this vacation and it isn't going to happen hence I see no reason why I shouldn't just go on my own. Link to comment
allypally Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Imthatgirl - No, he won't be happy with my rash decision. I can cancel it tomorrow if he goes ballistic, but I have been looking forward to planning it with him and its not happening. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 ^^^ So - - - - if that's the case. Are you really gonna go to the Mid East trip? Or is this just a way to show him that you mean business? Communication. You know. It works wonders. Link to comment
allypally Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 I'm basically tired and fed up. I have tried to start planning the trip with him but he leaves everything to the last minute. For the kind of trip we are hoping to do, last minute won't work. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 But this is the norm for him - to never discuss anything in detail. He will always be like that. So choosing to be in a relationship with him and have a future with him..... Why would you want to be with someone whom you aren't very fond of? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 that would be selfish of him? or are you saying if he threw a fit to her cause she still wanted to vacation? No, i meant SHE would be selfish if SHE threw a fit that he could'nt go and is helping his mom. Her going alone is a compromise. Some women would throw a tantrum that b/f wasn't going and helping mom instead of the trip. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 No, i meant SHE would be selfish if SHE threw a fit that he could'nt go and is helping his mom. Her going alone is a compromise. Some women would throw a tantrum that b/f wasn't going and helping mom instead of the trip. didn't she kind of throw a fit just booking a flight anyways? to go somewhere else? she didn't talk to him about it she just did it. where was the compromise that you speak of? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 didn't she kind of throw a fit just booking a flight anyways? to go somewhere else? she didn't talk to him about it she just did it. where was the compromise that you speak of? As I stated before, the one thing I think she should have done differently was talk to him about this first before booking the trip. But she isn't demanding that he go with her. A lot of women, and i mean A LOT, would have been so furious over the schedule change for a pre planned vacation that they would have demanded he change his plans with mom since mom had told them a prior date of moving. NOt saying i agree with this, just that i know a lot of women would have done it. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 i'm done going back and forth JS. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Big trips should be planned in advance, not waiting until the last minute. If he is a last minute person then he is in no rush anyway. This trip to SA should have been booked long ago if it was to be done in November...it is a major trip and itinerary etc needs to be planned. It is not a trip to the Carribbean...there is lots more to think about...also, depending where you go in SA there are preventive shots to consider. I can understand Ally's frustration. People who wait until the last minute can be very frustrating to people who plan in advance and don't leave things to chance. I agree since she isn't married and since there have already been lots of issues with this guy I don't see why she should wait until he figures it out...this goes deeper than his mom moving. Quite honestly I think this whole relationship needs to be re-evaluated because you two are clearly not on the same page. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 i'm done going back and forth JS. Hey, you asked the questions. I was only responding. LOL Link to comment
allypally Posted September 5, 2008 Author Share Posted September 5, 2008 Crazyaboutdogs - I spoke to him about it last night. As I predicted no more SA. I cancelled my holiday today and am getting all my money back which was very decent of the company I booked with. Luckily I was only a day over their cancellation conditions timeframe. As he seems to have done with previous gfs, the plan is to go somewhere closer to home. Somehow I knew it would end up being a last minute thing. Although with previous gfs, his father was still alive so there was no responsibility towards his mother like there is now. The last minute thing I have extremely frustrating. I like to plan in advance and he is the opposite. I went ahead and booked my own holiday because for the last few months he has raised the subject of SA and yet we never booked anything. We talked about it for a bit and then nothing happened. I'm not about to do all the work for him. I am wondering if the same thing is going to happen vis a vis spending a year overseas. No, our relationship isn't perfect by any means, and it isn't 100% healthy. I am very fond of him, but it frustrates me when big things have to fall in with his situation, rather than shared goals. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 If this is the kind of thing he has done with previous girlfriends then it sounds like he does this kind of thing to entice the woman...and then once she is hooked, he doesn't no longer needs to entice with promises of an overseas romantic holiday. You mentioned that he talked about this very early on in your dating. Lots of men, in the initial stages of a relationship, will talk about all sorts of getaways and vacations they envision going on with the new partner...but it is all talk...it is part of the wooing phase in their mind. Link to comment
allypally Posted September 5, 2008 Author Share Posted September 5, 2008 He went to cheap destinations with his last gfs that could be booked last minute. He only goes on expensive trips with his mates so it seems. How do I get what I want from this? He then went on to mention about a big trip next year - well fat chance of that happening. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 You could have a talk with him and explain your expectations of him. Vocalize the expectations then see if he changes. My thoughts are he won't. But you never know til you address the issue. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 Fact is, you booked it. When you tell you're boyfriend he is probably going to be like Whereas I think his mum is being unfair with rearranging her schedule right in between your already-planned holiday, I also think its unfair of you to spit your dummy and say "Fine, i'll book my OWN holiday" Yeah ya need it, so does he... what would you do if he did the same to you? you'd be like "what the hell... you did'nt even talk to me first?...." Have you told him yet? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 Fact is, you booked it. When you tell you're boyfriend he is probably going to be like Whereas I think his mum is being unfair with rearranging her schedule right in between your already-planned holiday, I also think its unfair of you to spit your dummy and say "Fine, i'll book my OWN holiday" Yeah ya need it, so does he... what would you do if he did the same to you? you'd be like "what the hell... you did'nt even talk to me first?...." Have you told him yet? it would be a whole different thread grr. 'i can't believe he booked a flight without me.' Link to comment
allypally Posted September 5, 2008 Author Share Posted September 5, 2008 I didn't tell him what I did. I just cancelled it and am keeping quiet. Ghost - I am more than aware of my faults, sensitivities, insecurities - etc etc. It helps that the people on this forum are turning things around and making me see things from his point of view. I'm not taking your negative reactions about my own behaviour badly, difficult though it can be to see that I am in the wrong because SA has been a long awaited trip. Yes, there probably will be more threads to bore you all with but I appreciate your honest feedback. Link to comment
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