Learn to live with FWB?

[Blue Spiral]

The short version: I'm 29, and I'm sort of a perfect storm of relationship issues.

 

The long version: the "materialistic" thread has gotten me thinking about the fact that women have a lot of demands, and I either can't or won't live up to them. Let me throw out the basics:

 

--I don't believe in marriage, and I don't want children. That alone eliminates 85-90% of the dating pool.

 

--I don't have much money, and I have no idea if that will change in the future.

 

--I have absolutely no interest in "pursuit." I'm sorry, I know it's supposedly genetic or something, but it feels completely undignified, to me.

 

--I play video games. I'm not into WoW or other multi-player games--I can't imagine being chained down to something for twenty or more hours a week, and yes, I realize that may be symptomatic of me being a commitmentphobe or something--but I play quite a bit.

 

I say all that to say this: I'm pretty much doomed with women my own age, as they're in marriage-mode. I end up in FWB situations with women in their late teens and early twenties (too young to be looking for anything serious) and with women in their mid-to-late thirties (divorced, they have kids and a job, they don't have time for anything serious).

 

I actually don't mind it at all. I'm not big on "compansionship," and I'm not very social, so I get everything I need out of these relationships--and we really are friends, for the record. We talk about emotional stuff, each other's problems, etc. But, in the back of my mind, I always believed that I could have a serious relationship, if I ever wanted one. (My past attempts at having one were rare, brief, and unsuccessful.) Now, I'm pretty sure that's out of the question.

 

I guess that what I'm asking is, should I continue being content with what I have? I feel like trying to get a serious relationship would require a lot of effort and probably some dishonesty, neither of which I feel comfortable with. My career--which, obviously, isn't financially-rewarding--takes up a lot of my time, and it's my main priority. Considering that and the fact that I'm not exactly what women my age are looking for, I'm thinking that FWB is the way to go.

[Seraphim]

You are pretty much made up in mind so I am not sure what you are looking for here. Approval maybe? As long as you are with single people and all the people involved know about each other then have a good time.

[Dave11]

If its what you are happy with then theres no problem, you shouldn't feel like you have to commit to something more serious becauses its accepted as the social norm.

[Pegasus]

I guess that what I'm asking is, should I continue being content with what I have?

 

Is that really a choice (being content or not with something)? If it suits you, do whatever you like, it's your life. If it's not by other's standards, who cares?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You are pretty much made up in mind so I am not sure what you are looking for here. Approval maybe? As long as you are with single people and all the people involved know about each other then have a good time.

 

Yeah, I don't get it either. If this is what you want to do and you have made it perfectly clear to the women you are with and they have nothing wrong with it, then what are you asking for in this thread? So far you have been lucky with the FWBs and nobody has gotten hooked..but one day it might backfire on you and either you will fall for someone or they might fall for you...that will totally complicate your peaceful, unencumbered existence and add considerable drama. Also, at some point in time you may get fed up with this kind of lifestyle and want someone to settle down with.

[redhearts]

If your happy, why not! There are very little amount of women who don't want kids, maybe the marriage thing, but definitely not kids. Unless they end up changing their minds. I would say to try a dating site and put exactly what you want. Then talk to people and find out about each other, that way they know who you are, what you don't want. Maybe that could work for you. On some sites you can put you don't want kids or that you are looking for dating only or long term but no kids etc.

[Blue Spiral]

So far you have been lucky with the FWBs and nobody has gotten hooked..but one day it might backfire on you and either you will fall for someone or they might fall for you...that will totally complicate your peaceful, unencumbered existence and add considerable drama. Also, at some point in time you may get fed up with this kind of lifestyle and want someone to settle down with.

 

Getting into a serious relationship guarantees drama; FWB only has occasional drama. So I know which is riskier.

 

That said, I'm extremely settled, just by myself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Getting into a serious relationship guarantees drama; FWB only has occasional drama. So I know which is riskier.

 

That said, I'm extremely settled, just by myself.

 

 

Actually, you still risk plenty of drama with the FWB situation. In fact, if you continue with this, what happens as you get older and you decide you do want to get married...are you going to settle for the next body who comes along just like you are doing with the FWB. You are living life like you are going through a McDonald's drive through....and like too much McDonald's is unhealthy, so is a lifetime of empty, meaningless sex. Already you have a very cynical attitude towards relationships....over time, with the playboy behaviour, you will be Hugh Heffner...now maybe some people aspire to his lifestyle...but it is simply shallow and a farce.

[Blue Spiral]

As stated above, I don't believe in marriage--and I'm not a playboy, I'm a geek. And, frankly, my FWB relationships have been much more emotionally relaxed and rewarding than my "serious" relationships. Marriage looks far more dangerous to me than my current path.

[Batya33]

Also make sure that your sex buddies would be comfortable aborting a pregnancy.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I remember I knew someone who, in his early 30's, said he would never get married...in his early 40's he got married. Batya has a very good point. Also, FWB's aren't necessarily monogamous...so you should make sure you get yourself tested regularly for STDs.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm on the male version of the pill, so I'm not worried about pregnancy. And my FWB situation definitely isn't monogamous, so I've obviously taken all the precautions there.

 

I can just as easily trot out anecdotal evidence involving people who said they wouldn't get married and didn't, but it'd be just as irrelevant. Anyway, you're right, I was asking the question more of myself than others, and I've got my answer.

[Batya33]

I'm on the male version of the pill, so I'm not worried about pregnancy. And my FWB situation definitely isn't monogamous, so I've obviously taken all the precautions there.

 

I can just as easily trot out anecdotal evidence involving people who said they wouldn't get married and didn't, but it'd be just as irrelevant. Anyway, you're right, I was asking the question more of myself than others, and I've got my answer.

 

What is the male version of the pill?? Nothing is 100% effective, anyway. There are no 100% precautions when you're sleeping with whoever she is sleeping with. Obviously you're entitled to risk your health (as long as you tell her you are risking hers) but to say that you are totally safe makes little sense.

 

Good luck.

[SimplySasha]

Sounds like you need to start playing WoW.

[yellow_sweater]

I guess that what I'm asking is, should I continue being content with what I have?

 

The better question is:

 

ARE you content with what you have?

 

If so, then there's absolutely no reason to change. Your happiness comes from your own definition of what makes you happy. If you're found something that works, and your "relationships" are honest and consensual (i.e. you're not leading anyone on), then keep on keepin' on!

 

YS

[midnightrambler]

you have learned to live with what you can't rise above....congrats