I feel like the world is ending...

[calxan]

please someone give me some advice.... My husband of 7 years told me about a month ago that he doesn't know if he loves me any more.... he feels like he always has to think of me before he does anything because hes afraid of how I will react... I also depend on him too much.

 

We met when I was a senior in high school, he was my first boyfriend, I have self esteem issues, he showered me with compliments and told me how great of a person I was... I was attracted to that since nobody had ever told me these things and I leaned on him was too much through the years.

 

Its just I didn't know that my issues with esteem/depression and anxiety were taking such a toll on him and now I'm afraid it might be too late.

 

He says he wants to work it out, but doesn't know exactly what the problem is, that he still cares for me alot but doesn't know if he wants to still be with me and that we may have grown apart.

 

I am currently seeking help for my depression but I'm afraid it might be too late, I'm so afraid of losing him because I love him so much... I feel like I have ruined everything...

 

I find it hard just to get through the day and find myself thinking of ending my life...while I would never act on it because I have 2 beautiful boys and would never hurt them like that, the thoughts still pop into my head.

 

Please I need some advice. I don't know what to do and don't think he knows what I can do either. We still get along, we never fight, we laugh and joke and smile.... I can't trust that its real though, I feel a deep connection when we are together, but I don't know if he feels anything or is just trying to make me happy (still)

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You can't do anything about him but you can work on yourself. Develop your self-esteem, become independent and self-assured. Do not wallow in self-pity and regrets...use this revelation from him as an opportunity for you to better yourself. Read books on developing self-esteem and put their suggestions into practice. Perhaps by working really hard on improving yourself, your husband may be able to connect with you on an even deeper level than before.

[Seraphim]

I think that aside from your therapy on your own you should go to couples therapy. He says he wants this to work out then he will go with you. It is not your fault, but it is very hard to be the partner of someone that is very needy, or has mental illness issues. The partner needs support as well because they feel under constant strain to support the other person will very little if anything back to recognize their emotional needs. Talk to him about getting support for himself and seek couples therapy. It could be he is mentally and emotionally exhausted.

[tina-rocks]

I'm really sorry that you are hurting and I totally relate as my husband announced he no longer loved me 4 months ago now. We will have been married 12 years this year.

 

I know how hard this is on you. I just try to find something to do to occupy my time like being here on ENA. Also having someone to talk to helps.

 

I would advise going back to your Doctor and explaining your full situation with your husband. Maybe it would help him to understand your condition more. I know how difficult it can be suffering like that.

 

Maybe you could try a marriage councilor as your husband wants to try to work it out that also could perhaps help him to understand why he feels this way and you might make quicker progress. Also give you both a chance to say exactly what you want to each other whilst having a non bias in the room with you.

 

I really hope and prey this all works out for you. Just try to stay strong even when it feels like there is no hope and hold on to the fact you have 2 beautiful boys in your life.

 

I am here even if you just want to vent or something.

 

Tina

[redhearts]

I think whats going on is that typical married at a young age and even though he felt it, he didn't pursue the need of living out a young partying life etc. So he may be like just questioning everything.

[SimplySasha]

Your husband may have grown to feel that he is more of a parent to you than a husband/lover. You still get along wonderfully so it seems that the love is still there, this may be why he said that he was unsure about things. Hopefully this is just the 7 year itch passing its way through.

 

It may be hard right now, but stick with it. I'm sort of in your husband's shoes as my own husband is very immature and relies on me constantly. I would get upset that he wouldn't know simple things, like how to settle bills and manage his spending. After going over this constantly to the point where I told him I was tired of being his mother, he really tried to change and I can really tell that he is making the effort. Now he has set himself a little budget and is starting to work out a little more, took a few exercise classes as well for more self-improvement. I still love him a lot and even more now that I am seeing him becoming more self-confident and self-sufficient.

 

I am not sure about what kinds of depression issues you have or what things would cause you to get anxiety, but you can take those issues and start small, working on ways to empower yourself. Try a new activity or maybe even an old one; if he usually prepares dinner, you do it then be proud of the results, even if you burn it into a little black charcoal, its the best damned burnt charcoal ever!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

He most likely has the 7yr itch.

 

I dont think he is actually thinking of leaving (well, could be wrong, but if your still talking smiling and laughing, i personally dont think so).

 

I think he's just letting you know the things he's not comfortable with so you can adjust. This is a good thing, so you can do something before it gets to crisis point really.

 

Try to keep your spirits up and see the insight he has given you as a gift.

 

good luck, Hope x

[puddles614]

I know you feel like you are too far gone....think again. You DO need to get yourself together and continue to seek that professional help, but NOT to save your marriage!

Once you are in a better place emotionally, you will be a better wife, mother, friend... And as bad as it sounds now, if things don't work out with your husband, YOU will STILL be a stronger, more capable, confident woman that your boys can look up to and be proud of. Good luck and find the strength that is buried deep within everyone of us. When we truly need it, it is there.