Cowgirl33 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I am hoping to get some male perspective on this issue but welcome all comments. I apologize for this being so long and complicated. I have had a relationship with a male co-worker for almost 3 years. It began as a friendhsip in which he needed advice. Then it became a brief affair. We were intimate only a few times then ended the sexual part for obvious reasons. However, we have remained very close and still share a deep bond. We are very open with each other. We both are well-liked at work and are very social. I am single and would very much like to be married someday although I am not expecting it to be to him. Two women have told me they have crushes on him. "Shirley", told me she would not give up until she nailed him. I warned “George” gently of this information. He is a big boy, but I felt as a friend, I should tell him. I also need to mention that she is also married but has a very bad reputation for sleeping around. Some of it she had told me herself. He greatly appreciated me warning him and stated that he never saw it coming. I asked him directly if she meant something anything to him and his answer was an emphatic “no” and that they were only co-workers. I trusted his answers. He has never given me a reason to not trust him. She on the other hand, I do not trust and she has always given me reason to doubt anything she has said. She has been in trouble at work numerous times for lying. The other day, I walked in on them talking in a small conference room. They were alone. The conversation did not stop when I walked in. She looked me in the eye and said hello; he would not look at me. I was only in there for about 1 minute and could not tell what the converstaion was about. The look she gave me however was what got me suspicious; not of him but of her. Additionally, she was standing very, very close to him. When I spoke to him about it a few minutes later, he explained what the conversation was about and said that it was her that pulled them into the conference room. He was not defensive and assured me they do not have a “relationship or friendship” in any form. The entire time we were talking, she walked by about 4 times. We also talked about us. I thanked him and we departed both feeling pretty good about our talk. I used to be really good friends with Shirley over the years. So, I called her at home that evening. Her first words were “I am so glad you called. I just told my husband about what happened with George and that I was worried about George and I”. I could hear her husband in the room with her. She assured me there was nothing to be worried about. I wanted to believe her since we used to be close. My next words were "Please don't hurt him. He has been through enough". I didnt' think she would tell me if she were sleeping with him but I felt the need to let her know I was on to her. I have no claim to him but I know in my heart she would only wish to conquer him then throw him away like the others before her. What happened next stymies me. The very next day, I saw them walking down the street together to a local espresso bar. He has told me many times, he doesn't go anywhere outside of work with females due to perceptions. He has never even done that with me. But, when I saw them together, I saw red. Later that day I confronted him nicely. He leveled me with his harsh words. He told me I had no right to call her at home and alert her husband to her friendship with him. Now wait….I thought there was no friendship. Additionally, I shoudl have known she would tell him of my call. He went on to say he was walking with her to let her know he was going to back off since perceptions were bad and he couldn't risk the gossip and that he owed her that courtesy. Hmmmmm??? Why is that exactly? He then told me he hated me for stirring the pot, for not trusting him and for causing them both grief. Why am I being accused of stirring the pot? She is the one that told him which stirred the pot. Causing them grief? But, that was not what I was doing at all and I tried to explain. He would not listen. If she didn’t want her husband to know about George than why did she say his name out loud on the other end of the phone? And if she didn’t want her husband to know about George why didn’t she just tell me she couldn’t talk to me at that time? And if George and Shirley are just friends, why did he get so angry with me? It has been 2 weeks and he will not allow me to explain my side. He only sent me an email stating he no longer wishes to have “personal” contact with me, ever. Since then, he has passed through my office area daily (with no real purpose for being there) and will not even look at me. He will joke around with others around me but will not allow me to join in on the conversations. When I do, he walks away. I feel the need to set the record straight. I have told him how much his friendhship means to me and that I hate for him to think I was out to hurt him. Can anyone tell me what may be going on in his head? What am I missing? He got very jealous over a male friend that I spend time with on the weekends even though it is purely plutonic. So, if he is feeling that I am acting like a jealous female, why is it okay for him and not for me? Thanks for the input and for not judging. Link to comment
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