The Difference in Cultures - Virginity

[bertdru]

I don't understand one thing.

 

I saw some women on some thread swearing that they won't date virgins I also saw some threads on other forums saying that virgin men are not desirable.

 

It is just something that I don't understand because I grew up in a culture where women want a virgin man. Women preferably want guys who are virgin and a man who is not a virgin - women may be ok with it but they would still prefer a guy who is a virgin.

 

I was laughing a lot when I read the women's comments on virgins and I just want to ask why Western women don't find virgins very desirable.

[emmie_g]

Because theres a typical stereotype about male virgins, that they are "geeks, losers, crap" all that stuff. Personally i dont believe that but i think most women dont want a virgin because they have no experience??

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

Well it's a different culture firstly, but women in the UK and USA mostly want a man who is experienced emotionally, sexually, psychologically. It just happens with time, nothing can really be done about it.

[rocio]

It just has to do with what is normal and accepted in your society. You are taught that premarital sex is dirty and shameful, and that a good, clean, decent person will not have sex outside of marriage.

 

We live in a society where someone who has had several partners can still be considered a good, clean, decent person. A society where it is normal for people to have had several partners. Thus, I want someone who is like me. Someone who has experienced what I have experienced. If I were a virgin, I would probably want a virgin.

[Roasted Carrots]

I think that in most cultures, virginity in men AND women is highly valued. Sharing that with your future spouse is expected.

 

For some reason, in America, it's percieved that if you're a male virgin past a certain age, it's not by choice but because you couldnt' "get any". So most women shy away from dating someone who has no experiance, is geeky, is a loser, couldn't even get laid......etc. Although this may be true sometimes, it isn't true all the time. And I know a lot of men that I went to high school with that were planning on staying a virgin till marriage. They were great guys and I would have dated any one of them.

[StrawberryYogurt]

I don't understand the American mentality of virginity is bad, either. I too come from a different culture where virginity is not abnormal at all. I consider my culture better from a relationship point of view: We have happier marriages, less divorce, etc.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

women in the UK and USA mostly want a man who is experienced emotionally, sexually, psychologically

 

Having sex does not make a person emotionally and psychologically experienced....character does that, not sex. Being experienced in sex only teaches a person how to have an orgasm with someone else...it teaches the mechanics of sex...in some, but not all, they may have learned how to sexually please a partner. Having had sexual experience is not a good barometer on whether or not that person is a good partner emotionally or even sexually. Some women think that it is...and then they end up getting burned...the ones who look down their noses at virgins and would prefer the sexually experienced man are simply looking for the fast food restaurant rather than having to wait a little longer for their meal. They just want short-term gratification and are simply looking at perceived sexual prowess rather than the whole person.

[StrawberryYogurt]

Having sex does not make a person emotionally and psychologically experienced....character does that, not sex.

 

Another great post. I'll just add that having sex early can be a sign of immaturity (ie, inability to control desire, inability to see the bigger picture, etc). Kind of ironic since so many people in the western world think having sex makes you more mature. Complete rubbish.

[ghost69]

some women think that a virgin guy would not be satisfying in the sack.

[amipushy]

I think that women may think that they can teach them but experience really does come from experience and its hard to teach a new dog new tricks without making them feel well inexperienced which is hard on both.

 

I found it harder to try to teach someone who picked up really bad habits but who thought they were the dogs doodahs in bed without causing offense. I'd prefer a virgin to that anyday.

[bijoux27]

Everyone was a virgin once, so the argument that lack of "experience" would make the partner less desirable is BULLOCKS. When you're with someone (be it dating, marriage, etc.) you add to their experience. Everyone learns how to do things that their partner and they themselves enjoy. So being a virgin or not won't matter in the long run in a relationship.

 

People who are bad in bed does not depend on whether they are a virgin or not.

[jenny_mcs]

 

I was laughing a lot when I read the women's comments on virgins and I just want to ask why Western women don't find virgins very desirable.

 

Well, it sems like you have some mixed feelings on this topic also, because less than a month ago you wrote:

 

"I live in India(a very pathetic part of India I am just sick and tired of the guys and their attitudes towards sex.

 

They think that masturbation is wrong and it will cause problems in future.

 

They have no understanding of the concept of premarital sex. They think that you are NOT supposed to have sex with your girlfriend before marriage. If you have sex with your gf, it must mean you don't love her

All of them are virgins btw(Me included).

 

They are adamant at wanting virgins as their wives. Nothing wrong with that but some guys are obsessed with this. One guy even said he would divorce his wife if there was no hymen breakage.

 

As for their attitudes towards casual sex - are you kidding me?!!

 

They say nudity in movies will corrupt young people but they will still watch porn though.

 

Honestly they make sex to be such a big deal that I will never tell them when I lose my virginity. Not even my close friends. They would basically kill me.

 

Anybody else living in such an environment?"

[ddgc]

i have to add that i am seeing a girl who recently told me she was a virgin-- she is 25-- i honestly am worried about that. because i think they think about love being forever with the same person and after a while they realize they want more experience and variety and they realize they don't want to be with the same man their whole life-- it's human nature

then again, i have to add that i felt that way about love in the past and got burned very badly by girls who told me that i was being naive and nothing lats forever-- so i don't know if i'm subconsciously hurt so bad that i'm not able to think that way anymore--- or is it indeed unrealistic and naive?

[rocio]

That is something I would also be concerned about, ddgc. Especially living in a society where most people have had multiple parters, I would worry about him waking up one day, 15 years from now, and realising that he missed out on something.

 

I also would not like to date a virgin because I would need sex before marriage. And I would be really turned off if he felt guilty about having sex with me, like he was doing something wrong or dirty. And then, if I took his virginity, I would feel very guilty about breaking up with him. It's just too much guilt and responsibility.

[amipushy]

Everyone was a virgin once, so the argument that lack of "experience" would make the partner less desirable is BULLOCKS. When you're with someone (be it dating, marriage, etc.) you add to their experience. Everyone learns how to do things that their partner and they themselves enjoy. So being a virgin or not won't matter in the long run in a relationship.

 

People who are bad in bed does not depend on whether they are a virgin or not.

 

There are different degrees of experience though through lifestyle, age and LTR and indeed culture.

 

But I do agree that being bad in bed does not depend on whether they are a virgin or not.

[StrawberryYogurt]

That is something I would also be concerned about, ddgc. Especially living in a society where most people have had multiple parters, I would worry about him waking up one day, 15 years from now, and realising that he missed out on something.

 

Oh, please, wrong, wrong, wrong. Or at least not entiretly correct. Plenty of people with experience wake up one day and realize what they missed out on, too, you know. Did you ever think the kinds of people who don't feel the need to ever sleep around or whatever are the kinds of people who are less likely to "wake up" b/c "experiecing stuff" just isn't in their makeup.

[rocio]

Oh, please, wrong, wrong, wrong. Or at least not entiretly correct. Plenty of people with experience wake up one day and realize what they missed out on, too, you know.

 

That's absolutely true. It's just something I would worry about, that's all. I like the fact that my husband knows what's out there and still thinks I'm as good as it gets.

[StrawberryYogurt]

My bad for the harshness, Umbrella. I just get tired of people talking bad and having over the top concerns of people who haven't had a ton of dating and relationship experience. It's quite a biasedness I see often.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Oh, please, wrong, wrong, wrong. Or at least not entiretly correct. Plenty of people with experience wake up one day and realize what they missed out on, too, you know. Did you ever think the kinds of people who don't feel the need to ever sleep around or whatever are the kinds of people who are less likely to "wake up" b/c "experiecing stuff" just isn't in their makeup.

 

 

I have seen posts on this forum where someone has had one or two previous partners and still feel like they missed out by not having had more!

[Puma]

I wouldn't mind if the guy was a virgin and in fact, I would be more than happy to be his first since it's always memorable. I'd actually be more concerned if he had a ridiculously long list of partners in the past.

[ddgc]

having someone who's "seen what's out there" and can now appreciate you is very important. i think that's why american culture did away with the stuffy idealism of viriginity before marriage?

[poloplayer]

they want more experience and variety and they realize they don't want to be with the same man their whole life-- it's human nature

 

Um, not really. It depends on your morals and values.

[StrawberryYogurt]

having someone who's "seen what's out there" and can now appreciate you is very important. i think that's why american culture did away with the stuffy idealism of viriginity before marriage?

 

Good old American culture, hooray, land of high divorce rates and unhappy marriages. American culture ain't working too well in this area.

[bertdru]

Well, it sems like you have some mixed feelings on this topic also, because less than a month ago you wrote

 

Haha I know! Well I was just frustrated with the attitude of some of the guys here. I mean, come on, what is so wrong with masturbation??

 

Anyway I thought the comments by women about virgins on that forum were really hilarious! I find the cultural attitudes to virginity strangely fascinating.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

having someone who's "seen what's out there" and can now appreciate you is very important. i think that's why american culture did away with the stuffy idealism of viriginity before marriage?

 

You can actually appreciate what's out there just by observing people and experiencing life. You don't need to date and have sex with a slew of people in order to understand what is out there. Who cares about experiencing a small vs large penis, one that is circumcised vs one that isn't, a woman who moans when she has an orgasm vs one who screams, a person who likes to do it doggy style vs a person who likes to do it swinging from a chandelier. If anybody says "gee, I am so glad I experienced all kinds of sexual positions with Bill, John and Fred because now I appreciate Bob much better and having those sexual experiences made me the person I am today so Bob is so lucky to have the "been around the block many times" me...I would have to wonder if their lives are so empty that sexual experience has turned into something which defines who they are!