CynicalGuitarist Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Which doesn't really tell us why the do it. Why are they attracted to guys who shows some level of assertiveness (or outright dominance) in the first place? The rebelling thing may have a little meaning for teenage girls, but apart from that, I think not. I think "because they CAN" is the best answer I can think of... I mean, think about it, in this society, men are expected to be the ones to go initiate the conversation with her. Essentially, she can CHOOSE who she wants to go out with. I'm saying they CAN because no matter what, she'll have SOME sort of shoulder to cry on... and it's much more acceptable for them to take more time going through the grief whenever it doesn't work out. I think "jerks" are much harder to control than "nice guys". Some "nice guys" are actually extremely clingy, and will take any crap a woman throws at him. On the surface, yes. I'm not saying there aren't clingy nice guys out there (believe me, I know a few myself). At first, the jerk appears harder to control and appears to be a "don't take no crap" kinda dude, but after awhile, his behavior becomes kind of predictable and repetitive. He doesn't show his "vagina-worshipping" outright, only his longtime friends know about it. I think its the other way around. If he has plenty of access to women, then will not care much about the individual woman, and just proceed to the next. The "nice guy" is more likely to suffer from "one-itis", giving all his power away. The one with the least interest has the power. The "jerk" suffers from a different form of one-itis once the relationship starts. Believe me, I'm from Northern California, and it's an epicenter for the two extremes. Jerks will try to start mess with any guy who so much as LOOKS at his girlfriend. He will get in their face and sometimes beat him to a pulp, even though hypocritically, he doesn't care much about her in the first place. Yes, the one with least interest has the most power, occasionally (I don't know where you got that from, sure isn't true in my case). I don't think it SHOULD be that way, but it's the truth, and it ain't pretty. I don't mind polemic or unconventional ideas from time to time. I just didn't agree with your observations. Which is completely ok. I don't agree with yours, so lets agree to disagree. Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 its like i was put on this earth to be used and forgotten. That attitude right there is why I don't date "nice boys." "Nice boys": --try too hard --are whiny --are a push-over --don't have their own opinions --are melodramatic --are self-deprecating to the point of obnoxiousness I put "nice boys" in quotes because it's a bit of a stereotype, a persona. There are boys that are nice, as well as interesting and funny and self-confident. Those nice boys are great. The best advice I can give to anyone is BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE: YOURSELF. Don't try to be nice. Don't try to be a jerk. Find out who you are. Challenge yourself to grow. Women are attracted to that. Importantly: when you do start seeing a woman, don't drop your self-respect and personal interests and make her your "project". Several of my friends have gone through relationship where the guy seemed really interesting and cool during the courtship, but as soon as they were a couple he reverted back to all of his "nice boy" behavior. Link to comment
Dorkydoo Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I fell for a guy simply because, he was a nice guy (respectful, courteous, kind, etc.) I am a nice girl, so maybe that was the reason.. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Nice guys...hm...well, based on a one time experience, the nice guy I was dating was boring...he wasn't creative. He had somewhat of a low self confidence and didn't make me feel like a woman. He acted stingy around me... Link to comment
Blue Streak Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Nice guys...hm...well, based on a one time experience, the nice guy I was dating was boring...he wasn't creative. He had somewhat of a low self confidence and didn't make me feel like a woman. He acted stingy around me... I rest my case. See page 1. That's what you get for living in the desert!!!! Link to comment
morgane Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hi there Girls I was hoping you all maybe able to explain to me why nice guys finish last - Why is that girls don't like dating nice guys? It seems odd to me and quite frustrating that alot of girls don't want to date someone like me because I'm a nice guy. To me that sounds pathetic. Would you rather date someone who cheats on you, treats you like rubbish or worst case scenario, starts beating you. I'm an average looking fella, with a good job and lots of friends. I'm not clingy, but supportive and have a fun out-going personality. I get to know girls and often asking them out with the common reply "Sorry, your a nice guy, but". It really sounds stupid to me, so please help me and all thoes other nice guys understand. We might be able to change for the better aww, thats not true i love nice guys, thats the one i always like, instead of the hunk or bad boy or whatever you call it, i love men who are mild mannered, it's my favorite. Link to comment
CynicalGuitarist Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 aww, thats not true i love nice guys, thats the one i always like, instead of the hunk or bad boy or whatever you call it, i love men who are mild mannered, it's my favorite. If that's true, I wish there were more women like you here in California. Link to comment
morgane Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 If that's true, I wish there were more women like you here in California. hahaha thanks but i don't like the west coast, i live in D.C and moving to New york, i only like North east hahahaa but um yeah i hate macho men who are tough and arrogant and full of testosterone i just love the nice quiet, well more reserve and mild mannered is the key, i don't like getting into arguments ever because i think they are strictly vulgar so i just laugh at everything hahaahha Link to comment
CynicalGuitarist Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 hahaha thanks but i don't like the west coast, i live in D.C and moving to New york, i only like North east hahahaa but um yeah i hate macho men who are tough and arrogant and full of testosterone i just love the nice quiet, well more reserve and mild mannered is the key, i don't like getting into arguments ever because i think they are strictly vulgar so i just laugh at everything hahaahha I'm not terribly fond of the west coast, either. It's really kind of icky over here. I'd love to try living somewhere in the east coast... but hey, I'm always broke. I know what you mean about arguing... I've seen enough of my buddies argue with their girlfriends over gratuitous, petty things. It's really kind of pathetic. Link to comment
brian123 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 It is all about value. Girls want a guy who has values. Nice guys value the girl. Jerks + gentleman value themselves. Nice guys don't get girls because, lets face it, who can value someone else when that person doesnt even highly value themselves Jerks dont get girls because, they are...jerks Gentleman get girls because they value themselves, but are also kind when need be. Link to comment
morgane Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 well ive always liked nice guys, which are so rare to find, theyre all ass, rarely nice men who are quiet and mild mannered Link to comment
Iris-PJ Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 I am currently talking to a "nice" shy guy ... unfortunately I am already bored out of my mind! He doesn't really talk and seems to only say things that he thinks I want to hear. I told him it was ok if he is shy and tends to be more on the quiet side, but he still needs to ease up and speak his mind! This is another reason of why nice guys finish last. I am not saying to stop listening or to stop being sweet and thoughtful, but please don't be afraid to keep it real! integrity is key... as already mentioned. Link to comment
Carmine Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 How come shy guys are boring when shy girls aren't? Link to comment
TheButterfly Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 I know plenty of girls looking for nice guys! I like nice guys. There have been 3 nice guys in my life, and it's been different with each of them. Not sure if this helps, but each guy in brief: Guy 1: We were friends, but he wanted more. But he tried way too hard. He agreed with me constantly. Did everything for me without being asked. He had me on a pedestal I didn't deserve. It felt too unequal to attempt a romantic relationship with him. I wasn't attracted because he became puppy like. Guy 2: I wasn't physically attracted to him at first, but in getting to know him the attraction blossomed and became seriously intense. He was so comfortable with himself, it was sooo attractive. He wasn't arrogant, just increadibly self assured. He didn't just agree with me all the time, he had an opinion on everything, always a gentleman. Of course though, he ended up putting my heart through a blender . Guys like this seem to be a rare breed. I've only met one, and ironically, he left me because I was too nice! This is my ideal guy. Everyone describes him as a nice decent guy. By no means a bad thing. Would love to meet another guy like him. Guy 3: Dating him now, early days. Nice guy, but a little clingy. He always wants what i'm having (drinks/food etc...), we always do what I want to do (not by choice), he never has an opinion or preference. I'm persevering, but these things are putting me off some what. I'm hoping when he gets used to me he'll start being himself. The important point here is: I have no desire to date myself! He needs to show more personality, I know he must have one, it's just hiding while he tries to impress me. **Sigh** This is a common mistake of the 'nice guy' from talking to my friends. Nice guys don't finish last, I suspect you're just chasing the wrong girls. Link to comment
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