knightingale Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Should I explain to my ex why I did it? We had a good talk this last weekend, but it doesn't change the fact that he is openly seeing someone else right now. So, for the sake of my health (mentally, emotionally, physically) I decided I needed to block him to help me heal. I didn't want to be tempted to monitor their relationship and even if I resisted it, that damn mini-feed announces everything so it was inescapable. I don't want it being looked at like I'm being immature or weak or anything. He's already starting to view me as a weak person and I can't stand it. I want him to understand why I am doing it; that I'm just taking care of myself. But should it matter what he thinks at this point? I mean, is this something I should clear up or should I just let it be? I was just going to write him a letter and drop it at his place, no real contact, no expectations for a reply. I just don't want to be looked at like I'm weak, I can't handle it. Anyway. Let me know how you all handled this and how you think I should best deal with it. Bleh. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Why does his opinion of you matter? Do you think it's healthy to go around worrying what former lovers who have moved on think of you? Why are you even still speaking to him if you're not over him? Why not go full no contact? Link to comment
knightingale Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Well, he just started seeing her. He says they aren't actually dating, they're just interested in each other and he's not even sure if it's something that will work. I'm not excusing it, it hurts a lot and part of me really hates him for it, I'm just saying that it's not something that happened until recently and it's nothing serious---right now. I've only recently, since Sunday, gone NC (but blocked him on Tuesday) and was just going to leave it at that. But for some reason I want it to be understand why I did it. I don't know why it's so important to me. But if it's not something I should do, I won't. I guess I just had some things I've left unsaid that I want to get out there as well. Maybe I'll just wait a while. I doubt he's even noticed I've blocked him yet. I think, knowing him, he would text and ask me about it. He seems to be wanting to have his cake and eat it too---have her around and keep me around just in case---so I don't think it's something he would overlook. It's hard to say at this point. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Why does his opinion of you matter? Do you think it's healthy to go around worrying what former lovers who have moved on think of you? Why are you even still speaking to him if you're not over him? Why not go full no contact? NC is NOT the answer for everything. A lot of people here would probably tell you to just drop off the face of the earth and block him. If you were to want to go NC with him, then I would say tell him, then do NC. As for the MySpace/Facebook/AIM, if you can handle it, I wouldn't block him. He could take it as you being very affected by his new relationship. Link to comment
martin6565 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 On the bottom of the feed in fb you can click preferences and "limit" the people that appear in your minifeed. It's a great way to keep certain people "wink, wink" out of your everyday life. There's nothing wrong with blocking them because myspace and facebook can be like a cancer for your healing process. Nothing is worse than a website broadcasting their every move without you. I see him taking this as a 'wake up call' and realize you will NOT always be there waiting for him, and you're really trying to get over him. It will either open his eyes and he can possibly show more interest in you, OR it will help you get over him. It's a win-win in this situation IMO Best! Link to comment
knightingale Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah, see THAT'S why I feel like I should tell him why I did it. I don't want him thinking, even if it's true, that I did it because of him and the new girl and that I'm letting it get to me. I want him to realize that he told me to take care of myself and be happy and to get on as if we will never get back together, so me keeping him out of my life right now is part of the process. I want it to be seen as a strong move on my part, not weak, because I am a strong person and I want to be seen as such. I've given him all I have to give at this point, the last thing I want him to have is my dignity and pride. The reason why I went with full block is because it keeps me from easily accessing his profile. Before I could just type his name in and "voila!". Now I would have to unblock him and then okay it and then go to his page, so this way I can stop myself because of that little extra step. I know it's silly, but it's worked so far. If I decide to let him know why I did it, what is the best way of wording it? Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 a step. I know it's silly, but it's worked so far. NOthing is "silly" if it saves your personal sanity. I actually went through the same kind of thing not too long ago. Block or not to block and not wanting her to know that she "got" to me or whatever. I ended up getting a new MSN, reviewing my old MSN contact list, informing the few people that I actually did want to continue chatting with that I got a new address and to contact me there. She didn't know (obviously) so for all she knows, I am just never on-line. My old account still exists but I jsut never use it. I'm not sure if this is a practical solution for you though. I'm not a huge on-line chatter anyway and neither was any of my regular friends so it wasn't a huge deal. Link to comment
knightingale Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Well, I mean, he won't really take much notice if I'm not on AIM--aside from when we first met, neither of us talked on it really. But one day he will get curious about me (it's bound to happen) and try to check my Myspace/Facebook, notice he can't and then what? He might ask me about it, or he might just think, "Man, she's really just never going to get over it" (not THAT cold, but something along those lines) and then basically I will lose another notch of respect. ???????????? Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Your actions will say everything to him that your afraid your not getting through to him. If you desperately try to explain yourself it will make you look weak. Just do it for yourself, you don't need to explain yourself. I know you feel horrible, and I've been in your shoes before. Just block him so you can start to heal. I wouldn't judge you for not blocking him though, you gotta do what's best for you. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 NC is NOT the answer for everything. I'm not saying that it is, but if seeing her ex be romantically involved with another woman is causing her stress then I don't see why full NC wouldn't be called for. Link to comment
knightingale Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 Eh. I wrote him an explanation. *shrug* But I told him not to reply or contact me unless something big happens that I need to know about. I told him that this was for me, not for anyone else but me. That I'm doing great and that maybe someday, if nothing else, we can be acquaintances. That's the gist of it. Sigh. Link to comment
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