My story and my advice and steps on how to feel better!

[SapphireNoir10]

How I feel and Tips on how to get over it!

 

When your hearts shattered into a million pieces all you can see is...nothing. Everything is so bleak, empty and pointless. Every day activities seem meaningless, everything you do, touch, see, taste, feel, reminds you of them.

 

You’ can’t imagine life without this person, the person you wanted to marry, have children with and grow old with.

 

What causes this love to end? What makes someone decide they don’t love you? Did they ever love you in the first place or was their love just less intense and memorable...did they change, did you change?

 

You keep asking yourself all these questions and it just seems impossible that everything can change overnight. It’s like a bad dream you can’t wake up from. You just keep feeling like nothing will ever be ok again. That you won’t be with anyone else, kiss anyone else, or be intimate with anyone else. That they were THE ONE and no one will ever be that great again or measure up.

 

Right now I’m going through the toughest break up. My first true love, who I was engaged too and living with was one week telling me he loved me to pieces, then the next it was basically over. I feel torn to shreds; I get horrible anxiety attacks and can barely breathe when I think about him with someone else.

 

But you have to think, sometimes the love just ends. Perhaps these are just life’s lessons making us stronger; we won’t make the same mistakes again. We won’t give our hearts away to those who don’t value them. Someone who didn’t appreciate our love and take care of our hearts isn’t worthy of them anyway. Someone who truly loved and respected us wouldn’t dispose of us when it no longer worked for them.

 

As for ‘Breaks and Break up’s’ Sometimes breaks are fine, often there the persons way of keeping you hanging on whilst they see if the grass is truly greener and if they miss you.

 

My ex basically had a break from me and obviously decided he didn’t miss me all that much and his feelings weren’t all that amazing for me. He’s broken hearts before, many a time, it should have been a huge red flag but boy was I too stupid to see it! Don’t let yourself be kept hanging on and kept waiting. When someone no longer wants to be with you, whether it’s permanent or temporary then I think it could be time to walk away. Depending on the situation and the background of course.

 

We know when it’s over. You know when your holding onto tiny threads that keep snapping, we know when were dangling over an edge ready to drop at any moment. You KNOW they don’t love you anymore and are going to move on, yet you hang on to every word and sentence they say, analysing it, hoping threes a hint there that they have changed their mind or they want to be with you again.

 

But often, once someone’s made the decision to distance themselves from you there’s no going back. There is that tiny chance they have made a mistake, but there’s no point hanging on to that chance. Take the break up as a time to work on and improve yourself.

 

Break up’s happen for a reason, of course we did things wrong in the relationship but we aren’t to blame for that person falling out of love with us, because we still love them no matter what, our love is strong and true, there’s was more fleeting.

 

Often it takes people time to discover the real you and they don’t like it. Or they change and they no longer see you as what they want.

 

It is not the end of the world.

 

I find what helps is this

1. Positive thinking – Every time you start to think about the ex and how much you miss them, start thinking about what you can now do with your life. No more worrying about that other person, your life is yours again, y

ours to live how you want, plan how you want and do what you want with.

 

 

2. Negative thinking – Every time you start to idealise the ex start thinking about the things they did that upset you, and the things you didn’t like. Of course it’s good to have happy memories but remember they aren’t ALL there were. Maybe there were loads of signs you missed because you were so in love that it wasn’t going to work.

 

 

3. Writing Lists – Write long lists about the pro’s and con’s of your relationship being over, write lists about the good and bad things about your ex, write lists of things you plan to do with yourself.

 

 

4. Make a plan – Make a plan about how you’re going to improve your life and yourself. Maybe make a plan of ten things you’ve always wanted to do and do them.

 

 

5. Keep as busy as possible – Like I have, pick up more hours at work, go out more with friends, do things that take your mind off them.

 

 

6. Cry, let your feelings out – Talk it through with people, cry about it, don’t keep your feelings in.

 

 

7. Talking to family and friends – They have good advice and lots have been through similar situations and can advise you on what to do and make you feel a lot better.

 

 

8. Don’t contact them – Unfortunately my ex lives accross the road so I know when he’s out, I know what he’s doing. But if you contact them you’ll have that false hope. Example: My ex told me he wanted to work on things, and then stood me up, then text me asking me to come round because he loved me.

 

 

9. Rationalise things – Ok accept it, they don’t love you or want to be with you anymore. Every time you think about them think that. Sure it hurts, but you have to face the reality, there’s no if and buts, their mind is made up. If they contact you in a moment of weakness don’t be their booty call! Don’t go round and be used by them! The fact is if they loved you they wouldn’t have let you go.

 

 

10. Be Honest –Face everything, the things you did wrong etc

 

 

11. Don’t OVER analyse – Sure it’s ok to mull things over but it’s NOT ok to over analyse things to the point where your upsetting yourself

 

 

12. Damage Limitation – Don’t let yourself think about them, don’t let yourself torture yourself with ‘what if’s’

 

 

13. Getting rid of the memories – You don’t have to burn everything because you might look back on it fondly one day. Just hide it away so you don’t have to look at it. Personally I find getting rid of all pictures of my ex and anything that reminds me of them helps me the most.

 

 

14. DONT SLEEP WITH THEM – You’ll take yourself miles back and make yourself feel worthless and used. I know this!

 

 

15. Don’t hold on to hope- It’s over. They are gone.

 

 

16. This too shall pass – Its true, times a great healer, god knows I feel like I could DIE from the pain right now. But I won’t, the world goes on without me regardless and I have to keep up.

 

 

Anyway that’s all I can think of, I’m off to have a good cry and watch sex and the city. Doing things I enjoy and refusing to think about him is helping. He made his choice.

 

(MOST IMPORTANT AND HURTFUL PART)

 

 

It’s inevitable they will find someone else, and when that day comes you have to be ready. Think about the rubbish aspects of your ex that person now has to deal with their annoying traits, and if he/she could dispose of you that easily they’ll probably do it again.

 

 

One day you might even feel HAPPY for your ex, when you get to the point you can say ‘I’m glad they’ve found someone’ then you know you’ve healed.

 

 

Don’t stop believing in love. But don’t go out and find someone straight away. I find time by myself to clear my head helps the most. If you believe in love it will come into your life.

 

You’ll be a stronger, wiser, more rounded person after it all.

 

This is all part of a lesson. From this you will learn the value of true love and know not to fall for the same type of person again. You WILL find someone who loves and respects you FOR YOU.

 

 

THESE are just my opinions, and how I’ve been helping myself, tips I’ve been given by websites, people, forums all combined so thank you to anyone that’s helped me combine this advice. It might not be right for you. Every situation is different after all.

[Jeen]

Thanks for posting it, there is a wealth of information in your words. I hope you are fine.

 

((((hugs))))

 

Jeen

[Kahdeksan]

I agree with your points on self healing, and thank you for writing them, I guess it is more profound because right now you are going through what I am going through right this moment.

 

However, I'm going to forgive my ex, I'm going to forgive her for leaving me, for flying out of state and then not telling me what was going on until one day I phone her up, and her dad picks up the phone, telling me it was over between us.

 

I found it so hard to take, like I was winded, like there was a hole bore straight through my chest cavity and everything was sucked into it.

 

While I still think about her every time I wake up realizing that she's not next to me, I try and replace that thought with the fact that I HAVE to let her go, and the sooner I can actually do that, the healing process would be closer to being complete. So yes, I'm still going through the healing process... I can honestly say, it's getting slightly better...

 

Now I just have to find a way to pack all of her things and send them to her, she left so much stuff...

[beentheredonetha]

thanks blu

[StillSmiling]

Yes, thank you Blue. I am also in the throws of depression after a sudden walk out that I didn;t see coming.

 

We WILL get stronger. And smarter =)

[billabong89]

Hey Blue thanks ever so much for writing that. Sometimes we get lost in the tangles that we make for ourselves and after reading that it made the light turn back on again.

[Perfection]

you i must say are a lot wiser for your age. it's his loss. you are strong. good on you. stay this way. cheers.

[JMichelle124]

What a great post! Something we are all feeling and can relate to and instead of runningin circles about all of it you just lay it on the table. Thank you!

[SighSob]

I'm having troubles with .15 and with the "most hurtful part"...

[SapphireNoir10]

You just got to accept they are gone. Thats how it is. You cant change it you know? And, as much as you want them, if they dont want you it wont work.

 

And trust me when they find someone else ti doesnt hurt as much as you would think. you will be ok.

[fasteddy88]

A girl broke up with me a little more than 2 years ago, and it doesn't really hurt anymore, but I still feel this longing for her. Just this quiet sadness that she isn't around anymore. I think about her everyday, and drift off into weird fantasies where she is with me, talking. But that's the horrible thing about it. Its been more than two years, and I still have these thoughts. And even worse, I have dreams about her. When I am asleep. I can't control it. But probably the most hurtful fact is that, even though my consciousness admits that she is gone forever, deep down I would be happiest if she were to come back, so I could look into her eyes again.

[gearhart123]

Thanks blue

[SapphireNoir10]

That doesnt make you a bad person. Even I can't be happy for my ex and his new gf. Probably because hes a nasty man who doesnt deserve a nice person.

[ryan2000]

But you have to think, sometimes the love just ends.

 

 

I'm fighting with myself each and everyday NOT to believe this.

 

I'm trying so hard not to believe that LOVE indeed has a life-span. Otherwise, what is the point.

[SapphireNoir10]

Because each love is different and not all love ends.

[Dante09]

Thanks for this post! Really uplifting!

[_amani_36]

Thank you, that was eye-opening...For the most part, I know that I should do these things, but it is so much easier said then done...I love my ex...very, very much..and when he left me last week, my world just completely crashed down on me...and now he wont talk to me, and I need closure... =( so its very hard to stay positive and fight through this...

[alone21]

Thanks a lot for your info

[finishlast]

Thnx blue. It just...makes sense.

[TheJorge]

thanks for all the good advice

[BriarRose]

#8 (no contact) & # 15 (realize they are gone), for me, are the most important. If you cannot accept they are gone and not coming back, you won't get over them.

[arcadefire]

We won’t give our hearts away to those who don’t value them. Someone who didn’t appreciate our love and take care of our hearts isn’t worthy of them anyway. Someone who truly loved and respected us wouldn’t dispose of us when it no longer worked for them.

 

Words to learn by. Great post!

[emmyems]

this was great, thank you