Friend betrays me again, husband too busy, feeling alone!

[mommykjo]

Hi,

 

I feel pathetically alone right now. How does a 33 yr old woman, with four beautiful children, the perfect life with everything I could imagine having, be so lonely. My husband and I have had problems through the years. We are happy, but he in a work-a-holic, he loves to hang and drink with his friends, and he is a coach that invests every spare moment volunteering to do more and more for his school and his kids he coaches. He's there for everyone, but me and these kids. He provides very well for us and we are spoiled, but I am alone.

 

Then I have this friend that I had problems with about 6-7 years ago, where we talked hours and hours a week, she did daycare and I was a stay at home mom, so we chatted on the phone many hours a week. Anyway, a really good friend of mine went to her daycare and started not talking to me and wouldn't associated with me anymore and I couldn't figure out why. The daycare provider friend talked horrible about my other friend and I started thinking she just wasn't who I thought she was, the other friend, and just said whatever, I have other friends. Well, long, long story short, the daycare provider friend was sabataging my friendship with my other friend, by telling her I was talking about how bad of a mom I thought she was. I found this our over a year later, when my other friend came to me because she wondered how I could say this stuff about her and her kids and she just couldn't believe I could be like this. I told her I never said any of those things and I was mortified that my daycare provider friend would do something like this, but it started making sense to me.

 

How could a religious, Christian, betray me so bad. I confronted her and she knew right away she was caught. She wouldn't return my calls and she avoided every possible run in with me. This was a friend that called me at least 6 times a day. I found out she told others she was annoyed I called her so often and that she just was being nice. Others didn't know she called me constantly. She didn't talk to me for 3 years. Finally, I opened my own photography business and she really wanted me to take her kids pictures. I am a very forgiving person, apparently, and she came to me one day to admit she didn't know why she did this to me and she was sorry. I accepted her apology and we became friends again. I know, how stupid!

 

We have been friends for about 3 years again, and I started getting bad vibe that she was in some way betraying me again. I went to this mom's group and met some really nice mom's with much in common with myself. I started hanging out with a couple and soon as my other friend noticed my closeness with these friends, she overtook them. She started providing free services for these friends, by offering free daycare to give them a break, but charged me for every moment I asked just to get away for a couple hours, since I stayed at home with my kids. Then one by one, she because best friends with them, and they all starting not returning phone calls, avoiding a long conversation when I would run into them in town. I just said, whatever and let them all go. But the one friend would continue to call me all the time. I just kept telling myself that she just couldn't be doing this to me again. Could she?

 

I drove her kids to a pre-school in another town for free all the time for the last two years because I have a two kids her kids ages. She did help at times when I worked for a while, but then I quit to be a full time mom again and I drove all the time. Now, I decided I don't want all the running (I'm no longer taking my kiddo to that pre-school) and I will not be driving her son anymore. I figured she would be not as needing of me anymore, I serve no purpose for her. I am pathetic that I am so desperate of needing a friend in my life that I put up with her crap.

 

I would invite her to my kids birthdays and never would come, and then find out all these new friends were invited to her everything and she would drop everything for their kids parties. I have asked and she just makes it out that all mine events are just at inconvienent times. After 3-4 years of never coming, you start "getting it". She is so using me and I don't know why.

 

My husband is never there for me emotionally, my hubby's family is not close to me, my mom is, but she gets sick of hearing my crap about my friends and husband, so I don't talk to her about it. I can't talk to my friend about my issues of loneliness because she has the perfect life and perfect husband and perfect everything, although, makes me think something isn't so perfect, if she can back stab me so easily.

 

All my husbands friends have no kids and party all the time and want him there to. He doesn't go all the time, but a fair share. He doesn't trust me to go anywhere and it's hard, we have four small children that I love dearly and can't just leave last minute to hang with friends. I feel alone, but with four wonderful kids that love me unconditionally. But, wow, I'm their mom, I will never make them feel like they are here in this world to comfort me when I am lonely. They deserve me to be comforting them. How do I always be there for everyone else, but can't be at anyones beck and call because I have no help with a big house, 4 kids and everything that comes along with raising kids on my own.

 

Okay, the thing that really set me off was that I found out last night that my one friend I've been talking about, one of my supposed best friends, had a surprise 30th birthday party last night, and guess who wasn't invited? Yep, me. Pretty much confirms my thoughts on how close we are. I swear my life could be on Dr. Phil. Seriously, I sometimes think I am mentally insane, because how can one person have so many selfish, stupid people around them. Live in a small town, we own half of it and I am alone in my big house. Money does not buy happiness and not knowing what friend you can truly trust, is not fun either. You learn to not trust anyone, thereforee you can't talk to anyone about your problems. So, here I am venting in a virtual world hoping to find yet another friend. Pathetic and sad, huh, that I keep friends like that just to have a friend.

 

Thanks for reading if you actually took the time to read this letter. I needed to vent to someone. Thanks!

 

So Lonely!

[ButterflyWrists]

*hugs* you can vent at me any time i hate back stabbing friends, i have those, but sometimes they help me. theres not much i can say, but i can be a friend, even if i am only a lil un

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, if she talks bad about you, she is probably doing the same to others. She is a ring leader and she has surrounded herself with followers...these other people are no great loss if they are willing to follow blindly along with this wolf in sheep's clothing. It amazes me that it took your other friend a year to confront you about what you supposedly were telling the other person. Doesn't say much about her that she would choose to believe this person rather than talk to you and find out your side of things.

[pinkelephant]

I think they're just jealous that you're rich. I got that a lot from my family when I was younger. Yup, my own family. They were all jealous that my dad was so well off that I was always off traveling somewhere exotic.

 

I was the loneliness kid ever growing up. It sucks. It's not you, hun, it's really them. Money brings out the worst in people.

[thejigsup]

I feel for you. Both my bf and I are workaholics and that is why we get along so well. If you are a stay at home mom with nothing like a career or job to keep you busy, just your children, I would think it would get very lonely, indeed. Plus your so-called "friend" backstabbing you? I don't blame you for feeling down. If a man spoils you and the children, that comes with having money. Money doesn't grow on trees. If you want to make enough money to spoil people, you need to work very hard. The coaching is probably his free-time passion. He thinks the money he gives you makes up for everything. If one partner is like this, the other should be the same way. A workaholic should marry another workaholic, they understand each other and never get lonely. A person with needs for company should marry someone who may make less money but be there for them. You need to decide if you can go the distance with this man, he isn't going to change. As far as the backstabber, get rid of her! She is less than nothing in my book.

[mommykjo]

You are so very right. I have to deal with my man. But problem is, he doesn't want somebody that works, he wants a stay at home, take care of me woman. We have four children and staying at home with them is what I want. I tried working for a while, but then I couldn't run them to this and that and didn't have time for laundry and housecleaning and taking care of my man like he wanted. He wants things taken care of, he doesn't want to do any household chores. He wants a mom! Hehe!! Okay, not funny! It's hard, it's my fault, but we have four children and it wouldn't be any easier by myself, sharing my kids with another woman and not being with them part time. I know I wallow in my own self pitty, but I'm kind of just having stress of my last child almost in school, that's hard, my kids are all I have had that has been true and unconditionally loving to me and me to them. It's crazy, I know, but I believe in marriage. I tried leaving 2 years ago because my hubby started flirting very much so with a worker at one of our stores and she also was a good friend. Not now, so much, hehe! He admitted to wanting her, even though married with two small children at the time, because she would dump her kids off on people all the time and go get wasted and waits on her man all the time, because her man is a real piece of work. Sad to say, she is what I would see him happy with. Crazy again, I know! But with counseling, and time I have forgiven him and here we are.

 

I love children and love spending time with them and that is worth staying, but I do worry about what will be left for hubby and me when they grow up and leave someday and I talk very heavily about that with my husband. He wants to be the best of both worlds, but he just isn't a natural husband and father. His priorities are me taking care of him, the home, the pets and the kids and he will bring home the paycheck.

 

You are also right about being with someone that makes less and has more time for a needy me. Hehe!! I love to feel loved, not like a piece of meat at the end of his evening. How to make this work for the long haul is beyond me, just have to see how long I can deal with it with the kids. I love him, but I just don't see eye to eye with him on many issues. His idea of a date, is going out to a bar, drinking with his friends. My idea is dinner and a movie. Crazy how we have been doing this for 13 years. Crazy! He gets better year by year, but in slow progress. I also want him to be happy and don't want him to give up his dreams either because that will not make him happy in the long run either. I will probably have to work with him when our little one goes to school. Problem is, he likes to boss me around when working together. He was pretty pampered his whole life. Very smart and knows how to runs businesses, but always had mommy doing everything under the sun for him. No sisters, one brother, so spoiled rotten with nanny's and fancy cars. Me, farm girl that just wanted a family and wanted to stay home with her kids and needed a man that could provide to do that. That's not why we're together, he didn't have business's when we met, that came later. But little by little, more business's, less husband. We will survive, just need to vent here and there.

 

And the friend thing, I am better than needing a friend like that. I guess I shouldn't run myself so down. I love having girlfriends, but having a couple honest ones is better than having one back stabbing one. It's so hard to believe because she comes accross so wonderful and there for everyone, that it's so hard to believe she could sabatage me like this. No one would ever believe me that she is like this. But, it is what it is. Thanks for you comment and you are so right on everything you said. I appreciate it and what's done is done, I'm married with four children and got exactly what I wanted, just didn't know I wouldn't have a best friend in my marriage, just a friend when he needs one. Such is life! Sorry to lay this on everyone and thanks for not judging me for complaining. People say just leave and move on and quit complaining, but nobody's perfect and relationships and marriage are real work. Okay, thanks again! (smile)

 

Have a great night!

[mandab]

Hi, I just read your post....how horrible for you!!! I know you posted it 3 years ago now and I was wondering how you were? I do hope you removed that nasty piece of work out of your life.