mommykjo Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Hi, I feel pathetically alone right now. How does a 33 yr old woman, with four beautiful children, the perfect life with everything I could imagine having, be so lonely. My husband and I have had problems through the years. We are happy, but he in a work-a-holic, he loves to hang and drink with his friends, and he is a coach that invests every spare moment volunteering to do more and more for his school and his kids he coaches. He's there for everyone, but me and these kids. He provides very well for us and we are spoiled, but I am alone. Then I have this friend that I had problems with about 6-7 years ago, where we talked hours and hours a week, she did daycare and I was a stay at home mom, so we chatted on the phone many hours a week. Anyway, a really good friend of mine went to her daycare and started not talking to me and wouldn't associated with me anymore and I couldn't figure out why. The daycare provider friend talked horrible about my other friend and I started thinking she just wasn't who I thought she was, the other friend, and just said whatever, I have other friends. Well, long, long story short, the daycare provider friend was sabataging my friendship with my other friend, by telling her I was talking about how bad of a mom I thought she was. I found this our over a year later, when my other friend came to me because she wondered how I could say this stuff about her and her kids and she just couldn't believe I could be like this. I told her I never said any of those things and I was mortified that my daycare provider friend would do something like this, but it started making sense to me. How could a religious, Christian, betray me so bad. I confronted her and she knew right away she was caught. She wouldn't return my calls and she avoided every possible run in with me. This was a friend that called me at least 6 times a day. I found out she told others she was annoyed I called her so often and that she just was being nice. Others didn't know she called me constantly. She didn't talk to me for 3 years. Finally, I opened my own photography business and she really wanted me to take her kids pictures. I am a very forgiving person, apparently, and she came to me one day to admit she didn't know why she did this to me and she was sorry. I accepted her apology and we became friends again. I know, how stupid! We have been friends for about 3 years again, and I started getting bad vibe that she was in some way betraying me again. I went to this mom's group and met some really nice mom's with much in common with myself. I started hanging out with a couple and soon as my other friend noticed my closeness with these friends, she overtook them. She started providing free services for these friends, by offering free daycare to give them a break, but charged me for every moment I asked just to get away for a couple hours, since I stayed at home with my kids. Then one by one, she because best friends with them, and they all starting not returning phone calls, avoiding a long conversation when I would run into them in town. I just said, whatever and let them all go. But the one friend would continue to call me all the time. I just kept telling myself that she just couldn't be doing this to me again. Could she? I drove her kids to a pre-school in another town for free all the time for the last two years because I have a two kids her kids ages. She did help at times when I worked for a while, but then I quit to be a full time mom again and I drove all the time. Now, I decided I don't want all the running (I'm no longer taking my kiddo to that pre-school) and I will not be driving her son anymore. I figured she would be not as needing of me anymore, I serve no purpose for her. I am pathetic that I am so desperate of needing a friend in my life that I put up with her crap. I would invite her to my kids birthdays and never would come, and then find out all these new friends were invited to her everything and she would drop everything for their kids parties. I have asked and she just makes it out that all mine events are just at inconvienent times. After 3-4 years of never coming, you start "getting it". She is so using me and I don't know why. My husband is never there for me emotionally, my hubby's family is not close to me, my mom is, but she gets sick of hearing my crap about my friends and husband, so I don't talk to her about it. I can't talk to my friend about my issues of loneliness because she has the perfect life and perfect husband and perfect everything, although, makes me think something isn't so perfect, if she can back stab me so easily. All my husbands friends have no kids and party all the time and want him there to. He doesn't go all the time, but a fair share. He doesn't trust me to go anywhere and it's hard, we have four small children that I love dearly and can't just leave last minute to hang with friends. I feel alone, but with four wonderful kids that love me unconditionally. But, wow, I'm their mom, I will never make them feel like they are here in this world to comfort me when I am lonely. They deserve me to be comforting them. How do I always be there for everyone else, but can't be at anyones beck and call because I have no help with a big house, 4 kids and everything that comes along with raising kids on my own. Okay, the thing that really set me off was that I found out last night that my one friend I've been talking about, one of my supposed best friends, had a surprise 30th birthday party last night, and guess who wasn't invited? Yep, me. Pretty much confirms my thoughts on how close we are. I swear my life could be on Dr. Phil. Seriously, I sometimes think I am mentally insane, because how can one person have so many selfish, stupid people around them. Live in a small town, we own half of it and I am alone in my big house. Money does not buy happiness and not knowing what friend you can truly trust, is not fun either. You learn to not trust anyone, thereforee you can't talk to anyone about your problems. So, here I am venting in a virtual world hoping to find yet another friend. Pathetic and sad, huh, that I keep friends like that just to have a friend. Thanks for reading if you actually took the time to read this letter. I needed to vent to someone. Thanks! So Lonely! Link to comment
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