jarias2311 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Hey guys I am brand new to this forum and thank god I found it because I really need people to talk to. Anyways, after 5 and 1/2 years of being together me and my gf have decided to call it quits. She was the one that pulled the plug so right now I am pretty sad and depressed. We had broken up in feb of 2008 bc she did not know what she wanted. She didnt kno if she was still in love with me or not and was just confused about what she wanted. Well, months went by and we still saw eachother and when we did we would act like nothing happened and we would still act bf gf and do everything a couple generally does. Now just a couple days ago she tells me that she thinks its over bc she just wonders what else is out there and she needs to get a realizatoin of how happy she can be since I have been her only guy that she has been with so I am her first everything. She has told me that she still really doesnt know if she is in love with me or not, but she does kno that the feelings she has right now are just not strong enough to have her full heart into a relatoinship with me. She also came clean that in the past week, she had kissed another guy twice. She has told me that it meant nothing and that they had no chemistry and she doesnt want to pursue anything with this guy. Obviously this hurt me tremendously and all i can do is think fo him in my head. She has told me like ive said that nothing is going on and that she thinks that kissing the guy was a mistake. Do i believe her? Also, she has stated that she doesnt want to lose me and she wants to still remain best friends. I have told her that I simply just cant do that because it will just hurt me because for the time ive known her, I have always been more than a friend. Did I make the right decision? Last but not least, is she affected by this just as much as me? And could it be that by not having me around for the first time, that she will realize exactly what she had? I am sorry if I rambled and ranted on. I just have so many things to say..thanks in advance If you need anymore details on how our relationship was, please let em know ill be glad to share more. I just need some insight Link to comment
ILikeHockey Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 No contact is the right thing to do. It'll be hard, but you can get through it. And yes, its very possible that she'll realize exactly what she had, and that she'll come back to you, but don't count on it. NC is about giving yourself time to heal, not about winning her back. Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I agree that no contact, or at least, very minimal contact is the way to go. She needs to deal with the consequences of her actions and that includes losing you from her life. It basically means for you - short term pain for long term gain. Assume the relationship is permanently over and proceed accordingly. It is hard to deal with at first but either she will come back - or she won't and you will heal and move on that much faster. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 I agree that no contact, or at least, very minimal contact is the way to go. She needs to deal with the consequences of her actions and that includes losing you from her life. It basically means for you - short term pain for long term gain. Assume the relationship is permanently over and proceed accordingly. It is hard to deal with at first but either she will come back - or she won't and you will heal and move on that much faster. how long does it take generally? I mean I know I am just starting but I really cant cope with this amount of heartache. Shes really always on my mind, especially at night, I wonder what she is doing and who she is with. And after this whole kissing another guy thing, I cant help but wonder if she just did all this to be with someone else..My head is spinning. I know what type of girl she is and she has always been so truthful and honest to me. But i just cant help it and not think about if she did lie to me Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I can't tell you that because it depends on the individual. But I do strongly urge you to get your body and mind occupied with other things. Gym, exercise, reading, join social or activity groups. The more you are having to do and think the less you have time to think about her. I don't pretend it will be easy - but you can do it. "If you are going through hell - keep going" Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Thanks for the advice DN. Thats what everyone is telling me but right now to be honest I feel empty and lost. She was my everything i guess you can say. SHe was there for me when no1 else was. I cant help but feel lost without her right now. More opinions and advice is welcomed! Thanks to anyone who responds I really appreciate it Link to comment
lisa1126 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Jaras, broken heart can be an excruciatingly painful thing. Believe me, most people have experience it or will at some point in life. I know that you feel like you can't go on and that every waking moment is painful... But you know what, keep on reading the posts here and will see that the pain will eventually subside and that you will live and will almost certainly again "fall in love". If one party decides that they are no longer "in love" and wants to move on, there really is not much you can do about it. You can't force someone to love you nor bring back that fire again. Feelings come and go ALL THE TIME. After the feelings are gone, one has to decide whether there is enough commitment to go on with the relationship despite of absense of passion and fire. Because surely, passion and fire will die down. After they die down, you have to see if there is enough commitment, friendship, compatibility, liking each other to continue. If someone needs to have that feeling of being in love in order to continue relationship, chances are there won't be too many opportunities for long term relationship. I've rambled on, but in short, don't go back to her, cling to her, try to win her back. Give her time to sort things out and figure them out. Meanwhile, don't count on her coming back, but move on with healing, NC and try to get going with your life. Link to comment
coolchick Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Hey Jarias 2311, welcome to this site I remember a long time ago me being new to here because i was going through exactly what you are right now. You should click on people's names beside the posts that you relate to and read the history of them. You'll find LOADS of people on this site who were or still are in your postition so the first thing to remember is that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. The best thing to do to get everything off your chest is to keep writing on here. Just talk to us all and dont worry about how many posts you write. The next thing to do is to NEVER constantly text/phone/phone your ex begging her back. Thats something that i and other peope have done and it has resulted in making our ex's feel very annoyed with us and pushed them further away. I know this will be hard but please bear this in mind at the very start as it will destroy would you could still have with your ex. I was with my ex for over 5 years also and he split up with me after us buying a house together. He ended up with a young 17 year old girl. I was devastated but made him disappear by texting and begging him back. I wish i had just acted cool even though i was dying inside so that he wouldve missed having me in his life. I firmly believe that wouldve worked. I really dont envy the pain you are going through but it will get better, i promise you! I never thought it would but it does. Now my ex is wanting me back but i have already met another wonderful man who treats me so well and i got those butterfly feelings back again! Good luck and we're here to help you through this. x Link to comment
walkingonwater Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Hey dude, I am going through the exact same thing as you are right now. GF of 4 1/2 years told me she wants to be single and find out what else is out there...ouch. Again, we were each other's firsts in everything so it is making it even more painful. I often wonder if these first in everything relationships are just doomed from the start... It's been about 2 weeks since the break, and 6 days of NC. The first week was excrutiating, couldnt sleep eat think work anything, the following week i went back to work slowly. Im eating and sleeping now which is good. I called NC 6 days ago, but she has texted me several times asking how i'm doing. She doesn't know yet that we will have to end our friendship because i thought at the start that we could be friends. At first it was very hard to think about her and the relationship logicaly because your heart is just constantly sinking. But now, the longer we spend apart, the better understanding i have of why this all happened and weather or not we really are right for each other. I am gonna try for 1 month NC or at least i can stand on my own 2 feet and get my life back on track. Good luck my friend, I feel your pain... Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Keep em coming guys..its helping a little to see other peoples opinions.. Link to comment
chrissykissy83 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 hey jarias, me and my ex split in march. we were together 5years, I was 2 and a half years older than him, and we met when he was 17 and I was 19. Our whole relationship was great, we had wedding plans, house plans, chosen baby names for our children and how many we wanted etc. anyway I was his first, and well he went and cheated on me with some girl at university. I havent had any contact with him whatsoever since he text and told me he'd cheated. Im not sure what to tell you because I know/understand how devastated and heartbroken you must be, but I just wanted to tell you my story, just incase it helps you in some weird way. All i can say is just stay strong, even though you must feel the complete opposite at the moment, and if you see your ex even if your not strong, just pretend you are Link to comment
fleck1234 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Hi, I was with my ex for 8 years. She cheated on me with 2 different guys since January. I found out and she dumped me and moved in with one of them. I have been NC for 5 weeks and feel alot better. NC is the only way, IMO. Any contact just hurts too much right now. Do it and stick to it and you will get through this. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 Guys today im struggling with NC really bad. I woke up and all I can think of is her. Im just thinking about memories and how just as little as two weeks ago she was telling me that she really missed me a lot and was thinking about me all the time while at the beach. For NC I have uninstalled AIM so that I dont see her away messages and I have boycotted Facebook. Its so hard though all I want to do right now is talk to her and just be us again. I dont know how much more I can take, the pain is just so overwhelming.. Link to comment
lisa1126 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Jaras, just for today, do not contact her. YOu will achieve absolutely nothing by contacting her. It's a dead end street and you know it. Just don't do it! Link to comment
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