To white lie, or not?

[Boughs]

Ok, so here is the quick jist. I've been dating her for 5 months. She is great, lover her, we are 22, we don't live together, we live 5 minutes from each other, etc.

 

She and her roommate, who... is a bit, messed up. She has self-image issues and thinks she is ugly and feels bad for everyone that has to look at her, she has many many other issues. I don't particularly like her, my gf knows that. Anyway, they both agreed to have a friend (male) of theirs stay for the summer and split the cost of the rent with them. Ok lets call my gf M, her roommate O, and their friend S.

 

So O started feeling anxiety because she told S that they'd do things (go out, see the sites, etc), however she doesn't keep up on her word and so she felt guilty. So she got this great idea to have S leave.

 

M, meanwhile, gave up her room for S to stay in, so M has been room-less thus far. So of course when O came to M about kicking S out, M was quick to say ok.

 

So they thought instead of hurting S's feelings, they'd make up a lie and say that the landlord found out he was staying with them and were forcing him to leave.

 

So one night M and I were walking out of her apartment (I didn't know any of this btw, I thought that the whole apartment thing was forreal) M lets me know the truth. I think that what they are doing is wrong. I think its #1 breaking a promise they had to a friend, which she doesn't think it is, #2 LYING to him.

 

She tried to defend herself and basically came accross realizing that what she was doing to S was cruel (regarding kicking him out after the promise). However the lying part is where her and I got into a HUGE argument.

 

Question is: To white lie, or not?

 

Personally? I'd hate to be lied to. I want the facts and if I get upset over your decision I will. Also should be able to man up to your mistakes/actions.

 

M and O's reasoning is that it won't hurt him this way.

 

But who is to say lying to him is the right choice versus not lying to him. Either way they are being cruel to him.

 

Anywho, I just want to ask the general consensus... would you prefer to be white-lied to in hopes to maintain a friendship? or would you prefer to be told the truth and make up your own mind?

 

This has me fuming by the way that my gf defended it to the grave and then got VERY upset and angry that I wasn't on her side.

[anya1607307555]

I'd take the truth and make up my own mind anyday, however, it is the harder option. I understand that people tell white lies to make 'rubbing along' with others easier. maybe you raising it will make your gf think about the way she wants to deal with her relationships in the future.

[DN]

So they are reneging on a promise to a friend and lying about why. That says something about her character that isn't very reassuring about how she has or will treat you. For all you know she has told you similar lies - or will in the future.

[Portage]

I don't know...it just seems immature and wrong.

 

Why not fix the problem in a positive fashion rather THAN dig a hole deeper?? The whole Karma thing comes to mind.

 

And yes, i understand why you would be livid.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Let's see...they made a promise to this friend, he is paying into the rent and now the two of them want to kick him out and lie about just because O has internal hangups...and M will go along with it because then she gets her room back even though she was the one who willingly gave up her room in the first place. That is a rotten thing of M and O to do. I will also say that from your post, it sounds like M doesn't have much of a backbone and just goes along with what people tell her.

[Loki71]

Like everyone else I don't agree with what they did or how they did it. As to your question of to white lie ot not Everyone does it every day. I have yet to find a person who is 100% honest everyday no matter what the lie is about. It could be just you saying your GF's new hair cut looks good when you really don't think so, to me that is a white lie. What M and O did was a full out lie. yes it was to prevent hurt but how much hurt will there be if S finds out the truth that 2 friends lied to him?

[Supa_gurl]

This is not what I call a "white" lie. I am all for sparing feelings, because I hate to hurt them. However if S was to find out, I think the friendship would be ruined. It is best to tell the truth in this case.

[Sirquacksalot]

I don't think that the question here is "Is it okay to flat out lie to the friend." The answer is obviously no. It's a totally immature solution to a problem. MY big concern would be 'If she can do this to the friend, how can I ever trust anything she says to ME?'

[Boughs]

Sorry took so long for me to respond to this.

 

Thank you all for your input, I'm glad to see a majority (or 100% hah!) agree with me.

 

Sorry this post was difficult to understand, but seems like everyone understood it.

 

Well, I'm letting this one pass... I know my GF doesn't wish to harm anyone, but what she did here was wrong I agree. She finally agreed with me, and is now starting to guilt trip me by saying "I'm such a bad person, you are always so good and right" almost like a retort, but i think she is just upset at herself. I've taken S in btw. He is staying with me, so now she feels like crap. I guess now she'll have to face her decision which actually makes me happy (in some way).

 

Thanks for the responses. On with life

[valiantv]

Why were they kicking S out? Because they never took him to see the sights? What kind of reason is that to kick someone out? "I never took you to see the sights so now you have to leave"... I just don't get it...