Suzanne1281 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 My ex kept breaking NC with texts. This past week, we were both out of town and he texted me that we were in the same area. I texted back like it was nothing. But then I felt uncomfortable with it. He left me for his ex and he's texting me?? So I called him the next day and asked him why he was contacting me when he broke it off with me AND knows I still have feelings for him. He asked me to come and visit him where he was staying for the week. I said I'd come and talk to him and he said we had a lot to talk about. I was supposed to go there Saturday morning to talk. He told me to call Friday night just to confirm I was coming, so I did. He then said maybe we should just meet up when we get back to NYC. So I said that's fine, but we actually have to plan to meet up. He said he'd text me that night and he didn't. Today I texted him that I can meet up tomorrow. 3 hours late, I got a text from him saying "perhaps". HE suggested meeting up...HE was the one contacting me, not the other way around after the breakup. And now he's acting like I'm bugging him. Why did he do this???? Link to comment
Chrisanderson Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 It's just his way of making sure he still has the "upper hand". It's a cruel game he's playing. Just go nc and don't let him get an inch more of you. He made his choice to leave you for another. You owe him nothing now. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Probably likes feeling in control. He's insecure so it makes him feel powerful. Forget about him. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 He's messing with your head, Suzanne. My ex did similar things -- HE would suggest getting together, and then when I would be responsive, he'd suddenly have a reason he couldn't -- an excuse, actually. The worst was when HE asked ME to go away for the weekend with him, told me to pick the place, hounded me about making reservations, and then, when I did make the reservations, he told me to cancel them, making some lame excuse that I called him on. He finally admitted that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to go away together (though I never got out of him WHY). ICK. When I think about it now, it makes me ILL. I don't think it's malicious, but it's still wrong. He's either confused about what he wants or he just enjoys the ego-stroke he gets when you respond. Actually, I'm guessing it's the latter. He's just checking to see if you're *there* IF he should want to see you -- checking to see if you're waiting around for him. YUCK. My advice: Back to NC. If you feel like it, send him one final text that says "Nevermind. I can see there is no point in meeting up with you anyway. Please respect my need for distance and don't contact me" or something of that nature. And then, don't respond to his attempts at contact. Any response on your part is seen by him as you being willing to wait for him. Take control of the situation and cut him off. He doesn't deserve to have you in his life. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Since he left you for his ex, what is there to talk about? Gain back the upper hand, and show him you have respect for yourself. He made the decision to go back to his ex, let him live with it. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Games, I had a girl in the past that would do the same thing..we were supposed to meet up in December...I called her the day we were going to hang out and she was cutting down a Christmas tree! Go figure! Haha. We didn't end up hanging out either. Link to comment
Suzanne1281 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 He's messing with your head, Suzanne. My ex did similar things -- HE would suggest getting together, and then when I would be responsive, he'd suddenly have a reason he couldn't -- an excuse, actually. The worst was when HE asked ME to go away for the weekend with him, told me to pick the place, hounded me about making reservations, and then, when I did make the reservations, he told me to cancel them, making some lame excuse that I called him on. He finally admitted that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to go away together (though I never got out of him WHY). ICK. When I think about it now, it makes me ILL. . HE had an excuse too! He has to "pick up tickets for a show after work." Which takes 2 seconds and if he really wanted to talk, that obviously wouldn't be a big deal. What an ass. Who does this? I hope he sees what his actions have done to me someday. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 HE had an excuse too! He has to "pick up tickets for a show after work." Which takes 2 seconds and if he really wanted to talk, that obviously wouldn't be a big deal. What an ass. Who does this? I hope he sees what his actions have done to me someday. Oh yeah. He's a total ass. Reason #396 why he's totally wrong for you... (and counting!) At the time my ex pulled the rug out from under me about the weekend, I was MUCH nicer about it than I should have been. I was just so beaten down, so tired, but so afraid of *losing* him completely that I didn't tell him what I REALLY thought. Someday, he will hear it. He will hear it ALL. Until then...NC is a glorious thing. Link to comment
Suzanne1281 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 Oh yeah. He's a total ass. Reason #396 why he's totally wrong for you... (and counting!) At the time my ex pulled the rug out from under me about the weekend, I was MUCH nicer about it than I should have been. I was just so beaten down, so tired, but so afraid of *losing* him completely that I didn't tell him what I REALLY thought. Someday, he will hear it. He will hear it ALL. Until then...NC is a glorious thing. This is how I feel. I am too nice because if I'm not I'll lose him altogether. I just wanted to tell him all of this on the phone the other night until he suggested that we have a lot to talk about and we should meet up. I asked him why he contacted me with the intention of telling him he can't do that to me anymore, then wimped out. Now it's a mess and he has the upper hand which I can never gain back again. And I was doing so awesome with NC. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Ah, but you CAN gain the upper hand by cutting him off -- completely. It's never too late! I know that feeling of being afraid of losing him, but the truth is, you don't *have* him now. Same with me and my ex -- when he cancelled on me, we weren't "back together" -- he was just screwed up and messing with my head -- so I never really *had* him to begin with, and you can't lose what you don't have! It was hard to recognize this, but once I did, I felt free! Link to comment
Suzanne1281 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 Ah, but you CAN gain the upper hand by cutting him off -- completely. It's never too late! I know that feeling of being afraid of losing him, but the truth is, you don't *have* him now. Same with me and my ex -- when he cancelled on me, we weren't "back together" -- he was just screwed up and messing with my head -- so I never really *had* him to begin with, and you can't lose what you don't have! It was hard to recognize this, but once I did, I felt free! So in your case, he canclled on this trip of yours and then you went NC and you STILL heard from him after this? I realize I have no control over what he's doing. I just get weak when he says he wants to meet up, talk, etc. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 So in your case, he canclled on this trip of yours and then you went NC and you STILL heard from him after this? I realize I have no control over what he's doing. I just get weak when he says he wants to meet up, talk, etc. Oh gosh, no. He cancelled on me, and I continued to talk to him. We pretty much stopped "seeing each other" (or whatever it was) after that, but no, I still talked to him, unfortunately. I still hoped, for a few months, until he announced he was going back to his ex. In fact, I was still talking to him -- in a strictly platonic way, no conversationsa about "us" -- until just recently. Now, it's been almost three weeks since I last talked to him (ran into him), and almost a month since I ignored his last phone call. I understand about getting weak. Honestly, if mine wasn't with someone else, I'd probably have trouble not contacting him. So, I actually have it a lot easier than you do. I am motivated not only by the crappy feeling of knowing he is with someone else but also by the profound fear of contacting him and making an ass of myself because he is with someone else. Just keep in mind, though, how he has kept you hanging and how utterly crappy that feels. Keep reminding yourself that he kept you hanging while he decided whether or not he wanted to be with his ex (or, more likely, while SHE decided whether she wanted to be with HIM). Keep in mind that he made you feel as if you were NOT his first choice -- and in fact, you weren't, if he even considered going back to his ex. Like I said before, he doesn't deserve you. Just like mine doesn't deserve me, either. I wish them BOTH the best of luck with their previous exes! Link to comment
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