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Suzanne1281

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  1. Suzanne1281
    Hello, Just a general question for guys. What exactly is runing through your mind after a break-up. I had a guy who just got out of a long-term relationship tell me he wanted a relationship with me and kissed me and said he'd call, blahblahblah. But he didn't call and then the next week went home with another girl RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!! Now I'm not guy bashing at all. I like guys and I'm not really bitter just really disappointed and a bit hurt. I just want to understand what is going through guys minds after they have a break-up. Is it that you want to find out what it's like to be single again and get over-excited about girls noticing you? I mean, I'm thinking that guy was rebounding with me and is out testing the waters again. But to go home with another girl right in front of me just a week after kissing me and telling me how much he liked me and wanted something with me? And yes I made it clear to him that I liked him back and was definitely interested. Just wondering if any men can explain to me what a guy does after he gets out of a long term relationship.
  2. Suzanne1281
    But I did tell him outright what I wanted. When he said he wanted to "have a relationship with me", I told him "that sounds good" and when he said he had to resolve his current situation with his ex I told him that sounded good because I definitely had a crush on him. As for not calling him, when he said he'd call me and I said definitely to call and "don't be shy." I'm almost glad I didn't call that week because when I saw him out on that Friday he said he had had the "worst week ever" with fighting with his ex about moving her stuff out. I mean I remember breaking up with my last boyfriend and having this guy who I had originally liked keep calling me and I had to ask him to leave me alone b/c I was trying to get through a bad break-up and needed to just get through that. If he had given me a little space it might have worked. Maybe guys and girls are different. Men who are reading this, help me out. Do you think I should still call him and just ask how things are going? Or is it too late now and the call would seem random.
  3. Suzanne1281
    When he told me that I smiled and said "aww" and kissed him and told him that sounded good cuz I had a crush on him. That was well before the end of the night, I had kissed him enough times after that to get the message accross that I felt the same. He said he'd call me, and he never did. I didn't want to intrude too much cuz his ex was moving her stuff out of the house that weekend and I didn't want to seem too pushy or not understanding. Then when I saw him that next week when he was all over the other girl he was saying what a bad week he had had b/c of the ex. I don't know if it's too late to call or text him to find out what's going on? Should I have called last week even though he said he'd call me? Ugh I just don't know.
  4. Suzanne1281
    Hello, I have been flirting with a guy who I have mutual friends with for a few weeks. Last week we ended up kissing and he was telling me he wanted to be in a relationship with me and that he had so much fun with me and he really liked me and was going to call me. Well this week I met my group of friends out, he was included. He acted like nothing had happened between us the week before and he spent the ENTIRE night hanging out with another girl and went home with her! He asked her just to drop him off so I'm not sure if anything happened. He knew her from college. Anyways, I don't understand! Why did he say all those things to me and then the very next week was all over another girl and got a ride home from her RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I would dismiss it easier except we have to see each other b/c we have mutual friends. He is just getting out of a tumultuous relationship. Could that be it? Also he is always talking about his insurance job and making money and this girl's father owns a big insurance company. Could it be that as soon as he saw her, he saw dollar signs and forgot about me? I'm afraid if they do get together I'll have to see it. I don't deserve it at all. Why did he like me one week and forget about me the next?
  5. Suzanne1281
    Wow that sounds like my situation! I definitely agree with having no contact at all. I did little contact when that happened and my boyfriend (now my ex, which is a good thing) totally totally took advantage of the fact that I was there when he felt like it and knew that I would always be like that. IT was so painful and I made a j---a-- out of myself. Please do no contact...I guess tell her "You know I love you, you know how I feel about you...but if you need to figure yourself out you need to do that on your own and have no contact with me while you're doing that"...or something to that tune. Then she will really figure out what she wants. If she comes back to you after that...and then wants a break again, you want to get away. From my experience I can tell you that if that goes on for a while and then you do finally break up you are going to regret SO much. Everyone told me that would happen and I just couldn't get it through my head and now that I do I regret everything and wish I had been stronger.
  6. Suzanne1281
    Thank you everyone for your advice. I definitely have taken some of the anger off of myself and realized I was victimized by my ex. I have cut off all contact with him even when he sends me nasty emails. As for the nice guy I think I know what happened. I think when I told him I was single he took it as me running to him as Plan B. I also asked one of our mutual friends if he was going out with anyone now and she must have told him. I'd be mad too if I were him I think. It was like 2 days after I broke up with my ex and I think I may have been in "rebound" state of mind. oops. Ugh what a mess! I dont' think there will be a chance with the nice guy now. Well at least I know what kind of qualities I want to find in a guy now.
  7. Suzanne1281
    That is not normal for a child's physical unless you reported having problems with your vagina.
  8. Suzanne1281
    I just want to at least complement Belle on her strength to not let this man string her along. Same thing happened to me. I broke up with my boyfriend last summer and he did what Belle's boyfriend did. He cried and begged and told me he would change. He made me fear for him when he called and said he was driving drunk and was on no sleep. Yeah...psycho. My father committed suicide and he played the "I dont' care if I die" card with me. I took him back b/c I didn't have the strength not to and I feared for him. Then Would try to buy me things etc to show he changed. In the end he didn't. I wished something like this had happened to me back in college or something so I knew not to go back. I lied to friends and family and pushed away wonderful, kind, compassionate guys that wanted to go out with me and treat me so much better. Bitterness is part of the breakup grieving process just as it is when somoene passes away. Anyways I just wanted to complement Belle on her strength and realizing how much she is worth.
  9. Suzanne1281
    I can tell you from my experience to cut all contact off and even if you feel bad for her or love her you can't let that affect your decisions. I just broke up with my bf of 2.5 years and the exact same stuff was going on minus the cheating. I am living through so much regret right now for passing up better things in life. She is using you b/c she has issues and knows that she can lean on you when she needs it. My boyfriend did the same thing to me! I cut off all contact and now he realizes we need to stay apart at least. I passed up a couple of stable wonderful guys for him and cried too many tears b/c of the way he acted (going out without me, pusing me away and then luring me back in.) Cut off all contact, she is using you for support b/c she knows you care too much.
  10. Suzanne1281
    I was with my boyfriend on and off for 2.5 years. I just broke up with him on Monday. It was a pretty bad 2.5 years. I got together with him when I was just coming out of depression caused by my father commiting suicide a couple years earlier. I had been through many bad breakups and getting cheated on before him too. He treated me pretty badly and I took it. I was too weak to break up with him, and i was scared to death to go back into depression. I know it was also a separation anxiety thing caused by losing my dad too. So we were on and off for a while. Last spring a nice wonderful guy who was so much better for me came into the picture. I would flirt with him and tell our mutual friends how much I liked him but I kept going back to my boyfriend!!! Last summer I broke up with my boyfriend for this nice guy and my boyfriend was threatening to kill himself if I didn't give him a second chance. I couldn't let that happen, I was too traumatized by what happened with my dad so I went back to him. IT's been almost a year and I finally got away last Monday. It is pretty mutual this time although I still get a nasty email every other day from him. My problem is: I regret my actions so much! I should have gone with that other guy who told me he liked me and understood why i had stayed with Paul...he was right there for my taking and I blew it. We remained friendly but last Wednesday I told him I was single and now he won't even look at me. I know there's no chance with him, I hurt him enough. But when will this regret end? I keep telling myself at least I learned from the experience and I won't do it again and it made me stronger but....I'm going to regret giving up this other guy and making him hate me for a long time I think. I'm so angry at myself and I can't stop. Should I apologize to the nice guy? I'm such a jerk! When does the regret end?
  11. Suzanne1281
    I NEED ADVICE FROM A GUY ABOUT THIS! My boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 months. We work together but we do okay with it. A few weeks ago he had surgery and I didn't see him for a week. When he came back to work our relationship was still fine. THen the next weekend he went to NYC with his family. When he came back he began to be very rude and short to me at work for no reason. Hes perfectly nice to everyone else. I asked him yesterday what was wrong and he said it was work stress and not to worry about it. That's fine, but the thing is, it's only me he's treating badly. I try to talk to him and he just gives me one word answers and hardly looks at me. We've hardly spent any time together since before his surgery. I confronted him about that and he says he's busy in the summer with other things. All I know is that everything was fine until two weeks ago and I dont know what's wrong. How should I go about confronting him about this problem without making it seem like I'm whining or attacking him? Guys I need your help.
  12. Suzanne1281
    Hello all, I came on to post about something completely different but I saw this posting and read all of them. Most of them talk about cheaters' characters coming back to haunt them and that a relationship planted in betrayal and dishonesty will only end up that way. My question is to those who have seen the consequences happen to their cheating ex's. Does karma really exist? Does it really come back to haunt them? My ex was horrible: he was very narcisistic and bragged about his past sex partners and every girl who passed by he would say "Oh she's always wanted me." He would always make up for it by staying with me almost every night and taking me out. I think I caught onto him very quickly when he began cheating on me and I broke it off. He would not admit to it even though I and eveyrone else saw his car at this girl's house at very strange hours after he told me he was going home for the night. One night she even interrupted our date, and he STILL would make up lies about her. Sure that makes me feel better that he was too ashamed to admit to her and that when I was breaking up with him he said I was the only one. It took him about two months after the breakup to admit it...to my housemate and not even me. I regret letting my anger out at him a week before I left town for good. It made me sink to his level, but somehow I think it was good that I showed him how angry and hurt he made me. I can't even describe the pain I felt and still feel even though I walked away with my dignity, morals and self respect as well as respect of others. And yes I did really learn a lot and grew from it and know how to be careful next time...but the negativity is still there no matter how hard I try. I think I'm so bitter b/c I tortured myself with self blame and fear of seeing him with that other girl. I still rack my mind with trying to figure out if I did anything wrong when the fact was, he was a sick bastard: he slept with another girl b/c I was a virgin at the time and wasn't ready to have sex yet even though we always tried. Anyways, sorry for rambling. Yes I must sound spiteful and bitter, and hell, I am! It really is true that all you want is for that person and the person they cheated on you with to hurt as much as you do. IT's the truth and I'm not afraid to admit it! I just want to know, will it really come back to haunt him? [/i][/u]
  13. Suzanne1281
    Just a stupid puppy love question. Last weekend I went to visit my sister in Manhattan and she introduced me to everyone she works with. Before I say anything else, I'm going to say I live on the other end of the state, 500 miles away from Manhattan. One of her coworkers, Damon, came out with us on Saturday night and we really, really hit it off. He is a great guy, my big sister approves of him and says he's really sweet and nice. The two of us had a great night together and had some good times on the futon in my sis's apartment Things weren't just physical, we held some great conversations and there was no awkwardness the next morning. He asked my sis for my number and called me Tuesday saying what a great time he had and how much he wants me to come visit again and that it's possible he could come visit me. He gave me his number and said to call him anytime I want. Now it is Friday night and I plan on calling him tomorrow. My question is, would YOU go on a rendezvous weekend to NYC to see a guy you went out with one night? IT isn't that expensive to fly, but I live at home (just graduated college last week..21 years old) and if you ever had a Mom...you understand you can't just up and fly to NYC every weekend without mom having a tizzy plus a million questions and suspicions. Plus my sister is usually really busy and will probably make a big deal out of it if I'm spending money to come see a guy. Am I being rediculous??? Should I go on my little rendezvous? Is this guy gonna end up losing interest the moment another pretty girl walks by? Blahh I wish I had all the answers!! Maybe you ahve some for me??? Why is it you always meet someone amazing and then the circumstances SUCK? hehe
  14. Suzanne1281
    Hello! I have written many many times about my ex who has cheated on me, lives in the same small college town, and I have a hard time getting over it. I've since started counseling b/c I realized my inability to handle it has to do with past traumatic events in my life. I just have a simple question that maybe someone can give advice on. I have two weeks left of college and I am determined to spend the last two weekends having fun in town with my friends that I won't see again. Problem is, the only bar I enjoy going to that ALLLLL of my friends go to is where my ex bartends. I have not gone there much since the breakup b/c I feel like I am going to throw up knowing he's so near and that I might see him with one of his flavors of the week and it is GOING to upset me. (You can all tell me that he's my ex, don't worry if he has new girls, but it STILL is going to bother me very much so please don't yell at me for it). Now when I'm there, I stay away from the actual bar and have other people order my drinks so that I don't have to see or talk to him. But I still feel sick and I get shaky and it's awful. And to tell you the truth, I WANT to go up to the bar to do shots with my friends or to order my own drinks. I don't like having to hide!!! I know I have my friends surrounding me and they are great, but it is still really sucky. Does anyone have any advice on how I can handle these feelings when I'm there? Anything I should be telling myself the whole time so that I can enjoy myself with my friends for my final weekends of college? How can I be in that bar and enjoy myself?
  15. Suzanne1281
    What is wrong with me? I am working so hard on getting over my scumbag ex who cheated on me. It has just turned out to be a bad day and I just need to write about it. I was doing really well the past two days. I found out he told my housemate that he works with that he knows what happened with me and him was totally his fault and everyone SHOULD hate him for it..that he screwed it up not me. And I was at peace a little bit more than the day before. Then I find out today he took off of work (and he NEVER does) so he can go on a roadtrip to see the girl he cheated on me with play rugby. BOOM I get shot right back to day one of recovering. I just need to vent. I feel like I'm crazy, letting this get to me. It hasnt' been THAT long but why can't I let this go. I want closure sooooo badly. We never had it b/c the day I went to get it from him we ended up hooking up and then he screwed me over again. I should be able to get over him so easily because he is such a d---. I wrote a goobye letter to him the other day (one of those letters you write but dont' send) and that helped a little, but now I think maybe I should send it just to get the closure I need. I don't expect him to write back and I wouldn't read the letter if he did. I know he doens't deserve the letter. He is not worth the 37 cents postage. Help me someone. Please. Should I send the letter? I know it won't change anything about him but maybe it would make me be able to move on? Help
  16. Suzanne1281
    Hello, I've written soooo many times about this subject but I need help one more time. My ex cheated on me and I had to break up with him. It was so hard and he still won't admit it fully. Two weeks later we met just to make peace (I'm sorry, but I cannot walk around hating someone, I needed to forgive and move on) and we ended up hooking up, he said he still wnated to see me/missed me etc. I realized the next morning I did NOT want to see him again b/c it would only end up with me hurting. He called once that day but said he was busy at work and would call back that night. He never did. I called one more time because I wanted to tell him we couldn't see each other and that kissing was a mistake. Well he stopped calling and went and slept wiht the girl he cheated on me with again among others. Now I know, he's a scumbag, I'm not going to talk to him, call him, see him, TRUST ME. But I never got my closure. Yes I messed it up by kissing him. But I NEED closure. Everyone says, move on, keep busy move forward. I am doing ALL OF THIS as hard as I can, I know I have a life going for me and friends who care. But I am traumatized by the death of my father when it comes to not being able to say goodbye. I wrote a letter to the ex today and it felt so good to write it. I ahve not sent it and have not decided if I'm going to. Please tell me do you think I should send it? Please don't give me the reply, "he's not worth it" "he's not your problem, don't worry about him", I KNOW ALL OF THIS. I am not writing it to him to get him to change his mind or come back to me, I don't want him back. I dont' even care what he thinks, but I think I may feel better to know I at least got out what I wanted to say to him and be done with it. I don't know. Gahhh! Help!
  17. Suzanne1281
    loner82: thank you for putting things into perspective for me...thank you for making me realize it's better this way: that it happened now before I graduated college. I was ready to put my life on hold for him...stay in Brockport for him, and I really HATE this town, believe me. I think it wouldn't have mattered what I had done to try and make him happy, he would've cheated anyways. I will just keep looking forward to moving in the spring. Don't worry you will be fine. Go get the life you want, it's not too late to start. My mother put her life on hold to raise us kids and then went back to school to reach her dream of becoming a teacher after I started school And she is happy with her life. So you can do what you want and go for your dreams!
  18. Suzanne1281
    Ohhh do I feel both of your pains! I'm still recovering after a month after I had to break up with my boyfriend because he was CHEATING on me and still won't completely admit it (typical). He told me two weeks later he wanted to see me again and missed me and I got weak and kissed him and told him I missed him too. Then he stopped calling me and just kept sleeping with the skank he cheated on me with. I know it was the best thign for me to stay away from him and I know I have an amazing future ahead of me but it hurts to know he is one street away from me f------ the s--- he cheated on me with (found out he's cheating on her too, ha). But as much as he hurt me and disrespected me, and as much as I know I would never want to be with him again, I still miss him. I"m ashamed of that too. What I wouldn't give to cuddle with him in my bed again. Tonight I went to the movies with my friend and it was killing me b/c we had a tradition of going to the movies once a week. To think that he is doing that with his new girl is torture! It is SO HARD not to think about it!!! Everyone says move forward move forward. Which is hard b/c he works at the only bar I like to go to (I live in a college town, still in college) so in order for me to have fun I have to deal with seeing him. And I get so nervous before I go out because I don't want to see him with his new girl and seeing him makes me naucious. It isn't fair. I wish we could've just made peace and never kissed again. I know it is time that will heal. I just wish it would heal me faster. There is nothign worse than knowing he is still sleeping with the girl he cheated on me with...even if he is cheating on her too, I still feel worthless and nothingness. I mean I keep myself very busy too have even hooked up with new guys! (I wish I could rub that in his face!) So the comfort is: you are SOOO not alone in the heartache situation. I feel what you are going through and I offer all the empathy in the world to you. I guess we all go through it, and if everyone else gets thru it so will we. I guess I just don't understand how i want more than anything to get over it, b/c I know in the long run it would have never worked. So if i WANT to get over it, why isn't it working? And no you were not crazy to call her just to hear her voice....we all do it at least once!
  19. Suzanne1281
    Hello! I can't help you about the ovarian cyst. She should definitely ask her gynecologist about that. But I went through the same thing with my boyfriend. No matter what we tried it just did not work. Don't worry, sweetie, it will happen when she is ready. She's just nervous and probably wants the best for you. I can't stress enough, IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN SHE IS READY. I know I felt so bad every time my ex and I tried to have sex. It just didn't work because I knew I wasn't ready and didn't trust him enough yet (though I"m sure your girl trusts you). You are a great boyfriend to care so much about not hurting her and supporting her through it. I know I wasn't so lucky! But for me, it happened when I knew I was ready and I don't regret it for a moment. Just relax. Don't TRY! I remember for me it started to seem like a chore to lose my virginity and that isn't the right way. Just keep having fun and learning things about each other physically. It happens when the time is right.
  20. Suzanne1281
    Because it hurts like hell. Have you ever been cheated on by someone you thought loved you?
  21. Suzanne1281
    I am having the WORST time getting over being cheated on by my scumbag ex. It is the worst feeling of worthlessness and nothingness. I knwo I am better than how I was treated and will be fine in the long run. He is NOT the man of my dreams, the way he would treat every girl like he wanted to go to bed with them (even right in front of me). Turns out I had every right to be jealous and suspicious. But someone give me some reassurance. Has anyone ever heard of good coming out of a relationship that started as cheating and a lie. I know he cheated on her once with me (I thought they weren't together anymore) and once last week with another girl suposedly. Someone tell me he will not commit to her? It has been a month since we broke up and my housemate still sees his car at this girl's house sometimes. Gahh! I hate being a girl who worries too much!
  22. Suzanne1281
    That painting is amazing. I am definitely waiting for my good karma too! I've been waiting for bad karma to get back at my cheating ex boyfriend as well, haha. But I'm trying not to have negative thoughts. I just can't wait til what goes around comes around to him, ya know. But, happy thoughts, happy thoughts!
  23. Suzanne1281
    Hi Sonja! I know what you are going through because I am going through it myself, though I was only with my ex for a few months. I broke up wiht him because I knew he was sleeping at another girl's house and lying to me about it. It was so hard and so painful and I am still in a lot of pain a month later. After two weeks I talked to my ex and we agreed to meet b/c he wanted to "explain things" and I just wanted to forgive and forget-I didn't want to walk around with that anger and hurt. However, my plan backfired because after seeing him, the butterflies came back in my stomach and he told me how he still wanted to see me and missed me and was dumb for what he did (even though he does not completely admit to cheating). We ended up kissing and saying we missed each other. However, it got much worse because afterwards, he didn't call, he cheated again. So if you do want to forgive him and move on, I say it is ok to do it in your heart. If you are going to see him, be very very careful. I think you shouldn't have contact for a while. Time will cool you down. Just remember, unless he is truly truly sorry and busts his arse to prove to you that you can trust him, do not go back to him. I only got hurt when I tried to make friends with Kris. I can't give you all the advice you are looking for b/c I am still going through the healing process. But remember that if he is with the girl he cheated on you with, he WILL end up cheating on her too, why wouldn't he? Nothing good comes of a relationship that starts as cheating and a lie. He will realize one day what he lost in you. You were right to break up with him the first time. Trust your instincts not your emotions. I know I learned that. I'll make a deal with you, if I can get through this, then you will too. STay strong girl! You are a beautiful, strong woman who will get her prince in time. We just have to kiss a lot of toads before we finally get that prince.
  24. Suzanne1281
    Hello, thank you both for your advice. I am really trying to move on, I keep myself very busy with school, job searching, having fun with friends, telling myself that I am worth so much more. I am thinking about going to my school's counseling center to maybe talk some things out. It is just SO HARD to know he is one street away from me, one street away! sleeping with the girl he cheated on me with. It makes me feel so worthless even though I know I am not. He did this because he only cares about himself, I know that. I just wish it wasn't so disturbing to know he is with someone else within walking distance of my house. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that he has already cheated on her two times that I know of. So I guess he does not really care about her if he's doing that. He is probably just looking for easy sex. After all, he didn't want to break up when I dumped him, and came back a second time to tell me he misses me. ( I know that is partly why he cheated, the sex part). I just want what goes around to come around on him! I would love to go tell him how I have been with a great guy since him and that he was never worth it. I wonder if karma really works! hehe! I just wish I could be assured that nothing good can come out of his new relationship that started as cheating and a lie. I can't wait for these negative feelings of wanting to get revenge and make him hurt to go away.
  25. Suzanne1281
    Hello, I am a 21 year old college student. I am having a very hard time getting over my ex who cheated on me and screwed me over a second time when i went to simply forgive him (not get back with him). I broke up with him a month ago and two weeks ago was when we met to make peace. It got even worse after we kissed and said we missed each other and he wanted to see me again, but then stopped called and returning calls. Of course I refuse to have contact with him now. Every relationship I've had has gone very sour. I know I do nothing wrong in the relationships except a bad choice in men and maybe being too naive. I have always been cheated on and lied to or dumped because of his "issues". Now don't get me wrong, I AM moving on, I am planning out my life after graduation, am surrounded by friends, have even hooked up with other guys. But I am still so depressed about this, I know I am better off without him, but it still hurts so much I dont' know what to do. With every guy it takes me forever to get over the heartache. With my father's death, it took me over a year to get back to normal. After he died I had thoughts of suicide and death all the time, and I never went for counseling after he died. But after a while, I got back to normal and was ok about him. However, since his death I've experienced nothing but heartache and pain with little bouts of happiness here and there. Is my inability to get over bad relationships have something to do with his death? Do I have symptoms of depression or is this a normal reaction? There is a history of depression in my family (my father had it). I don't know if I should go for counseling or what. I admit I'm afraid to and feel stupid b/c at the moment I am depressed over a cheating boyfriend...it seems petty. I am just so sad and want to be happy so much. Please help!
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