You Can Be Crap at NC and Still Tempt Them Back

[CrapAtNC]

OK, so she's back from her trip.

 

Me and M cooled things off, and that's probably best as I really haven't (wanted to) let go of X yet. We're good friends, chat often, hang out at the beach together, and enjoy that we were once close but now have no hang-ups spending time with each other so soon after breaking up.

 

I'm not sure how things went for X and her ex. From what her friends have been saying, it seems that nothing romantic happened at all. If my hunch was right, she might have actually realised that her ex from 4 years before may not actually be in reality what she has built him up to be in fantasy; he's a great guy, I'm sure, but it's more her feelings for him that I'm referring to.

 

She broke off contact for the last few weeks of her trip; the first week she was getting in touch and very happy and friendly with me.

 

She got back in the country Saturday night and immediately called me, and we chatted on the phone for about an hour, up until midnight when she practically fell asleep while talking to me. She was happy, upbeat, and friendly, and welcomed the chance to come to the beach with me this week. I really enjoyed talking to her.

 

Then nothing. She's gone cold again. She doesn't handle tiredness well, and I'm sure the reality of being back, of her possible realization about her ex, and of just how messy her apartment is have hit her hard. She didn't answer my calls or texts yesterday (three in total, all light and about stuff I need to get to her).

 

I texted this morning about the beach trip we had planned, and she texted back asking me not to call her today as she's sick and trying to get used to the change in weather (it's very hot and humid here compared to where she just spent the last 4 weeks). I was disappointed, of course, but have learned to be nonchalant about such things, so I kept my response light and warm.

 

We have a business trip planned very soon, to a very nice exotic location, where we'd talked about taking an extra few days to do some things there we both enjoy. Now she's saying she'll come but won't spend the extra days with me. I didn't react, and I'm proud of myself. I see all these minor events as tests now - tests of whether I have what it takes to take our relationship forwards instead of back down. I said I understand (in the past I would have complained, laid on a guilt trip, etc.). She's probably very surprised by my new attitude.

 

I haven't been in touch today, nor will I tomorrow, even though I have good reason and she's expecting it. I've lost my insecurity and neediness, and she'll see that.

 

I'm sure she'll see the light. She hinted before she left that she wanted to exorcise her demons with this trip to her ex so that she could finally enjoy a relationship with me, and I have no desire to show her that that might not be a good idea. I'm being patient and understanding, and I'm careful how I respond, and I'm enjoying the change.

 

So, I'm just getting on with life. Had some major positive changes at (our) work, and I'm focused on the tasks I've set for myself to keep the momentum going with that. If we get back, it'll be fantastic; if not, I'll just be glad I gave it my very best shot, in a mature and honest manner ... and I won't look back.

 

The ball's in her court and I'm not jumping to her side to keep it moving. She must come to me now. She must realise for herself that we deserve to move forward together, and that she needs to leave the past where it belongs if we're to do that.

 

I'll let you know how it goes. Life is good; it can only get better.

 

Have a great week, all!

 

 

Crap

[gee]

Good for you Crap! Good luck with all!

 

gee

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Glad to hear the triangle is done. It sounds like X is very confused and she keeps blowing hot and cold. I think you have the right idea in leaving her be. People who blow hot and cold and give mixed messages are not pleasant people to be around...too much drama and they suck you down into their abyss. Hopefully she will get her act together...just continue with your life and if she wants to be with you great, if not then it is her loss.

[IMAbadman]

Glad to hear the triangle is done. It sounds like X is very confused and she keeps blowing hot and cold. I think you have the right idea in leaving her be. People who blow hot and cold and give mixed messages are not pleasant people to be around...too much drama and they suck you down into their abyss. Hopefully she will get her act together...just continue with your life and if she wants to be with you great, if not then it is her loss.

 

Good advice! Best of luck to you my friend.