Getting Back Together: A Diary

[NorthDallas40]

Many of you followed my epic-length story with Maria in this thread:

 

 

 

Thanks everyone who gave me their input, opinions & advice!

 

Now that she & I seem to be starting a new - if somewhat undefined - chapter, I'm starting this thread to chronicle whatever happens from here.

 

To recap:

 

May 2007 - I met Maria on the west coast. I'm 38 and white, she's 24 and Mexican. We hit it off but didn't hook up. We made a date, but she stood me up because she was sick. She called and texted repeatedly that day to apologize.

July 2007 - After talking every day on the phone for two months, she visited me on the east coast and it was amazing. Three days after she left, we admitted we loved each other. Three days after that, she had a severe head injury, resulting in major brain surgery.

Aug-Sept 2007 - We talked on the phone every day once she was out of the hospital.

Oct 2007 - I visited her, met her family and again it was perfect.

Nov 2007 - She broke things off twice due to distance, issues from her last ex-bf, her accident, and wanting to pursue projects without distraction of a relationship.

Dec 2007 - She wanted to try being together again, but it was obvious her heart wasn't in it, so we broke it off.

Jan 2008 - I initiated NC, but she called/texted/emailed at least once a week. I dated and "worked on myself," and she pursued her projects.

Feb 2008 - We talked on her birthday, it went badly, I went back to extremely LC, she continued to call/text/email weekly anyway.

Mar-Apr 2008 - Sporadic but increasing contact on both our parts, resulting in her wanting to see me, then calling me every day for the week previous to my visit.

May 2008 - I finally visited her on the anniversary of our first meeting and it went amazing. I told her I planned to move there in Sept 2008 and asked her if we could date when I arrived. She said yes.

 

Since that last visit about two weeks ago, we haven't said anything about being back together: we are still single. But we're both looking forward to when I move there, and Maria has called me almost every night when she goes to bed. Our conversations typically last 1-2 hours and are almost always fun, but they're usually frought with mixed signals. Sometimes her jealousy makes her irritated with me, even though she'll dote on me in the same breath. She says she misses me and wants me to visit before I move, but avoids any concrete plans. She'll ask me about my feelings on marriage & children, but then will change the subject abruptly. She'll engage in phone sex but remind me she's not my girlfriend. Most distressing, she dwells on the negative aspects of her last relationship far more than I'd like to hear, and I've told her so. I don't think she's pining for her ex, but he does weigh on her mind.

 

As you can imagine, this "non-couple" status isn't an easy ride. But I'm willing to stick it out until I move there in three months to see if we can start things again from scratch, with the distance no longer being an issue.

 

In the meantime, I've been preparing for my move and this has kept me VERY occupied. Whether I move or not, purging a lot of junk is something I've needed to do for a long time and raising money has given me a big sense of accomplishment as a result. I'm also "keeping my options open" as best as I can (I've got an out-of-town date next week, in fact), though with the move I'm not really anxious to start anything serious with a local girl now, regardless of Maria.

 

I plan to move on Sept. 4, and I hope it will start a new - and better- chapter for us then. Only time will tell.

 

So if you like romantic stories that involve long-distance, cultural differences, age differences, life-threatening injuries, and baggage from a past relationship... stay tuned!

[SapphireNoir10]

Congratulations so far and good luck!

[pumpkinmoon]

good luck... I really hope it works out for you

[Mme.butterfly]

I really wish you the absolute best! Its always hard to try again, especially after having been 'in love' and so drawn to this other person. I'm in the beginning of try #2, its hard, but, you care for her so much, just take it slowly day by day and it will work.

[lainOS]

"So if you like romantic stories that involve long-distance, cultural differences, age differences, life-threatening injuries, and baggage from a past relationship... stay tuned!"

 

oh yea haha, LOVE those stories, my "relationship" involves long distance, age differences and strong religious parental influence. ill be checking this out.

[NorthDallas40]

Small update. As some of you read here:

 

 

I had a fun 3 nights & 1 day with another girl out of town, and we've been mildly flirting via text & email since. I've been seriously considering inviting her to see me before I move, but I have no idea if she'd accept, or if I'd even *want* her to be here when the time finally came.

 

And why?

 

Because Maria has consistently called me every day - sometimes 3-4 times a day - and is always EXTREMELY affectionate and enthusiastic to talk to me. It feels really good.

 

And for the first time in EIGHT MONTHS and with no prompting from me, Maria posted three pictures of us TOGETHER on her Myspace photo gallery. I usually take Myspace with a grain of salt, but this is something that she wouldn't have done without some serious thought, and I have no pics of her in my gallery. She even called me a couple of hours later to see if I'd noticed.

 

So.... Maria's uncanny ability to sense another girl in the picture notwithstanding (!), so far, so good.

[NorthDallas40]

Maria & I talked last night for over an hour around bedtime, as we usually do.

 

But she interrupted me to tell me something I haven't heard her say in almost six months.

 

"I think I love you."

[IMAbadman]

I'll bet that felt good.

[NorthDallas40]

Maria & I are still talking every day and it's been great. We're both anxious for me to be out there in less than two months (cross fingers). And though I'm taking the following two comments with more than several grains of salt, I do believe she was sincere *at the moment*, and it was nice to hear her say them recently:

 

"Remember you have a girlfriend on the west coast."

"I want to move in with you right now."

"I want to marry you."

 

 

[NorthDallas40]

Three weeks later: I plan to arrive to my new home near Maria on Sept. 23 and things between us are still status quo, i.e.: very good.

 

Notable Maria quote from two days ago:

 

"I was thinking to myself the other day: why I would look for anyone else other than ND40? He has everything I want."

 

8 weeks and counting!

[GoldenHillGuy]

Three weeks later: I plan to arrive to my new home near Maria on Sept. 23 and things between us are still status quo, i.e.: very good.

 

Notable Maria quote from two days ago:

 

"I was thinking to myself the other day: why I would look for anyone else other than ND40? He has everything I want."

 

8 weeks and counting!

 

Right on brother! Sounds like you're right on course. Cool story BTW. Take care.

[NorthDallas40]

Big update for a small amount of time.

 

For about 5 weeks after my last post, Maria & I were still doing great - daily & affectionate phonecalls, her occasionally referring to us as boyfriend & girlfriend, wondering if she was in love with me but that she was just denying it to herself, anxiously asking when I was going to move to her state and always saying she couldn't wait, etc. Basically all I could hope for.

 

Then for the first time ever, she had 2 seizures last weekend. She was preliminarily diagnosed with epilepsy, told she couldn't drive and went on Keppra. This was on top of moving to a new place w/ her mom & brother, not being able to work because of the seizures, and doing it all without health insurance. I knew to expect some changes when I talked to her a few days after the seizures and she got very nasty with me, calling me an a * * hole when I suggested she apply for state aid for her healthcare. We didn't talk for a couple of days, and when she called back, after some small talk she told me that she "wasn't sure" about me and said she'd talk to me again "sometime." She agreed that we'd date when I arrive, but that I wouldn't be her boyfriend.

 

Rationally, I can attribute her change of attitude to the seizure, medication, and stress. It's only normal that her feelings would be going through the wringer right now. Based on past experience with her, they should work themselves out over time and she'll be doting on me once again.

 

But emotionally it's tough to go through the exact same rollercoaster from 9 months ago, especially when I'll be near her - for good - in only three weeks.

 

Thank god for great timing.

 

 

[NorthDallas40]

Big relief after my last post's scare.

 

We've talked every night for the past three days and she sounds 1000 times better, positive about me, and better about her situation. She says that the medication really affected her last week and she barely remembers anything about our conversations. But she thinks she's adjusting to the meds, and she's gone back to being very affectionate towards me. She's eating better and she goes back to work next week.

 

And I'll be in her area in 17 days!!!

 

Which is when the REAL work starts... being 1 hour away from each other instead of 2500 miles... while I look for an apartment... and job... and she has to deal with a possible epilepsy diagnosis, not being able to drive, and daily medication. It could be an uphill battle but I'm feeling good about it.

 

So stay tuned ENOT'ers - it ain't over yet!

[COtuner]

Bless you for hanging in there with her. It's nice to see someone offering unconditional support.

[lady00]

Good luck.

[NorthDallas40]

So I leave for the west coast in 2 days. I pick up my truck tomorrow.

 

This past weekend I was pretty busy partying & saying goodbye to friends so it didn't bother me that Maria & I didn't talk much. She called every day even though we only talked for 5 minutes eacth time, so I was at least in her thoughts.

 

But today we talked about 4 times and what great timing for this news: She said that ever since her accident, she's been depressed over her old bf (not a surprise to me), and she & her family think the only way for her to get some closure is to.... talk to his parents about how hurt she feels about the way he treated her.

 

](*,)

 

I think it's a bit suspect and potentially pointless but it's not my call. She talks to them tomorrow morning, and I can only hope it goes well.

 

She also is wondering if she needs to go to some kind of non-psychiatric therapy to help get her head straight. Basically her moods have been on a rollercoaster ever since her accident last year, and her current seizure meds are magnifying the hills & valleys.

 

Luckily, she said that talking to me always makes her happy and helps her take her mind off her depression, and she was generally positive about me today though she did start criticizing me about some minor things which she chalked up to her med-induced moodiness.

 

Stay tuned.

[UltimateX]

But today we talked about 4 times and what great timing for this news: She said that ever since her accident, she's been depressed over her old bf (not a surprise to me), and she & her family think the only way for her to get some closure is to.... talk to his parents about how hurt she feels about the way he treated her.

 

"Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"

 

X

[NorthDallas40]

Well I finally made it accross country last Wednesday, and saw Maria on Friday. We went to the beach and laughed & talked for awhile, then went back to her place and had amazing sex... until her mom & brother came home ha ha!

 

She's coming into town to spend the night with me tomorrow, and she's been phoning frequently, so everything seems to be on track.

 

Of course, now *I* have some reservations... I'm in a new town, and there's lots of girls to meet (and I already have). She's handling her possible epilespy diagnosis by basically ignoring it. She's not working very much and her financial situation isn't good. She's put on a lot of weight and she's not taking care of her health. She's no longer vegan - which I am, and which she was when we met. So there's a lot of question marks at this point.

 

Still, I do like her a lot and am willing to take things slow now that I'm here.

 

"Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"

 

YES.

[NorthDallas40]

Maria & I have spent another 3-4 days/nights together so far and it's been amazing. Whether just spending time together, dancing, watching movies, walking my friends' dog, eating out, having sex, working on our separate projects in the same room, hanging out with my friends, getting caught in big city traffic or whatever else we've done, it's been a blast.

 

We're also now officially boyfriend & girlfriend.

 

Hopefully you'll see a lot less of me here in the future.

[NorthDallas40]

Almost two months later, things are going great with Maria - absolutely no complaints!

 

I just need to get a job!

[thedude27]

Thats great! Good luck on finding that job.

[bas3q]

Thanks for sharing your story with us and giving us updates, ND40 (nice nick, BTW). It's good to hear that you two are doing so well.

[Jester1586]

Your story gives me hope for my ex-long distance relationship. Looking at the reasons she gave you in your other thread, they almost mirror what my ex told me when we split a few weeks ago, assuming she was truthful, but I have no reason to doubt it, at least not yet.

 

I've started NC as well, and hopefully my story can have the same happy ending as yours. Thanks for the good news.

[sillygurl]

Oh thank you for your story! It gives me hope, too- I have an age-difference situation I'm dealing with. It's great to hear such good news!

 

Has Maria returned to veganism or started working on her financial situation? Keeping fingers crossed everything stays this positive for you!

[NorthDallas40]

Since my last post, things have been still been going really well w/ Maria. I didn't spend Xmas with her family but we had a great time last weekend. I can't emphasize enough how much trouble-free fun we have together.

 

Unfortunately every 2-3 weeks she still has periods of about 1-4 days where she gets depressed - mostly about her last relationship, but about life in general - and wonders about being in a relationship at all. Usually all it takes is a small talk and she's out of it, but tonight we talked about things more seriously on the phone and it ended with her saying "In two days it will be over," which she refused to explain fully. But we both knew what it meant. Either she'd either finally get over it so we can enjoy our time together... or she'd leave me.

 

It sounds dire, I'm a bit worried, and I don't for second believe that 48 hours will settle her mind for good. To be honest she's a drama queen (not in an annoying way, in fact it's endearing) and we've been on this road before. But whatever happens I made it clear that if she ends our relationship, she won't get another chance. I've simply been let down by her too many times before. Besides, I'm in a big city and meet attractive girls all the time now. If we break up I'll be very very sad, but I won't be devastated, and I *will* find someone else.

 

So we'll see what happens in two days. Predictions & betting pools welcome!