Girlfriend peeing in front of ex, an issue??

[Scoe141]

My girlfriend (of 8 months) was over her ex husband's house dropping off their children. (They were married for 10 years, and lived together in that home for 5 years. They have been divorced now for almost a year.)

 

My g/f came home (to our place) and told me that while over her ex's, she was having a conversation with him. Evidently during their conversation , she went upstairs to use the bathroom. When she went up there, she left the door open and he came upstairs shortly after. When he came up the stairs, he walked by the bathroom (and according to her, didn't look in.) She didn't close the door, but as he came back down the hallway, she realized the door was open (and shouldn't have been) then closed it.

 

She came home and immediately told me what had happened. She said for so many years she was used to going to the bathroom with the door open, so she didn't even think about it. I told her it made me feel uncomfortable, and I shouldn't have to worry about her going over there.

 

A part of me thinks it's no big deal, whereas another part of me feels she have been "disrespectful"? Since going to the bathroom in front of someone can be argued as an intimate thing, I believe that left with them when she moved out of there and divorced him.

 

I really need to quell these insecure thoughts. Any advice?! Thanks!

[kuiks8]

I think it was an old habit...and its not like it was sexy or romantic in any way. I wouldn't stress about it AT ALL!

[DeviousDevil]

She should learn to shut the door, lol.

[kevinm]

I agree with kuiks8, not even an issue. When people have been together that long many things become habit. She told you about it, so it's not like she was trying to keep it from you. Water under the bridge...

 

-Kevin

[NorthDallas40]

I think it was an old habit...and its not like it was sexy or romantic in any way. I wouldn't stress about it AT ALL!

 

Exactly. No big deal.

[just M.E.]

I wonder if she told you because it was embarrassing and / or startled her a little as it was a habit.

 

I had that habit with me ex, we didn't close doors often, unless there was obnoxious fumes and being the delicate flower of womanhood that I am ....

 

 

My s**t don't stink!!!!

[lonelyandblue]

I respect that she told you about it right away and since she did and also mentioned that when she realized it she then shut the door that she was worried about what you would think and it comes off as honest. She needs to learn to shut it though.

[EQD]

it does say alot that she actually told you right away. you are very blessed.

if only everyone were that open and honest..

[george237]

Maybe more happened then what she told you. Some people who have a hard time dealing with guilt will sometimes tell a very small insignificant piece of a story so they feel like they got it off their chest. Ask yourself why she would tell you something so stupid. There was nothing good that was going to come out of her telling you that. I mean if that was me I wouldn't have said anything.

 

Example: When I first starting dating my ex I was still seeing other people. I would go out to a party and cheat on her and feel horrible about it. The following day I would usually tell her there was this girl that was hitting on me all night and she wouldn't leave me alone. This would relieve some of the guilt from me and I wouldn't worry about the night in question anymore.

[melrich]

I told her it made me feel uncomfortable, and I shouldn't have to worry about her going over there.

 

I agree. You should express that to her but accept that she is being honest with you and it was a genuine oversight. But I'd definitely be telling her that it's totally inappropriate.

[kuiks8]

Maybe more happened then what she told you. Some people who have a hard time dealing with guilt will sometimes tell a very small insignificant piece of a story so they feel like they got it off their chest. Ask yourself why she would tell you something so stupid. There was nothing good that was going to come out of her telling you that. I mean if that was me I wouldn't have said anything.

 

Example: When I first starting dating my ex I was still seeing other people. I would go out to a party and cheat on her and feel horrible about it. The following day I would usually tell her there was this girl that was hitting on me all night and she wouldn't leave me alone. This would relieve some of the guilt from me and I wouldn't worry about the night in question anymore.

 

i don't think this is the case at all...pretty extreme assumption here...

[george237]

i don't think this is the case at all...pretty extreme assumption here...

 

Would you tell your SO about that? I can't see any reason for her to. It isn't that big of a deal.

[AwdreeHpburn]

If you're insecure about that and think she is being dis-respectful, if I were you, I would advise her to STOP telling you stuff then.

 

If she's gonna be honest with you and share her feelings with you just to have you turn around and make her feel worse, maybe she should spare you the worry by not telling you stuff and REALLY make you wonder....

 

Come on dude. She told you so you would know how weird it was for HER, not for you. And why would she tell you something like that if there was anything to it? Just.... why?

[ghost69]

She should learn to shut the door, lol.

 

yeah, weird. not many girls do that.

[Scoe141]

She did tell me that she did it out of habit. She told me the reason for telling me was because she felt uncomfrotable, and felt it "wasn't right". She also thought that because, they aren't together anymore, she shouldnt be peeing in front of him anway. She said she felt so bad, that she wont go pee over there again. (I know a little extreme, but I think I made her feel guilty when I got upset over it.)

 

(Anyway, she told me she went upstairs, because there is no other bathroom in the house. Evidently, the toilet was dirty, so she yelled to him "Your toliet is nasty!" She said, at that time, he came upstairs to get a brush, and when she heard him coming back down the hallway, she immediately shut the door.

 

I mean, she could have left the door open, and they very well could have been having a conversation while she was peeing. But, I really think she would have told me that... maybe.

 

I asked her if they had a conversation while the door was open, but she said he never saw her sitting on the toilet. I know she feels bad, and maybe I made it a bigger issue then it was. The bottom line I think, is old habit... fine. They lived together for 11 years, and have literally spent most if their young adult lives together. But I told her, there has to be a separation between the two, if her and I are going to work out.

 

As for the comment about her telling me the half truth. That very well could have been the case, but I don't think she would have gone out of her way to tell me all of that. Plus, knowing how upset it would have made me, if she and him were having a conversation while she was peeing, I know she loves me enough, and this relationship to separate the two.

 

Besides that, JUST HOW BAD, would it have been had she been peeing with him in front of her?

[Scoe141]

If you're insecure about that and think she is being dis-respectful, if I were you, I would advise her to STOP telling you stuff then.

 

If she's gonna be honest with you and share her feelings with you just to have you turn around and make her feel worse, maybe she should spare you the worry by not telling you stuff and REALLY make you wonder....

 

Come on dude. She told you so you would know how weird it was for HER, not for you. And why would she tell you something like that if there was anything to it? Just.... why?

 

Yea, definitely. I appreciate your comment, as well as everyone elses. I guess, my mind wanders... like anyones for that matter (especially with that one post, about the half truth... that certainty didn't make me feel any better, and it makes me want to question her again about it, which would be pointless. The only thing I would get out of it, was the fact he was standing there talking to her, while she was peeing. Then what?)

[melrich]

Besides that, JUST HOW BAD, would it have been had she been peeing with him in front of her?

 

Bad. I would not tolerate my wife doing something like that in front of her ex husband. That sort of closeness is very intimate and not appropriate when you are in another relationship.

[EQD]

Would you tell your SO about that? I can't see any reason for her to. It isn't that big of a deal.

 

i would tell everything to my SO. especially something like this. it shows alot of courage and trust.

[greensleeves]

Nothing to worry about. She came home and told you about it because she felt it was wasn't right and you told her your feelings about it. You're worrying about nothing.

We should all be so lucky.

[george237]

i would tell everything to my SO. especially something like this. it shows alot of courage and trust.

 

Maybe I would agree if I thought this was a big deal but to me it isn't. What was the worst that happened he got a look at the side of a thigh he saw for 10 years.

 

And if she is a honest person and tells you absolutley everything I wouldn't make a big deal out of this. She was using the bathroom and her ex might have saw the side of her thigh.

[melrich]

She was using the bathroom and her ex might have saw the side of her thigh.

 

It's not about what he saw or could have seen. It's about the intimacy of their relationship.

[george237]

Would you get mad if you found out your woman's obgyn is an attrative man your age? I think that is a little more personal then an ex seeing your ex sit on a toilet several feet away for a fraction of a second. If you are offended by something like that I think you have some trust issues. But that is just me.

[melrich]

Would you get mad if you found out your woman's obgyn is an attrative man your age?

 

That's got nothing to do with it and is a stupid analogy.

[george237]

That's got nothing to do with it and is a stupid analogy.

 

Well you are getting mad at a man walking by and seeing your woman on a toilet for a fraction of a second. I think that is rediculous.

[ghost69]

Well you are getting mad at a man walking by and seeing your woman on a toilet for a fraction of a second. I think that is rediculous.

 

u seriously didn't use an obgyn versus yours chick's ex-husband? waaaay off as a comparison.