The break up

[xtiarax]

Well I am 18 and My ex 23( Mark) we split up last Wednesday and since that day i havent stopped crying i sent him texts, letters, messages on facebook to hope to bring him back to me, on the 4th day from the split he texted me with two texts saying that he thought we should have some time away from each other atleast until i got my exams out of the way. Well i didnt know what that meant as he said he wanted to be friends after he broke up with me, so i do not know if it means for friendship or to get back together. I stopped texting him on Wednesday of this week and am finding it hard with NC, I miss him i really do and even miss the things that i thought i would not miss(little things). I am always looking at my phone hoping that he would of texted or phoned but as the days go on i start to realise that he is never coming back to me. I know he has credit but i guess he is now texting his new girlfriend I mean we had a good 6 months together and in the 4th month he told me he had commitment problems and i said to him Do you want to end it now as i do not want to wait another 2 months and then you break up with me? He said no do not be silly i do not want to end it.But then he does and i said i never wanted that to happen. He said that he didnt know why i liked him as he doesnt have a good job, he never takes me out etc. I never cared about all of that, i was happy to see him and be with him. I miss him a lot and i am a little sad that he does not miss me as we used to see each other often and he always used to say that he missed me. I have given up hope as i know that he will not miss me, everyday i hope that he wil text me but then the next day comes and he never has.

 

I miss you Mark xXx(More than anything)

[xtiarax]

This was meant to go on journals why didnt it go

[brian123]

Why do you want to be with someone who did this to you? Sorry if this sounds like I am hitting on you, but you know how many guys would love to be with a girl and bend over backwards for someone who looks like you? They'd all want to be with you. This looser doesn't. This is coming from a guy, he looks/sounds like a total looser dweeb. No matter how cool you think he is now, give it a few months. Find a guy who is better looking, has substance and cares about YOU.

 

Get all dolled up, hit the club with your girls and watch the phone numbers come in.

[xtiarax]

Seriously this meant to go in journals and it went here instead so i dont know what happened

[mca1975]

oh sweetheart, your story made me feel upset for you, you sound so hurt.

 

You need to spend A LOT of time with your friends, even if you dont feel like it. Is this your first boyfriend? You do need to stop texting him tho, as this will just upset you even more and you will be hanging for texts etc. which you are already.

 

This is a very hard thing to get through, but unfortunately this will happen all throughout life. This is how we learn to be strong (hope Im not sounding patronizing at all there)..

 

xxx

[xtiarax]

I have stopped, i stopped texting and contacting him in any form on wednesday

[mca1975]

good advice Brian123!!!!

[xtiarax]

It was meant to go to journals to help me cope with this! I should never have joined this as it seems like you just wanna bring me down more

[mca1975]

I cant believe you are saying that, is this advice not even helpful? dont matter if it isnt on journals does it..?

[mca1975]

how long were you together for?

[xtiarax]

I cant believe you are saying that, is this advice not even helpful? dont matter if it isnt on journals does it..?

 

It is does becuase i was doing one so that no one could reply to it as i just wanted to get it alll out without people saying how can you think this

[xtiarax]

Yeah i know

[avman]

xtiarax I have moved this to Solo Journals for you. Noone but you can reply to this from here on.

 

In the future, if you do have any problems posting please contact a moderator and they can move posts for you.

[xtiarax]

Well i still am thinking of him and just wonder where he takes his new gf, if they go where we used to and do the things we used to? I wonder what went wrong and think instead of me recieving his texts someone else is, i do not know if he has a new gf but i think he does otherwise he wud miss me. I miss him loads and want him back despite what other people think and say about this.

[xtiarax]

The song that reminds me of him just came on again omg! I feel sad again i think i might cry again its been on the radio 3 times today, it makes me upset as i am reminded of him and i am trying so hard to forget about him but it seems like everytime that i do something wants me to remember him. Like in my exam i was so focused and towards the end of my 2nd paper his name was in the exam and i had to write his name down and it hurt even when i came out of the exam my mates commented on it and said that i looked a bit funny on the 2nd paper and asked me was it becoz i was his name on the paper and yes it was and it put me off the exam and for those 3 questions which were worth alot of marks i could not really do them as i would have to write his name down. I am still continuing with the NC but i feel like i want to just say something to him so that he remembers me, normally when i have my holidays i would normally see him 2moro but im not going to and i miss him like mad and want him to come back to me even though i know it is likely to happen again if i took him back, not that he wants me back tho.

[xtiarax]

All i wish is that she is everything that i wasnt and everything that i could ever be and that he is happy, even tho he has hurt me by what he did i still wish that he is happy even though it kills me to know he is with someone new. As the days go on i realise that he is never going to text or call me and it hurts me a lot to know that. I may switch my fone off in a couple of days as everytime i look at it and do not see a message or call from him i get a bit sad. I think that he had credit but wastes it on his new gf and i am glad that he found someone else if he has, which i am very sure that he has. He might be working tonight as he works very hard i know that. I miss little things about him that i never thought that i would, i am trying so hard to not think of him but it aint helping as he will creep into my mind every so often. Thats all for now till the next thought comes to my mind..........

[xtiarax]

I wanna say sorry to Mark for all the things that I did and didnt do, for liking him too much i want to apologise for that as that was the main reason that he broke up with me as i expected too much from him, i know that if i never sent him those texts that he would never have broken up with me, we would of still been together. He sends texts to someone else that i used to receive from him, maybe tonight he will send some other girl a text to meet him 2moro like he used to me. I mean he texted me that we needed some time away from each other until my exams were finished and out of the way but they are and he knows that. I feel as if i am never going to see him again and thats not good. I never wanted to lose him altogether and it is all my fault. I miss him a lot an cannot let go for some reason, he understood things that i do not think that many gus would of, he put up with me for so long and never swore at me or said anything hurtful to me even when i called him names. He respected me and i loved that about him. It wasnt my fault that i liked him too much and it wasnt his either, it was just the way i felt and i couldnt help it.

 

I am not going to contact him but i have been writing texts to him and not sending them when i feel like i want to contact him. I want him to call or text and i know that it will never happen but i really want it to. I will never see those gorgeous eyes staring back at me or get to hug him and kiss him and i miss him so much. I wanna hold him so tight and never let him go. I hugged him for the last time when we broke up and i was crying in his arms as i knew that it would be the last time that i would be that close to him. I just want to be in his arms again and hold him so tight and make him laugh.

[xtiarax]

Another day has passed and nothing, i received a text from my best mate and i thought it was him and got a little happy and then it wasnt, i was disappointed. I now know that he does have someone else and that i will never get to see him again and that hurts, all i wish is that she is better than i could ever be, and she must be for him to move on quickly. He made me so happy and sometimes i could never quite believe that he was with me. I just want to see him and i know i cant but i want to. I am still doing NC but is this helping at all? Is this just making him forget me even more, i thought it would make him miss me, but is this making it worse? I wish i could call him but im scared that i will hear his new gf with him if i did. I thought about waiting till the next Monday, not this one but the one after this but i dont know now. I mean if he wanted to contact me then he would but what if he is waiting for me to so that he can reply, so that he doesnt look desperate? I dont know what to do as each day that passes and he doesnt call or text it makes me feel worse.

[xtiarax]

I also want him to contact me and get back with me to prove all those people wrong and rub it in their faces like they have me on this hard time, i want to say to one of my mates o me and mark are back on, so that i could prove her wrong and stop her from rubbing it in my face about her bf that i helped her get with neway.

[xtiarax]

Today i think about what has happened between me and mark, and all i think of is how he could leave me crying in the street and say he had to go, when he split with me, and not care that i was crying after all that we had been through together. I wonder to myself why i was there for him and he couldn't even be there for me when i had exams and left me crying in the street while he went without a care in the world. He actually left me there and walked away and never turned around to see if i was ok, i turned around and he had gone. He hasnt even called or anything to see if im ok as i have not contacted him for days an i am usually texting and begging him to take me back. He hasnt been on facebook for ages so this new gf must be something special to him, I dont need him he is nothing and he is right why would i like him? No decent job, no car, lives at home why would i care, the fact is i cared about him and not what he had but guess he wanted the type of girl that uses him for what he has. I cannot believe that he left me alone and never cared that i had exams and never even said goodluck. He wasnt there for me when i needed him and i want him to beg me to take him back so that i can show him what it feels like to be hurt, horrible i know but what he did i cant forget even though i miss him alot i cant forgive him and if he was to want us to get back together, what would be the point? I wouldnt be able to trust him again and never love him the way i did. I want him to beg to this time hurt him. I want him to want me really bad and want me to take him back and then i turn around and say i cant be with him no more. Even though i miss him i dont need him he is nobody to me no more, as i cannot believe all that he put me through and I do not think i could ever forgive him for all that he has done.

[xtiarax]

image removed

 

What a waste of my time!

[xtiarax]

Today there was a text again and it was T-mobile and i thought it was him, it wasnt tho. maybe third time lucky eh?

[xtiarax]

He texted me last night while i was sleeping and then i took long to reply, he wanted me to call him to talk but i guess what is there to talk about. I love him so much but hes hurting me more by doing this an i would do anything to have him back and be back in his arms but i do not think it will help me get over him. I love him loads and he knows that, but he texted me first i do not know if this means he misses me or not, i dont think it does though

[xtiarax]

Well i called to see what he wanted today and he wants to still be mates, what i do not understand is that i cant becuase i still love him a lot. He wants to see me next week as a mate but how am i going to sit there with him and not be able to do what i used to do with him? Its hurting and i wish that i never called him as he was still talking about why he broke up with me and i wanted to cry but i never said anything. So his mind is made up now and there is no way of getting him back i do not think as he is not into me no more. He really wanted me to be his mate and was still saying that he likes me and its not like he hates me or anything so now its like what do i do, when i see him and want to be with him but cannot and can only be his friend and nothing else but that. I am really wishing that he never texted me and i never replied or called him, i think that when i do see him i am going to tell him that the friendship is not working for me and that i do not want to be his mate as i dont think that i can do it. I want to hurt him but he never gets hurt as he does not love me and does not care if i have someone new. I even told him that i was not into him no more and he did sound a little down about that but i think it was his ego boost that got put down.

[xtiarax]

I just want to tell him that i miss him and want to be with him but he doesnt want to be anything but mates with me and that makes me really sad. I just dont know how he can do this, did i hurt him that much for him to want to do this to me? I mean if i stay his friend one day i am going to see the girl who replaced me and i think that will hurt me alot and i have told him to not tell me about her but he may do. I want to see him next week and hope that he will see me and want me back but he wants to be mates but i dont want to as i cant be as i love him too much.