xtiarax Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Im not so ill today so i managed without him, you see i can manage without him and i do not need him to make me feel happy either as i am happy due to other things in my life, and yes he was a part of my life that made me happy but now he is out of my life i guess i have to except that and move on. I do still miss him but not like before it is more like i dont know really i guess its more like missing the company rather than the relationship that we had. I mean he lied the 2nd week about meeting up and i guess when he wants to i will not answer as this is clearly on his terms and not mine, and it will be like it was when i was his gf, like me chasing him all the time and this time its mates and it is still me chasing him. I mean he is not bothered so why should i be? I have now deleted him from my profile picture on here and that is how i know that i am over this as before people kept on telling me to do it and i never, because i couldnt! I feel like he is just seeing if i am still available and everytime i reply saying when and what time it is like i do not have anyone and that i am waiting for him to message me so we can meet up. As he has done this twice in a row that is clearly what he is doing! So the next time that he says that he wants to be mates and wants to see me i will say no i am busy or igrnore like he does! I mean i am still giving him the power which is not good i need to live my life now without him in it. I do not want to be his mate as he is not acting like a mate so i do not think that it is a good idea for me and neither for him. Its time to move on without Mark in my life from now on i did not know a Mark and we never went out. He is in past and thats the way it is going to remain! Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 I hate this other guy so much he is so annoying with that face, he did it on purpose and he did it becuase she was there and he knew that and he does like her the idiot thats it i have given up on ALLLLLLL GUYS! I am so mad right now. Stuff it i hate them all Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Well today i was on the way to his house to post a letter and i knew that he left his work but i never knew where he worked anyway i saw him outside of somewhere that is near his house and i had to go a different way so that he never saw me, but then on the way back i had my shades on and he was staring at me crossing the road and i do not think that he thought it was me. I was wearing like really short shorts and he was looking at me, and then i took my shades off and walked on the side that he was on and just was on the phone and he looked at me and then it looked as though he wanted to say something to me and then i gave him a really bad look and then he never said nothing and carried on doing what he was doing. I mean he was looking at me and i thought well why is he staring at me like that when he was the one that dumped me and said after all the lies about being mates that he never wanted to be, this happened yesterday. So after i have not heard anything from him i just sent him a text saying this yes u were right bwt not being mates so ignore the letter,I will neva bother with u again this is my last txt have a nice life!It is best this way ur right! I do not know that this was the right thing to do as i want the opposite of what i wrote in that text, but now that i wrote that he may just not bother and i do not want that but i think that it was best to agree with him rather than him ignore the letter and stick to what he texted me yesterday. Atleast i got to see him today and when i saw him all my feelings came back again and i do want him to be my mate i really do, as i do not want him to lose him completely. Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 15, 2008 Author Share Posted June 15, 2008 I still miss him but i think that i am getting there and he has not contacted me and i have not since last night, so i think that if i agree with his decision of not being mates then i think that it will not look like i am sad and this may be a good way for me to move on! Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Its so weird i looked at his page and as i looked at it, it said that he was online and i never normally look at it, it was weird how i looked at it when he was online. Today i made the decision that i was giving up and then he comes online and doesnt even do anything it was like he was online waiting for me to message him as he never did anything on it, what is the point of coming on? Everytime i think of something to do which is forget him he pops up somewhere to make it harder. But i am trying to forget about him, it is 5 weeks since the split tomorrow and he doesnt even think about it or me. I do not get how he can move on with someone else and not even think about me when he did care about me as when we always used to have fights he was the one who tried to make it better and always said that he was glad that i was not mad at him and that. Just a waste of time!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 Happy 24TH Birthday Mark X Have a lovely day x Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 dont know why i care about him again i mean i was over this and now it is like i want to be with him again and i do not know why the hell this issssssssssssss? I hate myself for actually liking him this way again and putting myself through this i should never have replied to that text that he sent me saying that he wanted to meet me at 7pm so that we could talk, i said no and then he said that he was sorry and that he was drunk and said he would delete my number. I mean why the hell has he kept it for this long when he wasnt supposed to use it i mean what the hell is he playing at, people are saying even though he was drunk and sent that text he still missed me but i do not know why as he is the one that dumped me not the other way around and i do not know why he even texted me. I mean he was the one who made it clear that he never wanted to be mates and then after alot of begging him to be mates with me i stopped texting him for about 2 weeks and then he texts me this at 3.39am Wednesday morning: Ok come to my house 2moro nite about 7pm and we can talk So i replied: Thanks for the offer but i will not be coming, but thanks. I never replied until 10pm that night as i thought that i didnt want to but then i though i may aswell as he did bother to text and i am not rude like that to just ignore his efforts. Then he texted back this: Im sorry i was drunk, i will delete ur number I replied: Best that way But then said a whole load of other stuff that was really rude and that i could not write no here. But i never begged or said that i missed him like i normally do. And then he never replied to any of my texts ,as they were rude but he was never rude to me no matter what i used to say to him and that is why i liked him too, even though i used to swear at him and call him all the names under the sun he never once swore at me and i wil give him credit for that. I mean what was the whole point in him doing that i mean he needs to just leave me alone and if he misses me and is regreting it i just want him to leave me alone as he was the one who wanted to cut all contact with me not the other way around](*,). People say that he was regreting it and wants me back or misses me or just wants an ego boost, but i do not know why the hell he has kept my number and he would of been drunk some other time, it was funny that he was drunk the night before his birthday and then asked me to meet him on the day of the birthday. I mean i was fine and then he texts me and then it is like he is back in my life again and i do not want that anymore i do not want the stress of him on my life all the time doing this to me. I mean what the hell does he get out of it and who the hell does he think that he is. I mean he is my ex and should not be contacting me as he is the one who ended it, he said that he didnt like the fact that i liked him too much so really what he wanted was someone to chase and now that i am the complete opposite of what i was in the relationship he is chasing me for what? I mean i hope he was deleted my number and does not contact me AGAIN! As i do not need this! He is really annoying and last nighe i felt sad that i was not with him on his birthday and a tear came to my eye. I am feeling like i want him back again and that i miss him and if that is what he wanted then he has won, but this time i am not telling him i will be keeping it to myself as i do not want Mark in my life no more as i hate the sight of him. Maybe if i did go then maybe we would of been together again but then again it wuld of happened to me all again as i cannot trsut him that he will not do it again. I dont know i mean what is the point of writing about him , i mean i have not done an entry for a long time as i was happy without him and did not need him in my life and now it feels like i do and i hate myself for feeling like this as he has got what he wanted to achieve from texting me that night. Well atleast he thinks that i do not want to be with him no motr and that i do not acare for him no more, because if he knew the truth then i would be in hell. I do not want to remember him no more, this is goodbye from me and i do not know a mark anymore as i did not think he was like this. He is very confused and does not know what he wants, i do and it is not HIM! __________________ Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 I really hate you mark and never want to see you again, so this is goodbye
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