GrowingUp Posted May 21, 2008 Author Share Posted May 21, 2008 I think I understand you a bit better. I do feel like I am always searching for acceptance too. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 Acceptance/approval/affirmation/applause/adoration/attention - the 6A's that allow you a more positive self-image temporarily if you lack self-esteem. some people get attention by being obedient and subservient, and other people get it by being a rebellious freak. But either approach means the person lacks self-esteem. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 21, 2008 Author Share Posted May 21, 2008 Sorry DN about my language I didn't even realize it until just now. Thanks Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 I also started feeling like this because he seems to be taking me for granted like he isn't very romantic Link to comment
Excalibur Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 If you want romance in a relationship - yuo establish and retain a "date night'. Relationships aren't about romance. And if a person isn't romantic at heart - you have to tell them the actions you consider romantic, and help them prepare and execute the actions so that you have romance with them. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 well we do have a trip to Catalina planned for this weekend I guess thats good. Link to comment
DN Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 I also started feeling like this because he seems to be taking me for granted like he isn't very romanticDo you do romantic things for him? Sometimes people give back what they get. But in any event not being as romantic as you demand he be doesn't mean he isn't to be trusted. Even the most romantic people can totally untrustworthy. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 yeah I have been doing things he likes like I bought him tickets to the Delahoya fight and cooked him dinner. I do small things here and there. I know that doesn't mean he can't be trusted but I have been feeling some type of distance from him lately and when I talk to him about it he says that he doesn't know what I am talking about that it is all in my head. I just know that when we first started dating he practically kissed the ground I walk on and now its like whatever it seems. I posting all this here because I promised myself that I wouldn't put all this pressure and overanalyzing on him anymore because it will just make things worse. What do you all think? Link to comment
DN Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Usually, the first weeks or months of a relationship are full of people doing things for each other but then it tends to settle down - it's not unusual. It's because people feel less need to impress and relax. I think it is very often a good thing actually because it means the relationship is more settled and likely to last. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 How do you know so much about relationships? Link to comment
DN Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 I don't know that much - what I do know has been learned or observed because I have lived more years than most on here and I have been married for more than half of them. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 If you look at any relationship - what occurs is the resumption of the previosu set of goals, priorities and needs - after the initial high of infatuation and "new" wears off. That is normal - so that you don't bask in the rose-colored glow of your image of yourself in distortion - and so that you evaluate them and their abilities accurately for who they are to see if you want association. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Put it this way: If every week you offer him a present, or a surprise, or a pleasant outing.......if you do that for the first month or two - well, that's you trying ot impress him with your largess, generosity, options, and abilities to be fun, exciting, romantic, and delightful. So you're doing all this to impress and please, keep him interested, and keep his attention on you. If you continue to do that every week for 6 months......and then you stop - the first thing that is going to occur is him showing up for his friday night present or trinket and finding nothing - he's going to be upset. If you think "look, for 6 months it's been a non-stop Friday night present party for you - wht's up with this?" - you are in for a shock We're like animals - we condition ourselves to expect the treatment or status quo that appears to be permanent. If you teach him that one of the main attractions of being with you is that you're generous and going to be offering up gifts on Friday's each week....when you stop one of the things you taught him was attractive about being with you is over.....one less reason to stay. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 I feel sad more than I am happy, he just acts like he doesn't want me anymore He's hardly ever here and I am stuck cleaning this apartment and I feel like I want to leave and I'm scared. I think I want to break up because I can't handle all of the feeling of rejection. I'm not happy any more I just need to make up my mind and handle the pain Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 If your sad more then your happy, then something is wrong. If your crying more then your laughing, then something is wrong. Sometimes the HARDEST things to do are the BEST things for us. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 I love him so much but its just not working out I guess, I mean when he's here and we talk and are hanging out its great but lately I have just been feeling like I want to just leave forever and I wish I didnt care anymore I wish I never got into a relationship Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Love isn't enough to make a relationship a work. Sure, it's one of the aspects but with a relationship comes sooo much more. Those traits you are lacking or do not have. Like I said, sometimes the hardest things to do are the best things for us. I was scared to leave my EX just like you. I thought love was enough too, just like you. You need to work on yourself before you think to work on this relationship. You are what's important. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 should I try to talk to him or just tell him its over, I don't think I can tell him its over I just can't tell him I wil want to die if I DO because nothing in particular bad has happened and then I i regret it Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 You will not die. You were you before him and you will be you without him. You should NEVER need, ONLY want. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 I know I'm so lame and I'm crazy but thats how I feel I don't know how do deal! I just want to runaway Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 well, running away isn't going to solve anything. niether is getting all worked up. rather then getting upset ... you could be working on the issue. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 I don't know what to do I feel like IF i talk to him about it its just going to make him pull away more and cause more problems and then I will just feel more stupid and alone. i just can't figure it out barbie...i just feel stuck what do i do i can't just break up with him i want to be with him but at the same time i just feel so sad and just messed up inside Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I don't know what else to tell you that hasn't already been said. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 im sorry i guess i dont know? you mean just to break up with him or just relax and see how it goes what ? I know you cant tell me what to do because only i know my situation but i, want it to work so bad Link to comment
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