It's been a bad night

[tetur]

I've been doing so well for the most part for the past 2 weeks but tonight... Tonight I cried for hours.

 

My ex texted me tonight to say tell me what a wonderful friend I am, that he misses me and can't wait to see me when he gets back. (He's away on business for another week).

 

Then he told me about a blog he wrote. The title was "Our Moment". And it was supposed to be totally fictional but when I read it the whole story was laced with bits and pieces of things that had happened between us. It was like 4 or 5 things woven into one short story and heavy with emotion.

 

I sobbed as I read it thinking back to those times.

 

It can't be coincidence that the things between us and the things in his story were so similar can it? Or what about the fact that the last night we spent together I was talking about those special moments you have with someone that you can recall every detail of and that you hold close to your heart. Is that just a coinncidence too?

 

I don't understand it. I don't understand him.

 

I just know that since I can't be with him, I am so ready to be over him.

I am so tired of all of this!

[Keyman]

I would suggest that it is not a coincidence and that he wrote those items for you. As a memory perhaps, to give you something semi permanent to remember the relationship and the good parts by? I wrote a story about my ex as we were breaking up. A final farewell and embodying her in the story the way I remembered, the parts that I loved about her.

 

I think it would be a good idea to ask him not to contact you for a while, so that you can get past and over him and move on. Then maybe down the track when you are ready, get back in touch with him.

[greywolf]

I don't know your whole story or why he broke up, but the whole thing sounds pretty selfish to me. Here you are trying to move on and he writes a blog about your relationship and asks you to read it. What's the point in that?

[allypally]

I agree with it being selfish of him. Maybe its his equivalent of ENA?? Purging his woes etc.

[civilservant]

We all need ways of coping, and I agree with ally that this may well be his. I think it very harsh of him that he directed you to it because he knew it would hurt you, but I guess maybe he thought it would help bring you some closure.

 

As painful as it is (and trust me it will be) it might be best to go NC for the foreseeable future, just until you can forget about him and move on with your life.

[tetur]

NC is not an option. We work together and we live in apartments right accross the hall from each other. Literally, you open my door, take 4 steps and you're in his apt. I know bad idea on both. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. Everything seemed right and I never expected to be here now - did any of us?

 

Anyway, LC is the best that can be achieved right now.

 

The thing that's making moving on so difficult isn't so much trying to maintain a friendship it's that he's always doing things that blur that line between friendship and something more. A small example: telling me one day that we're just friends then the next walking up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close to him in a way that you wouldn't do with a friend. This type of stuff has been going on for 4 months. We draw a line and he blurs it. It's one big circle and we always end back up in the same place.

 

I've not stopped the little things he does in the past because I have held on to them as little strands of hope and, well, I like them. But I have to put a stop to them. The comfort and caring I feel in those moments have reached a point where they don't outweight the heartache that follows. Even in knowing that, it's not going to be easy but I know I have to do it.

 

To end this on a tiny upswing: when I woke up this morning I had a heaviness in my chest, like a rock weighing me down. But I realized it wasn't as heavy and that "rock" didn't feel quite as big as it was when we first broke up. I knew that was a good thing.

 

Thank you for your replies btw.