Do you date alcoholics or drug addicts?

[Aschleigh]

well that's the major hinge I think. Do they recognize that is it a problem and are they taking the appropriate steps to deal with it?

If they are oblivious to the problem and the pain it causes, then I see no reason to stick with them.

[Excalibur]

church lady - up tight party-girl - no boundaries - both are extremes - neither is a position of balance.

 

You wouldn't attract extremists if you weren't 'extremely something" yourself.

 

Some women may want to fix you - and other women may temporarily want the respite from their party life, but either way YOU aare the common denominator in your life - not the rotating line of people in it.

 

You attract what you are.

 

the traits of addiction are: extremism, perfectionism, obsession, and compulsion.

The traits of mental illness are; extremism, perfectionism, obsession and compulsoin

The traits of high successful people are: extemism, perfectionism, obsession and compulsion.

 

So which determines what you are?

 

Addicts escape with a substance or activity.......mentally dysfunctional continue to do what they do with no ability to learn that what they're doing is cause the results they hate......and successful people have goals - and make decisions with their rational minds and actions with intelligent and creative approach to get there twice as fast as anyody else.

 

The big difference between failure and succes is that one is emotionally driven, and theo other is goal oriented.

 

Addicts are stubborn.....successful people are persistent - it's the same trait - applied to a different end result because of the method of application.

[servedcold]

You wouldn't attract extremists if you weren't 'extremely something" yourself.

 

You got me there, I am 'extremely something'... normal, and these days, being normal may actually qualify as its own kind of extreme in a way.

 

BTW, the word "extremist" is not properly used to describe someone who gravitates towards behavioral extremes in how they conduct their lives generally. An "extremist" is someone whose political, religious or other beliefs and resulting agenda are so strong that they are capable of resorting to extreme measures, generally outside social norms, to accomplish their goals.

[Aschleigh]

There has got to be emotionally driven successful people. Artists, polititicians, parents are often time emotionally driven. You can actually be quite rational and emotional at the same time.

A mothers love ( like Cindy Sherman ) drives her to protest this senseless war.

An emotional attachment to liberty and justice ( martin luther king, Hilliar clinton ) puts people out there for people's rights and political change.

 

Not that this has much to do with drug addiction.

I'm quite emotional about this topic, but rational too.

[disowned_angel]

If your'e attracting extremists - it's because you're an extremist.

You attract what you are.

 

I have to strongly disagree with that. In some cases oposites end up together, although they're not always the happiest relationships.

For example; The controlling type find themselves more drawn to sucking in doormats. * * * * s often go for rich men, even though you'll find they have nothing in common either.

[JimmerJammer]

I did when I thought I would be able to help her out of it. I mean I was reaching a point where I had worked on myself for a while and felt like I could help bring awareness to this girls life so she wouldn't have to resort to those things. Myself, I had dipped my pleasures into drugs in the past and at the point of meeting her, I wasn't doing drugs anymore. Of course I felt like I knew what I was getting myself into and could leave at any time and all that, but as we progressed I found myself having a harder time keeping up and so I felt that as long as I was drunk with her then she wouldn't go with other people and be tempted to do other things.

 

Let's just say that I should have walked away from this girl, but I stuck around thinking that I could help her to see life when you don't need drugs or alcohol to feel better about it. The only problem being that when you're with someone that is an alcoholic or drug abuser is that their behaviour and choice often sneaks its way in over time and begins to somewhat rot you from within. I know myself that I found myself getting into situations with her that became more and more dangerous and life threatening. Yet I felt like if my presense was known she wouldn't get herself involved with such substances.

 

I'll never date another drug addict or alcoholic again because what ended up happening was one night I went with her to her friends house and this guy was very open and friendly and offered us food or drink. I had a single beer as I was driving and didn't want to drive drunk. So I waited for about 3 hours and at which point I was telling her we had to leave, but she didn't want to. She wanted to get drunk and hang out even though she had a modeling gig in the morning she had to be ready for. I tried to talk her into leaving and this friend of hers was very politely and firmly trying to tell me to get lost and let her stay. Long story short I didn't realize that the desert the guy offered us earlier was in fact packed with drugs and he failed to tell me this when I asked him what was in it. So it's quite evident she's not going to come with me and so I tell her that she can stay and that if she doesn't end up going to her gig in the morning that she has no one to blame but herself. I left and began to drive only to feel the effects of being high.

 

Of course the rational part of myself would have said to stop and call a cab or something, but I was not even thinking clearly enough to consider that option. All I could focus on was getting home safely, which I managed to do. I'll leave it at that and say that there was so many lessons to learn there and it wasn't the only time I was majorly burned by this girl. I just know better now than to involve myself with anyone who the least bit resembles someone who drinks more than they should, including more often than they should and who does drugs. I just know I'm asking for problems and in the case where my friends drink heavily, all I can do is offer my support while they get better, but I can't give myself like I once did.

[thejigsup]

Drug addicts and alcoholics don't even rate a mercy date with me. My father and ex husband were alcoholics and now, I won't even date someone who is a social drinker. Nope. An addiction to anything is unhealthy in my eyes. Even excercise can be unhealthy when it becomes an addiction. I love to be in charge of me, so I can't be around people who aren't in charge of themselves. It is more me than them, but it's saved my a lot of drama in my life.

[novaseeker]

You can never change an addict -- only the addict can change themselves if they want to do so. So if you do get involved with an addict with the idea that you can change them, you are likely walking down the path of co-dependency, which is a self-defeating path.

 

If you are thinking of getting involved with someone who appears to have an addiction issue, do yourself a favor and don't. If you are involved with someone who is an addict, you have to eventually face the reality that it will destroy your relationship and leave you completely without having your needs met if you stay -- it can scar you pretty badly.

 

Addiction is a terrible thing, but really only the addict can decide if/when they want to stop and do something about themselves.

[Excalibur]

Addicts aren't really in a relationship with any person - they're in receipt of goods and options and security from people, but it's not a relationship to them.

 

Been on both sides of it.

[butterfly87]

Well one of my friends has been dating someone for a couple of years who might have a drug addiction problem. It's hard to classify it because it may be drug abuse or addiction, and she might be in denial about his habits. Anyway, it seems that someone who is dating an alcoholic or drug addict may not want to end the relationship because they fear that their partner's addiction(s) will get even worse. Other than that issue she said that it's still a loving relationship and that drugs aren't usually prioritized "above" her. At times they are possibly on the same level but not above. It seems like a complex and frustrating relationship at times though ](*,)

[Jayar]

No, and no...

[shibire]

No, of course not. Who would? The real problem is, how do you find out before you fall in love? And feel bad about abandoning someone you love to their disease?

 

I also wouldn't date someone who abused alcohol and/or drugs, but wasn't addicted. The substance would be too much of drain on their life. Depending on the person, I might date someone in recovery, but the situation would make me nervous and I'm sure I'd set clear boundaries.

[Batya33]

You do your best to find out by not rushing in to an insta relationship and getting to know the person at a reasonable pace over time, being a good listener and observer (without feeling like you're being suspicious), etc. If you do fall in love, you have a choice to make but it is a choice - it's not a passive "I can't help it, I'm in love." You decide if you can handle the addiction and you consider the addict's limited capacity to be in a healthy relationship.

[MD Geist]

Would you date someone who you found out was an alcoholic or a drug addict?

Do you think you can get your needs met in a relationship with an addict?

 

No absolutely not.

 

Even if she's sexy I can't. her negative energy will kill me overtime.

[greenkaz516]

I met a very nice guy who told me he has been sober for 15 years. He treats me very well and talks about being blessed to have a second chance at life and love. Can't help by being concerned my ex was an alcoholic as well as my dad. He continues to go to AA meetings, has custody of his two sons from when they were younger and seems really together, but this is something that concerns me.

[VaB]

100% no! I don't do those things and can't be around those who do.

[G-Snap]

Would you date someone who you found out was an alcoholic or a drug addict?

Do you think you can get your needs met in a relationship with an addict?

 

No.

 

Relationships can be hard enough without throwing a serious addiction into the mix.

[WomanWriter]

Absolutely not. That's where I draw the line. Have addicts in my family, so I am well aware that they are married to their poison. I dont' like feeling cheated on with a substance.