Theory?

[Jinky]

When me and my ex first broke up everything was still dead friendly. I made it clear i wanted her but respected her decision. We mutually kept in touch.

 

However, in the past few days- her texts have became shorter and more sarcastic.

 

Is this progress, because surely if she was fed up with me, she wouldnt text at all? And she isnt doing the 'nicey nicey' texts because i'm pretty satisfied and i am moving on and this might be getting to her?

 

I might add that the coldness is totally 100% out of character, she is the sorta person who does voluntary work and hates falling out with people?

 

I dont get it. P.S, i'm not taking the bait from any of her comments, when i do bother to reply..

 

Maybe she just genuinely doesnt care however.

[Weeblie]

I'm curious to know the answer to this too. I guess it's kind of hard to know for sure without asking the person directly.

 

I mean her behavior could mean all kinds of things. Maybe she's having a rough time right now and lashing out on you. Maybe she's a little jealous that you're doing well (and that's a dangerous thought b/c then you're left wondering if she wants you back or not). Or maybe she's way too polite to just disappear out of your life, so she's trying to push you away with meanness?

 

But then, when I don't like a person I avoid them like the plague and I'm one of those real passive nice people. So...

[Jinky]

Well if its me. If i dont care, i dont text or call. If i act cold, the person is getting to me and thereforeeee i probably care.

 

I try not to read into this. But she has went from "just a wee bit of luck for you in your exams to "Jeez, You're missing your * * * * ty CD, yeh will do. U gd?"

 

lol. Whats your situation? I may be able to assist in your analysis of the male psyche. haha

[itsallgrand]

My first guess is that she is getting annoyed having you around. Sorry.

 

She probably doesn't want to come out and say it - she most likely cares, and I wouldn't take this to mean she doesn't - but yall are broke up.

 

It's hard as hell having an ex around, trying to be all 'mature' about things and be friends right off the hop.

 

I think whenever we break up with someone, and especially when we care deeply, it is easy to get to resent someone's presense simply because they remind us of a lot of painful feelings and the decision we made.

 

Especially since you still clearly have these strong feelings for her and want her...

 

Maybe she simply needs space.

 

only my opinion

[Weeblie]

Hm, I won't mention my situation because it'll get off topic (and i think I've thought about him enough). Still, I think it's an interesting situation to figure out.

 

I think Itsallgrand may be on to something. Personally, it's not an answer I like to hear, but it makes sense. There's a chance that she's annoyed and wanting space. So I guess all you can do is give her space and not respond to the rudeness (like you've been doing already).

 

I think it'll be better for you anyway. You've taken the high road and she's not being so nice. If you were to try to be nice to her while she's being mean to you...then you sort of cross over into doormat territory and that won't help you at all.

[Jinky]

Well i backed off, like everyone suggested.

 

4 days NC i get a text "hows you. x" I replied a day later. She replied with an hour, and i have just sent a closed text back.

 

I cant deal, with her- i need to move on, but i feel telling her i am on NC, would take away from the element of me trying to win her back?

 

x

[Weeblie]

Well, you don't have to decide whether or not you're going to tell her you're doing NC right now. Give yourself a couple of days to think about it and see if you feel it's something you need to do.

 

Personally, I don't like to announce that I'm doing NC when I still want the person in my life. The last time I told an ex to stop talking to me, I really didn't want him to contact me at all. He was a liar, took advantage of me and it was the only way I could get away from the stupid push and pull cycle. He still contacted me, but by then his disrespect of my request only made it easier for me to move on.

 

On the other hand, the last time I slipped out of someone's life quietly, he contacted me a couple of times and I ignored him. When I saw him in person, I was friendly, but somewhat distant. As a result, he was even more eager to be friendly to me. I really believe that if I had made the first move (after all that distancing) and asked him to hang out or something real casual, we might've tried dating again. But by then I had moved on and didn't want a guy who required so much effort (especially since he had broken up with me).

 

So I'd save the announcement for an extreme situation where they just don't get the hint. It's your choice though, either way, you'll move on and there's a pretty good chance that there'll be contact eventually.