Friend's Wedding Got Cancelled - What To Do With Bride's Maid Dress?

[shikashika]

I don't see what the big deal is paying for your own dress. You do have the option to accept or decline being a bridesmaid, so you know what you are in for.

 

When I go to formal weddings my dresses can cost 300$ anyway, no different that being a bridesmaid.

 

Of course you can decline it... I just don't think an 'honoured ' guest should be expected to pay for it. While many people clearly disagree with me, Ithink it's tacky to ask your bridesmaid to pay for her own dress.

[shes2smart]

I know my mum says she couldn't believe it when she heard of bridesmaids having to pay for their own dresses... never heard of it in the UK..it's starting to happen here too. As I said in my other posts, why should your guests have to fund your wedding??

 

Because the bride, groom and company have all bought into the wedding industry sales message that they HAVE TO have otherwise their "perfect wedding" will be less than perfect.

 

In any wedding I've been near enough to to be privy to the details, I have never once seen a bride pick up the tab for the bridesmaids' ensembles. She may chip in on things like dyed-to-match shoes or hair styling or something like that...but the majority of the tab is footed by the participating individuals. The bride may even consult with her bridesmaids about the style/color of dresses, but you better believe if the bride wants neon green and orange chiffon, that's what she's getting....bridesmaids be damned.

 

Weddings are big business (excuse me...bu$ine$$). The more spent, the better the wedding industry likes it. They're not going to stop at raiding the couple-to-be's pockets....not when there are 4 or 6 or more friends of the couple who can be guilted ("But I really want you to be in my wedding...") into spending money on the same event.

[kuiks8]

not really.. I have enough friends and relatives who have been married who agree with me, they wouldn't think of asking their maid of honour to pay for it themselves

 

So you just say, 'so what"??? to me that shows a lack of concern or care about your closest friends.

 

Really you are saying that you can't afford to pay for them, but you still want them to look a certain way. I think it's rude, that's all.. If I couldn't afford to pay for my bridesmaid's dresses, I wouldn't have one... and certainly wouldn't make them pay their own way.

 

You are getting them to fund your wedding, they are paying for the dress you want and the look you want. If you weren't getting married they have to pay for it.

 

ok well lets just agree to disagree..and i will finish off by saying i have a great deal of concern and care for my friends. Not one of them felt put out to have to pay for their dress...I made every effort to show them my gratitude for them being in my life and they knew it was appreciated.

So when you get married you go ahead and pay for your bridesmaids dresses but don't personally attack me because i chose not to.

If you want to continue this feel free to PM me. Other then that to me this is a moot point. Let it be said that I never personally insulted you even though you did insult me.

[shikashika]

ok well lets just agree to disagree..and i will finish off by saying i have a great deal of concern and care for my friends. Not one of them felt put out to have to pay for their dress...I made every effort to show them my gratitude for them being in my life and they knew it was appreciated.

So when you get married you go ahead and pay for your bridesmaids dresses but don't personally attack me because i chose not to.

If you want to continue this feel free to PM me. Other then that to me this is a moot point. Let it be said that I never personally insulted you even though you did insult me.

 

 

Look, I just think you are insulted or feel like i'm attacking you because of my opinion. That's all it is, not an attack on you or anyone else.

 

I'm not going to change my opinon on that, because I believe what i wrote above, but I do think you are overreacting because I think a certain act is 'rude' or 'disrespectful'

 

Can one not say they believe something is rude or disrespectful?

 

I don't know why you are insulted by my opinon.

[kuiks8]

So you just say, 'so what"??? to me that shows a lack of concern or care about your closest friends.

 

THIS is why

[i_win]

I agree it's strange to have the bridesmaid feel obligated into paying for every little thing if they want to have the "honor" (or honour for you accross the pond) to participate in their wedding.

 

That said, outside of a few occurrences when I was very young, I have never heard of a single wedding occurring in the past 10 years where the bride or groom paid for the bridesmaids dress.

 

Weddings are expensive for everyone involved!

[shikashika]

So you just say, 'so what"??? to me that shows a lack of concern or care about your closest friends.

 

THIS is why

 

 

By saying 'so what', it seemed like you didn't care that your friends had to fork out $$ for the dress.

 

I think this would be sad if so many brides were to answer 'So what?" when asked "Don't you care that your good friend has to shell out hundreds of dollars for YOUR wedding??

[DN]

Moderator Note: Let's not get off-topic about whether bridesmaids should have to pay for their dresses and different customs in different places. Please address the concern that the OP asked about.

[RayKay]

My personal thought is....

 

I think your friend, whom obviously has just had her fiance back out of the wedding, needs a friend whom is more concerned about her than $300. I think your friend, whatever brave face she puts on, must be devastated and it is very HARD to go and tell all the people you expected to see celebrating your union that it's no longer happening....even if SHE called it off I doubt it is for a "lame reason". It is a BIG deal to cancel a wedding, particularly at this point. Even cold feet is not necessarily a "lame reason".

 

I know it's a lot of $, but in life crap happens. It's not worth losing a friendship over and it's not worth forgetting the bigger picture here.

[keenan]

Her reason was pretty lame, I thought, but I think she must've gone cold feet. I'm mainly concern about the dress I paid for - I want her to refund me

 

I agree with the others that there is no tactful way to ask for reimbursement. I'm sure you're a nice person, but this post really does sound pretty cold, which is probably why you're getting such a strong negative reaction.

 

Honestly, from an outsider's perspective it sounds like the two of you aren't good friends at all--she hasn't told you what really happened, and you're more concerned about losing 300 dollars (a big amount for your budget but a TINY amount in the grander scheme of even a small wedding) than about her state of mind. You're quick to dismiss this as a case of "cold feet." If you don't love her, why did you accept her invitation to serve in her wedding in the first place?

 

As for the money--Financially you're no worse off than you would have been if the wedding had taken place. If it's a strain on your budget, what were you planning on doing with the dress AFTER the wedding? Were you going to sell it? Just fast forward. Pretend as if the wedding actually happened, and do what you were going to do anyway.

[redhearts]

Sorry totally selfish to want a reimbursement. You should be a friend and be there for her. Ya $300 but you can sell it on craigslist or what not.