Bisexuality

[rosephase]

Why does it seem that people are more willing to except bisexual females then males? Why is there this idea that everyone love a bi girl, but everyone thinks a bi guy is gay, or bad or something?

[TFulton88]

NO idea. good question. Why are the bi guys hated! lol

[Catdancer]

Very few people are accepting of bi guys. It's commonly said that bi guys are gay and men dont like to be stereotyped as gay. So most men tend to bury their bi fantasies and thoughts. My SO and I are both bi. I love it! Bi men turn me on ALOT! But in society, if people that know him knew about his bisexuality, it would ruin him. So it's our secret!

[Lionel Hutz]

Subconsiously we think girls are sexier than guys. I think the female body is a work of art.

[jengh]

I really don't understand it either. Women can be interested in both sexes, yet when a man claims bisexuality, it's automatically, "nope, you're either gay or straight. You say you're bi? Oh, you're just in denial".

It is irritating and something I've always wondered.

[rosephase]

I just find it so odd that people have such a hard time believing that bi men exist. Over and over again I have seen on this board, someone says they love a man and they have a great sex life and then he says he is bi, and everyone jumps to say "sorry he is gay" it just hits me for a loop every time.

[floating_away]

I'd say it's simply because women who love women are far more acceptable in society than men who love men. I don't know the reasons for it though, I'm sure it's been debated heavily by sociologists.

[rosephase]

I'd say it's simply because women who love women are far more acceptable in society than men who love men. I don't know the reasons for it though, I'm sure it's been debated heavily by sociologists.

 

But that is the thing GAY men are more acceptable then bi men, who love women to. You think that would be easier on people, but for some reason it isn't.

[agent1607307371]

Because bi girls = not serious + male fantasy

 

Bi men = GAY!! Oh my god he wants to have sex with me Danger! Plus male sexuality is seen as more serious that womens. Contrast the social attitudes towards adverts where a man objectifies a woman, compared to ones where women objectify a man. One is "ugh tastless" and the other is "tongue in cheek".

 

My last serious bf was bi. It was one of the qualities I liked in him - similarity. He was a git, but it wasn't because he was bi.

[itsallgrand]

I don't know. I think there are preconceived ideas of what it means to be "bisexual" on both the male and female count.

 

No doubt men face a whole different set of prejudice, but I don't think people are all that illuminated to bisexuality in general.

 

I think when a woman states, or claims, or is known to be bisexual, it is more often tolerated because it can be categorized into a non-threatening sexual curiosity.

 

I've found there is still a wide spread belief that bisexuality does not even exist - that the person is confused, or if a woman "easier" or some way to rationalize that it is a display of the woman as a sexual object (easy to accept for plenty of people still).

 

For men, with the old beliefs that men are the "leaders" and the ideas of manhood - the idea that a man can enjoy many forms of sexual pleasure can be threatening.

 

What will civilization come to if men and women aren't that different after all?

 

So I think it's a challenge to some traditional seperation-of-the-genders by sexuality ideas.

[i_win]

To me the explanation seems pretty straight forward.

 

Pornography and "skin" on TV has primarily been a male driven market and the lipstick lesbian fantasy has been seeping it's way into the main stream media for a long time now and has become to some extent socially acceptable and can even be considered cool.

 

Since women are not the primary target audience of pornography and also the fact that the women I know are apathetic towards seeing two guys together(compared to the 100% of all the guys I know that think two women together is hot and erotic), you haven't seen it slip into main stream media with the consistency that you see with bisexual females. As long as it remains in the shadows of media and pop culture, you won't see it get the approval and acceptance like you do female bisexuality.

[darkblue]

I think it's a lot to do with how men want to appear 'macho'. And sterotypically men tend to want to express how utterly hetrosexual they are.

[JadedStar]

Why does it seem that people are more willing to except bisexual females then males? Why is there this idea that everyone love a bi girl, but everyone thinks a bi guy is gay, or bad or something?

 

It's all about sheer preferences. Most straight people, men or women, would rather see two women together than two men. The male form is more utilitarian, not as beautiful as the female form, thereforeeee when people think of two men or two women in their mind's eye they are turned off more by the men than the women.

 

It is an innate thing most people can't control. I am the same way. I could watch a porn vid with two chicks making out and smoetimes it is even a turn on even tho i am 100% straight....and being straight ironically seeing two MEN together is a huge turn OFF.

 

If you polled one hundred straight women i bet over 80% would say they could watch girl/girl porn but would be turned off by guy/guy porn. Even higher number if you polled 100 straight men.

 

Expressing love openly like that is a female trait more than a male trait and that is another component of it. Just like it is more acceptable for women to cry or be nurturing. This doesn't mean it is wrong for men to do these things, society is just more accepting to women since they are female traits. We all possess feminine and masculine traits but the straight female will possess more of the fem traits and being sexual and open and loving with another female is a feminine trait more than a masculine one, so it is more accepted.

[Lucy__lou]

I I could watch a porn vid with two chicks making out and smoetimes it is even a turn on even tho i am 100% straight....and being straight ironically seeing two MEN together is a huge turn OFF.

well you may be right, but personally I think the male form is beautiful, and the idea of two men together is hot. (so carnal) ! But I digress...

 

This is an interesting question rosephase, and I've never heard much in the way of a good reason why? maybe it needs to be taken to a professional. Any sociologists on here specialising in sexuality?

 

the only theory I can think of is that due to the fact that male homosexuality is more feared than female in the gay hating end of town, coming out as having any kind of homosexual leanings (bi or gay) is seen equally threatening and so when a man choses to come out, he feels safer coming out as 100% gay, because when you come out in a homophobic society, you really need the support of the gay community, and you don't want to risk their disloyalty by being 50/50. You have to ensure total solidarity.

 

But I've always been under the impression that more men actually were gay. Even though I know more bi guys than gay, I still have a suspicion there are more men who identify as gay, and more women who identify as bi. They say that women are often more fluid in their sexuality and more men are more rigid.

 

Maybe the polarisation of gay and straight amongst men is just the legacy of a society which polarises men and women into fixed genders. And in the area of blurring gender roles and depolarising social expectations, women are ahead of men. Women started wearing pants ages ago, but still, very few men wear skirts, unless they're drag queens/transvestites. Women who wear pants aren't automatically assumed to be drag kings.

 

And as an above poster suggested, no one really cares about female sexuality. It's undervalued, cause women are undervalued, so it gets in under the radar. I've heard that in Japan, that the lesbian scene has gotten bigger than it might have, not through acceptance, but by the fact that society doesn't consider it to have any significance. Women can cheat on their husbands with other women, and the husbands don't even feel threatened by it. With men it seems to be more of a big deal. A lot of straight guys seem to have some kind of weird paranoia at the idea that anyone would want to put anything in their butt.

[lukeb]

Bi, hetero, gay means different things to different people and the meaning may also change as a person grows older. So when you ask questions like these it is difficult to get a straight answer. There are cultural differences aswell. To me what it means to be gay has less to do with sex and more to do with "sexual love". Just because a person can have sex with both genders to me doesn't mean that much. Being nervous to ask for a person's number or strike up a conversation because you find that particular person very hot for whatever reason to me means a lot more. What is it about you that makes you so nervous, or makes you feel so giddy when you first fall in love? As a general rule women understand this better, but there are some guys who do get this. Most guys just want to know who it is that you f**k, that determines what sexuality you are. So to anwer the question posed in thsi thread, you first need to be clear what it all means.

[ColorBlue]

Seeing how people seem to react to bisexual women and then to bisexual guys...its always different, as if different rules are supposed to apply, even here on this website. So many posts I've seen saying "I personally don't believe bisexuals exist. They're just in denial." It really makes me mad when I see that, because its just like..I don't know! I don't know how someone could NOT see it possible! For me, I've always seen sexuality (in the determining way) as a line graph, i guess.

Straight-------Bi--------Gay

The way i see it...a person can fit anywhere on that graph. It just amazes me how people can see the world in a "black and white" way, when this world is anything BUT that! This world is full of shades of gray, anything is possible.

I'm bisexual, if you couldn't tell by my indignation. If I were to mark myself on that graph, I'd probably be halfway between straight and bisexual, seeing as how I seem to prefer women most of the time.... *Sigh* I've often wondered that everyone could just imagine what it would be like to be another person, the person that is having a hard time, there would be less hate. I ,at least, know that works for me, to imagine me as the other.

[Lucy__lou]

Why does it seem that people are more willing to except bisexual females then males? Why is there this idea that everyone love a bi girl, but everyone thinks a bi guy is gay, or bad or something?

 

maybe it's also because homophobic straight men (and as the above poster said, homophobia seems a lot stronger in men) like to be able to think of men who like men as being totally different from them. By pushing them to the other end of the spectrum and declaring them gay, it allows them to continue to say to themselves and their mates 'I like women, thereforeeee I am heterosexual.' Bisexuality threatens their ability to use attraction to women as proof of their heterosexuality.

 

I like bi men the best.

[lukeb]

Some people see sexuality as a "love" thing some see it as a sex thing. When you dont sort this out first, this thread is meaningless. We need to define gay, bi, straight first.

[JadedStar]

well you may be right, but personally I think the male form is beautiful, and the idea of two men together is hot. (so carnal) ! But I digress...

 

Lucy, I definitely think you and jeckyll are in the minority. Not that there is a thing wrong with your liking it, just that it truly is on the more rare end of the preference scale.

 

I find that most girls who claim to be bisexual these days are in fact not. They crave the attention of men. And men love bisexual women. Why [ And this is what I've learned after dating a very diluted man...]...

 

 

Binoo i agree with you 110%.

 

I also think your idea of not disclosing this to men you date is a good thing. Wait until you have been with them a good enough while to trust they wont' try to exploit this.

[itsallgrand]

lol. I too share that carnal desire.

 

Not that I act out all my fantasies, but Roman Orgy 101 is intriguing.

 

Though we probably still are in the minority.

[pianoguy]

I don't know many people that specifically have a problem with bisexual men- those tend to be the same types of people that would have a problem with homosexual men as well.

 

I myself do tend to be a bit skeptical when a man tells me he is bisexual, not because I dislike bisexuals, but because there are a lot of gay men in transition that identify themselves as bisexual. Many of these men end up later identifying as gay. I don't mean to imply that bisexual men don't exist, but I think the number of truly bisexual men is very low, much lower than the number of men who identify themselves this way.

 

I don't think that male sexuality lends itself to bisexuality in the same way that female sexuality does, for whatever reason it tends to be more black and white:

Only about one in two hundred sexually active respondents in anonymous national surveys in the Netherlands and the U.S report having both male and female partners in the last year. The percentage is only slightly higher if a longer reference period is taken into consideration. These few people surely inclued some homosexual persons in hetereosexual marriages. Thus the number of actively bisexual people- those who feel and enact sexual attraction to both sexes- appears minimal. With sexuality as with handedness, nearly everyone is disposed in one direction or the other, with few being genuinely ambidextrous. This is most clearly so with men. Women's sexuality, as we will see, varies more over time.

This is from a psychology textbook by David Meyers, I tend to trust it because it is built on some pretty solid data and is backed up by my own experiences with men who identify as bisexual.

 

I certainly don't mean to slight those few truly bisexual men out there, I do believe that they exist, but I don't think it's as high as the number who identify this way.

[xioking39]

Well i'm bisexual or consider myself to be. Yes i would have a relationship with a guy. Only the guy that i like though. He has been the only one ever. Sure i still like women and i currently have a gf. But i think that since i am looking at the male body more and more that i am starting to go more towards being gay. Just putting my two sense in.

[vasilias]

I have no answers, only thoughts.

 

I call myself bisexual - and my experience is to have more hostility from gay men than anyone else. The general impression i get is that people dont seem to trust bi-men. I think its all a steriotype. Only 20yrs ago gay men were portrayed as being the Village People, permiscuous and they all had AIDS. I can think of a number of films/TV where the gay person was typically a druggie, had a moustache and leather cap. Today the character lives on screen in a perfectly respectable domestic life (desperate housewives, Will & Grace, Brothers & Sisters et al). Bisexual women are seen to flip between one monogomous relationship and another or light hearted experimination (Sex And The City). Bisexual men are seen as gays that wont admit they are gay, adulterous husbands and some weird concept that if your bisexual you need to have both a man and a woman at all times and will generally mess the heads of respectable straight women and gay male partners (Eastenders, Hollyoaks et al). Bi men are portrayed as being sexual predators and untrustworthy. To be fair there are a number of permiscous men who do exactly the above. However there are equally the same monogoumous bimen as there are untrustworthy gay and straight men. I guess its one step at a time for the sexual revolution. Attitudes will change.

 

Just for the record in case my thoughts can be disproved and maybe im one of a very few men... but ive always been 100% faithfull to my partners, yes im deffinatly confused by my sexuality at times (i.e. am i a gay in transition) but i feel thats mainly to do with societies need for me to label myself.

[i_win]

Excellent point about the media and an interesting viewpoint from someone living with those thoughts.

[samantha20]

whilst it seems that bi women are more socially accepted than bi men, it seems to me that gay men are more accepted than gay women. I've noticed that I know so many men that are openly gay and virtually no women that are openly lesbian, just a couple that say they're bi. It seems that if a man admits he is gay then women love him and want him to be their best friend and shopping buddy, whilst if a woman says she's a lesbian people find it more shocking. It seems to me from what I've observed that women are more reluctunt to come out than men.

 

Also, there seems to be more of a place in society for gay men. There's a gay culture where gay men are stereotypically involved in theatre and the arts, but this culture doesn't seem to exist for lesbians. I know that among my friends if a guy we knew announced he was gay, he would instantly be deemed 'cool' and 'fashionable'. But if I came out my friends and family would be shocked. They would probably accept it, but it wouldn't make me a cool, interesting 'character' like Graham Norton or all the other much loved openly gay men on tv. Gay men are seen as fashionable, funny, witty, eccentric and interesting. Where are all the lesbians on tv? What are the 'cool' traits associtaed with lesbians? There is a place for gay men in culture and the media, and arts, whilst lesbians don't seem to have as much of a place. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe it varies in other countries and societies, but that's how I see it. (Sorry for going off the topic of bisexuality, just wanted to make the point that whilst bi females are more accepted than bi men, gay women seem to be less accepted than gay men)