It might be over... But because of this?

[Ikatu]

I'll try to make this as clear and short as possible.

 

I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 months or so, during the last month or so, she has been acting strange, and by strange, I mean overly * * * * * y all the time. I open my mouth, and she pretty much attacks it. So communication has been a little... Lacking lately. I try to have a conversation and she either has nothing to say, or she goes off on some wild tangent, complaining the whole time. We just can't seem to have a normal talk anymore where we can enjoy talking anymore, it's just always so serious.

 

So a few nights ago, we get together for a walk and we started talking. She brought up my school situation, and before I go on with the story, I'll explain my school situation. I've been getting geared up for school since last summer, to go for a pre-trades electrician course. Currently, I'm enrolled in the college, and all I have to do is wait till September to come. I've done it all on my own, prior to knowing her, and two weeks ago, she mentioned that I could always just apply as an apprentice, skipping the whole school thing. I told her I would do a bit of research and thinking, and go from there. So back to the other night, she asked me if I had made a decision. I told her no, because in my mind, it wasn't something I wanted to take lightly. All of a sudden, she started freaking out! Basically, she told me that she doesn't see any determination on my part towards my future! Literally insulting everything I've accomplished as far as getting enrolled in school, saying that I'm doing things wrong, or in her exact words "Not the way I (she) would do it." She then said to me "Tell me, if I (she) was working at a coffee shop, making next to nothing, and had no plans for my future, would you still be interested in me?" And I said, "First of all, yes I would be, second of all, your point has no relevance to my situation. The person you described has NO plans for the future, I on the other hand, do. I'm enrolled in school if you forgot."

 

This of course pissed me off, made me feel useless, and it's pushing me away from her. At the end of that night, we were talking outside my building, and she told me that she thinks she needs some space. She even went as far as saying that she is stressed out about my situation, and it's causing her a lot of frustration. So I don't know if that means we are over, or just on a break...

 

Am I in the wrong here in any way? I mean, she seems to think I'm not doing anything with my life, and clearly, I am; I've proved that by enrolling myself in school. So I don't know why she is so stressed out and frustrated. I know she is trying to help, but she's taking it too far in my opinion.

 

Any advice?

[thejigsup]

She may be an overachiever who expects everyone to hustle like they do and have it all figured out quickly. I am like that and I only date people like that. I drive anyone else crazy, I know. She will learn this as she gets older. There is no right or wrong here, just different approaches to life.

[DN]

She's way out of line here. It's one thing to have a friendly concern or advice but it seems she is more interested in your eventual earning capacity than in you as a person.

 

If I were you I would dump her but you could always say to her that you agree that space is a good thing and that when she feels she has decided if she wants to be with you she can give you a call and you will let her know if you still want to be with her.

[drewciouS281]

sounds like a controlling princess to me. You and her may not be at the same level and points in life right now and if thats the case things wont work. Also, it sounds to me like she wants to control you and what you do. Just because your doing things differently than she would, she has no right to scream at you about it. Being in a relationship is about having fun with that person, being in love, being intimate, supporting one another. How can you be happy when she has no support towards you. You say you have only been together 3 months and the conversation has already died? dude i hate to break it to you but the relationship is done. That is too soon of a time. This woman doesnt respect you. Just think, if you dump her and move on, you will be able to think more clearly with nobody hounding you on the path you choose. This will enable you to become alot better of a person.

 

Ex. Since my ex and i split up, all of the bickering and drama was gone and i have gotten 2 promotions. Sure it hurts at first but then you realize its time to focus on you. She is focusing on her her her.. She wants to run your life the way she sees fit. Its one thing if she did it in a caring way but to fight and bicker about it, then say she needs time? sounds like a spoiled, gold digging princess to me. Pardon me but i have seen women do this to my friends and it pisses me off!!!!!

[karvala]

Well probably all you can do at this time is give her space and yourself a break, but there is one small point here, and that is that whether it's fair or not, there is a biological imperative on the male to be a provider, and there is a mountain of evidence that this does influence the relationship behaviour of many females to a significant extent. I've seen it many times on here as well; people complaining that their man is depressed, has no drive, has no ambition, doesn't earn enough, doesn't have a suitably prestigious job, isn't educated enough, can't see him being a father for the kids etc.. She needs to feel secure, and you're not making her feel secure. Now in my view, her opinion is unfair, and so I'm not necessarily suggesting you should change anything, but she is an extreme example of a much wider trend, and if you have to be unlucky enough to encounter such an example, you can at least take the opportunity to take that point on board.

[drewciouS281]

They have only been together 3 months Karvala. Its not like they are getting married. I understand your point about women wanting the man to be the provider but everyone is different and sometimes it takes some longer than others to get the real success started. She is out of line by far. I make really good money in a professional business environment and when i met my ex she worked in a small resturant as a waitress. i didnt care. i was in love with her and supported what she wanted. There was a time where i had quit a job and was jobless for 3 months and she still supported and motivated me that i will find something better for me. THis girl is not doing that! DUMP HER DUDE!!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I suppose I can see where shes coming from.

 

Shes thinking your 27, drifting till September. Starting school for however long etc and by the time you leave, you will still not have any practical employment. Shes thinking if you get an apprentiship you will be learning and earning and by the time your qualified will be able to earn independently as opposed to leaving school with a paper qualification and no practical experience.

 

I think shes just trying to help x

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I suppose I can see where shes coming from.

 

Shes thinking your 27, drifting till September. Starting school for however long etc and by the time you leave, you will still not have any practical employment. Shes thinking if you get an apprentiship you will be learning and earning and by the time your qualified will be able to earn independently as opposed to leaving school with a paper qualification and no practical experience.

 

I think shes just trying to help x

 

I understand your point..however...they have only been together for 3 months, they are not married and do not have children together thereforeeee her reaction is way out of line and controlling. Since in the initial stages of the relationship people are on their best behaviour, this might now be her true colours coming out...bossy and controlling. This is your life and it is your choice how you want to go about preparing for your career. Do what you feel is in your best interests for your future plans for yourself, not her future plans for you. Let her concern herself with her own life and career, not yours.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

ikatu, are you working at the moment? is she anxious because she is funding the relationship? Its hard to know exactly whats wrong, but something isnt 'sitting right' with her, hence her stress about the situation. If shes asked for space Im presuming your giving it to her but you havent said.

 

You can take the time to really evaluate if your long term goals are similar, because if theyre really not maybe its a relationship best put down?