Ikatu

Yea thats a good point. I'd like to do it in a way that we can remain friends but i dont know how she'll take it, but if i decide im gonna end it, which i probably will since everybody thinks its the best option, ill make sure i tell her the truth. Thanks dude. No i havent had sex with her yet, but she wants to. She's expressed it a few times, but im not the type of guy to have sex with someone so soon for reasons like this. I need to know if i want to continue on, and after only a week or so, i never usually know if i want it to keep going and get more serious.

You are all completely right. Bottom line is its rediculous to make me wait this long. I must say however, that i've taken all your advice and have decided to move on, and not worry about how things will be with her.. I've gone the last few days, since wednesday without talking to her at all, and i think its helped me stop thinking about her a lot. I just needed to break away from the almost daily habbit of talking to her, and i think its working for me. I'm starting to think about other possibilities now too, so i guess ill see how it goes. Wish me luck

You know, your completely right, and ive been doing a lot of thinking since i started this thread, and i feel much better and im thinking much more clearly now that i've got all this feedback. I cant wait around for years, and from the way it sounds, IF she even has the intention of meeting me one day, it wont be for a very long time... Im thinking at least another 6 months, maybe another year. Im not gonna wait around that long and i've already started looking around and keeping my options open. Honestly, i believe that im done with finding someone online, this is really my first attempt at it and its kinda left a bad taste in my mouth if you catch my drift. I guess ill just stick with the way i've usually looked. Thanks for your help everyone! I feel a lot better now.

I guess i've got another question for you all who've helped me out here.. It seems as if a lot of you guys believe she's hiding something from me (i think so too), so do you think i should straight up ask her if she's hiding something next time she say's something suspicious? Or should i just leave it alone completely and not ask about it?

Yea your definitly right... The only trouble is trying to figure out how to move on and get her out of my head. I havent got a clue what she might be hiding though. The worst thing is about this whole situation is that, this is pretty much the first time i've tried this online dating stuff, and having it turn out this way is kinda turning me off the idea of finding someone online. Anyways, thanks for the feedback.

Well i guess its unanimous, seems the best thing i can do is back off and look elsewhere. It'll be hard considdering my feelings for her but like i said, it doesnt seem like she will be willing to meet anytime soon. Maybe she is hiding something.... Anyways, thanks for the advice everyone, i really appreciate it.

Well, you definitely make a good point Angel. I have often lost myself in thought thinking about the outcome, and i know that by me waiting and waiting, it does not guarantee that ill ever get with her. Im slowly trying to get myself out of this situation, but feelings are a hard thing to get rid of. But your advice was really helpful Angel, and im definitely going to give it some serious thought.

No problem. Yea i've asked her that before, she tells me she's got nothing to hide. She claims to be a very honest, blunt person, which i can see for the most part, because she doesnt seem to be afraid of telling me about things that upset her that i might do. So, from what i can tell, she is very honest and doesnt have anything to hide, but sometimes i just cant shake the feeling that there is something she isnt telling me.

No 35 minutes. I have been kinda suspicious.. I think its why i ask her why she isnt ready as much as i do, because i want to see if i can get a different answer. I can see how it would seem that it sounds like she doesnt really want to meet, but i dunno. Other things we've talked about, such as things we have planned to do just make it seem like we will eventually, she actually made a promise that in May, she would take me somewhere i've never been to, and i never thought that she would make me wait this long, and i hope she doesnt make me wait till may to meet, because i dont think i'd last that long.

Well i guess she's not really a screen name, we've been talking on the phone for the entire 11 months, but i agree its not a relationship until we meet in person. And i've been thinking of withdrawing, but it seems impossible given how strongly i feel for her. I want to break loose from the hold she's got on me but i dont know how to do it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- She lives only about a 35 min drive, so not far at all. I was even driving through her town about a month ago on the highway, and she started teasing me, she said "Why dont you come see me already!?". Sure it was sarcastic, but its still hard to hear that when she doesnt actually seem to want me to go see her yet. And i know it can be scary to meet someone in person, i've done it once or twice before, but i'd think 11 months would be long enough. But you know what? I agree with you that she might be hiding something from me, but i cant think of what it could be. Ive told her many times that i want to meet up with her, and every time i do, she just basically tells me she still isnt ready. Now, when you say "let her go" do you mean, keep talking to her but move on and find someone else? Or do you think its best if i just stop talking to her all together?

I have found someone online which is perfect for me, we have lots in common, get along great, have really good conversations, and im almost 100% certain that i've fallen in love with her. However, the problem is that... We have never met in person, and eventhough she seems to have feelings towards me, she say's its uncertain how things will go until we meet. Why havent we met yet? Because she keeps telling me "im not ready". She told me what "im not ready" means, and she thinks she is too skinny and wants to fill out a little first... Yet, i've told her that i dont care what she looks like, because its her personality that i've got feelings for, not her appearance. Her response was "Well i dont care if you find me physically attractive or not, but its something i feel i need to do.". Correct me if im wrong, but if the reason she cant meet me yet is because she feels she is too skinny, then tells me she doesnt care if i find her attractive contradict itself? Anyways, this is affecting me really hard because, we've been talking for 11 months now... Its almost one whole year without meeting each other, and not knowing if me and her will be together, or just good friends is killing me because she's giving me the impression thats its still gonna be a VERY long time till we meet up. She knows how i feel, i've told her, however i've never actually told her that i love her. I cant do that because i know it would freak her out, considdering we havent met in person yet. My problem is that i want her more than i can even describe, but i cant do a damn thing about it until she tells me she's ready to meet me. It actually kind of hurts to be honest, having strong feelings for someone but not knowing if things will EVER pan out.. Its the hardest thing i think i've ever had to go through. I've never felt this way about someone before and i dont know how much longer i can last... I mean, at the very least i want her to be a really good friend, but even that i feel requires us to meet up. Im a patient guy, afterall its been 11 months, but its starting to get rediculous, its starting to actually affect my life because i think its almost putting me into a state of depression. Worst thing is, she just isnt even giving me any clear indication of when we might actually meet. I have posted a similar thread on this topic about 2 months ago i think, but since then, my feelings have gotten stronger, and also its been 2 months or so of waiting since then. So I guess im looking for opinion's, what would some of you do in my situation?

Wow, okay that actually makes me feel a whole lot better! Thanks

Yea... I had a feeling that was the case. But you know, anytime i do manage to talk to her when she's in a bad mood or upset about something that somebody else did, 95% of the time she wont even talk about it, no matter how hard i try. She'll just sit on the phone all quiet, barely saying a word, and barely even hears me talking. So the whole time i end up just talking to myself while trying to get her mind off it.

Hello, I have a friend who i really care about, in fact i like her more than a friend and she likes me in the same way but right now she isnt ready for a relationship. But thats actually not the issue right now, i just wanted to state what kind of relationship/friendship we have. The problem is this. Me and her talk just about every night, and usually if one of us cant talk that night we usually just send a text to each other to let the other know we wont be able to talk. (Yea, weird i know, but its just the way things go between us). So anyways, tonight she sent me a text message saying exactly this, "im sorry i cant talk tonight cause i am just really upset about a lot of things and i just wanna go to bed. i dont want to talk about it. sorry i will call u tomorrow". Instead of calling her i sent her a text message saying exactly this. "Aww, im sorry to hear that, and im here if you need me, talk to you tomorrow, goodnight *hug*". Now, what i need to know is, if she tells me this, to me it means she would get upset if i did call because like she said, she doesnt wanna talk about it and just wants to go to bed, but should i have called her anyways? I mean, im just respecting her wish here and i dont want to upset her by calling when she tells me she cant talk, and at least i replied with a text. Is that ok? The reason im confused is because, once a long time ago, this happened, and i didnt call. She got upset at me and i told her sorry, i should have called. Then it happened again a while later, i called and she didnt pick up the phone so i left a voice message saying that i hope she's ok and i called to talk, and then about 5 min later she sent me a text message saying "i told you not to call, dont worry about me im ok i just want to be alone and go to sleep." So please, can anybody tell me what the right thing to do in a situation like this? Because im kinda worried right now that she might be upset with me for not calling tonight, and i need to know if i should have called even when she tells me not to.. edit: in the second paragraph i forgot to add in my text reply, so i edited it in.

Yea that sounds like a good plan. I think what im going to do is give myself a limit to how long im going to wait, lets say January 5, 2007 (not telling her of course) and if she still isnt ready by that day, call it quits... Thanks for all the advice everyone. Now i know what i need to do, since so many of you seem to have the same general advice.

Hmm... You make some very good points there. Let me ask you though, should i bring these points up to her, and have a serious talk with her, telling her that if she doesnt meet me soon then im gone? Or should i just sort of "disappear"?

Well i know for a fact she isnt in a relationship, nor is she married. She isnt really shy but she's very.... I guess cautious. She claims she gets hurt all the time by friends, and family and is scared to let anybody else in... Ok, so i say fair enough, but we are now at 10 months. I think after 10 months we'd be at a good level of trust considdering i've never done anything to betray her trust up to this point. Its just getting frustrating. And as i said in the original post, i have tried dating another person but it went nowhere because the girl i've been talking to for 10 months just wouldnt leave my mind. She claims she really likes me and that crap but its really getting to me. Its funny, a few people whom i've talked to about my problem have all told me the same thing. Get out.. But its easier said than done. I tried to slowly fade her out, but it didnt work. After the 3rd day of not talking to her, i almost brokedown because of how much i missed talking to her. The thing is, i dont think i've ever felt this way about someone before, let alone someone i've never met in person. And not knowing how long it'll take before she tell's me she's ready is making me slowly waste away. Its just, most likely one of the hardest things i've ever had to do, emotionally of course, and i just dont know what to do anymore, or how to handle it. Anyways, i do appreciate your input very much. Anybody else?

Hi everyone. I need some input and opinions to help me out here, because this situation that im stuck in is really playing with my emotions and its seriously driving me crazy. To begin, ill say that i started talking to this girl i met on a dating website (i wont name which one, and it was also my first time attempting to find someone online) and this happened in the beginning of January 2006. We exchanged emails for about a month, then she gave me her phone number at the beginning of February 2006. We then began talking on the phone, and things were going pretty well. She warned me that it could take a while before she feels she's ready to meet me in person, but said she wont make me wait more than 6 months. I said fine, no biggie, im willing to wait. We are now in November of 2006, have i met her in person yet? NO!! Why? I really dont know, i've tried. I ask every 2 months or so, just once, express how much i want to meet her and whatnot, and all i get is "Im not ready yet". I mean, come on... This is starting to get a bit rediculous. We have been talking over the phone for 10 months now, almost one year and she still isnt ready? Now let me tell you exactly why this is driving me crazy. Because, we have talked plenty of times about when we meet up, were gonna do this, that, and we've expressed interest in being "more than friends" lots of times too. In fact, as crazy as this may sound, i have extremely strong feelings for this girl.. Yea, its strange because i've never met her in person, but she's told me that we seem to have a strong connection to each other, and i feel the same. Its getting incredibly hard to go on because of how much i feel for this girl, how much i care about her, but not being able to just get up and go see her, even once in a while is killing me! She just WONT let me meet her yet. And you want to know the worst part? I seem to be incapable of even having the slightest interest in another female. I tried going on a date once, and had ZERO interest in her. Why? Because i couldnt stop thinking about the one i havent even met yet. I just think about her morning, day and night. And i cant seem to stop myself from thinking about her either. The thing is, i've even asked her straight up, weather me and her are ever gonna end up together, because its getting hard and taking a long time, she tells me not to think that were never gonna be together, because we might. Honestly, am i crazy for wanting to meet her as much as i do after 10 months? What i need is for some people to give me their opinions on the situation so that i can help myself make a better decision on what steps to take next. Does anybody have any idea's of what i can try and say that might help my chance's of meeting her anytime soon? Or do you think that i should just try and give up all together and try to move on? Should i keep telling her how i feel and be very persistent on telling her i want to meet her? I honestly dont even know how the heck i should feel anymore. I just feel like im locked behind a door that only she has the key's for... I think its even starting to depress me, but i know once she utters the words "Im ready" it'll all disappear, but thats IF she ever says that. Im even losing interest in a lot of things that i loved doing, such as watching movies, listening to music, all because i just cant stop thinking about her. And she knows how much i think about her.. I really dont have the slightest clue what i should do. I just like her so much but i cant seem to get through to her. I almost feel like i shouldnt even bother telling her how i feel anymore because it never seems to do me any good anymore... Any advice would be appreciated. ](*,)

Thank you for the advice everyone... I've told her she needs to move on, as hard as it'll be.. I think she knows deep down thats the right thing but she just wont accept it yet.

So what is it that she wants to hear exactly? I've told her im worried about her and that i care and im always here to talk if you need a shoulder to cry on.. I just feel like there's something more that can be done... To be honest, i think she's borderline depressed, not just about this, but lots of other things too. And I've told her that no matter how hard things get, ill always be there. Do you think there is anything else i can do, or have i done all i can?

Yea im looking for advice on what to tell her, i just want to know what most people feel is the right choice, and no, he's not hurting her physically, just emotionally. He just he does something to piss her off, she tells him how she feels and he just seems to shrug it off. She told him (eventhough i dont think she meant it) to f-off today and he didnt seem to care, and in a way she doesnt know if that was the right thing to do because she cares about him so much. And i care about her, so much to the point where i hate seeing her like this and i feel the only way to stop this from happening is by cutting him out or distancing them for a temporary period of time, because he's not making any effort and she's making all the effort in the world. I just dont want to say it so blunty because i fear that she may think that im trying to separate them both, because im not... I just want to do whats right for her. Thanks for the advice "LostInMyThoughts". Anybody else?

I have a friend who is deeply hurt. A close friend of her's constantly hurts her. She cares about her friend a lot, in fact her friend up to a recent point was the closest person in her life. Now, whenever he does soemthing that hurts her she pours her heart out, saying how much she's hurt, and her friend just doesnt seem to care how she feels. She's tried to talk it out with him, countless times, and it never seems to do any good. It has happened more times than i can count, and has been ongoing for the last 6 or so months. Today she told him she didnt want to have anything to do with him anymore. Where i need help is, she says that it hurts her to not see and talk to her friend, but at the same time, it hurts her to see him because of what he's doing to her. Whats the best course of action? Does she stop talking to him and cut him out of her life and prevent him from doing what he's doing, or does she continue to talk to him and try to work things out and still get hurt by him?

Well i definitely see where your coming from, i do feel sometimes as if she's playing games, and i have thought about just giving it all up and just looking elsewhere, but the thing is, she's in my opinion, a very unique girl, she seems to be one of the most honest people i know and have ever met. The thing too, which is why she's holding back is because she has had a lot of hard times in her life, i know many people have, but she seems to be worse off than most people. A lot of the people she seems to get really close to just end up hurting her, and not just relationships, friends and family too. So she's very guarded in that respect. Thats why she's doing this. And for me, even if she's playing games i feel that being the person i am, i dont screw with people's heads and i try to make sure that i always take people's feelings into considderation, and i'd hate to be just another one of those people that really screw's her over, even if were just friends in the long run. I just feel that no matter what happens between us, i want to be the kind of person who doesnt treat her the way she's been treated in the past, which is why, ultimately, i dont think i can just stop talking to her. Its just that i really need to know at the very least if i should just tell her exactly the way i feel about her, or if i should just let it be for the time being... She knows i like her, but not anywhere near as much as i do.

Well let me first start off by giving a good background description of the situation. I decided one day to go on one of those dating webistes for the first time, just to try it out. So i met this girl on it who lives in my general area so its not long ditance or anything. Anyways, she initially told me that we could talk on the phone but it would take a while for her to meet me in person. I told her im willing to wait as long as it takes. We've now been talking for just over 8 months, and i still have not yet met her. Things were going well on the phone, we both expressed out interest in each other, telling each other that we both feel a good conection with one another. Then about 2 months ago, i went into this short phase where i think i was just getting frustrated with waiting, and i told her that i dont feel that a relationship is for me, not just with her, but in general. Needless to say she was pretty upset. About a month after i told her this, the feelings that i had for her just came back, but were extremely strong. It just hit me out of nowhere. I told her how i felt, that i really, really liked her and i told her that i was changed and if she was still interested that i feel like i can now enter a relationship. She told me that there was still a chance, so i was relieved to an extent. Now, everyday that pass's, my feelings for her just seem to get stronger and stronger. Its just getting to the point that all i think about day and night is her. I dont think i've felt like this about another girl ever before. So i've tried asking her recently if she feels she's ready to meet yet, and she said "maybe soon, but i dont think im ready just yet. I just need more time". Now i dont know, she tells me she still likes me, but she isnt ready to meet. She even told me once that she thinks she is falling for me, and i told her the same. But its still taking a long time to get started. I just have all these feelings for her trapped inside me and dont know how to handle it. I guess what im looking for here is just a little advice about what i should do. The fact that i like her as much as i do, i just feel stuck, because i want to show her how much i want to be with her, but since i cant visit her in person that the only thing i can do is express to her just how much im into her, but at the same time i feel that if i do, it might scare her away. I know the only way im really gonna know if me and her are gonna end up together is by actually meeting up and seeing how things go, but the fact that i know that it might take a long time, i dont know if i can hold it all in. And in a way, im not 100% sure about it, but i feel as if she's holding back on purpose. Almost as if, she really likes me, wants to meet me, but there's a reason in her head that she wants to hold off for a bit, so she's just holding back. Anybody out there reading this have any idea's? Do i tell her how i feel now, or try to hold it in until we meet up in person and see how things go?