How Do I Properly Move On?Help!

[david_01]

I've been out of my relationship now for about 2 months and I still think about her every day.

 

For original post see "Advice needed, re getting back together!" in the Getting Back Together section.

 

I have spent that whole time concentrating on myself, improving myself mentally and physically and just for once worrying about myself, I still think about her all the time. I think that NC in a way just deferred my emotions and almost gave me some hope of reconciliation.

 

I don't get upset anymore, I don't cry and I know that ultimately I'll find someone else once I've given myself enough time to get through this process. The last thing I want to do is have a rebound relationship!

 

Also now after having tried to call her and being told that she'll let me know when she' free, I'm almost expecting a call from her that probably won't happen.

 

I think I'll give it a week or so and if she still hasn't contacted me I'll probably contact her to say that I thought she was gonna get in touch.

 

How does one move on from here, I know it takes time but as long as I keep thinking about her it's going to drag on and on and it's hard to switch off that part of your brain. I do occupy myself and I don't think about her all the time but I really need to move past this stage now but I don't know how and believe me my life is pretty full right now!](*,)

[brian123]

I am in the exact same boat right now. It has been about 2 months for me and I still think about her an awful lot. I take 3 steps forward, and then 2 steps back. Things ended weird for me too, and alot of my emotions have also been deferred.

 

In the military they say "Cinch by an inch, hard by a yard."

 

I've taken up new hobbies, been meeting new people etc....

 

Take each day one at a time, and look at each passing day as minor victory.

[Clabs]

Hey David

 

How do you properly move on? Well, the simple answer is time, time and a bit more time. It sucks I know and if I could invent some magic fast forward pills than I would be a rich man!

 

2 months is really no time at all and you are bound to think of her every day. You will also continue to have good days and bad days.

 

As the time passes you will begin to lose focus on your ex because you will begin to realise that you can survive without her - you were ok before her and you will be ok after her.

 

You are doing exactly the right thing in keeping yourself busy and improving yourself.

 

I would wonder about keeping in contact with her in these early stages though - you already contacted her once and she said she would contact you when she was free. Doesn't sound like you are much of a priority to her - as harsh as it seems. For most people - staying in contact in these early days just does their heads in and keeps things fresh and raw.

 

It will get easier, I promise!

 

Mark

[wtm78]

hi david,

 

you should stop contacting her altogether.. i know.. because i too have broken up for 2 months.. and clabs is right the answer is time.. slowly but surely you will get a grip of yourself once again...

 

maybe you want to read my thread on grief.. maybe it can help you to move on... hang in there buddy...

 

[bambina maxima]

Sounds rough, but it usually takes me about a year to really get over a big relationship. Those years off from the dating scene are always chock full of self-growth (corny, I know).

 

It's different for everyone, but if it's only been two months, don't be so hard on yourself. You're human. And it shows the depth of your ability to emotionally invest in something. You took a risk, you lost this time, but somewhere down the line you'll be ready to hedge your bets again.

[Tony_TJ_MX]

8 months here, still thinking about her, no more crying at least, it'll get better, hang in there

[musashi]

The greatest gift my ex gave to me was letting me know she found another and I was free to do the grief and self pity. Let it consume you. It will pass. You will get sick of the pain, as I imagine a horse, all many pounds of him, will get sick of the last piece of grass and be thankful it is gone. But we are not horses. We do not think that away. As silly as it seems right now you will miss this pain one day. Simply because that is all that is left of what has gone astray, like a horse seeking greener pasture, you will seek hay.

Like doctor suess I could ryme this all day. What an easy word to lay your words on, there is another, but I will not go on and on and on and on. I wish I could give you solice in my words, all that I have, I cannot give you more, no one can. You must take this heartache. Only you and you alone can. We are hear to lend an ear, and tell our stories, those things so dear that we must let go. But you must do this alone. That is what makes this such a painful road.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would strongly suggest that you not contact her again. She knows how you feel, you made an attempt and she blew you off. If she wants to contact you she knows how to reach you...and if she doesn't want to get back together with you then it is actually better that she not contact you because it wil just give you more pain and frustration. Just continue on with the healing process.