Deepfork Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm just getting more in touch with my self and my hang ups. I ran into a good book called "No More Mr Nice Guy". That book has some great points. It's been 5 weeks since I spoke with my ex?. It's tough with Valentines day coming up and not knowing what she's doing for it, if anything. I miss her and have to think that she would be missing me. I'm doing pretty good and haven't contacted her. Working out every day and keeping busy helps. It will be interesting to see if she contacts me before V day. Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm just getting more in touch with my self and my hang ups. I ran into a good book called "No More Mr Nice Guy". That book has some great points. It's been 5 weeks since I spoke with my ex?. It's tough with Valentines day coming up and not knowing what she's doing for it, if anything. I miss her and have to think that she would be missing me. I'm doing pretty good and haven't contacted her. Working out every day and keeping busy helps. It will be interesting to see if she contacts me before V day. Don't count on her conacting you. Yes, we all want to know if the EX is thinking of us. This song I recently heard on XM's the '60s channel is appropriate, though it's told from the dumper's perspective. Barry & The Tamerlanes - "I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight" Can't help it if I wonder what she's doin' tonight oh where can she be? (tonight) As I sit alone I just can't help but wonder if she still thinks of me oh I wish I knew Is she in somebody's arms and is he holding her the way I used to do? Can't help it if I wonder what she's doin' tonight.... Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 It hurts, I know. But, gents, the best way to increase your chances of getting them back is to actually do all you can to not dwell on it, and it seems that Deepfork is already doing great in that respect. Like a runaway dog, an unfamiliar cat, or an injured duck, they come towards us when we seem to be looking or walking away. Link to comment
crabman Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Crap! it´s a great pleasure to read your comments. thank you for sharing! did you learn all that stuff from the book you recomend in the first post? do you recomend any other books, readings? Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Damn, it's so hard to keep your * * * * together sometimes... I met her at a bar and I wasn't quite ready, but I did well. Keep on keepin' on. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Rukumouru, it's only human None of wants to be, or be with, a nonchalant robot! Good for you for handling it well. Me, I think I'd be a zombie robot if I bumped into my Ex at this point. Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Damn, it's so hard to keep your * * * * together sometimes... I met her at a bar and I wasn't quite ready, but I did well. Keep on keepin' on. When on an early date with my now wife, I saw my EX pass by me. She and I had dated 2 years earlier. I was seated at the entrance of an attraction (GF had stepped away to the restroom). The EX didn't see me bec. I was wearing sunglasses and she had her eyes looking forward, not to the side, where I was. But I clearly recognized her. I just sat there ... not being noticed... and let her pass by... pushing the stroller with two babies!!!! Later, I told my GF I had run into her. "You didn't say anything to her?" No, just didn't feel like it, I said. Didn't tell her, but in reality, I was kind of afraid. Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Woah, woah. We had a brief chat today and she was excessively hostile towards me. She started off nice and all that, asking about my weekend... Then instantaneous and senseless ultimate hostility mode on. I wonder if I should joke about it and act as if nothing had happened, or perhaps ask her whether she needs some more time to get herself in check? Just sayin', I do not feel hurt or anything by her hostility. I have Crap to thank for this! Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 If she starts getting hostile again when you bump into her some place, I'd just laugh it off, act like it doesn't matter and turn and walk away. That's what Real Deal and others recommend. Let them see how happy you are and how little importance or emotions you place on them. Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 What the just happened? We argued for hours about her concerns... And now we're talking about tickle fights, how I introduced her to her favourite music band... And how she feels that the plushies she made me have recovered their meaning and that they are a very strong connection between us that made no sense in my absence. What the just happened? Link to comment
Janeiac Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Rukumouru, I know it seems perverse, but sometimes fights can be a good thing if both people say what's on their minds and feel heard. Sometimes all it needs is a good airing out, and then some kind of conclusion can be reached. So if she was hostile and angry, you argued, and now she is warm, that perhaps could be what happenned. Or, she could just be nuts. Or maybe not nuts, but having a normal variation of emotions. Try not to read too much into it and enjoy the tender moments if you care to. If not, tell her you'd prefer her to stay away from you. Do you know what you want and how you feel? Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Well, did you not let her anger affect you? If so, then that's exactly what non chalance is about. Look at Crap's orignal post, exactly what he said will happen is. You may have mastered this Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yeah, yeah, I wasn't mad or arguing back. Just letting her vent and answering whichever questions she had. It was just... Woah, just woah. What a wild ride. I totally did not expect that outcome. I really need some sleep. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I think what happenned is that you saw what being a calm, nonreactive man letting a woman express emotions makes her happy Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 Crap! it´s a great pleasure to read your comments. thank you for sharing! did you learn all that stuff from the book you recomend in the first post? do you recomend any other books, readings? Hey, crabman. Wasn't going NC on you; just been catching up on a lot of work and rescues recently. I have a few books that I've learned a lot from and will list them here shortly, but for now, check out David DeAngelo. He writes ebooks on attraction, and it was his books that really turned my life around, though a lot of the advice I give here comes from others. The idea of writing down a list of all the good things that came out of the break-up came from 59 Seconds, by Prof. Richard Wiseman. Scientific studies show that listing benefits to a stressful event has a profound effect on us, and will help to drastically reduce the bad feelings that we might have had--feelings that very much get in the way of attraction and reconciliation. I'll list the others for you later. Happy Valentine's Day, all! Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 So I wish her and Poop, the plushie, a happy Valentine's Day, and she goes: "Oh, but I have noone to celebrate it with..." Link to comment
Janeiac Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Rukumouru, that seems like she is giving you an opening. Tread carefully, if you want to take it. Be cool and be happy Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I didn't do anything regarding that. She's too unstable. To be honest, I'm scared sh*tless and nervous as hell. I have the most bothersome feeling in my stomach and I constantly feel like throwing up. It's too soon, there's far too much crap in her life right now (her mom has a tumor, and due to this her studies have taken a nearly deadly blow too...). She keeps mentioning she hates Valentine's, that she felt soooo lonely today... She keeps responding in a rude manner intermittently. One second she's fine, the next one she's pissed off and sarcastic. I am treating her like nuclear waste: Utmost care and patience. The situation is incredibly trying and it's punishing me to limits I thought impossible. But I still haven't lost my cool. I'm still standing. I'm still there, I'm still supporting, I'm still listening, I'm still being happy and positive. May your strength be with me... But I'm still fine. Still hanging there. Still playing videogames. Still smiling. Link to comment
KateUK Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Glad you are still smiling.... One thing that all this has taught me is to be aware of how you feel about stuff. And listen to the 'emotional feedback' you get from certain situations. When you start to trust that, you find you naturally walk towards what feels good and back away from what feels 'wrong'. Then you tend to get rewarded by situations that make you feel good Kate x PS...Not sure how much sense that makes when reading it back ! Link to comment
crabman Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 alrighty here it is: - I learned how to get more attractive - I learned how to handle my new girl(s) better - I am grateful that my ex kicked my a** and showed me I need to change - I learned it´s not about her, it´s about me, it always will until I change - I found that great forum with great people in it - I learned about the idea of nonchalance - I´m looking forward to my new me and my new life with new people in it - I can do what ever I like, don´t need to arrange anything with anyone - last but not least I don´t have ALL those dog hair on my clothes anymore Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 She told me a while ago that she loves someone else and was rejected. I took it well and am comforting her now, much to my own personal detriment. I may cry tonight. See if I care. I'll make them tears of goddamn joy. The worst hell a million men could go through isn't enough to bring me on my knees. Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Watch out Rukumouru! Sounds like you are getting dangerously close to the dreaded Friend Zone. She told me a while ago that she loves someone else and was rejected. I took it well and am comforting her now, much to my own personal detriment. I may cry tonight. See if I care. I'll make them tears of goddamn joy. The worst hell a million men could go through isn't enough to bring me on my knees. Link to comment
Deepfork Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I'd just like to say Valentines Day sucks. I sent a text meant for a friend to my Ex (going through a break) by accident friday night. Nothing bad but it let here know I was going with some friends. We texted back and forth for the first meaningful conversation in a month and a half. It was short and friendly but that was it. She's in TX visiting her Parents and after going to a party Sat night, she texted me asking if I was still up. Once again we texted back and forth for a short while. Nothing serious. I thought maybe she was wanting to discuss our relationship but it never came up. Maybe she was just having a twinge of missing me. Tonight is Valentines Day and I wouldn't be surprised if she texted me again. (Why not call?) I am thinking about not even answering in hopes that may push her over the edge. I've got to shake her world up somehow and that's the only way I know how. She's a smart, beautiful, interesting woman and won't have a problem attracting men. Damn it. Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Once again we texted back and forth for a short while. Nothing serious. I thought maybe she was wanting to discuss our relationship but it never came up. Maybe she was just having a twinge of missing me. Tonight is Valentines Day and I wouldn't be surprised if she texted me again. (Why not call?) I am thinking about not even answering in hopes that may push her over the edge. I've got to shake her world up somehow and that's the only way I know how. Sounds like a good plan. Ignore her and make her wonder what you're doing. Don't ever look weak, needy or like you want to reconcile. She's a smart, beautiful, interesting woman and won't have a problem attracting men. Damn it. Don't you hate that? Wonder if she thinks the same about your ability to attract ladies' interest? EDITED TO ADD... Deepfork, I wasn't aware of your situation so I looked up a couple of your earlier threads. I hope you do get back with her, but I'm sure you've considered how getting involved with a woman who just got divorced may not be a good idea. "Rebound" relationships, I have read, rarely work. Link to comment
RandomNobody Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 You know something? When two people have so much crap between them and there is massive distrust and negativity, attraction cannot begin. If the woman is not comfortable with you, she'll take your teasing and seduction as "weird stalker bullsh*t" and view you as "that pesky Ex who won't go away". Comfort, attraction, seduction... That's how it always goes. One normally meets women who don't have too much crap going on and that are pretty confident in themselves. Makes comfort near instantaneous. In this situation, there is negativity aplenty due to misunderstandings, the breakup... Unless I smash the current mental image she has of me to pieces and replace it with the new man I am, it's hopeless. There'll be plenty of time to play games in the future. The Friend Zone is a much more desirable zone than most folks realize... Read "Ex2 System" by Matt Huston to see what I mean. "The idea is to come off under her radar as a platonic friend, so that she lets her guard down and can rationalize that this is all you are... But at the same time, displaying the traits of an attractive man". For the record, I haven't shed a single tear. Takes much more than psychological problems to bring me on my knees now. I can't believe how much i've changed myself. Link to comment
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