Why would he do this

[Hunny1607307342]

By saying i was going NC I meant that I personally was going NC- so i wouldn't iniate contact.

As a result, I assumed we wouldn't converse until another month or so because i didn't think he'd make contact, but he did and i just responded. I just find that it would be rude not to, and also if ever I decide to contact him i wouldn't like for him to ignore me.

 

I can definitely see the downside of it, it's just a bit stressful trying to figure out confusing situations. I wouldn't go so far as to say im going nuts because last night's incident was also amusing to me as well as confusing. I know you'll think i'm just sticking up for him here naturally, but i do know one thing about this person is that he isn't the one for game playing- he likes winding me up sometimes in a jokey way, which is why he was saying he's dating and the taking it back in the online conversation i mentioned a week ago. but in most situations he's not joking around and he actually means what he says. e.g. when he said he doesn't want to speak to me ever again, he meant it at the time, and then obviously regretted it later and thus apologised.

 

I think he is just genuinely confused. In fact a few days ago Julie told me that apparently he said to her, "I don't know how I feel about her. i'm in a weird place right now".

Now if I try and figure out what that means then i really will get in a muddle. I hope that it is a good thing but.. All I know though, is that it's not quite enough, it's not quite good enough for me to be betting on. It's just not good enough for me fullstop. Thank goodness I'm going on holiday next week!!

[S agapo]

He is really not the type to play games, that's why this is all the more puzzling to me. .

 

 

yeah thats what i thought about my ex, and how wrong i was. I am in total shock of his attitude and hate?? towards me. I dunno what i have done to have deserved this from him. I really don't, and it breaks my heart bcos I never expected this from him.

He dumped me 11 months ago without a reason. I did all the trying but all i got was nothing from him. Then out of the blue I got a text mesg from him a month ago asking if I was still working where i am and if i got a card from him which I assumed he was referring to valentines week. I GOT nothing. I haven't heard from him since. Then i sent him a email..

 

He just totally F--kd with my feelings and has sod off into his own, leaving me feeling like a piece of cr@p he just stepped in.

 

This is eating up inside me right now.

 

I suggest u ignore him until he has something genuine and good to say. And if he doesn't then try harder to forget about him.

 

My ex didn't even bother asking me how I was. Not even a hello

 

Like other have said here, my guess he was fishing to see if I am still single and still want him back. He got his answer and I am annoyed and hurt at this.

 

I think he has someone else. I don't want to make excuses for him, but it seems to be he has some bad influenece next to him.

 

Like my ex, your ex has played game. Full stop.

[renaissancewoman101]

Ex's suck and are cruel little creatures.

[Batya33]

Nope - no contact means that you tell the other person you are not going to respond unless he wants to get back together, and then you will consider it. It's not "rude" not to respond in those circumstances - and so now I understand the confusion from the other thread where you kept insisting you wouldn't be in contact with him but yet your pattern was otherwise.

 

And anyway it's not rude to not respond to an instant message -people are not always near their computers, etc.

 

It doesn't sound like he's confused in the least - people prefer to be hated rather than ignored (which is what's happening with you - you prefer that he contacts you even if it's annoying or rude rather than ignoring you), so he prefers to be in your life in some way so that he can know that even though he doesn't want to be with you, no one else will be either - which is good for his ego and in the event he changes his mind at some undetermined time he knows he still has you hanging on in some way. I would never respond to an instant message asking me about my weekend plans. You shouldn't give him the privilege of knowing what your plans are or are not if he doesn't want to be with you.

 

There is a game going on here - you're playing one with yourself and your emotions.

[AngryHeart]

Either DN is right, or he was "trying to be nice" IE. trying to ease any guilt by making a "nice suggestion" It was a seriously weird thing to say, and I could just imagine my ex saying it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

This kind of bizarre contact is that happens when things are really winding down... you don't really have any reason to be in contact because you aren't dating anymore, but you can't really be friends between there is too much baggage and too many misunderstandings are probable.

 

Why are you wasting time on him and this kind of contact? Just tell him if you're not getting back together, it is better to just move on and stop contact because friendship just won't work for you.

[renaissancewoman101]

This kind of bizarre contact is what is happening when things are really winding down... you don't really have any reason to be in contact because you aren't dating anymore, but you can't really be friends between there is too much baggage and too many misunderstandings are probable.

 

Why are you wasting time on him and this kind of contact? Just tell him if you're not getting back together, it is better to just move and stop contact because friendship just won't work for you.

 

With this type of bizarre contact, is there any way to reverse it? To maybe bring it upon friendly levels again, between BOTH parties?

[Batya33]

Yes. Sometimes if you are not in contact for a good 6 months or so - or similarly significant period of time - whatever that means depending on the length of the relationship, why you ended it, etc. - you both have healed and moved on, it is possible. Worked for me. But it is less likely to work where you have all this bizarre contact/game playing/self-denial and then have NC because then you not only have to heal from the relationship but from that bizarre time period also.

[stella74]

Hunny, I really do understand what you're going through. The thought in your mind that it is rude not to respond to him is actually self-destructive. You say you would hope that he would respond to you, but that's because you're the dumpee. When you've been dumped and you're still in love with the dumper, and the dumper has made no attempt to directly address getting back together, it is not rude for you to have no contact. It's nice of you to want to respond to him but sometimes niceness is not what's needed. It will help you if you can try to practice setting clear boundaries with this guy by not responding to him unless he directly communicates to you that he is interested in getting back together. You deserve that.