Fox1198 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 What would you do or feel if you heard some bad rumors about a girl you are starting to date? This happened to me with a previous gf I dated. Another girl whom she doesn't know directly, but knows through another friend, told me some unflattering things, such as she is materialistic, and that she sleeps around. The thing is, the girl that told me this liked me before, so maybe there was motive? My question to you guys is, what is the best way to handle such a thing? I didn't know the gf well enough yet, so it's not like I could just say I trust her and completely dismiss the rumors. Link to comment
d24 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 If you want to get to know this girl better then give her the benefit of the doubt and form your own opinions about her. If my former friends had told my gf what I had been in the past I wouldn't have stood a chance and she'd have never given me the chance to show that I've fundamentally changed and that I am (now) a good person. Remember - if you don't have trust in a relationship, you have nothing. Link to comment
angelsoft Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 It's just hearsay. Girls gossip, that's all they know how to do. What that other chick said could very well be true, but if it was, what would it mean to you? Would you dump her without giving her a chance? Would immaturely throw it in her face? I personally believe that actions speak louder than words. If I was in that predicament and someone was talking crap about my current bf, I would tell them to take it somewhere else because I wouldn't want to hear it. I personally don't associate with gossipers. It's not my cup of tea. I have better things to talk about than who Suzie Q was doing last night. Link to comment
angelsoft Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 People who gossip are a waste of air. They put other people down to bring themselves up and that isn't right. As soon as I hear someone talking about someone else in a negative way that has nothing to do with me or the person speaking, I automatically assume that person can't be trusted. Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 Thanks for your input! You guys are so right. I kinda allowed that girl's gossip to poison my mind... which kinda led to do downfall of the relationship. Another friend of mine was doing the same thing. He hardly knew her but had all these negative things to say... So I decided to just block him on AIM, and refrain from talking about private matters anymore. If he pushes it next time I'll have to tell him off. Link to comment
judyness Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 You need to have communication in your relationship, not have things eat away at you wondering. Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 You need to have communication in your relationship, not have things eat away at you wondering. Which is why I told her what was said... but now I question if I should have done that, as opposed to just keeping quiet and observed instead. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 everyone gets a clean slate. make you own determination. but if you are hearing things about a girl i imagine you are under 20 years old. Link to comment
Aurian Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 First consider the source. Do you trust this person? If its just an aquaintance or she is passing on heresay (a friend of a friend says....) then I wouldn`t put as much stock in what is being told. If you really trust the person and know they have your best interests in mind, then I would give what they say more credance. However, I do believe in giving people a chance, so depending on what is being said, I would give the other person a chance, but keep my eyes open for any confirmation of the warning. Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 everyone gets a clean slate. make you own determination. but if you are hearing things about a girl i imagine you are under 20 years old. Unfortunately no. The girl who was saying this was in her mid 20's. Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 First consider the source. Do you trust this person? If its just an aquaintance or she is passing on heresay (a friend of a friend says....) then I wouldn`t put as much stock in what is being told. If you really trust the person and know they have your best interests in mind, then I would give what they say more credance. However, I do believe in giving people a chance, so depending on what is being said, I would give the other person a chance, but keep my eyes open for any confirmation of the warning. But would you tell the girl you're dating the rumors that you've heard? Or would you keep it to yourself? Link to comment
Aurian Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 I would keep it to myself. Telling her would feel like an accusation and saying up front that you do not trust her - especially if its not from a reliable source. At any rate, you want to see how she acts normally right? If you accuse her, she will might be upset, or try act out of character (if she actually does do these things, she`ll work harder to cover her tracks) or act out of character in order to NOT arouse your suspicions (she is innocent, but she acts weirdly because she doesn`t want you to mistrust her). Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 i'd still keep the rumors to myself. they are just that....rumors. if you bring them up, it shows that you think there might be some truth to them. my ex did that. towards the end of our relationship she asked 'are we becoming distant because you are seeing someone else?' i said no and asked why she asked me that. she said some of our friends were talking behind my back. they are more associates than friends and don't know much personal about me. i asked her if she honestly believed that. she said no. i told her don't ever ask me something like that again unless she really believed it to be true. i was offended cause she knew me. but i was more offended that my character was judged by hearsay. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 The thing is, the girl that told me this liked me before, so maybe there was motive? Well, even though you did not ask for a woman's opinion, I'll give it anyway... Woman can be VERY CATTY... Yes indeed...the level of jealously I've seen woman sink to makes me ill. I say, go out with girl, and make your OWN judgement. Give her a chance based on what YOU think. She could be the sweetest thing being painted out a complete sl*t because the other girl liked you. Don't rely on rumors. Good luck. ~Allie Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Share Posted March 5, 2008 Great points. Oh well live and learn. I let it affect us, because at the time I didn't know her very well. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 i punch them in the face and say 'where did you hear that?' then they say 'dam dude, (if they still awake) it was just a rumor i heard.' Link to comment
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