Very lengthy read, but I could really use some input...

[MattW]

Yeah, I figure once we hit most of the "big" topics in conversation, things'll probably start to cool down, and the messages will become less frequent. But, being that I'm around a computer for most of my day, it seems silly to hold off on sending her a reply just for the sake of waiting. So, her and I already covered the topics of college and work, now I just gotta see what else comes up.

[MattW]

Well, with her last message, she doesn't seem turned off by the idea of me going to that college if I end up going there, so that's neat. I'm a little concerned about the last message I just sent her, though... I kinda hinted around about the idea of me hanging out with her at the college, if and when I start going there (on a friendly level, of course). The comment I made was in a sort of joking tone, but I just hope she doesn't get too weirded out by it. Really, I'm only trying to see what her interest would be in me joining her little circle of friends, as that's the ideal situation for me right now.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Perhaps it was too much too soon. I would chill out for now. The introduction was made, now let it ride and see if you are indeed planning on going to that school. Quit while you are ahead.

[MattW]

She wrote me back, and I guess my comment didn't bother her or anything, as she said she'd be glad show me around up there and help me get adjusted, and whatnot. She also gave me a perfect segue to start reminiscing with her about grade school, but I'm holding off on writing her for a few days. I'm not sure when I should write back to her, though... I was going to wait until Monday, but that's St. Patrick's Day, and I don't want her to think I have nothing better to do on that day (even though I really don't; I'm working that day, and my friends get way too crazy with the drinking, and party a lot harder than I'm into, so I doubt I'll be hanging with them). So would Tuesday be good, or is that too long to wait?

 

Also, heh, on a lighter note, my mom and I had kind of a funny little... well, I wouldn't say argument, but I guess "exchange" would be a good word. So, I keep her in the loop, because she's really supportive, and she really thinks I have a chance with this girl. Anyway, when I had filled her in about the messages this girl and I have sent back and forth, my mom was happy, and said that this girl must not be too serious with her boyfriend if she's writing me. I kinda laughed it off, and said that her boyfriend probably isn't that high maintenance that she's not allowed to talk to other guys, and that her and I are just two old classmates innocently reconnecting anyway. My mom replied "Well, if you were dating her, would you want her talking to guys that you've never met behind your back?". I couldn't really come up with a good "retort" to that, so I just kinda left it at that.

 

I guess I'm just doing a little bit of venting; it's funny, because my mom is being super optimistic about me and this girl, but at the same time, I know there's a very good chance she's all wrong about this girl and her boyfriend, so it's kind of making this little conflict in my head, especially when I'm trying to only think about establishing a friendship at this point. But, I don't want to cut my mom out of the loop, because she's really supportive about the whole thing, and I like her input. Ah well.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If your mom is being supportive I think that is great. She wants the best for you. Your mom could be looking at things from a more old-fashioned point of view that men and women can't just be friends. You don't really know what is going on with her boyfriend one way or the other so you can't conclude that just because she is contacting you that means things are not great with her boyfriend. She contacted you as an old school classmate and is being helpful as it is the kind thing to do. There is no reason why you can't contact her on Monday. I would hold off on the reminiscing for now. That would be better in person where you can both have a chuckle over things. On Monday I would just simply thank her for her offer and tell her you will keep her posted. Then subsequent emails at a later date can be questions about the University etc.

 

As for your mom, if she is being supportive don't cut her out...you don't have to take everything she says as the gospel truth, but I think it is good that she has a positive attitude which allows you to feel comfortable bouncing it off of her. By bouncing it off of someone you trust, it allows you to think about things and look at different angles.

[MattW]

Yeah, heh, I wasn't really believing my mom about the stuff she was saying, I just kinda found it amusing how she's so optimistic about me and this girl. As for waiting to reminisce in person, that DOES sound a lot more ideal, but are you sure that's the right way to go? I mean, I can't imagine ever being able to talk her into a one-on-one meeting without making it sound date-like. I figure if/ when we start meeting up, her friends (and possibly her boyfriend) will probably be around, and it would seem kind of... awkward to be talking and laughing about old times, while her friends are just sitting there with no idea what we're talking about. And it'd be even worse if she brought her boyfriend along, because he might see our interactions as flirtacious or something, and get offended... But I guess I'll take your word for it, Crazyaboutdogs; you've been pretty helpful so far, so I think you know what you're talking about, heh heh.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, I think you would have to play it by ear. I don't think there is anything wrong with a little reminscing as long as it doesn't go on too long. It is natural for people who have gone to school together to reminisce after not having seen each other for a long time. I have been good friends with someone for over 25 years and we still reminisce about things from our junior college and University days. We even tease each other about things from those days but it is not flirtatious at all...it is just all in good fun.

[MattW]

Heh, well, I didn't say it would be flirtacious, just that if her boyfriend were around, he might take it the wrong way. Also, keep in mind that there's a good possibility that, in reminiscing, my grade school crush might come up. See, I don't know how much she knew about my crush on her; I don't know what other people told her about it back then, and I don't know what kind of ideas she formed on her own from our interactions back then. I wish there were some kind of way I could kinda feel her out to see how much she knew, but... And if it WERE to come up while we were reminiscing, I'm not sure how to handle it. If her boyfriend were around when it came up, I'd think that'd definitely be a red flag in his mind. And even if it were only her friends that heard about it, that might even make them kind of suspicious, you know?

[MattW]

Alright, I know I jumped the gun a bit, but I decided to write her today instead of tomorrow. But, what I DID do with the last thing I sent her was to pretty much wrap up the current conversation for the time being. So, right now, it'll kinda be up to her to start a new conversation, if she chooses. I figure if I don't hear from her in another couple of weeks, maybe I can send her a friendly little message asking her something little, like how her weekend was, or something like that. And her birthday is coming up in a few months, so I'll probably write and wish her a happy birthday. Then, I'll hold back from talking more seriously with her until I figure out my college situation. Unless of course she writes to me before any of that; in that case, I'll reply back normally.

 

Anyway, the reason I jumped the gun a bit was because I realized that I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself with my messages to her, and I knew if I waited to write her again until tomorrow, I would've just kept driving myself crazy thinking about it. So, like you said, Crazyaboutdogs, contact has been established, now I just have to relax on it and let things play out naturally. If she writes me, I'll write back, but if not, I'll just limit myself to about one or two casual messages once every couple of weeks, until I figure things out better.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds good. As long as you keep it casual and don't push.

[MattW]

Heh, last night, I found some of her old blogs from about two years ago, and man, I wish I had found her sooner... Her and I were going through so many of the same issues in high school, judging from the stuff she had written; woulda been nice to have had some one that could relate. Also, I'm pretty sure I found out how her and her current boyfriend met up; from what I gather by reading some of her more recent stuff, it seems like her and this guy met through a mutual male friend. And that kinda makes me wonder if that means the chance of a breakup between the two is even less likely than I had thought...

 

And I already know I'll get the "You're reading too much into this" response from this next bit, heh, but something kinda stuck out at me about not only her MySpace, but her boyfriend's page, as well. Every time I've looked at the MySpace page of some one who's in a relationship, they always have their boyfriend/ girlfriend as their top friend (or at the very least, in the number two spot). But, both this girl and her boyfriend are relatively low on each other's friends list... They even both have this mutual male friend ahead of each other (the boyfriend even has a couple of girls higher up in his top friends than his current girlfriend). So, I suppose it probably doesn't really mean anything, it just seems kinda strange to me. Again, from my personal experience, usually when some one is in a relationship, their friends list usually reflects the idea that their girlfriend/ boyfriend is their absolute best friend. Oh well. I just like to check her page when I have the chance, just to see what she's up to, especially since I've taken a break from writing her.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I wouldn't read too much into any of these MySpace things, blogs etc. Also, just because a friend fixed them up doesn't mean they are going to last...the success or failure of a relationship has to do with the two people involved, not outside parties, no matter who they are. Just chill out and see how a friendship with her goes.

[MattW]

Well, she's apparently pretty good friends with the mutual male friend, and I *think* her boyfriend is the friend's room mate, so my concern with that would be that if they broke up, they'd still see each other so much that they'd just end up getting right back together. Although, she also has a female friend that I guess is like her best friend, and in one of her older blogs, she was talking about being grateful to that friend for helping her get over an ex, from back in high school. So I guess it'd depend on if her friend would help her get over her current boyfriend.

 

Really, I'm just trying to assess the situation and figure out what my chances are with her in the future. I'm not trying to push things forward NOW, but I want to have an idea of what to expect, and if I have any chance with her whatsoever. Honestly, I think I have a pretty good personality, and lots of good qualities, but the main hurdles are that she has a boyfriend, and secondly, on a more petty level, I dunno if she'd be willing to go out with a guy that's shorter than her. I'd hope she'd look more at my personality than how tall I am, as I, myself, don't have any problems dating a girl that's taller than me.

 

But, I still haven't written her, and I still plan on waiting quite a while with doing so again. Right now I'm focusing on getting my college applications done; I hadn't realized how much time has passed, I should really start buckling down... @_@

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If the relationship ends I don't think being in the same circle is really going to have an effect on whether or not they would get back together. Lots of exs travel in the same circles and they don't get back together. I don't think you can really say anything about your chances in the future...you haven't met her yet so it is best not to speculate. Just play it by ear.

[MattW]

Heh heh, yeah, I know, I'm just trying to brace myself. My instincts are telling me that, given the chance, I could get with her, but with so many unknowns and uncertainties, I don't know if I'll actually be able to get that chance.

[MattW]

Couple of little questions that just sprang to my mind here... For one, even though I only plan to start writing her little messages every couple of weeks, I can really only think of a couple of different things to write to her; what are some good casual little conversation starters? Also, and I'm not really worried about this at the moment, but if she doesn't write me anything on her own before I write her a little message in about two weeks, is that, like, a bad sign? Or is that to be expected since we only just got back into contact with each other and we're just not at that level, yet?

 

Hm... A friend of mine noticed the girl on my MySpace page and was asking me who she was; I didn't tell him I had any kind of feelings, or anything, but I did kind of give an explanation as to how her and I went to grade school together a long time ago, and how I had just found her and started talking to her online. I don't know if he was just messing around with me, or if he could actually tell I liked her, but he started jokingly saying stuff, like calling her my girlfriend, and stuff, but I just kinda brushed it off. But later on, he left me a comment on my MySpace, and said something about me "hanging out with that girl I've been talking to". I'm not sure if I should delete that comment or not... On one hand, if she looks at my page and sees that, it could weird her out; but on the other hand, it doesn't necessarily imply that she's the girl he was talking about...

 

Oh, and, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but... for a while, when I'd look at her MySpace or Facebook page, it'd always kinda sting to have to see all her pictures of her with this guy, and her little profile talking about how great he is, and everything. But now when I look at her pages, I just don't really "feel" anything about her relationship. I'm not over her, though, and that's why I'm kind of confused... I'd think it's normal for some one to feel bad when they see some one they like being with some one else, but now for some reason it just... doesn't. o_O

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think your friend is rather immature and you should probably take that comment off your MySpace. I think it is very early days and while you may be thinking a lot about her, she may not be thinking about you at all at this point. You just initiated contact so there is no real friendship there at this point and she is busy with her own life. Friendships have to evolve and she may not want to get too friendly with you out of respect for her boyfriend. You can't rush this and plot and plan. It has to evolve naturally. I think you are less concerned about the boyfriend right now because you have initiated contact...but remember, she does have a boyfriend...that is her current reality...so you have to be respectful of that.

[MattW]

Heh, yeah, I'm not really "plotting"; I have cooled down on the contacting, and I plan to wait about two weeks before writing anything more to her. I want to keep it casual and light when I finally do write her again, but I'm liable to basically write her the same little message every couple of weeks, rather than change it up a bit. @_@ And yeah, you're right, I probably shouldn't expect her to write to me on her own this soon. I just kinda wondered if that was a bad sign if she didn't. I think one of the reasons I kinda wondered that is because she seems comfortable enough to write to other guys; although admittedly, she's probably had more time to develop friendship with them than with me, since I only just started writing to her a few days ago.

 

As for my concerns about her boyfriend, I suppose that could be true; it just seemed weird to me that I went from feeling down every time I would see the pics and stuff, to just not feeling anything. And actually, this change has pretty much happened overnight, if you can believe that; I remember feeling bad about her having a boyfriend even as recently as yesterday, but now I don't feel sad, or happy, or really anything about her being in a relationship.

 

And yeah, I should prolly delete that one comment; I was going to do it just a moment ago, but she's currently signed onto MySpace at this moment, so I'm waiting for her to sign off... That sounds stupid, I know, but whenever I know she's on, I usually wait for her to get off before I go on, otherwise I kinda worry that she'll think I'm, like, creepy, or something, for being on at the same time as her. She always seems to be on at the same time I want to go on... *shrugs* Hopefully she doesn't look at my profile while she's on, though...

[scotty77]

Is there any way you could meet her in person for coffee ?This would give you a better indicator of her status with her boyfriend and if she has any interest in you.She likely isn't going to develop any interest in you at all if you are just online buddies so unless you are going to be seeing her in person in the very near future you would be wise to pursue someone else.

[MattW]

Well, it seems way too soon to start talking to her about meeting up, but that's just my opinion. Like I said, she DID seem glad to hear from me and to be back in contact with me, but we've only exchanged, like, four messages each over a period of about four days, and neither of us has written each other since, I think, Sunday. I think once I make some more progress with messaging her in the next few weeks, I could maybe build up to that, but I think even Crazyaboutdogs will agree with me that it's too soon to even be thinking about meeting up with this girl. But, it continues to look likely that I'll wind up going to the same college as her, anyway, so I'll be seeing her eventually, just probably later on in the year, this summer at the very earliest.

 

I'd also imagine it's probably too early on in to be inquiring about her boyfriend; that'd probably make me seem pretty creepy to her, too. But, from what I've gathered about the relationship based simply off her MySpace/ Facebook pages (and kind of from his MySpace page), they seem to have been going out for about 4-5 months. The only thing that's weird to me is that sometimes their relationship seems really serious, and sometimes it seems fairly casual, and that's what's really throwing me off. Like, she has written on her MySpace profile how great he is and how much she loves him (which I'd be more worried about that if that wasn't something people, especially in our age group, throw around so much), but, for example, on his Facebook page, he added some recent photos, some of which include him posing with other girls (at a party which I don't think his girlfriend went to, as she wasn't in any of the pics), yet she doesn't seem to have any problems with those photos. So, I dunno, I'm trying not to think about it too much right now, but their relationship just seems kinda weird and hard to read, to me.

[jenny_mcs]

I don't have a MySpace or a Facebook account, but based on what I've read here, don't people often have trackers on their page to see who is looking at them? I'm asking because you seem to spend a lot of time on her pages, and you're also going to her bf's.

 

I think it could easily start to look kind of weird, if they can see how often you visit their pages.

[MattW]

I dunno if they do or not; if they do, I don't even know how to use or access them, and I don't know that they'd know how to, either. I've only been on either of their MySpace pages a couple of times (and when I go on her boyfriend's page, I don't log in, since his isn't a private profile). I can't get on her boyfriend's Facebook page because I'm not in any "networks" that he's in. The thing I check out the most is her Facebook page, which I do a couple of times a day. Plus, my Facebook account is just a bogus one I made (it doesn't have any of my real info), so even if she could see that I was looking at her page, it wouldn't necessarily come back to me.

[MattW]

Hm. So, my mom presented me with an interesting idea earlier that I hadn't really thought about. She said that maybe this girl isn't actually that serious with this guy, and just keeps him around for the security (what with some of the threats in college, like rape, etc.). Ah well, who knows...? Guess all I can do is wait and see what happens.

[pianoguy]

The thing I check out the most is her Facebook page, which I do a couple of times a day. Plus, my Facebook account is just a bogus one I made (it doesn't have any of my real info), so even if she could see that I was looking at her page, it wouldn't necessarily come back to me.

 

Dude, you're really starting to sound like a stalker.

 

You're way ahead of yourself with all this analysis of the relationship... you don't know her at all beyond facebook. You need to chill out a bit about all of this.

 

Are there any other girls you might be interested in?

[MattW]

I'm not trying to be stalkerish; I just casually check it when I log on, it's not like I sit around on her page for hours and hours. I just like to know what's going on with her, since I'm trying not to talk to her too much right now, and her Facebook page is an easy way to do that. And I'm aware I don't actually know anything about her relationship, I'm just kinda speculating. Right now, I'm trying to just focus on establishing a friendship, but I can't help thinking about her relationship every now and then.

 

As for other girls, like I said a while back, I'm not desperately looking for a relationship; I don't NEED to be in one, but there's something about this girl that's just pulling me to her. And I know that probably makes me sound even more creepy, but again, I don't mean it to be; it's not like I'd ever do anything really crazy, or something. I think the reason I come off as kind of creepy on here about this is because 1) I tend to overthink even the simplest of things, and 2) I'm kind of a worryer.

 

Besides, there just aren't any girls I know that I'd date. The girls I work with are either over 25 and not interested (and I'm not really comfortable with that age gap, anyway), or under 18 and a tad too immature for my tastes (add on that I could get in trouble for doing anything with them, anyway, since I'm 19). And my non-work friends that are my age are also quite immature; when they try to set me up with girls, it's usually with loose drunk girls looking for a quick hook up.