Very lengthy read, but I could really use some input...

[MattW]

So, she hasn't written me back yet from that first little icebreaker; I know she's at least seen it, since she approved it to be on her page. On a sidenote, that's one of these things I hate about these social profile sites; it's almost too "casual", and it's not easy to get a conversation flowing properly. I mean, I understand she's busy, and I'm not blaming her, or anything like that, but it's tough to get things in motion, considering I have a limited time frame to do this.

 

Oh, I kinda veered off what I originally came to post. I want to paraphrase my "planned" set of messages, and let you look over them. They're sort of "rough drafts" I'm just toying around with, so I imagine I might need to change some of them. Alright, let me start off.

 

Right now, the one I already sent her just asked her how her summer's been going. I'm figuring she'll probably mention the break up (probably not in detail); my next message would probably say something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. How you doing with that?", just to sort of feel her out on where she's at. Now, my next message will probably be the biggie; I'd start it off responding to whatever she says (like, if she had answered "It was rough at first, but I'm doing better", I'd start with saying something like "That's good"), then go into something like this (and again, this is just paraphrasing): "So, summer's half over, and I kinda wanted to ask you this sooner, but I knew you were seeing some one, and I didn't want to make things weird. But, uh... how about you and me hang out some time? It'd be really nice to see you again, and catch up, and everything.

 

That's all I got, at the moment. Do you think three messages is a little early to start into this? Should I build up to it more, some how? Let me know what you think.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would probably not mention anything about wanting to ask her sooner but not doing it because of the guy. It just makes it seem like you were waiting for an opportunity to "pounce". I would just keep it casual...you could still mention summer being half over but turn it into wanting to catch up before she gets busy with preparing to go back to school. Keep it casual and light and realistic.

[MattW]

Eh, good point. Everything else is alright, though? What about how I wondered if presenting the idea in just three messages is sort of pushing it too soon?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Eh, good point. Everything else is alright, though? What about how I wondered if presenting the idea in just three messages is sort of pushing it too soon?

 

No, it sounds fine to me.

[MattW]

Alright, good. Now I just have to play the waiting game, a little bit, heh... Like I said, it's pretty frustrating, because I only have maybe 7 or 8 weeks to get my foot in the door, here, and it'll probably take me at least half that time to even get her talking about that. Ah well, guess there's nothing I can do about that.

[pianoguy]

Why don't you just call her? Send her a message first and ask if it's okay. Just tell her you've been wanting to talk and catch up. It's easier to do these things over the phone, much faster, and you'll be able to gauge interest much more easily.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Why don't you just call her? Send her a message first and ask if it's okay. Just tell her you've been wanting to talk and catch up. It's easier to do these things over the phone, much faster, and you'll be able to gauge interest much more easily.

 

Yeah, I agree with Pianoguy. Telephone is best.

[MattW]

Yeah, that'd be preferable, but she doesn't know I have her number, and I'd never call it without her "officially" giving it to me, otherwise that'd be creepy, heh... So, I guess I'll have to try and work that exchange of phone numbers into one of my next messages.

[pianoguy]

"Work that exchange?" Heavens, just tell her you'd love to call and catch up, and could you please have her phone number. Nothing complicated about it...

[MattW]

Heh, I just mean, considering the likely nature of the next few messages, I'll have to figure out a way to write it in that makes sense. Then I'll end up having to wait until she gets around to answering me on that message, so it'll probably still be about the same time frame, in the end, lol.

[pianoguy]

Good lord. ](*,)

 

Write the following:

 

"Hey, it's Matt again. I was wondering if I could give you a call sometime and catch up. I heard that you're going to [such and such school] and I'm thinking about going there in the fall and was wondering what you thought about it.

 

Later,

Matt."

 

You can even cut and paste that if you like. I won't get mad. Don't leave the bracketed part in though.

[MattW]

That'd be good, but I've sort of already put plans in motion to go to a different school (which, considering the timing, is pretty ironic...). I sort of wish I hadn't originally told her I was planning to go to the same school as her, because now, if/ when we start talking more and meeting up, I'll have to figure out some way to explain why I made my decision.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So if you go to a different school, what would the distance be between your school and her school? Are you going to the new school in September?

[MattW]

The school I'm going to is the community college, which I talked about way back, that's right around where I live. Although, my current plan is to transfer after two years to a university to get a bachelor's degree, so there IS a possibility that that could still be the university I transfer to in two years. That's a long way off, though. It also probably wouldn't make that much of a difference, when it comes to me and her, because her and I'd only see eachother for a year, then she'd graduate, and I'd still have another year to go, so...

[pianoguy]

That'd be good, but I've sort of already put plans in motion to go to a different school (which, considering the timing, is pretty ironic...). I sort of wish I hadn't originally told her I was planning to go to the same school as her, because now, if/ when we start talking more and meeting up, I'll have to figure out some way to explain why I made my decision.

 

Matt, it was just an example. You're an intelligent person, I'm sure you can adapt my letter to suit your situation. Ask her about her school anyways, it would be good for you to hear what the place is like from a student.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Matt, it was just an example. You're an intelligent person, I'm sure you can adapt my letter to suit your situation. Ask her about her school anyways, it would be good for you to hear what the place is like from a student.

 

Yeah, I agree. There is that expression, "you snooze, you lose". The question is do you really want to try to make this a reality, or are you subconsciously hoping that if you stall long enough the window of opportunity will be gone and then you can still live "safely" in the fantasy of it all.

[pianoguy]

Yeah, I agree. There is that expression, "you snooze, you lose". The question is do you really want to try to make this a reality, or are you subconsciously hoping that if you stall long enough the window of opportunity will be gone and then you can still live "safely" in the fantasy of it all.

 

Exactly... I think that's what we're all wondering.

[MattW]

Matt, it was just an example. You're an intelligent person, I'm sure you can adapt my letter to suit your situation. Ask her about her school anyways, it would be good for you to hear what the place is like from a student.

 

Ah. Whoops. Didn't quite think of that.

 

Yeah, I agree. There is that expression, "you snooze, you lose". The question is do you really want to try to make this a reality, or are you subconsciously hoping that if you stall long enough the window of opportunity will be gone and then you can still live "safely" in the fantasy of it all.

 

Hm. I suppose you're right. Honestly, I DO want to make this happen, but there's this nagging part of me that's telling me that the chances of me and her getting together are slim to none, and unfortunately, I have the mindset that if I know for a fact that I'm going to fail, why bother trying anyway? Really, it's just doubt in myself; it's not so much a matter of "make it a reality, or stall and create a safe fantasy", it's more a matter of "I want to do this more than anything, but I don't believe I can".

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Ah. Whoops. Didn't quite think of that.

 

 

 

Hm. I suppose you're right. Honestly, I DO want to make this happen, but there's this nagging part of me that's telling me that the chances of me and her getting together are slim to none, and unfortunately, I have the mindset that if I know for a fact that I'm going to fail, why bother trying anyway? Really, it's just doubt in myself; it's not so much a matter of "make it a reality, or stall and create a safe fantasy", it's more a matter of "I want to do this more than anything, but I don't believe I can".

 

If you want something bad enough, you go for it and you overcome your fear of failure. If you don't try then you have failed...if you try and it doesn't work out then at least you can walk away without wondering if things would have worked out had you tried. This is not bungy jumping off a bridge into a gorge...this is not skydiving....this is not rock climbing...it is simply connecting with someone in the hopes that there is mutual interest...in other words, failure is not going to result in you getting maimed or killed..a bruised ego heals soon enough and actually makes you tougher. So if the answer is no, at least you have gotten over the hurdle of being able to go for it and handle rejection and it will help you for the next one who comes along. If the answer is yes, you get to develop something that could be very nice. It is win-win no matter what the outcome. If you choose to let your fears over-ride what you really want to do then perhaps you don't want it badly enough and you might end up setting up a pattern in your life where you can't follow through and make relationships a reality...preferring to live in the fantasy.

[MattW]

Wow, that was quite an eye-opening post.

 

I definitely think I'm going to try for this, it just comes down to getting her to respond to my messages. I don't want to start writing her so often before she can even reply to the messages I send her; I mean, I'm not sure how to draw the line here between being persistent, and being creepy/ annoying. But it has been about five days since I messaged her, and she hasn't responded, yet...

[MattW]

Created a new topic, since this one got so big. Crazyaboutdogs, pianoguy, and anyone else that's been following this, please continue your input on the new topic. If I can figure out how, I'll close this topic. If not, uh... just let it fade into oblivion.

 

Even though you guys shouldn't have any trouble finding the new one (it's on this same board...), here's a link, just in case: