Very lengthy read, but I could really use some input...

[MattW]

Let me apologize right now for making this so long, but in order to give the best understanding of the situation I'm in, I really need to start from the beginning and tell the whole story. That said, I'm going to end up admitting to some pretty embarrassing things, here (nothing too weird or disturbing, just things I'd be kind of ashamed to admit to people I actually know), but I don't know who else to talk to about this. So, here goes...

 

Believe it or not, this goes all the way back to kindergarten; I met a girl, and, us being little kids, it started off as a simple little crush. As the years went on, though, I started feeling a lot stronger about it, but I was too shy around her to ever really let her know I liked her. We got to the sixth grade, and after that, she ended up transferring to a different school, and I never saw her again. By then, she kinda had an idea that I had a little crush on her, but again, I was too shy to let on any more than that. Since then, it's always been my biggest regret that I never opened up to her and took a chance (although, again, we were both kids). After she left, I just tried to put it out of my mind, but to be honest, I never really got over her.

 

All through high school, I never was able to have a relationship (in terms of dating, not friendship) with a girl. For a while, I wasn't sure why, but it kind of hit me that, in the back of my mind, I was still thinking about this girl from grade school, and that I wanted her and no one else. Of course, it didn't help matters much that I fell in with a bad crowd that emotionally abused me and drained me of any self confidence (thus making it even harder to approach a girl).

 

Fast forward to now; I'm 19 right now, just to clear that up (I know, I'm still young, with my whole life ahead of me here, and shouldn't be worrying about this kind of thing now, but...). Anyway, just recently, I kinda got it in my head to look the girl from grade school up, and I managed to find her profile on Facebook. Reading through the stuff she wrote about herself on there, she's exactly the type of girl I want, and I'd love to get in contact with her, but there are a couple of road blocks in the way...

 

First of all, the college she's currently attending is almost two hours away from where I live; meaning, if we ever did get involved in any kind of way, it'd almost definitely have to be a long distance relationship. The other problem, and this is the biggie, is that she's currently dating some one. And don't get me wrong, I don't mind that she's dating, and has a boyfriend; after all, she's not aware that I'm still out here, looking to contact her, it's just... It makes me feel a bit powerless, because any action I take, or any potential I might have with this girl rests on the relationship she's currently in. Yeah, the two could break up, but what if they don't? What if they stay together, get married, start a family, and I lose my chance again? All I can do right now is sit around and wait to see what happens with her and this other guy. And even then, with me being so far away from her and not knowing her personally, even if she does break up with this guy, who's to say there won't be some one else waiting for an opportunity to get involved with her?

 

Now, I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but I want to have a plan of action, in case an opportunity presents itself. So let's go into a few rhetorics, here. Let's say she suddenly becomes available; what do I say when I first make an attempt to contact her? Obviously, I can't just start spilling my guts to her from day one, but how do I work up to telling her how I feel? With there being so much distance between us, how do I eventually talk her into meeting up with me in person? And even if she were to express interest in me, how do I go about sustaining that relationship, considering the two hour distance? I mean, I wouldn't be able to know what's going on in her environment, and who she's having any kind of contact with, considering there are probably other guys at her college that are interested in her, including the guy she's with now (who, in this situation, would be her ex). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I wouldn't be able to trust her, or that I'm really high maintenance, it's just really intimidating to me... Although, I suppose that's just one of the problems people in long distance relationships face.

 

Here's where I open it up to all of you. What do you think? What should I do? Is there any hope that this might work out, or should I just give up? I dunno, but I just feel like I should do something eventually. I think her and I would really be good for each other, but this whole situation is just so complicated, I don't know if it could ever work out. And even if she did reject me, even though it'd obviously hurt like hell, I'd really like to get closure on this whole thing one way or another so that if there were absolutely no chance her and I could ever work out, I could maybe start to move on with my life. I'd hate to let a chance with her slip out of my hands yet again, and spend the rest of my life wondering what could've been.

 

So, even though I've had to admit to some kind of embarrassing things here, it kind of feels good to get this off my chest and possibly get some input from you guys. A big thanks to anyone who took the time to read all of this and offer any constructive advice, or help, or anything like that, it's much appreciated.

[lana111]

i identify with you buddy, except my crush stayed with me my whole schooling, specifically 2nd grade to graduation.

 

i agree with 15 storeys. first step is making contact. see where it goes from there.

 

i had all the same feelings about my crush... what if he is dating someone... will i ever get a chance... ? i really had this feeling that he was the one. this crush lasted from 2nd grade until about 2 years ago. he was always in the back of my mind- it was rough.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

15 Storey's has very good suggestions. Just start off re-connecting as former classmates and then you can eventually figure out if her relationship is serious or not. You can't make any romantic moves on her unless she is out of the other relationship. If her relationship ends and you have established contact for a while, then I would suggest coming up with some kind of personal reason to visit the place where she is and then suggest that you meet up while you are there. Then see how that goes. Right now you only have a fantasy of someone you knew way back when you were both children. However, you don't really know her as a young adult...maybe you won't even like her..maybe your interests will be very different and you wouldn't even be compatible. It reminds me of the movie from the 70's "10" with Bo Derek and Dudley Moore.. where Moore's character falls for someone he only sees in passing...he becomes obsessed with her and eventually has an opportunity to make contact with her...once he actually has an intimate encounter with her and finds out more about her character, he realizes that she is not all he imagined her to be.

[MattW]

Mm. Well, I don't actually have a Facebook account (in fact, I had only even just heard about it), I only made a bogus one when I found hers because it wouldn't let me view her profile without one. I think she also has a MySpace, but I don't have one of those, either. Guess I'm behind the times...

 

Anyway, I've been taking a look at the college she goes to, and to be honest, I'm kind of pondering going there (as in, becoming a student there). And no, I don't mean just because she's there, but the tuition is pretty cheap compared to other schools I've seen, and for me, money is a huge issue with schooling. Plus, it has classes and programs I'd definitely be interested in; the fact that she's there is just kind of like a bonus.

 

The only downside is that all my friends and my current job, and everything, are all here, and it'd mean starting all over... But, at the same time, if I'm going to try to get in contact with this girl, I'd rather be able to get into a regular relationship as opposed to a long distance one. Ah well, I guess it's something to ponder.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would not suggest moving there simply to be in her area...if you want to move, move because it is the right decision for YOU...for your future. I have started over many many times in my life...it is not easy but it is most certainly a good experience for learning and growing. If this school has a lot of benefits for you then by all means check it out...I am sure you can get a job in that area as well to help with your tuition costs.

[MattW]

Yeah, like I said, if I go there, it won't just be because she's there. Money is a big factor in terms of school, for me, and so far, it's the cheapest school I've seen. That's not to say it's a bad school, but it's more affordable, and that makes a difference to me. Hell, maybe I can use that as a reason to contact this girl; like, I could tell her I'm interested in this school (which wouldn't be a lie), and talk to her about the place, like if it's a good school, what it's like, etc., all while re-establishing a sort of friendship.

 

I just hope that if I do end up going to this school, and if we do ever end up getting together, she doesn't suspect that I came to the school just for her and get creeped out by that... Again, I'm definitely not considering this college BECAUSE she goes there, although I can see why people may get that impression based on the rest of the topic.

 

Edit: Oh, and I also wanted to respond to this part:

 

Right now you only have a fantasy of someone you knew way back when you were both children. However, you don't really know her as a young adult...maybe you won't even like her..maybe your interests will be very different and you wouldn't even be compatible. It reminds me of the movie from the 70's "10" with Bo Derek and Dudley Moore.. where Moore's character falls for someone he only sees in passing...he becomes obsessed with her and eventually has an opportunity to make contact with her...once he actually has an intimate encounter with her and finds out more about her character, he realizes that she is not all he imagined her to be.

 

Yeah, it's true that I don't know for sure what she's like since I don't know her personally, but I really looked over her Facebook profile pretty thoroughly and I think I have a good idea of the kind of person she is, based on the stuff she says she does, and the little comments she makes about stuff, etc. Plus, her and I seem to like a lot of the same kind of stuff (movies, TV shows, things like that), so I definitely think there'd be some compatibility. It'd be different if I maybe just saw a recent picture of her and nothing else, but nowadays with all this MySpace and Facebook, and whatever else is out there, it's a bit easier to figure out what some one is like just by looking at this page.

 

And something that's been kinda making me scratch my head here is, she keeps both her MySpace and Facebook fairly up to date, yet, her MySpace says she's single, and her Facebook profile says she's in a relationship. And judging on some of the little comments on her page about the guy she's dating, it seems to be a little more than just a little casual thing. Of course, her MySpace is set to private (only people on her friends list can view it), and the only way I can find out about whether she's single or not is through the search function, so maybe it's just a bug in the MySpace system. o.O

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't know much about Facebook and Myspace..not my kind of thing...but it seems to me from what I have read, that you can never be quite sure of someone's relationship status just by their profile. Things can change so quickly. If the couple has a fight, suddenly they withdraw that person from their facebook page. It can be like high school games. The only way you are really going to know is if you actually connect with her. I think contacting her about the school might be a good idea. Do you think she would remember you?

[MattW]

Hm. I've been wondering if she'd remember me, too. She... might, but I can't really be 100% sure. Like I said back in my original post, towards the end, she kinda knew a little that I liked her, and that was because some of my friends pushed me into awkward situations with her. So, yeah, I can't really be sure if she'd remember me, since I was kind of a shy kid. That's why I really have no idea of what to first say when I write her. I suppose at most, I'd have to remind her of one or two of those weird situations, and she might remember, and we could have a little laugh about that, but I'm still not sure how to start off writing this girl.

 

Edit: Although, one concern of mine is that if I have to remind her who I am, she may remember me having a crush on her, and I don't want to introduce that whole issue too soon, especially since I don't know what her situation is with this guy. But, I'm sure she'll remember me having a crush on her, either way, so I suppose that's a moot point.

[pianoguy]

I think this is borderline stalker behavior. This is all just a fantasy at this point- as you've said yourself she has a boyfriend (!!!!) and she lives two hours away. It would be hard to find somebody less available.

 

I really think you need to start channeling your energy into finding somebody else and getting over your friend... you really need to start exploring women a bit and doing some dating. It would be one thing if she was single and lived down the street, but she doesn't.

 

I think you're focusing way too much on this one person. There's so many fish in the sea... there seems to be so little chance of anything here, where there should be many other possibilities elsewhere if you start looking.

[MattW]

I guess I can see why you think this is borderline stalkerish, but I'm not trying to take it in that direction, it's just... I dunno, I never really felt this way about any other girl, it's just hard to describe. Believe me, I would never do anything drastic, especially if she's dating some one, I'm not that kind of guy; if you're referring to me talking about attending that college, again, I am not saying I want to go there simply because she is there.

 

Honestly, I just want to get some kind of closure with this girl. If there's any possibility at all that I could have a chance with her, I don't want to miss that oppurtunity. And if she rejects me, then I will be able to move on. You know how some people always talk about the "one that got away"? Well, even though I'm still young, she's my "one that got away". Except now I might have a chance to change that. And I'm sorry if that sounds stalkerish, but not a lot of people get that second chance, yanno?

[pianoguy]

I guess I can see why you think this is borderline stalkerish, but I'm not trying to take it in that direction, it's just... I dunno, I never really felt this way about any other girl, it's just hard to describe.

Oh, I totally understand. Been there, done that.

 

Honestly, I just want to get some kind of closure with this girl.

Ah, well... closure comes in many forms. Closure basically means that you've accepted that there isn't the possibility of anything happening, and you're cool with that. Sometimes you need to get a rejection from the beloved... other times it can be something you can do on your own- it depends on the person.

 

I'm just concerned that your attachment to this one girl is hindering you from looking for other girls that are more available and could be just as attractive to you. Realistically, what is it that you want to happen? This is something you need to ask yourself. Are you going to put your entire life on hold until she dumps her current boyfriend? How long will that take? Then what? Are you going to drive 2 hours to see her several times a week? Gas is expensive.

 

I'm not trying to be mean or harsh- but these are things you really need to consider.

If there's any possibility at all that I could have a chance with her, I don't want to miss that oppurtunity. And if she rejects me, then I will be able to move on. You know how some people always talk about the "one that got away"? Well, even though I'm still young, she's my "one that got away".

Well, I don't think that's a good way to look at it- it's a pessimistic person who complains about the one who got away when they have a perfectly good catch already in the bucket. Or in your case- a perfectly functional fishing rod and a pond with other, equally delicious fish. (Two can play the metaphor game)

 

My advice would be to clarify if she has a boyfriend or not, for your own peace of mind, but if she does, you need to try and get over her as best you can, unless you really want to try a long distance relationship.

 

Again though, don't blind yourself to other opportunities... there are so many out there.

[MattW]

Well, I'm not really putting my life on hold, or anything, waiting to see what happens with her. I mean, I have a job, and friends (albeit very immature friends...) that I hang out with, and I'm still moving forward with my life. I opted to not go right into college right out of high school simply because of money, but I've always planned on going to college at some point, and basically, that's all I'm making plans for, right now.

 

And obviously, money is still a factor for me, and the college this girl is going to is actually a good option for me, if I'm willing to make the move. The fact that she's there and I could potentially get involved with her at some point in the future is just sort of a bonus. I'm not banking on it happening, but it'd be nice. Hell, I'd settle for just getting to see her again. Basically, I'd like to see if there's any potential for her and me, and if there isn't, I'll be able to accept that and move on.

 

As for more available women, believe me, I've looked, but so many of the women I come in contact with on a regular basis are just too... shallow, and a bit promiscuous, and even though that's appealing to a lot of guys, that's just not my thing.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

With the internet more and more people are connecting with old school love interests. You hear these stories all the time (although sometimes it is married people who re-connect with their school flames and they end up ditching their marriage). So I don't think what Matt is doing is odd and unheard of...it is just best to have both feet on the ground when pursuing this...and it sounds like he does.

[MattW]

Heh heh, thanks, Crazyaboutdogs. On a side note, I just noticed on her Facebook that she's currently visiting home for the weekend, so it's kinda funny knowing that she's not that far away from me right at this very moment.

[robinhood]

Hi MattW,

 

I think that story is very sweet. To remember someone from kindergarten in that way sounds silly at first, but it demonstrates your faithfulness. No matter what other people think, I don't think it is stalker-ish or anything. Remember that you're not bothering her. If she disliked you contacting her and you continued to, then that would be stalking. You bring up many points which also show that you've been thinking really deeply about this.

 

I suggest that you initiate contact with her by a private message on facebook. If she replies and both of you want to maintain contact, then stay friends. Get to know her much better because facebook is an online profile. Anyone can change it. You can't tell from an online profile whether or not a girl is right for you. For example, I could make a profile about myself stating that I am very good at rugby, which I'm not. I'm not suggesting that she's lying but it is wise to be safe. After all, you haven't spoken to her in more than a decade.

 

If you ever get to that stage, you have done very well. Don't hope for the two of them to break up, it's not nice. If they happily get married then there is nothing you can morally do to stop that. If they do break up then don't rush things. And if someone else gets in before you then again, tough. Notice that this paragraph is full of "ifs", because it is heavily dependent on luck. Life doesn't always work out, and plus I still don't fully believe you actually love this girl after NC for so long. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

But again, I really like the way you're so persistent. It's a good attribute to have and good luck! =)

[MattW]

Hi MattW,

 

I think that story is very sweet. To remember someone from kindergarten in that way sounds silly at first, but it demonstrates your faithfulness. No matter what other people think, I don't think it is stalker-ish or anything. Remember that you're not bothering her. If she disliked you contacting her and you continued to, then that would be stalking. You bring up many points which also show that you've been thinking really deeply about this.

 

Heh, thanks; nice to know some people can actually understand what I'm going through. Sometimes even I've wondered if this whole thing was a bit crazy, myself.

 

I suggest that you initiate contact with her by a private message on facebook. If she replies and both of you want to maintain contact, then stay friends. Get to know her much better because facebook is an online profile. Anyone can change it. You can't tell from an online profile whether or not a girl is right for you. For example, I could make a profile about myself stating that I am very good at rugby, which I'm not. I'm not suggesting that she's lying but it is wise to be safe. After all, you haven't spoken to her in more than a decade.

 

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't rush into things when contacting her, I'd start small and casual. Still, I hope she (or her boyfriend, depending on how high maintenance he is) wouldn't get offended by me writing to her, even if I'm just writing basic, chit-chatty stuff... I'm still looking into this college that she's going to, and should I end up deciding to enroll there, I think that'd be the best way to break the ice with contacting her. Now I just gotta figure out if that's the route I'm going to go; that and, well, try to get into this whole Facebook/ MySpace networking website phenomenon people of my age seem to be so thrilled with.

 

If you ever get to that stage, you have done very well. Don't hope for the two of them to break up, it's not nice. If they happily get married then there is nothing you can morally do to stop that. If they do break up then don't rush things. And if someone else gets in before you then again, tough. Notice that this paragraph is full of "ifs", because it is heavily dependent on luck. Life doesn't always work out

 

Mhmm. Like I said, I'd never actually do anything to come between them, or anything. It still kinda bugs me that her MySpace claims she's single, yet her Facebook definitely shows she's dating some one. 'Course, again, it could just be a glitch in the MySpace system, or something.

 

My "plan" (which I hate calling it that, because it makes it sound so evil, or creepy when I don't intend it to) is to figure out first if I want to end up going to this school. If I do, I'll contact her, and make small talk about the school itself and catch up a little. If things go well there, and if the school has a program like this, maybe I could drive over to the campus and have some kind of tour or walk-around, and if they allow you to choose who walks you around, perhaps I could talk to her about being my guide (thus allowing us to meet up without any kind of pressure, or anything). From there on, should I attend the college, I'd just try to maintain a close friendship with her and whoever else she hangs around with, and see where it goes. But again, the problem that comes up is, if this guy she's dating is high maintenance, he might now "allow" us to have any contact. I don't know if he might be the type that's easily offended by his girlfriend having male friends or not... Though, even if I can't be in a relationship with her, I'd like to at least maintain a friendship, so I hope that could at least work out.

 

and plus I still don't fully believe you actually love this girl after NC for so long.

 

"NC"? Oh, "no contact"? Yeah, that's understandable. I can't say for sure if I "LOVE"-love her or not, but I have some kind of deep feelings that just won't go away, which is why I'd like to explore them some how. If she makes it clear to me that there's no potential for anything more than friendship, ever, between us, I can accept that, and move on. But I think I'm a great guy, and even though I only have an impression of her from an online profile, I think I'd be a good match for her. Should her and I get in contact, and begin to see each other on a regular basis (meaning I start attending this school), I don't plan on doing anything more than showing her that I could be a good potential boyfriend. I wouldn't try to put her in situations where she'd have to compare me to whoever she may be dating, or anything like that.

[MattW]

Hey, I'm sorry for bumping this old topic, especially when I don't really have any update on the situation, any, but uh... I dunno, I'm kinda bored, and I've been thinking a lot lately about back when her and I were in grade school. And thinking back, something kinda stuck out at me... Let me explain a little better. Remember those "awkward situations" I mentioned before? They're kinda relevent here (heh, and hey, they might be kind of a fun read for you guys).

 

So, back when her and I were in sixth grade (which was the last year she was at the school) is when these situations first started happening. And again, me being really shy around this girl, it was mostly my friends who started anything, because they knew I liked her. The first of these "situations" started one day at lunch; unbeknownst to me, my friends bought an ice cream for this girl, then told her it was from me. One of them told me about it just as they had given it to her, and I looked over just in time to see them point me out; surprisingly, she looked at me and smiled.

 

The next few days, my friends did the same thing over and over, especially when they knew it was making me kinda uncomfortable for them to be doing this. But, after a while, they kinda worked me up to delivering the ice cream myself, and I started doing so. I did it for a few days, but after a while, this other kid that sort of dated her off and on (which, being that we were, I dunno, like, ten or eleven years old, it wasn't like it was a serious relationship) got kinda pissed and I stopped with the ice cream thing...

 

The next situation came not too long after that; our school had its very first school dance, and I was there with my friends, and she was there with that other kid that didn't like the whole ice cream thing. My friends kept teasing me that I should ask her to dance, especially when the slow songs came on, but I was way too embarrassed. So, they started approaching her about it, and, again, surprisingly, she didn't seem to be against the idea. I, on the otherhand, was really... well, nervous, because I could barely talk to this girl, let alone dance with her. But, when the next slow song came on, my friends finally pushed me into it, and the kid she came with backed off. Being that this was the first time I'd ever danced with a girl, I was super nervous, and I imagine I was probably pretty terrible; it didn't help matters much that one of my friends was basically running around us in circles giggling and "cheering me on"...

 

Situation #3 was pretty bad... One day we were in line for something or other; I was standing behind her, and one of my friends was behind me, whispering in my ear to "grab her butt". I just kinda rolled my eyes and ignored him, and so what did he decide to do? He smacked my hand into her butt... God, was that embarrassing; so he's laughing his head off, and she turns around and sees that it was me. Nervously, I tried to find something to say, to apologize, but she just kind of gave me a look as to say "Don't worry about it".

 

The next situation took place near the end of the year, when I knew she'd be leaving the school afterwards. Another "first" event for our school, they rented out this big park, and we got to spend the whole day there doing whatever. They also happened to hire one of those people that'll paint designs on your face or hand, or whatever; now, I really had no interest in that, but after a while, my friends hatched another little "plot", and started pushing for me to get this girl's name painted on my face. Again, I wasn't exactly thrilled about it very much, but they eventually dragged me into the line of people waiting.

 

Needless to say, I ended up with her name painted on my face, with a heart drawn around it (as directed by my one friend to the painter). On a funny little note, when a teacher of mine saw it, she said "Aw; you like her? Yeah, you two would look really cute together". Anyway, I avoided this girl for a while and just stuck with my friends, because they already knew I liked her, so it didn't matter if they saw it. But eventually, the gossip got back to her and she ended up finding me. And once again, to my surprise, she didn't seem to mind; in fact, she playfully told me that if she'd known about it sooner, she'd have gotten my name painted on her face (by then the painter had packed up and left).

 

And the last situation actually happened in eighth grade; during lunch one day, she visited our school (as again, she transferred right after sixth grade), and sat with her old friends. And once again, my friends started teasing me and telling me to go over there and tell her that I was in love with her, etc. Shortly after that, one of the girls that happened to be sitting near me tapped me on the shoulder and directed me at the girl I liked, and when I looked over, she smiled and waved, so I smiled and waved back. Whether one of my friends put that idea into her head, I'm not sure, although it wouldn't surprise me much. After that, my friends started up again telling me to go over there and say all this stuff, but before I knew it, lunch was over, and she left. I haven't seen her since then.

 

Alright, so what exactly does all that have to do with anything? Well, now I'm sort of wondering if maybe she kinda liked me back. o.O OR, and this is what I'm thinking it probably really was, maybe she just kinda... pitied me? I mean, she was really popular; everyone seemed to like her, all the guys had crushes on her, etc. Whereas, I was this really shy, nervous, dorky kid, and plus I was always really short compared to the rest of my peers; even she was a lot taller than me (of course, judging by the recent pics of her I've seen, I think I'm pretty close to her height, so that shouldn't matter much now). So, I dunno, maybe she just felt sorry for me, or something... I can't imagine that she actually liked me the way I liked her; but man, that'd sure be ironic. Ah well, just something to think about, I guess.

[pianoguy]

Hmmm... I don't know if it's worth looking for signs from a sixth grader... It's very cute, but also ancient history. Think about how much you've changed since sixth grade- that was what, six years ago?

 

Have you sent her a message on facebook yet?

[MattW]

No, I haven't sent her anything yet, I haven't quite worked up to it... I'm still waiting to see how things go, really. Like, for one, I haven't totally decided about going to that college yet, and also, I've been kind of waiting and checking her Facebook every now and then to see if she's still dating this other guy (just because I'm kind of nervous to be writing her while she has a boyfriend).

 

And yeah, I suppose it's not worth thinking much about back from sixth grade; even though I don't know about her yet, I know that I've definitely changed. I'm not so nervous and shy around girls any more, so I'd think that bodes well for me. Still, it's kinda interesting to look back at that stuff that happened between me and her from all those years ago.

 

Oh, and to stray off topic a bit, you guys don't mind if I keep this topic going, do you? Sometimes things like the stuff I talked about in my last post just kind of pop in my head, and it's kinda fun to write them out on here. In fact, there's another "story" I'd like to tell that sort of relates to this topic, but I didn't want to make my last post any bigger as it is, so I had planned to write up this other post sometime later today. And, it'd be nice to have this topic around for when I do start writing her, so you guys can help me make sure I'm not totally saying the wrong things to her.

[MattW]

Alright, back for another little story. This one actually has nothing to with me or this girl, so you don't really HAVE to read this one, but I think it's very interesting, to say the least.

 

So, the other day I was talking to my mom, and I told her about how I managed to find this girl online. We talked a bit about it, and she told me a story about one of her brothers (which is obviously my uncle...). Back in about the 70s (I think), my uncle was dating this woman and he was so completely in love with her. As the years passed, though, there was some sort of situation with this woman's family (I can't remember the specifics), and she had to move away, out of state. So, they had to break up, and from the way my mom explained it, my uncle was extremely depressed.

 

He started seeing this new woman, and my mom's family absolutely HATED this woman for one very big reason: she was the very definition of the word "skanky". While still involved with my uncle, she literally hit on any man she knew or met, and slept with any that were willing to. She had these sick "goals", such as sleeping with my uncle's other two brothers (my mom knows for sure that this woman slept with one of them, but isn't sure about the other), and also to sleep with one guy of every nationality (and from the sounds of it, many of the guys she hooked up with were just... ugh...). This woman even slept with my mom's ex-husband, and again, pretty much any guy she could get her hands on.

 

So what happened with this woman and my uncle? He married her. They had three kids (two daughters and one son), and my mom believes that the youngest daughter was actually fathered by a different man because she apparently looks almost identical to this one guy my aunt had slept with. Anyway, my aunt now acts like she's this pure Bible-thumping religious woman; problem is, and even I've witnessed some of this stuff because this starts getting to where I was around, she still seems to have a wandering eye. She hits on my dad quite a lot (though, fortunately, my dad isn't the cheating type), and she's even hit on boyfriends that her two daughters brought to family get-togethers. But no one can really say for sure if she's still actually sleeping around. Hell, my mom and my half-sister (as she's also aware of what my aunt is like) always warn me to watch out when we have family get-togethers, because my aunt is liable to start making moves on me...

 

Now here's the worst part; according to my mom, my uncle has always been completely oblivious to all of this. Though, no one knows for sure if he actually IS oblivious, or if he just pretends to be and just can't bring himself to actually care... Apparently, he's made small attempts to find the woman he was originally with, but couldn't find her (which, to me, seems like he DOES know about the stuff his wife did/ does, but would rather have somebody than nobody). It's like he gave up and just settled for some one who's just... well... you know.

 

In closing, it's kind of weird to think of how similar his and my situations are. I can't help but wonder what kind of advice he would give me on my current situation... It'd be pretty interesting to hear what he has to say, but I'm not really that close to him to talk to him about it, being that for all my life, he's lived in a whole other state and any contact I've had with him came from get-togethers and such. Plus, I don't know how or even if he's dealt with his feelings both for his old love and his current wife, so even if I WERE able to talk to him about it, I'd be kind of concerned that I'd be digging up old feelings he may have buried long ago... Pretty sad story, huh?

[MattW]

Well, this can't be a good sign (for me)... Though she only mentions him in one line of her profile, one of her "About Me" phrases says "spending time with my perfect boyfriend _______ who I ♥lots & lots" (the underline is the guy's name). Eh; when I was telling this stuff to my mom, she told me not to read too much into that kind of thing, and said that me, this girl, and this guy are all only 19, and chances are, he's not going to be "the one", so I still have a chance with her. And while I'd love to believe that, I have to wonder how much of that is just her being my mom and telling me what I want to hear...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, the story of your uncle is pretty sad. I would guess that he does indeed know about her extracurricular activities but doesn't care...he just likes the notion of being married and doesn't want to go through the headache and financial burden of divorce.

 

As for this girl you are interested in, I do agree with your mother that chances are she won't last with this guy. At that age people write all this lovey dovey stuff about one person and 5 months later they are writing the same lovey dovey stuff about someone completely different. However, I would just steer clear until you know whether or not you are actually planning on going to that school...then if you want, contact her for information about the school but nothing more. At least then the introduction is made...it may not lead to anything with her, but maybe she has a group of friends and who knows...maybe you will end up in the same circle at some point.

[MattW]

Yeah, that'd be an ideal situation; at least I'd be able to get my foot in the door. The only other thing that makes me nervous about when I first start writing to her is, again, I think that if she DOES remember me, she'll probably remember me having a crush on her (and those little situations I had posted the other day on here). And to be honest, I don't know how to respond if she brings those up; I'm trying to prepare myself for anything she might say or ask, or anything like that, but that's the only thing that really makes me nervous, especially considering she currently has a boyfriend.

[pianoguy]

Well, this can't be a good sign (for me)... Though she only mentions him in one line of her profile, one of her "About Me" phrases says "spending time with my perfect boyfriend _______ who I ♥lots & lots" (the underline is the guy's name).

 

I think that's pretty clear, is it not? What other signs do you need? Does she need to actually make out with the guy in front of you?

 

Eh; when I was telling this stuff to my mom, she told me not to read too much into that kind of thing, and said that me, this girl, and this guy are all only 19, and chances are, he's not going to be "the one", so I still have a chance with her.

 

I think that's just refusing to deal with reality. As of right now, she seems to be taken. I think you need to face up to this... she's unavailable right now.

 

I think it would still be okay to send a message on facebook, as a friend, to catch up, but not as a potential boyfriend.

 

I think you're idealizing this girl too much- you had feelings for her in sixth grade, but you've barely known her since... you're more in love with the idea of her than her in real life. I think it's pretty clear that she's moved on and you need to think about doing the same. Life is too short to spend chasing someone who's not available.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

At this point even if she does mention your crush in elementary school, I don't think it is something that would give her much pause for thought. I think crushes in elementary school or not taken very seriously once you are an adult. I also think that you may be idealizing her a bit too much...you don't know her as an adult so you have no idea if you would even like her much.