Is a Little Jealousy Okay?

[Natty7]

It also sounds like you encounter these situations regularly and they are not fun for you - so maybe you two might decide to stop hanging out so much in clubs with a lot of drunk people? (the impression your posts give is that this is a regular activity for you two on weekends).

 

Wish we could but we both love to dance, drink and well be merry on our days off. It's never a problem~ we handle it. It never gets out of control, but when you have two attractive, confident people hanging out in a club~ there are bound to be people hitting on you.

 

This whole thread started because of a little jealousy (mainly in my situation, when the woman doesn't stop~ and you said this hasn't happened to you, I wish I didn't have to encounter these drunk $lu!!y women, but like you said, if we are out and about where everyone is getting wasted~ well you are going to run into it.

 

We don't have a problem, that's not why I posted. It's because yesterday he actually thought that when i get a little jealous it was cute to him. I wanted to see if other people thought the same thing.

[Natty7]

You haven't offended me!!! We cannot censor our opinions... that's why I love this thing. People think differently and I love the human thought process and constantly want to know different angles and perspectives... no worries and I always take all advice/input into consideration. I store it in my brain for the next time I need to retrieve it!

[JadedStar]

It's when these girls persist knowing he has someone... that's when I step up to the plate.

 

Here's the thing tho - why isn't HE doing something about it? I can't understand why you have to intervene. If a woman is inappropriately throwing herself at him he should be moving out of the way or doing SOMETHING to block it. If not, and you have to, it makes it seem he really enjoys this level of attention from the woman and probably even enjoys seeing you get riled up and competitive over it.

 

The reasons you described above are exactly why I avoid clubs and bars after 7 or 8pm these days. It is a meat market and I don't enjoy it. I did quite a few years ago but I grew out of it.

[KAT MOMMY]

This is my point... when is enough enough? Like I said, I know he can handle it. He goes out with his boys and I completely trust that he handles it, but I am there~ so why should he have to? I guess that's my point. Rather than me take on a guy, I like it when he asserts himself as my man and pretty much says "are we going to have a problem here." While I do nothing and let him handle it.

 

I do get your point-trust me I do that is the way I used to look at things and that was before life and love became so damn complicated. But when you reach the crossroads I've came accross you will get me too. The only time my dude is going to have to step in is if the guy curses at me or touches me. Ususally if a guy tries I will ignore him and my guy will literally laugh in his face and ask him-Are you serious> and that's if the guy is persistent but I think it turns him on for me to shake them off-it turns me off when he does it to the females. But if a man is yours and happy to be all yours then he will know what he has to do to make it STOP! I think you should let him be a man and allow him to see you as the woman you are. Not to say that he doesn't care for you-I am sure he does-But it's not your place to correct these chicks it's his and better yet the coming up to him and holding a conversation-Big NO-NO and I know he knows better. I am not knocking your hustle I am just keeping it real all accross the board. I had a b/f that we used to go out to the club all the time and it was like no one else even mattered we used to be so wrapped up in each other that there was no down time for another male/female could get a word in and that is the way it should be. When he is with his fellows that is his mingle time not with you-sometimes we as women accept things out of force of habit and all i am suggesting that if it makes you uneasy then please pin the tail on the donkey before you lose it!

[Natty7]

Because it's none of your business - it is between him and the person who is behaving inappropriately. Would you interfere if a male bartender was rude to him?

 

You're right, but I am sorry if it's a woman bartender, I will. He is respectful enough not to treat a woman badly, even if she's acting like an @$$, that's where I feel that I have equal footing with her and I can step up and say something.

 

Someone said earlier that is was basically okay for a man to do it, but not a woman. If I was being treated rudely by a man~ I'm gonna let my b/f take care of that~ vice versa.

[JadedStar]

If I was being treated rudely by a man~ I'm gonna let my b/f take care of that~ vice versa.

Like it or not there is still a disinction between the sxes. A guy taking up for his girl when it is another guy is much more acceptable than a girl taking up for the guy. It makes the guy look like a wus and is more embarrassing.

 

PErsonally neither situation is good. I think a person should handle themselves unless a guy is forcing himself on a girl. But if i had to say which was more acceptable it is the guy protecting the girl vs vice versa.

[Natty7]

I get what you gals are saying..... back up and let him handle it.

 

So back to the example~

 

The chick (who could barely stand up) was taking his glasses, he tried to get them back from her and she still pulled them away and put them on her face. Now, what does he do? Snatch them off her face? I think that would go better if I, another woman, did it rather than him. Have you ever tried talking sense to a person that's drunk? Not gonna happen.

 

So what would he do... lol.. this girl has his glasses hostage... lol... what should he do at that point? Calmly ask for them back? ha ha... I don't know if that would work.

[KAT MOMMY]

Someone said earlier that is was basically okay for a man to do it, but not a woman. If I was being treated rudely by a man~ I'm gonna let my b/f take care of that~ vice versa

 

OK so this is where the double standards come into play-you are not a man and never are you expected to compete or defend your place as HIS woman, that is his job. Our will as women are not to become the one to fight for our love. NO that is not the way it goes. The old saying speak when spoken to and to be seen but not heard-well this is totally the approach INSIDE the club! Trust me I know how this goes and at 24-I partied Sun to Mon and was with an ex at all times. it's ok for you to sometimes blow smoke but please let him spit the fire/ Do you feel me?

[JadedStar]

it's ok for you to sometimes blow smoke but please let him spit the fire/ Do you feel me?

 

LOL Kat Mommy. Yeah, i think you kind of are saying what I was...just in a different manner. LOL

[Natty7]

it's ok for you to sometimes blow smoke but please let him spit the fire/ Do you feel me?

 

I got you. I like that... funny how it really makes me see what you gals are saying.

 

So I guess I retract... I will bite the tongue~but if necessary give a little bark and again if necessary, he will leave the bite.

 

 

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i vote to take the high road in most cases...

 

in a case like some drunken woman taking his glasses off, don't make that about her tryign to steal your man, but about a drunken idiot doing what drunks do... maybe she thought it was funny to put on someone else's glasses. if it were me, i'd just gently say something like, 'why those look divine on you honey!' then laugh and quietly hold your hand out... she'd give the glasses back.

 

if some woman starts flirting with your man outrageously, you take control of the interaction by YOU interacting with her with self confidence... so she is flirting with him, then just introduce yourself, change the subject, and engage her in conversation. draw her into a conversation with a 'couple' where it is obvious that you are not threatened by her. or take his arm and say 'let's dance'...

 

it shows a bit more maturity to show you can rise above someone who is behaving crassly. i guess i would say steer the boat around the obstacle rather then trying to sink her ship. that shows a lot more class when you deal with her as a misguided person or someone who didn't realize he had a girlfriend, or someone who has had too much to drink, rather than giving her credit for being any real threat to your relationship...

 

so you need to recognize that you are ABOVE these women and not equal to them, so don't start fighting in the trenches with them as if they were your equal. that lowers you down to their level.

[greenmonster]

So, what do you think? Is a little jealousy okay? Do you think that if you carry that twinge of jealousy at times it just means that you are passionate about your significant other and have certain feelings when it comes to people of the opposite sex invading your territory?

The ammount of jealousy you are talking about is more than ok...from what I have read here it doesn't sound like anything out of the norm in the least bit to me. I mean...what you are acutally talking about here isn't jealousy but its being territorial. jealousy would be if you saw some girl talking to your man and she had bigger cans than you and you wished you had bigger cans in order to gain his affection...but if you spot some bimbo with big cans talking to your man and you go inject yourself into the conversation has nothing to do with being jealous...its just saying "hey chick...this is my stuff...and as long as you recognize and respect that then we can all be friends and have fun...but don't think he is going home with anyone but me tonight"...

 

Yeah, I agree. It looks extremely childish and no one really likes talkig to a guy who has a girl hanging all over him in a clingy manner like that. It is usually obvious when it is done out of jealousy vs being playful in public.

nah...I don't think its childish...placing yourself into a conversation that your SO is having with someone who is obviously hitting on them is a totally normal response I think...if she was to storm up, start yelling, slap the girl and then grab the dude and march him out the bar...THATS childish....but the way she comes over, assesses the situation, then presents herself as the rightful "owner" of her boyfriend(I know he isn't property, but yall get what I'm sayin) and just plays things out isn't childish.

 

maybe I misinterpreted the way she did things...but to me it sounds fine...I've seen what your talking about jaded and I don't think thats what natty is doing.

 

Because it's none of your business - it is between him and the person who is behaving inappropriately.

I disagree...when you are a couple whether it be just dating or married...your business IS also your SO's business...and vice versa. not 100% of the time of course, but in situations where it's someone hitting on your stuff then that is most certainly your business I think.

 

Would you interfere if a male bartender was rude to him? Probably not - you wouldn't want to emasculate him - would want him to deal with it in his own way.

I don't think that its emasculating if a girl says to someone who is obviously being rude "hey you're a jerk" even if her boyfriend is standing right there...rude people are rude people to me...I don't care who it is...a spade is a spade.

 

 

Same thing here except that your insecurity creeps in and you don't 100% trust that he will handle himself appropriately. It is his situation, his decision how to deal with it and it has nothing to do with you. Your finding it disrespectful to you is your issue - and it's removed from the only relevant issue - that a woman is hitting on him and he needs to decide whether and how and when to let her know that he is not interested.

 

In my humble opinion. But again if he likes you interfering - likes to see you a little jealous - and that works for the two of you - cool! Just make sure it doesn't make you feel even more insecure later as you wonder what would have happened had you not stepped in. Not that you should be but your approach provokes those kinds of feelings while watching him take care of it appropriately will reinforce the secure feelings.

again, I don't honestly think this is an issue of insecurity or jealousy so much as its a territorial thing. after reading over nattys posts and talking with her a bit I can tell you that I think she is a VERY secure person who has her head on her shoulders just right imo. I believe she trusts her man fully and without reservation, but just because you trust someone doesn't mean that when your with them you enjoy watching them get hit on...or that you must sit back and let it happen. stepping in between some skank thats being all skank-a-rific on her boyfriend is nothing more than what I would expect from any girlfriend to be honest.

 

when you say that the guy/girl should be the one to defuse the situation on his own...the problem with that is that when we are getting hit on(both guys and girls) we don't see how the rest of the world sees it. we see someone being friendly to us and it makes us feel good...at least someone who is good at hitting on people makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself while hiding the "I wanna get in your pants" agenda...but our SO's can see through the disguise easier and since they are there they can difuse the problem before it gets to an unacceptable level. if its just me at the bar and my SO isn't there then I would accept more flirting than if she was there, but I would still stop it eventually...but if my SO was there then she would stop is sooner. its not like I would actually cheat...but just like anyone I like to have my ego stroked a little by someone flirting with me. does this make sense?? or am I just crazy?

 

 

Wish we could but we both love to dance, drink and well be merry on our days off. It's never a problem~ we handle it. It never gets out of control, but when you have two attractive, confident people hanging out in a club~ there are bound to be people hitting on you.

Amen! this is really well put....

I go out on a very regular basis...I am recently single, successful, and attractive...I go to the same bars normally and get hit on by a vast majority of the waitresses in those bars because they like me, I tip well, and I'm very friendly. the last 3 girls I've dated have been waitresses from these bars...and whenever we would go out they would always show the same signs that natty shows with her man. girls would flirt...and my SO would come sit on my lap or put her arms around me, or kiss me or something like that to just show whoever is flirting with me that I'm her stuff and she is taking me home. be friendly and fun all you want, but respect and recognize the situation.

 

and I was the same way...I date hotties...what a crime...and I know full well that dudes are going to hit on them and stare at em and stuff...its the way of the fricken world!! but if I went out and punched every dude that tried to buy my last couple girlfriends drinks I'd have like 500+ assult charge cases brought up against me!! so instead when I would see that she is at the bar getting drinks and some punk is trying to lay it on I will creep over and put my arms on either side of her on the bar and lean into her a little and kiss her behind the ear...now...I'm a big ol' boy...I run about 6'4" 250lbs and I'm in pretty good shape...I played division one college football and could stomp a hole in most guys...so when some 21 year old frat boy thinks he is going to be some big pimp or whatever and starts hitting on my little 20 year old hottie of a girlfriend and then I step in between em and put my arm thats the size of his waist on the bar between them...most guys back away REAL quick like...especially if he is being lude or rude...because for all my inperfections the one thing I will not stand in the least bit is a guy saying obscene things around my girl or any girl for that matter, have some dignity and pride about you...I mean...maybe its jsut the way I was raised but in my world you don't say things around a girl that you wouldn't say if your mom was around.

 

but in turn...if the guy introduces himself and my girl is like "oh this is so-n-so from my econ class I was telling you about" and he strums up a conversation and is just there to be friendly and cool then I have no problem whatsoever with it. I love it if the girl I'm dating has guy friends...because it usually gives me someone to talk sports and such with...and it means that if these guys are real friends of hers then they would protect her or help her out if she was in danger from some random dude if I wasn't there...its like a back up security plan. besides that...I have a ton of female friends...so I totally understand that situation.

 

The reasons you described above are exactly why I avoid clubs and bars after 7 or 8pm these days. It is a meat market and I don't enjoy it. I did quite a few years ago but I grew out of it.

not all bars are that bad...quite a few are actually pretty dang fun, its just a matter of finding out what ones are the loud dark and meat markety ones and what ones are the ones that have the crowd there that already has a piece of meat and they just want to sit down with that meat and enjoy it

 

Like it or not there is still a disinction between the sxes. A guy taking up for his girl when it is another guy is much more acceptable than a girl taking up for the guy. It makes the guy look like a wus and is more embarrassing.

 

PErsonally neither situation is good. I think a person should handle themselves unless a guy is forcing himself on a girl. But if i had to say which was more acceptable it is the guy protecting the girl vs vice versa.

I don't think so in the situation she is talking about...with her stepping between some bimbo hitting on him. now, if there was a guy that was talking smack to him and drunkenly making fun of him or being rude or soemthing stupid like that then yes I think the guy should stand up for himself...but in the situation of another woman hitting on him then I don't think theres anything wrong with that at all.

 

So what would he do... lol.. this girl has his glasses hostage... lol... what should he do at that point? Calmly ask for them back? ha ha... I don't know if that would work.

he shoulda got em back...and probably would have if you would have let it play out a little...but since you stepped in and got em thats fine because she had obviously crossed your line of acceptability.

 

I would want some tool talking to my girl tryin on her sunglasses with his greasy hair and what not...and I don't think you want some hooker getting her skank scent on your mans stuff either...and like I said...to me this isn't a question of jealously...its a matter of territory...

 

you aren't jealous of anything that person has....in fact...that person is jealous of you because its your SO they want...you're just defending what is rightfully yours...you're just looking after that which you peed on first.

 

hope this hasn't been too long lol...

 

love ya natty...ur a peach!

[Natty7]

GreenMonster~ THANK YOU!!!!!

 

You put it all into words!!!!!! I agree, I didn't think I was coming off as some insecure woman with her man. But I have found that some people come on my threads to play the devil's advocate, I feel that they seek out my stance only to come up with some sort of contradiction. They twist what really is the point and the issue at hand to try and make me feel like I am wrong or that my thoughts are completely wrong. Amen to you GreenMonster!!! You prove that enotalone is not phony... we aren't alone!!!! I love how when my threads first get posted, people are always actually reading what my question was, but like I said before, when you get to page 3 or 4 it could be twisted so badly that, well:

 

I started off saying a little jealousy and somehow it managed to convert into a huge problem that my b/f and I have. And that it is constant. I hate that but like so many people have pointed out, this is a bulletin and it's just a bunch of words. Words that people can interpret however they see fit. Such as me casually holding my b/f close to "a guy who has a girl hanging all over him in a clingy manner like that." I never said always, I never said I was clinging. I said that I was momentarily placing my arms around my dude to say hey back up. It went to me not trusting him and just stamping with an "insecurity" problem.

 

GreenMonster I love you! You actually have read what I have wrote on here before, we have had small conversations on here but enough for you to know that I DO NOT suffer from insecurity no matter how many people want to dole out that advice. I have mentioned before that some might think me to be a little arrogant but NEVER insecure. I am not wishing I looked like anyone else (I love the way I look and thank God for my appearance) I am not wishing I acted like someone else, especially when considering sexy or what other traits people find attractive (I have a complete healthy dose of sexual confidence and in my opinion Angelina Jolie herself couldn't top my sexual vibe and mojo). I am not wishing I thought like someone else (I love my mind and the fact that I constantly seek to gain more education in order to further myself in this life). What else would cause me to be insecure with my man looking or talking with other women??? I am a confident, secure young woman and I know it. Yes, it would be nice that others could agree that I don't have a confidence issue~ but it is not necessary.

 

I think you understand more because you are a goodlooking, financially well off, professional kinda guy that goes out and runs into the SAME exact stuff my guy does. Some people in here want to pretend that women don't do that, that they are egged on to flirt, or don't know that your guy is taken. I am telling ya that there are a lot of money grubbing $lu!s running around and they don't care. They already use their body and their sexuality to try and score a man with a great job and who is financially stable. They are on the prowl daily for that. I know you know what that's like!!!!

 

I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for bringing the thread back to where I began it. I retracted because there was another poster that actually made some sense to me. But the truth is, I don't see anything wrong with the way I act and don't think it's to the extreme that these posters are trying to put it at.

 

Thanks GreenMonster!!!!!

[Batya33]

"I disagree...when you are a couple whether it be just dating or married...your business IS also your SO's business...and vice versa. not 100% of the time of course, but in situations where it's someone hitting on your stuff then that is most certainly your business I think."

 

No - he's not "my stuff" and I'm not "his" in the sense that that behavior is my business. If there was a risk of physical violence I would interfere or get help - whatever was appropriate- not because he is "mine" but because I care about him.

 

I would not want to be in a relationship that was possessive in the sense you described. Ick. I want a relationship based on trust and respect- I trust my SO to know what to do in a situation like that and I respect him enough not to interfere in the way that was described. But, we all have different views on trust and respect.

 

These posts are just words on the page but several of us interpreted the OP's behavior when she intercedes as reflecting insecurity and defeating the initial purpose - to seem in control of her man. I - and others- have seen just this sort of behavior a few times and it reflects poorly on the person doing it.

 

I would never say it was "wrong" and I know I didn't but I find that sometimes when a poster doesn't agree with opinions, he or she characterizes it as "they said I was wrong" in order to decrease the credibility of the person giving the opinion.

 

We're all entitled to our opinions, of course - as I wrote several times above, it's up to the couple. If a couple wants to have a relationship based on ownership/possession of each other and regularly stake out their territory whenever there is any perceived threat to the ownership that can work very well. It worked very well in the past when men owned the women they married for all practical purposes.

[Natty7]

If a couple wants to have a relationship based on ownership/possession of each other and regularly stake out their territory whenever there is any perceived threat to the ownership that can work very well. It worked very well in the past when men owned the women they married for all practical purposes.

 

This is not the situation and may need some reevaluation on your part. I know he is not my property, I know I do not own him.

 

If this were the case I wouldn't let anyone talk to him and lock him in the cellar and only let him out for work. Honestly, that is what I would do if I thought he belonged to me. And your suggestions are not how I feel so if you plan on continuing to offer helpful advice, you should go in another direction since me, the OP, is telling you that's not how I feel and that's not the case. You only know what I tell you right? I am telling you I have considered your stance, and say nope. That's not my feelings and thoughts.

 

Again, I do not feel threatened by these women. I feel disrespected by these women. They are disrespecting our relationship by continuing to tramp around him... I am not hitting them, I am not biting them, I am not throwing a drink in their face I am reminding them that we are in a relationship and if she wants to continue I will too. I am not believing that my guy will succumb to their pathetic ploys. I trust him and know that he won't and that he doesn't. But does that mean I should just allow it to happen? Nope~ not while I am standing there and able to put her @$$ in check.

 

I will take the high road and just leave the place if it gets to the point of violence! But no one brought up violence.... hmmm... but you.

[Natty7]

But then again, I wasn't looking for advice... I was approaching it for a census.

[Batya33]

"So, what do you think? Is a little jealousy okay? Do you think that if you carry that twinge of jealousy at times it just means that you are passionate about your significant other and have certain feelings when it comes to people of the opposite sex invading your territory?"

 

I responded to that and gave my opinion on the specific behavior you described pertaining to that. In your response, you defended your behavior and I responded in kind. At some point you thanked certain people for their input because you said it helped give you a different perspective on things. Doesn't sound much like it was still a "census" only, if it ever was. Sorry if I and others misinterpreted.

[Batya33]

"They are disrespecting our relationship by continuing to tramp around him... I am not hitting them, I am not biting them, I am not throwing a drink in their face I am reminding them that we are in a relationship and if she wants to continue I will too."

 

I disagree with this analysis from a personal perspective and if I personally felt that way and felt I had to "protect" my relationship in this way with him standing right near there and able to do exactly what you do by interfering - make it clear that he is not interested because he is in a relationship with you - I would seriously evaluate whether being in the relationship was healthy for me, and whether I had some other personal issues, if I felt that I wouldn't be comfortable leaving that entirely up to him.

 

I think it's rude to heavily flirt with someone you know is attached. I think it is entirely up to the person who is being flirted with to take care of the situation unless he or she specifically asks for help from his/her partner. Anything else and you are letting the "flirter" see how insecure you are, how controlling, it looks like you don't trust or respect your partner, and in short, the flirter wins because she (or he) gets to see the obvious issues in your relationship.

 

I understand that you think it shows assertiveness and strength. It also seems like your bf gets a kick out of it so since it works for you, more power to you - I'm not out to convince you that I am "right" just to show you a different perspective on your behavior.

[Natty7]

At some point you thanked certain people for their input because you said it helped give you a different perspective on things. Doesn't sound much like it was still a "census" only, if it ever was. Sorry if I and others misinterpreted.

 

I thanked her at the end Batya, her alone because I give credit to where credit is due... I said what do you think, not help please! in dire need! can't stop fighting need advice.

 

It's okay... we all misinterpret at times.

[Natty7]

Thanks for the different perspective! So you are tallying in at you think that a little jealous is no good. Duly noted. Thanks again!

[Batya33]

Nope not my opinion in the least. As I wrote in the beginning I think a little jealousy is normal and not a bad thing. I think they way you react to jealousy in the situation described is negative for you and the relationship as well as the situation.

[Natty7]

Nope not my opinion in the least. As I wrote in the beginning I think a little jealousy is normal and not a bad thing.

 

Thanks... what do ya know I agree with you.

[Batya33]

;-).

 

How about you carry around additional pairs of his glasses so you can do sort of free giveaways whenever you enter a club to any vampish looking women so they won't be tempted to try his on ;-)

[greenmonster]

No - he's not "my stuff" and I'm not "his" in the sense that that behavior is my business. If there was a risk of physical violence I would interfere or get help - whatever was appropriate- not because he is "mine" but because I care about him.

 

I would not want to be in a relationship that was possessive in the sense you described. Ick. I want a relationship based on trust and respect- I trust my SO to know what to do in a situation like that and I respect him enough not to interfere in the way that was described. But, we all have different views on trust and respect.

I say "my stuff" or "her stuff" not in a possessive sense...but more in a "hey I'm with that person" sense...it isn't like I think the girls I date are cattle or something...I don't own them, nor do I consider them to be any form of a possession...but in turn I proudly say that I am "her stuff" in a sense that I love that girl enough that I give myself to her and I am lucky to "belong" to her...

 

its basically the same thing as why you would get help because you care about him...I care enough about my SO that I want people to know that I am with them...I care enough to give them the easy way out of a situation where I difuse the situation instead of there being any sort of awkwardness or anyone having to be rude about anything.

 

if someone is hitting on my SO...and I can tell that she is just trying to find a way out without being rude or causing a scene then me stepping in and putting my arms around her just so that the other guy realizes that we are together and she is spoken for and I am right here and that he should just back off.

 

if some girl is being flirty and skank-a-riffic on a guy and he isn't egging it on but just wishes she would go away but at the same time he doesn't want to cause a big scene or embarrass anyone by saying "go away lady, I have a girlfriend and I don't want you" when instead his girl can come over and give him a kiss and that sends out the exact same message without anyone having to be rude about anything.

 

and trust me...there are plenty of times you can tell someone "your nice, but I have someone and I'm not interested" and they will keep at it...

 

These posts are just words on the page but several of us interpreted the OP's behavior when she intercedes as reflecting insecurity and defeating the initial purpose - to seem in control of her man. I - and others- have seen just this sort of behavior a few times and it reflects poorly on the person doing it....

 

....If a couple wants to have a relationship based on ownership/possession of each other and regularly stake out their territory whenever there is any perceived threat to the ownership that can work very well. It worked very well in the past when men owned the women they married for all practical purposes.

this isn't about control or ownership...frankly I don't see the correlation between those things and what the OP is talking about. I think that you have made this out to be something larger than it really is...to me...I think what she has talked about is sweet.

 

numerous times I've had girls talking to me that I found annoying and wanted to just go away and my girl has came in and sat on my lap and the other girl got the message right away and I was like "thank you for saving me!!" to her...

 

this isn't controll or ownership...it is recognition that you are a couple and while no one owns the other one, you both "belong" to eachother....does this make sense? when I'm in a relationship I "give" myself to my partner and she "gives" herself to me...I didn't buy her at the flea market and she didn't shop around and find me on ebay...

 

and even though partner A should be able to eliminate the problem from random person C without partner B having to step in and say anything, it doesn't mean that if partner B says something before partner A does that partner B is possessive/insecure/jealous it just means that A&B are a team, and B is just waving the team flag around a bit.

 

its like the old joke that this is a taco and burrito relationship...NATCHOS!! (natchos = not yours....if you say it fast & loud with a southern accent)

 

I disagree with this analysis from a personal perspective and if I personally felt that way and felt I had to "protect" my relationship in this way with him standing right near there and able to do exactly what you do by interfering - make it clear that he is not interested because he is in a relationship with you - I would seriously evaluate whether being in the relationship was healthy for me, and whether I had some other personal issues, if I felt that I wouldn't be comfortable leaving that entirely up to him.

again...this isn't a matter of "protection" or anything like that...its a matter of pride in who you are with. I am proud of the girls I date...and if I go up to the bar to intervene on some guy hitting on my girl its not to protect her...its basically to brag more or less that she is mine...its to take flag of that relationship and wave it around a bit and say "hell yes this is mine...and I love it!!"...other people are jealous of what I have...not the other way around.

 

I think it's rude to heavily flirt with someone you know is attached. I think it is entirely up to the person who is being flirted with to take care of the situation unless he or she specifically asks for help from his/her partner. Anything else and you are letting the "flirter" see how insecure you are, how controlling, it looks like you don't trust or respect your partner, and in short, the flirter wins because she (or he) gets to see the obvious issues in your relationship.

you're right, it is rude to flirt with attached people...but that doesn't change that there are TONS of rude people out there that do it every night. and especially for a guy to get rid of a girl without offending anyone or creating a stir isnt' always easy. I mean...its actually a lot easier for a girl to get rid of a guy than the other way around...girls that hit on guys think very highly of themselves and don't take rejection kindly...I've flat out told a girl several times one night that I wasn't interested and that I had someone and she stood up in the bar and started yelling at me and saying I was gay because I didn't want to sleep with her...drunken girls can get very violent when they have been rejected...

 

and by having your SO there to just difuse the situation before it even turns remotely close to a problem like this is perfectly normal I think...

 

again...opinions differ greatly. Batya, you and I have been on opposite sides of the fence on nearly every thread we have ever been in and thats ok!! it is just a matter of opinions and the way we see/interpret the world.

 

as a guy who has had problems with skanky girls flirting with me before while I had a girlfriend I'm here to inject the other side of the story and say that the way that natty does things is perfect in my eyes...outside looking in you may see it as possessive/jealous or whatever...but when you are in that situation you are thankful that your SO is there with you...

[Natty7]

;-).

 

How about you carry around additional pairs of his glasses so you can do sort of free giveaways whenever you enter a club to any vampish looking women so they won't be tempted to try his on ;-)

 

Awww thanks Batya~ yes my b/f is that desired, I think a couple of dozen a night would be sufficient. lol... Maybe I should!

 

You are so great at advice!