Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with her?

[Mustang]

You guys are all familiar with my horrible selfish and cowardly ex by now. Well, I found out her true colours last week and haven't spoken to her since. Well, last night, I got sent this in a text: "Hey! How's your week been? Can you believe it's been two years since we met? How times flies! Hope you're OK. x" Is my ex girlfriend insane?! I shall ignore her. I have a date lined up tonight.

[brando]

I don't get it. What true colours were revealed??

[tylercdurden2004]

What did she do that showed her "true colours" to you?

[Altruist]

Carry on ignoring her messages and get on with your life. If you meet her in person be friendly but aloof. I have a feeling that she is playing the power game i.e. she is trying to assess if she still has any power over you. Good luck with your date.

[Mustang]

It's a bit of a long story. It's probably best to check my other threads. Basically, she dumped me three months ago blaming it on her being confused and me being paranoid about her and a guy. I found out last week that her actual reasons for breaking up with me were for the guy I was "paranoid". She's lied so so so much in recent months. Why doesn't understand that I'm angry and hurt?

[tylercdurden2004]

Well not everyone is going to want to go through all your thread so thank you for the brief.

 

If you have found that she lied to you then you need to ask yourself is that something you are OK with. Whether you are OK with is or not really depends on what you want. Which of course requires you define what you want.

 

So what do you want? People in your life who lie to you?

 

She owes you nothing. She has already indicated she is willing to lie to you which indicates she lacks integrity. So if she lacks integrity its folly to think she is all that concerned whether you are hurt or not.

 

Its kinda beating a dead horse with her isnt it?

[Optigan]

Is my ex girlfriend insane?!

My guess is, shallow.

[No Spaces Rob]

Your reaction to her text seems a little extreme. It seems that she is trying to put the past behind her and establish whether the two of you can just have a friendship.

 

I can understand that it's upsetting to hear from her, especially to know that she seems to be over it already (though I think she may just be putting on a brave face).

 

You're still angry that she dumped you for another guy. It's quite normal for you to be angry about this and from the sounds of it, I would be angry too. Too angry to communicate with her as friends.

 

You are also angry that she lied about it to you. But people do that - they lie because they don't want to hurt your feelings or destroy the friendship or because they aren't sure if they want to break up with you yet. They lie because they think they might cause even more pain if they told the truth. That's what they do. It's quite normal I think.

 

So the answer is that you can't be friends. And why bother being enemies? Just ignore the text and try to build yourself a life that doesn't involve her.

[pryda]

She knows you're angry and upset, she's probably just trying to ease her own guilt.

It's purely out of selfishness that she's sending you these "nice" messages.

 

By opening up this facade of being nice to you and "innocently" seeing how you are, she's putting herself in the position of being the good party. It's HER who's offering the olive branch and being all nicey-nicey and treating you right, despite how horrifically she's treated you shortly prior. If you ignore her or react badly to her right now, she can just take the moral highground - she's trying to smooth things over but YOU aren't co-operating. It's ridiculously selfish. She most likely couldn't care less if you don't reply, she just wants to spend 30 seconds writing the message anyway so she can feel less guilty for seeing/sleeping with this new guy.

 

 

I went through the same thing recently. After a bit of post-breakup drama with my ex, we MUTUALLY (or so I thought) decided that it would be best for us not to contact each other. I told her I needed some time to get over the situation and that I didn't really wanna be friends at the moment so we shouldn't stay in touch. But was that the end of contact? From my side, yes. From hers, no.

 

Contact #1, she comes on MSN and says she "doesn't think she can handle" not talking to me. I basically tell her too bad; it'll probably get better with time, stay strong.

 

Contact #2, texts me asking when I'm going back to uni, I just reply briefly with "Saturday".

 

Contact #3, sends me a nice message about how she's "thinking of me" and hopes I have a good term.

 

Contact #4, when she's back at uni she starts texting me saying she has some stuff to say to me and would like me to call her over the next few days.

 

Contact #5, calls me about this important "stuff", turns out to be nothing, she was just drunk when she texted me the night before. Before I had the chance to hang up she just said she felt she'd messed me around and was sorry (something she's already apologised for many many times). At this point I'd had enough and told her apology accepted, and that if she doesn't wanna mess me around anymore, she should just NOT CONTACT ME unless she has anything important to say about our relationship. The call ended and she texted me saying she's had a really hard time just switching off the contact like that, and would try to stop from now on for my sake.

 

And since then, I've heard nothing.

 

But yeah, she seems to have been unable to take no for an answer for a long time, despite the fact that I'm clearly needing to heal. She doesn't care if I don't want any further contact - I dunno, maybe she thought I wasn't being serious when I suggested the idea - but as long as SHE wants to talk to me she'll make an attempt to open contact.

 

Amusingly enough, she has found a replacement for me already, so I won't expect any more contact until this new relationship breaks down.