robert7x Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 I'm trying to understand something and maybe someone can clue me in here... Why do we that have been dumped or went thru a break-up, why do we still after some time continue to feel like we lost the most important thing that happened to us in life; we still feel depressed; we don't have interest in anything and are pretty much at a low point in life that we feel like there is no point in living afterwords? I mean when i was in a relationship with her, and i was bored at work, i felt good cause i didn't have to work a lot, and pretty much just did anything on internet or whatever to keep busy without any worries... Now, when i'm not busy i feel like not doing anything... i just want it all to be over, or this higher power to take over and just finish it all. Another thing, when i was with her, i wanted some time for myself to do my own things that i like, like doing stuff on a car or whatever... Now that we are no longer together, i really have no interest in that stuff... I just want to think about her and the whole relationship... Why are we like this? Why can't we just move on like the ones that did the dumping or broke-up... I don't know... i guess i'm just feeling down this weekend and keep thinking about her a lot... I almost wanted to break the 19day NC and email her, but didn't... I miss her and i want to stop feeling like my life is ending with her and i'll end up alone... I want to stop thinking like she's my life and all that stupid stuff that i'm actually going thru right now. Thanks a lot. Robert Link to comment
Sn0man Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Well we feel this way because we've been rejected. It's a natural feeling of loss but it always, I mean *always*, gets better with time. As for losing interest in things that you once enjoyed, well, thats depression. Depression is another natural feeling we get from being rejected and again, something that gets better with time. Link to comment
Pappers Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 man i know how it feels - this past week I've been feeling so lazzzzzy! I have an incredibly important piece of work I need to complete ASAP (phd application!) but I just stare at my computer thinking about him instead. I have absolutely no interest in anything - I zone out in front of the TV and then get angry with myself for watching America's Next Top Model for 3 hours. I can't even be bothered to make my bed, do the laundry, or do anything that yields any productivity. So what's the deal? Well, sometimes it can be clinical depression, but that's not usually the case. We can all feel depressed, down, moody, etc without it being a chemical imbalance in the brain. In fact, it is completely normal you are feeling lethargic, uninterested, sad, distracted and with the ex in mind all the time (for me too!). It's what millions of us go through, yet not taking away the uniqueness of your relationship. Also, I think part of it is about feeling loss - internalizing it, going through grief, and probably what is most noticeable, is getting used to a life with a different routine and set of priorities. Anyway, I'm sick of being like this so have decided to join a gym and get a personal trainer. Maybe you care to do the same? This forum has helped for me... being able to read other postings, and realize that there are other people going through the same thing. I'm not going to say that 'time will heal' because right now I don't know what that feels like - but seems like it really does. hang in there buddy, find a fun, good distraction. or not. And wow - 19 days! good job!!!!!! I'm only on 5... (kind of - long story of 2 years of breaking up with the same guy) ... ironically which calls into question my advice in the first place! I happen to like this quote: When the heart grieves over what is has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left. Link to comment
Jonboy582 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 man i know how it feels - this past week I've been feeling so laaaazzy! I have an incredibly important piece of work I need to complete ASAP (phd application!) but I just stare at my computer thinking about him instead. I have absolutely no interest in anything - I zone out in front of the TV and then get angry with myself for watching America's Next Top Model for 3 hours. Was the same for me, I never did but I could apply for extensions to do with personal situations. The example they gave me was relationship troubles and breaking up. Maybe you could do the same? And to Robert its because generally they were a very big thing in our lives we just need to move on. Link to comment
shell80 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Hey matey, sorry you had such a crapola weekend. Well done on the NC - thats great and you are heading in the right direction. I know exactly how you feel - nothing seems to lift your spirits right now that doesn't involve her right? This is so very normal...but I promise all of that will change. You will get to a point (in time) when you start to appreciate the little things again - like a nice cold beer, or being able to sleep in of a morning, watching a movie with friends etc. When that time comes - and it will - you will also see things much clearer - your ex will come off that pedastal and you'll realise that you are worth so much more than a foolish ex who didn't appreciate you enough to love you forever. Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Dear Robert, Because you're only on day 19. Give it time! I have totally been where you are right now. The reason that you're not as far along as your ex (supposedly) could be for several reasons. I think the most common is that she may have been mentally checking out of your relationship long before you even had a clue that the problems were "that" serious. One thing, though... if you are having problems sleeping, eating, getting your work done, or other basic life functions, please don't hesitate to call a professional counselor. Depression can be triggered by a variety of life events--a bad break-up among them. Don't be afraid of getting help if you feel like you need it. I'll send some happy thoughts your way... haaaaappy thoughts... haaaaappy thoughts... YS Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 I doubt that will help me any and no matter how much my heart wants her back, my head knows It would be wrong and she would pull the same crap again with time. Great post though but nobody really knows what our exes are thinking in their heads and what they really want. If they did they would jump from relationship to relationship and mess up any guy they get Bored with... At least that's what my relationship was like. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Thanks a lot. Its too early for me I know it but I just really don't understand why is my heart, brain or whatever stuck on something and actually wasting time hoping on something that is not right for me. I do love her a lot but I shouldn't... I don't want to but my heart does and that's why I'm having all these feelings and issues. I just had a bad day I guess... The rollercoaster of love as -BK- said. Thanks yellow_sweater for the happy thoughts, I think my brain is downloading them now Dear Robert, Because you're only on day 19. Give it time! I have totally been where you are right now. The reason that you're not as far along as your ex (supposedly) could be for several reasons. I think the most common is that she may have been mentally checking out of your relationship long before you even had a clue that the problems were "that" serious. One thing, though... if you are having problems sleeping, eating, getting your work done, or other basic life functions, please don't hesitate to call a professional counselor. Depression can be triggered by a variety of life events--a bad break-up among them. Don't be afraid of getting help if you feel like you need it. I'll send some happy thoughts your way... haaaaappy thoughts... haaaaappy thoughts... YS Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Hey matey, sorry you had such a crapola weekend. Well done on the NC - thats great and you are heading in the right direction. I know exactly how you feel - nothing seems to lift your spirits right now that doesn't involve her right? This is so very normal...but I promise all of that will change. You will get to a point (in time) when you start to appreciate the little things again - like a nice cold beer, or being able to sleep in of a morning, watching a movie with friends etc. When that time comes - and it will - you will also see things much clearer - your ex will come off that pedastal and you'll realise that you are worth so much more than a foolish ex who didn't appreciate you enough to love you forever. thanks for the support and the kind words... I wish that they could make me feel better but it doesnt always work like that. I have heard all the sayings how with time it will get better and how there will be someone else that will love you more etc.... But no one knows that for sure and never will. My stupid heartbroken heart only wants her, and these past 20 days I was just surpressing these emotions and trying to tell myself that she's not worth it and if she really loved me I would be alone now and all that... But heart doesnt listen. That's why every once in a while I get these bursts of the emotional nightmare that its too hard to handle. I want to believe everything all you guys are saying and I know I'm nothing special and everyone went thru this at one point, but as you know, going thru it makes you question everything including your own existence. I know life will go on and with time I will get thru this, but guess what, I won't be with her and that thought is killing me. Thanks again for posting here... I know its just a minor setback and I'll get thru it, we all will. Link to comment
shell80 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I know...all of these words are cliched and empty right now.... but if we didn't truly believe in them we wouldnt be throwing them around. I wouldnt be telling you either if I hadnt been there - gotten the ugly tshirt. My breakup was nearly 4 months ago - I too hit rock bottom - the worst time in my life. Since then however I have met people who have really touched my heart - and who have made me realise that I can love again and that there are people who genuinely care. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I can tell you...you WON'T feel bad forever... I thought I would... But I see the light at the end of the tunnel... And it looks bright and sunny! Trust me...you will make your way out! If I did, everybody can! My best... ~Allie Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 It's good to hear from people that actually went thru it all and are now doing ok or even better then they were. I think I'm getting addicted to this site as well... I mean how am I supposed to stop thinking about her and move on when I keep reading all these threads and I realize why am I on this forum in the first place... Kind of ironic. I think this week will be the worst for me as far as wanting to emal her but I don't know why... I just have an amazingly strong urge to email her and hear from her. I need to stop thinking that way and stop hoping... I keep telling myself why would you want to be with her again after she left you week before the holiday to be all alone while she partys in Germany... And then I realize that I don't want to be with her but that only lasts for a really really short period then back to square one. I think like many of you I have read every post, every page about break up and the feelings we are going thru... About what to do and what not to do... Healing methods, make you feel better for short time methods etc. But in the end we think we know better. I know it takes a strong will and a lot of emotional power to get thru this pain, but I just feel like its the endless road with no pit stops or any roads to paradise city Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 ^ Robert - I think a lot of us are a little "addicted" to this site... We all are HERE for a reason...stay as long as you need...don't beat yourself up... Be more gentle on yourself!!! Take care...you'll get there...you really really will. Allie Link to comment
curious11 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hey man its hard.. i know. I went through the same thing for 10 months after the breakup. Just stop giving yourself excuses for still loving her, start thinkin about the cons. You really have to WORK on yourself, it takes time.. but if you dont work on yourself (like going to the gym, going out, etc.) your only going to prolong the pain. She sucks, she made the mistake for breakin it off, remember that. Because afterall your the person coming on a relationship site to get answers. that makes you a good person. Stay up kid Link to comment
ftheunion Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Do you love her, or is it her heart/mind, or are you a lover of the body and flesh. Point is that hardcore Atman is Brahman....... Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Do you love her, or is it her heart/mind, or are you a lover of the body and flesh. Point is that hardcore Atman is Brahman....... I love everything about her... Mostly her for who she is or was at the time... I love her body and her flesh as well but that was just a bonus i think. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Here is another problem i keep thinking about... Every thread I read about break-up and getting over the whole relationship there is this question/answer: "Remember a time when you were single and happy? Well No Contact is going to put you on the road to getting back to that point". Is it a problem that i don't remember ever being happy single? I keep thinking about it as I write this post... and i just don't remember ever being happy single... I was in a relationship of 6 years which ended exactly same time a year ago... But what's weird... It didn't hurt as much loosing that girl as does loosing this one... So now i keep thinking about it... When was I single? 1999 for about couple of months... but i wasn't happy... I was in high-school, hanging out with friends and all... but never really happy... I don't understand this at all... Why am i not happy being single... It's just like now too, i just want to be with someone and in a relationship... well techincally I want to be with HER but that isn't going to happen... So how can i remember being happy and single??? I just keep digging in deeper and deeper and soon i'll realize i shouldn't even be in a relationship ever again... Thanks everybody for all the help. Link to comment
LostNLuv Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 This is what happens when she has moved on and you haven't. You need to get out there and find a few girls to help you get over her. Trust me. You only long for what you used to have when you have nothing to take it's place. You know how a kid will cry if they drop their ice cream cone on the ground, but instantly stop crying once you hand them another one? They don't care about the ice cream on the ground anymore! You need a new ice cream cone!! Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 I know that is true, but the problem is i don't really want another Ice Cream cone... I want the one that i had... I see other girls and all, but i have no interest in them... I don't see myself with any of them, nor do i want to... yet. I'm just stuck on the one i had and no matter how much i know i should let go and move on... i just Can't... It's hard... Link to comment
ccpjc Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I know that is true, but the problem is i don't really want another Ice Cream cone... I want the one that i had... I see other girls and all, but i have no interest in them... I don't see myself with any of them, nor do i want to... yet. I'm just stuck on the one i had and no matter how much i know i should let go and move on... i just Can't... It's hard... sheesh.. everything you say.. its like im reading stuff that i think or would write. i'm the same with you, i don't want another ice cream, i want the one that is gone even though I can't have it. Last night my friends introduced me to Muay Thai and for the first time since the break up, for that 1+ hour that i was getting hit and hitting other guys, I didn't think about her. But I did use my pain to delivery some pretty hard hits on even the more seasoned guys there. but then again, i honestly think im still in shock about us being over, we planned everything together, kids marriage house travel and more, anything you can think of we planned it and all of that is washed away... i wish that she cheated on me or did something harsh so i could use that to get over her but i can't... just hang in there dude, i feel exactly like u do, which is kinda weird Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 I know dude... i read your posts and even though it's been about 20 something days for me, i feel still like crap and everything you posted it's like reading my own thoughts... I haven't contacted her at all, but i'm getting these urges just to send an email or something... I just miss her too damn much... However, every time i get the urge to send something i keep telling myself "it won't change a thing" and that gets me thru for a little bit. I also need to stop checking on her Facebook page and googling her name... It's nice to see that she didn't change anything, but still it's eating me away... The stupid human curiosity... I need time to go by faster... Really fast... Where is that darn Fast Forward button... Link to comment
ccpjc Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 thats one things i haven't done.. i haven't logged into facebook in so long cause i don't want to see anything, theres posts on my wall where she tells me she loved me and missed me and stuff like that from the past. i can't face it or see the pictures that we had together. im not sure if they are still on there or not (she might have deleted them im not sure, i kind of hope that she did) i wish i could just be hypnotized to forget her or something. all i know right now is that im sore as hell, i can barely move from the muay thai and i miss her like crazy. today is going to be a long day i can feel it already Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 I know bud... I know. I used to have all the vmails she left me on my phone saying how much she loves me and misses me and all... a lot of emails as well about all that plus our future plans and stuff... I deleted all that. The whole reason i have stupid Facebook and myspace was because of her... I don't know why i'm going to those pages... It will hurt a lot if i see something i shouldn't... What's even worse for me is i have to go home to the apartmant that we got for us... it wasn't mine before it was ours... There is still a lot of stuff in that place that reminds me of her... i mean i took everything down that she bought... but every wall has it's own story... I'm like you... i just wish i could wake up 3 or more months down the road and i'm healed... I can take any physical pain you throw at me... but this emotionaly crap... i can't. Stay Strong Buddy... both of us will get thru this... This won't kill us... it will make us stronger.... I guess... * * * * i don't know anything anymore. Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 please take my advice and don't look at facebook or myspace profiles. When they do change their profile to single status, take down your pics, or even worse, post pics of the new person they are dating, you will be brought back to day 1 of your heartbreak. I know because my ex did all the above-mentioned things. Save yourself the heartache and spare yourself the pain of looking at online profiles. Nothing good will come out of it. Link to comment
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