Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 gry-Seriously, you are being too hard on yourself. There are lots of reasons why someone may not be interested. It might not even have anything to do with your looks whatsoever. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Batya it is too hard for me to explain all the details here. Yes she did mention about religious differences. But when I asked her "is me not being a Jew the only reason why you don't want to date me?" she said "that's part of the reason". So I am assuming that the other part has to do with my looks. It was certainly not just a friendship. A friend will not get upset if they can't see each other for 2nd or 3rd time in the same week. They won't say "I miss you" even if it was just 2 days apart. They won't insist on seeing you after you said you can't make it. They won't send emails every single day asking 'how are you?'. They won't say "oh if you marry an American then you won't have immigration issues. I am a citizen... so i will marry you".... She adores my personality and character... but it was a total waste. Because there was no physical attraction. That's why I get so upset when I read on this forum women saying "i will fall for personality and character". I am just frustrated and feel hopeless Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yes I am sorry things didn't work out -you chose to keep seeing this person without finding out her intentions - without asking her out, right? You took the risk of feeling attached. Please don't blame what you see as the "sins" of one person to project on all women - that kind of bitterness - huge turn off and gets boring after awhile - the whole pity party thing. Looks absolutely matter - there are definitely men I would never consider dating just solely based on looks - there was a man with half his face paralyzed, another with long hair and bushy facial hair, etc. Usally it is not just features - the man might have a "not too bright" look or an angry or hostile look or an effeminate look - all turn offs to me. It just happens to be that when it comes to looks I am not picky - I have dated and am very attracted to short men, bald men, heavy men - none of whom the media consider particularly attractive and certainly not "hot." But they are hot to me. I have dated many hot men once or twice or three times maybe who I felt nothing for despite recgonizing that they were handsome. I've been rejected several times that I know of and likely many more times that I don't know of. I've had my moments of frustration and hopelessness but I continued to remind myself that dating isn't essential so if I choose to date I choose to accept rejection from time to time. I call what you had with that woman a friendship. You weren't dating and you weren't sexual. You believe she led you on but in reality at most she flirted with you and when you finally got around to asking her out she said no right away. You interpreted her flirting as interest in dating you - maybe she just liked flirting, liked the ego boost - what's wrong with that? Please don't take this out on the world - it won't be your last rejection is my guess - that's just the way it is if you choose to date. Link to comment
love4life Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Just catching up here..... I will toss in another vote in favor of going in for the kiss. I was unsure about my last ex but once we had our first kiss on the third date, I was hooked! A kiss says so much about whether or not you're really on the same page as the other person, and it communicates a lot more about both desire and respect than anything a person can put into words. Go for it! Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Boys try to kiss girls, it is what they do, a kiss is an innocent display of affection. Girls on dates should expect that boys will try to kiss them. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 If he tries to kiss me, I'll pucker up and go for the gold. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 yaaay! I think you should! Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Gry - She's told you that she wont be with you.. there's nothing more to know hun. Someone out there will, if you give someone else a chance. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hahaha Cairo that's so cute yeah i'll def keep you posted. It will be a few weeks before I see him though! Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hi, Please keep us posted on what happens... This is an interesting thread...... are sparks going to fly? wow I wish you all the best. G Link to comment
scotty77 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 If I wasn't physically attracted to someone I don't think a kiss would turn it aound.I wouldn't want any kind of touching at all from someone that I wasn't physically attracted to.It sounds picky or shallow to dismiss someone soley based on looks but we all do it. Link to comment
pacodemil Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Personality lasts forever but your looks can change in a instant. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 If I wasn't physically attracted to someone I don't think a kiss would turn it aound.I wouldn't want any kind of touching at all from someone that I wasn't physically attracted to.It sounds picky or shallow to dismiss someone soley based on looks but we all do it. I don't think she is dismissing him solely based on looks. She doesn't feel the chemistry overall. There's a difference. I also would not try a kiss with someone I was repulsed by. But I would if I was "on the fence." Link to comment
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 personality. reason looks only go so far, if the person cant give you anything else besides a sexy body then that gets old. when they fall out of shape, you'll complain and leave. personality is what goes far. now that does not mean, personality is all they need to have, they need to look nice also imo Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 If I wasn't physically attracted to someone I don't think a kiss would turn it aound.I wouldn't want any kind of touching at all from someone that I wasn't physically attracted to.It sounds picky or shallow to dismiss someone soley based on looks but we all do it. oh wait... some how Kalika has come to the point where she is thinking of kissing that guy and see how she feels. let her take a chance. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Sometimes a kiss can be hot as hell though .. even if it's from someone you didn't THINK you were physically attracted to before.. Who knows. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 While we are still on this topic I would like to ask you all one question. Hypothetical scenario Imagine you meet someone of the opposite sex and feel an instant physical/sexual attraction for that person. You guys start dating and get into a relationship. One month into the relationship your bf/gf gets into an accident and their face gets disfigured totally... What will you do now? Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 One month isn't that long.. Am I even in love with this person? Probably not if it's only been a month... Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 One month isn't that long.. Am I even in love with this person? Probably not if it's only been a month... ok - what about after 1 year? Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 Umm......... I dont know! I guess I wouldn't know what I would do until I was in that situation. I'd love to be able to say that I'd stay with him forever, but who knows. The emotional scarring may be worse than the physical. People change when they go through things like that. Link to comment
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