Kalika Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Yes Cairo.. I'm out of town now but we have talked every night since I got here. The day I left he even offered to swing by the airport and bring me some food cuz I was starving. I told him he didn't have to do that, so he set a date right then and there to make me grilled ham and cheese (one of my favorites) when I get back. See why I like him so much? So yeah I'm definitely going to be seeing him pretty soon .. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Gry - I'm not angry, I'm more annoyed than anything. Far be it from me to give you my opinion and not care about yours, but there it is. I heard your opinion, assessed it for its lack of worth, and moved on. And yet you haven't. Kind of frustrating. Can you find another thread now, seriously?? Link to comment
jengh Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 awwww, what a sweetheart. i definitely see why you're not letting this one go so easily. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Yeah I think when I see him again, I'm going to go for a smooch, see what happens.... I hope there are sparks.. I really, really do. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 When you see him, give him a hug and tell him you missed him (depending on how long you were gone!) and that it's good to see him. and then go from there? Or, I suppose you could wait til the end of the night in case no sparks are there. In any case, I think your initial reaction to seeing him again will be important. Take note of how you feel. Happy? Excited? Blah? Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Gry - I'm not angry, I'm more annoyed than anything. Far be it from me to give you my opinion and not care about yours, but there it is. I heard your opinion, assessed it for its lack of worth, and moved on. And yet you haven't. Kind of frustrating. Can you find another thread now, seriously?? Ok. I am sorry if I offended you. That was not my purpose. I know you wouldn't be interested in my advice after what happened here... but here it is anyway: Attraction is very important for a romantic relationship. That very much makes it different from what could just be a normal close friendship between a guy and a girl. So you are not wrong in wanting to feel more attraction for this person that you are currently dating. You are not shallow for feeling that way. Now coming to your situation it is apparent that you don't feel as much attraction as you would want to. It has already been 3 dates. My suggestion? Just go on 1 more date and this time kiss that guy. Either you will enjoy it or you will feel yucky. If you enjoy it you got a great catch, if you feel yucky... well you know what to do Don't think that just because you went on further dates with him or kissed him a relationship needs to come out of it. It doesn't have to. So you don't have to feel guilty. You are dating him to see if there is any potential. So give it one more shot and get your answer. It would be wrong to continue going on dates with this guy if you do not feel any attraction. That would be leading him on. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Yeah I think when I see him again, I'm going to go for a smooch, see what happens.... I hope there are sparks.. I really, really do. This sounds good. Hope this works out. Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Personalitly gets me going everytime. I know this great girl who was recently married, yeah she was very sexy but that didn't matter to me what I think attracted everybody to her was how her personalitly was where she could attract anyone, was so positive and full of energy and was in a constant glow. Her Husband on the other hand was almost the same way both where even shy so I think they are great for each other. Even though iam not her husband or boyfriend I think being her friend is just a great because of her wonderfull personalitly she brings to the world. Looks for me varys, if a girl is full figured hey I don't concider that fat at all I don't mind. I pefer the full figured women over those ones who are supermodel like anyways. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 I definitely miss him already Cairo.. It's strange how attached I am getting to him, despite everything. I guess as far as the kiss goes, I'll just play it by ear so to speak Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Thank you Gry. Well said/spoken. I appreciate it. Yeah, his dang personality is getting to me. He's inching his way in slowly. I'm impressed by how much I already care for him because it rarely happens that I care so much for a guy so soon. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Thank you Gry. Well said/spoken. I appreciate it. Yeah, his dang personality is getting to me. He's inching his way in slowly. I'm impressed by how much I already care for him because it rarely happens that I care so much for a guy so soon. I hope it truly works for you...... You seem to be a good person. You atleast want to give that guy a chance. The girl that I loved so much didn't give me even one chance because she didn't feel attraction for me. All my so called personality and wonderful character was a total waste. Link to comment
winchester3 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I'm going to say personality unless she girl is near the bottom on the ugly scale. With out physical attraction, personality means next to nothing as far as a relationship goes. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Gry - You know what though? Seriously, some people will find you attractive and some wont. It's not something to get upset about (easier said than done I know..) If she didn't find you attractive, someone else will. It's just a crappy waiting game. Were you two dating/in a relationship? How did you find out she wasn't attracted to you, did she say it or you just guessed it on your own? Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 With out physical attraction, personality means next to nothing as far as a relationship goes. TRUE. This is what I have learnt. If physical attraction is not there all the other things (personality, character) are useless. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Yeah but I know that lots of us here have been physically attracted to people who sucked. I think our eyes have bad taste sometimes They see someone attractive but don't realize they really stink. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 It's just a crappy waiting game. Well, for girls it's more of a waiting game. For guys it's more a numbers game. Different games, though they both suck Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hahaha yep All dating games suck. It must have been so much easier to date years ago when you had only one or two options, and there was no myspace or facebook to screw it up... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 No....it was harder because we couldn't hide behind e-mails (or voice mails) or facebook "messages" - if you wanted to hide behind writing you had to write a note and mail it or deliver it in some way - a very vulnerable feeling. And, print personal ads have been around and popular since at least the early 1980s. The easier part was that if "he" didn't call you couldn't check the internet to see if he logged on to a site or to IM. That's a unique kind of stomach drop to have a great date and then see he logged on as soon as he got home. Ugh. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yeah but I know that lots of us here have been physically attracted to people who sucked. I think our eyes have bad taste sometimes They see someone attractive but don't realize they really stink. What do you mean by this? I don't understand. Also, one question to you that is not related to the original topic. Don't you see this guy as "too nice" or "too clingy"? I may be wrong but from what I have read in this forum lot of women would have dumped that guy for this reason. Link to comment
Kalika Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Batya - Yeah that's definitely true. I tend to lose interest in guys that text constantly or email, but never call ... It's harder to pick up a phone nowadays. Gry-I just meant that our eyes can lead us in the wrong direction.. I know this one girl who goes for NOTHING but attractive men.. Some of them have treated her horribly but she defends them by saying how hot they are(!!) .. To answer your other questin, no I don't think he's too nice or clingy. He's doing a good job of staying on this side of the clingy line. But the level of interest is definitely unequal at this point... I know a lot of girls have dumped guys for being too nice. I've definitely done that before. Which is why I don't wanna make the same stupid mistakes over and over. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Were you two dating/in a relationship? How did you find out she wasn't attracted to you, did she say it or you just guessed it on your own? No we never dated. She wouldn't give me even 1 chance. We were together all the time like boyfriend-girlfriend. She always wanted to see me.... and if she didn't see me even for 2 days she would tell "i miss you.. we have to hang out soon". It was exactly like relationship minus the sex part. So I guessed that she may not be feeling the physical attraction for me... Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I know a lot of girls have dumped guys for being too nice. I've definitely done that before. Which is why I don't wanna make the same stupid mistakes over and over. This is another BIG lesson that I have learnt. It is better to call / email / text less and border on the jerk side rather than call / email / text too much and get into the "too nice" side. As long as the guy stays on the jerk side the girl is going to pine for him... As soon as he moves towards the nice side she is gonna dump him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I think it's respectful, not jerky, to let a woman get to know you over time and at a reasonable pace. I think it can be jerky - not nice at all - to overwhelm someone with multiple e-mails or calls before you are an "item." I think you have it backwards. I do think it's jerky to not return a call for several days just to make a point, unless the woman does that because the man keeps calling her but never asking her out, at some point she need not waste her time in talking with him if he just wants to chat endlessly and not move the ball forward. But that is an exception. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 This is another BIG lesson that I have learnt. It is better to call / email / text less and border on the jerk side rather than call / email / text too much and get into the "too nice" side. As long as the guy stays on the jerk side the girl is going to pine for him... As soon as he moves towards the nice side she is gonna dump him. Not all women dump guys because they are attentive. There is hope grymoire. That is silly. Some women do not give the unattentive and emotionally unavailable man the time of day. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 No we never dated. She wouldn't give me even 1 chance. We were together all the time like boyfriend-girlfriend. She always wanted to see me.... and if she didn't see me even for 2 days she would tell "i miss you.. we have to hang out soon". It was exactly like relationship minus the sex part. So I guessed that she may not be feeling the physical attraction for me... That relationship is called "friendship." I thought her reason for not dating you had to do with religious/cultural differences that didn't work for her? Link to comment
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