greensleeves Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 lets just say some people are showing ther true colours.QUOTE] I hope no one is treating you badly, you have enough going on. This will be a rough week for you...I've been saying a little prayer to the universe for you everyday. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 The funeral is going to be really hard, but you know that. Let yourself go with whatever you feel at the time. I tried to look at it as a way of honoring her rather than saying goodbye, mainly because I wasn't ready to say goodbye....still not ready but that's a different story. I hope it goes relatively smoothly for you mate. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Somethings were said that just weren't true, it upset me a little and made me angry but I've learn't not to listen to people like that. Lies make you angry but only the truth hurts and I know the truth in my heart. Last night, when I went to bed, I cried like I did when I first lost her, I cried at work today too. I miss her so much, she was the one person who I could really be myself with and she absolutely adored me. I never met anyone who loved me like that before, she used to write little notes and leave them in my coat pocket for me to find on the way home. I loved her so much I can't believe she's gone. I've cried about three times typing this. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better, but I know there isn't. Maybe after the funeral is over you could look into some grief counselling, but I think that KG and 15 stories can relate to you more than anyone right now. My thoughts and prayers are with all three of you. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 I nearly posted something last night, I typed it out and everything. Yesterday was the first time I started thinking about our time together, it reminded me of what we had. It just made me sad thats all. I'm feeling ok today, I know that the next few days will be an emotional rollercoaster. Just got to ride it out. Part of me doesn't want tomorrow to come but the other half just wants it to be over and done with. Link to comment
KG Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Dagless, The funeral WILL be difficult, no doubt about it. But it will also be a time for you to feel your strength, having gotten to this point in the process of grieving. It's symbolic, honoring her life, her beauty, her love for you. And it will be symbolic for you as well, a chance to say the final goodbye. I can't believe we actually got through the service, but we did. I will hold a special place for you in my heart over the next few days... If you ever need to, PM me anytime. Be strong, OK? KG Link to comment
redrose85 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Dagless, I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like an incredibly strong person though, and like you are handling your shock and grief very well. You write beautifully btw Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 There isn't much more I can add, but to simply put my voice in again so that you know strength is in numbers here with those who are thinking of you. I'm glad you keep coming here to post, so we can tell you at every step of the way that you are going to get through, even through the toughest curves on that rollercoaster. I am learning a lot from you and the other posters here about the need for patience in life, and having that reminder constantly, that Time is the only thing that truly can get us through. And it's about us being willing to surrender to that, going with whatever is happening and not fighting it. My best to you in the next few days, my friend. KG is so right on about the honoring of her life, in this way. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 Posting on here has helped me alot, just writing it down and knowing that people will read it and understand what I'm going through. It really does reassure you that your not alone. Strange thing is I can't remember how I found this site but I'm glad I did, everyone has been so supportive and knowing that some of you are going through a tough time yourself, well it means alot. I've cried at some of the replies. As for being strong I don't know, there hasn't been a day in these past three weeks I haven't cried. I think in times like these you get strength from other people. They can pick you up and carry you when you need it. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Some of us (including yours, truly) have become accustomed to feeling we can be strong for other people, because we have something in us that is truly very capable. It's temperament plus life experiences that give us this image of ourselves, and we come to identify strongly with that self-image. But then there comes a time when it's for us to ask for others to help us in our time of need. Although it may be "out of character" and seemingly not our "role" that we are so familiar with, I think it's a statement of humility and honesty, and courage, and just plain fairness to let ourselves switch roles with people. We should not strive to always be one thing, as though carved of cement that doesn't change shape. Sometimes we have to be this, sometimes that, sometimes something else entirely to get through. It's very healthy to find a side of yourself that can take as well as give, to need as well as be needed during transitions. I think this board functions extremely well in this regard, and it's something we should be taking into our lives everywhere. Pride has no place in getting to the heart of feelings, sometimes. Crying every day after something like this, Dagless, is completely natural, and has nothing whatsoever to do with strong or weak. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 Your right TOV, a wise man once said "the greatest weakness is to deny your humanity". You can stand like a rock but even the strongest mountains crumble in to the sea. I tried fighting my feelings at first but only realised I was fighting with myself and then you only succeed in tearing yourself apart. Pride comes before distruction, I think a wise man said that too. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 Well thats that done. I don't know how I got through it but I did, I didn't cry. I can't show emotion in public for some reason. There was one part when they read out some words I'd wrote and I had a feeling like a bolt of electricity went though me, I physically twitched. Other than that I just felt like a ghost drifting through it all. The only time I came close to tears was when a friend came up to me, hugged me and she said "Thank you for loving her" I tried to say "No, thank her for loving me" but it got stuck half way out. Her body is at rest now. We'll meet again honey, I know I'll see you face again. Until then I'll hold you love in my heart forever. Link to comment
KG Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Dagless, Am glad you made it through that. One hurdle cleared. KG Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hey. Just wanted to say that I think you're doing a great service to your girlfriend and her memory. It's obvious how much you love her. You're doing okay. I'm glad today went ok. You're a lot stronger than you think. I'm full of admiration for you. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Dagless, I'm thinking of you today. "Thank you for loving her"...what a beautiful thing for your friend to say. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 Thank you, all of you. I wish I could find the words to tell you how much your replies mean to me.....thank you. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Dagless, well done. You are right, her love is with you forever. You really are a trooper. You've given her what some never have in their lives, even though their lives are longer. And, you've gotten from her what some never have or obtain in their lives. You've experienced the best of what life has to offer, with her. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 I just wanna let everyone I'm doing ok. The weekend was bad at times but I'm still taking it one day at a time. I've been to see the grave today with my Mom, it's strange I don't feel anything looking at it. I guess I know she's not there. Like I say I'm not looking too far in to the future' just taking each day as it comes. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Thanks for the update, Dagless! Definitely keep posting here, just as you're doing. You have a lot of people who care about you here, and have been walking in your shoes. Weekends are very tough, so the more of them you get under your belt, the more confident you will be that "this, too, shall pass" when you start to feel very low again. I'm so glad you are doing okay -- that is about as good as can be expected at this point. You are really handling this remarkably well, and that is the best kind of tribute to her memory. It sounds like you are close with your Mom? I hope you keep turning to the people who know what you are struggling through. I hope you have friends and family all around who will listen when you need them and just be there. The grave is a surreal feeling -- I know from the experience with my Dad's. That feeling changes over time, too, and sometimes we feel them present and sometimes not -- but I think you have a spiritual side to you that I find in your posts that I KNOW is keeping you connected with her in a very real way. We can't possibly understand the mystery of the intangible side of love and life, but it is a very potent aspect of it that death doesn't erase, as it is far stronger. Once again I will say, bravo for taking it one day at a time, guy. That's exactly where you should be. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Thanks TOV, I will keep posting. I really have to take it one day at a time because even though there are times I feel fine the moment I start looking in to the future I see OUR future, things that will never happen, the plans we made together. And that really hurts. My friends and family have been great, it's made me appreciate the people I love even more. I find I can talk to my Mom about my feelings better than my Dad although I've talked to him too. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I'm glad you're doing ok. One day at a time is all you can do. It's still raw. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I'm glad you're doing ok. One day at a time is all you can do. It's still raw. Storeys...I'm really glad to see your post, people here were worried about you. I read alot of your threads last night...are you feeling a bit better today? I hope so. Dagless, Just keep going one day at a time...you're going to have bad days and better days. I hope the better days will come for you more often in time. I don't know either of you, but I think about you both and KG a lot. There's absolutely nothing I can do or say to make it better...I wish there was. Just know that there are people here who care about you even though we've never met face to face. Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hey Dagless, I know I haven't posted much here on this thread. But just like greensleeves you, 15, and KG are in my thoughts and I always read all of your threads/posts. Link to comment
Dagless Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 I've just felt like crying all day to day. I sat out in the mall for my lunch and I was just there with people walking past me crying. I had a little cry after work too. I would always call her on my breaks and after work. Until now I've just had a feeling like I've forgot something, I've know what it's been but I guess my mind has made me realise that she's not on the end of the phone anymore. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 It's the hard-hittting reality that hurts the most, Dagless. Not the thought of them being gone, but the actual being gone. As in, how that plays out each day, with the routines you once had, no longer there. It's like this is where it's not a concept anymore, but a day-after-day experience. I guess that sounds a little weird and self-evident, but I noticed that, too, with my Dad gone (even though we didn't talk often, I knew that if I was in some awful situation, even with all our differences and head-buttings, in the end he would be there as the voice of reason.) I don't have that anymore, it's so simple and yet so utterly indescribable. There are going to be many times you come up short like that, and just realize that it's so real, the goneness. It's as real as empty space. I know her absense is heavy as lead right now, and there is no antidote I can offer you for the missing her. Except just to say that at those times, just sit with your breath and your tears and accept them as an extension of her love. Wish I could give you a hug, but this'll have to do. ((hugs)) Link to comment
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