My girlfriend died, just feel lost.

[siegfriedso]

take care mate

[Dagless]

Thankyou so much Dags for posting, I am feeling very similar right now. Especially the last post in your journal quoted below, it's is exactly how I'm feeling right now and you put it into words so well.

 

It's not an easy step to make, I thought I was ready last year but I really wasn't. I've always had a problem with letting people in, I always get the feeling to run away or I tell myself it's not what I really want but I DO want it. I'm just scared that's all.

 

just had same experience as you couple days ago.

hope that i can get through this..

 

Siegfriedso, I've been reading the thread you started. I'm so sorry you are going through this, keep posting it really does help to get things out. Read through this thread if it helps. I guess all I can really say is that having faith that you will get through this is probably one of most important things. Patients is also important because everything seems to come and go in waves. Sometimes it can feel as though you are taking steps backwards but it's just a new set of feelings you have to deal with. Allow yourself to feel whatever you have to feel. Cry when you need to, shout when you have to and sometimes you'll feel nothing at all. Just remember that you are human and what you are going through now is very human.

[oceandream]

It's not an easy step to make, I thought I was ready last year but I really wasn't. I've always had a problem with letting people in, I always get the feeling to run away or I tell myself it's not what I really want but I DO want it. I'm just scared that's all.

 

 

I am similar, I have trouble getting close to people. I don't know If I am even capable of loving again or letting someone in again because I don't have the energy or the courage left when I know how much can be lost. I dont know if my heart can deal with it again.

[Dagless]

I am similar, I have trouble getting close to people. I don't know If I am even capable of loving again or letting someone in again because I don't have the energy or the courage left when I know how much can be lost. I dont know if my heart can deal with it again.

 

I think there comes a time when you don't look at what you lost so much and you start to look at what you'd found, what you had. I think that once you do you start to see how special it was and that period of your life wasn't all about pain and loss. The idea of letting someone in again comes after that, I think.

[yeawutever]

Yes indeed 4 years have passed by since you created this thread. I just found this on the subscribed option. Anyways sorry for your lost. There is nothing more sad than losing a loved one. In time you'll ge through this and move on with a smile. I'm sure she would have love to see you happy.

[oceandream]

I think that once you do you start to see how special it was and that period of your life wasn't all about pain and loss.

 

Beautifully said Dags

[siegfriedso]

thank you mate that means a lot.

 

i probably shouldn't ask this but have you ever hurt or tried to hurt yourself during the time? now i have this problem. in the last three weeks i have done so much things to harm myself, i know it's not right but i just couldn't help to do it. i just can't control myself. it's like i need the physical pain to take away the emotional pain. and it feels like i have a split personality now it's really crazy.

[Mexus]

Dagless this thread is the reason I have actually joined this site. I am in a similair situation at the moment.

 

I lost my Fiance on the 31st of October 2011 from heart failure, sadly I wasnt with her when she passed, i was 400 km away for the 3 days she was in hospital with no way to get to her.

 

Theres alot more to my story but this isnt the time nor the place for it.

 

Dagless all i can say is that you are correct the first few months are the hardest by far, im not sure if im moving on or just hiding behind a 'mask' at the moment.

 

I thank you for sharing your story and keeping this journal over 4 years.

 

siegfriedso I know exactly how you feel, from what i went through and my own attempts at 'ending it all' is to seek advice from an expert, i did, and it saved my life. please keep me updated on how you are doing as i have just gone through it myself.

 

Kindest Regards to all,

Mike.

[Dagless]

Hi Mike, I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. It sounds like you have been through a lot already but it does get easier given time and it does take time. When I think back to those early months I find it so bizarre to think of how crazy those times were. There were times I felt like I was losing my mind but you get through it, if you believe that you will get though it.

 

Take care mate.

[emgj1984]

I agree with dagless. I lost my boyfriend all of a sudden in June 2010. I'm only now at a stage where I'm properly happy again. It's now not every day... quite... that I think about him. I have another boyfriend now and he is making me happy. Just think how much worse it may have been/can be for the parent of the person who dies.... hate to say it but boy/girlfriends lost are relatively normal.

There is a word for losing a husband/wife (widow(er)), or parents (orphan) but, maybe because there are no words for how hard it is... there is no word for losing your child.

In a way I was lucky at the time because a good friend of mine lost her fiancee and 2 years later she married someone else (good friends before) then he died and 3 days later she discovered she was pregnant. I always knew that it could be worse (also because I was in the accident too, so knew I was lucky I could walk/was alive!)

Keep strong everyone... time heals!

[15 Storeys High]

It will be 5 years on October 8th since my fiancee killed herself. I can write that now. Before I used to write that she "left me" rather than "killed herself" or "suicide". But I can do it now. I suppose that shows the value of time. It is so good to see Dags still writing here. I hope everything is going ok mate.

[metrogirl]

It will be 5 years on October 8th since my fiancee killed herself. I can write that now. Before I used to write that she "left me" rather than "killed herself" or "suicide". But I can do it now. I suppose that shows the value of time. It is so good to see Dags still writing here. I hope everything is going ok mate.

 

It's really good to see you again 15 storeys. Hope you are doing well yourself.

[15 Storeys High]

Thanks Grandma Hot.

[BellaDonna]

It will be 5 years on October 8th since my fiancee killed herself. I can write that now. Before I used to write that she "left me" rather than "killed herself" or "suicide". But I can do it now. I suppose that shows the value of time. It is so good to see Dags still writing here. I hope everything is going ok mate.

 

It seems hard to believe that it has been 5 years since your loss. I am glad you are doing well.

[Dagless]

It will be 5 years on October 8th since my fiancee killed herself. I can write that now. Before I used to write that she "left me" rather than "killed herself" or "suicide". But I can do it now. I suppose that shows the value of time. It is so good to see Dags still writing here. I hope everything is going ok mate.

 

Storeys, I was only thinking of you this morning, wondering how you were doing. It's so good to see your post here! 5 years, it sounds like a long time but really it isn't, is it? It sound like you are doing well, that's good. I'm doing okey, I still can't get my head around the notion of loving or being loved again. There is a strange fear connected to it, one I can't quite put my finger on. I finally got round to listening to The Longpigs after your recommendation, bought their album "The Sun Is Often Out". I like it a lot.

[becomingkate]

I'm so sorry Dagless!

 

When my husband died in 2002, I found a site called Widownet, and it saved my life. If you feel it might help you, I highly recommend it. *Hugs*

[AltheaGrace]

I don't know if I can ever love again either.

After he died I wanted to have that feeling back right away, I knew not to follow any impulses I had and that I wanted something that can never be. There will never be another one like him.

But I cannot handle being alone, it is eating away at me. I miss not having a best friend, I am terrified of games and all the heartache that comes with dating. I can't lose another love like that.

Frankly, I don't know if I will ever be able to handle that, not after this.

[Dagless]

I don't know if I can ever love again either.

After he died I wanted to have that feeling back right away, I knew not to follow any impulses I had and that I wanted something that can never be. There will never be another one like him.

But I cannot handle being alone, it is eating away at me. I miss not having a best friend, I am terrified of games and all the heartache that comes with dating. I can't lose another love like that.

Frankly, I don't know if I will ever be able to handle that, not after this.

 

I read this a couple of days ago and I've been of the most honest way to reply to it because I know that any advice I can give is going to be more out of hope than experience but I do believe that when you are ready to move on then you will but being ready isn't like switch that gets flicked. It's gradual, a gentle shift in feelings that can almost take you by surprise. I have many problems when it comes to opening myself up to the possibility of being loved. Whether they are a result of the death of my girlfriend or they have always been there is hard to tell but when I think back I've always spent my life running away from it. I don't think I've ever really felt worthy of it, of someone. I guess what I am saying is that people lose love ones and move on, they find love again, it happens every day. I don't know how they do it but they do. It's important to remember that I think.

[AltheaGrace]

Thank you Dagless. You are right, and I know that I can't decide to have certain feelings or to be ready, it just has to happen. And I know how you feel about not knowing what feelings are because of the death or because of you, I have the same problem. I can't remember what I was like before him because my relationship changed me so much and changed what I need and what I want. Sometimes I can't decide which feelings are because I am not letting go, and which feelings are normal. I am terrified of hurting someone, of leading someone on without even realizing it just to find what I lost. So many doubts, so many worries, I miss having my life all planned out. I wish you the best, I hope you find love again.

[Nick Reed]

Just googled girlfriend passed away (another sleepless night) & found this thread. It's been almost 3 weeks now & I totally related to Dagless's first post. I made a comment the other day to someone about Romeo & Juliet and how it isn't really such a romantic tragedy because after going through it myself just killing yourself seems more like the cowards/ easiest way to go and not a very romantic thing to do at all.

[Ferrero]

I am so sorry for ur loss I actually have tears in my eyes as I'm reading this thread. When loved ones go so unexpectedly, its so hard bcoz there was nothing wrong with them health wise. We all here for u, and I'm sure we will all keep u in our prayers. May God give u the strength to face each challenging day.

[ForeverMissed]

I have just read your post and I would really appreciate it if you could let me know how you have coped with your loss and how I can cope with mine? I just posted a thread "Lost my soul-mate of 4 years" and would really love for you to post your response on how you were able to overcome it

 

 

 

Thanks so much...