My girlfriend died, just feel lost.

[Dagless]

Hi Al, I just wanted to say that it okay to cry at memories that come up when you look at her stuff, it's okay to feel whatever you need to feel.

I too have lost a lot of weight, a lot of it was in the first two weeks. Just try and eat what you can, just to keep yourself going.

 

I would start your own thread or a journal so that you can talk about your feelings and fears, just to get it out. That really helped me, made me make a lot of sense out what was going on in my mind.

 

My thoughts are with you.

[indierockgrl]

I just saw your post and i had to join this. I can relate to you. On November 14th my boy died of an accidental drug overdose. It was sudden and horrible and i have been so grief stricken i cant even function. He was a coworker of mine also, i work in a hospital and he was a social worker and get this, a drug counselor. I was ending a long term relationship when i met him, we connected instantly. I didnt realize how deep his addiction was, i guess now, i know. i still cant believe i will not see him anymore. I still wait for a phone call that never comes. I have called his office number just to hear his voice. I almost feel like its a cruel joke. How is it someone so special comes into your life and gets ripped out? My soul is missing a piece. I feel like i will never be whole again. I know exactly how you feel. I hope you know that there are others out there dealing and coping with sudden loss. I have support people but i know that they get tired of me talking about him. They tell me that i should move on....how do you do that? all i have is a reel in my brain, of memories and his voice im trying to preserve in my mind. its a sick and twisted journey we are on. i hope that we both can figure out what the good is that is supposed to come from all of this hell. God bless you.

[indierockgrl]

I added you as a contact. If you ever want to talk.

[KG]

rturner,

Don't pay attention to people who tell you it's time to move on. That's your grief, they have no right. You will move on when you are ready, not a minute sooner.

Sending ))HUGS(( your way. KG

[indierockgrl]

Thank you KG, i appreciate it very much. This is the first person that i have lost as an adult and its even harder being that i loved this person. I just wish that i knew when i am supposed to let him go.....How long is too long to grieve? Its only been 2 months...

[raining.stars]

^ Hi rturner 2 months is a very short time, I think there is no set timeline for grief everyone is different, and I think it is about learning to live with the loss and living despite feeling sadness. There will always be sadness and missing them, but there will also be happiness too. So I don't know if we let the loved one go, but eventually we let the grief go. I guess some people it takes a year others many years or even a lifetime.

[jengh]

Thank you KG, i appreciate it very much. This is the first person that i have lost as an adult and its even harder being that i loved this person. I just wish that i knew when i am supposed to let him go.....How long is too long to grieve? Its only been 2 months...

 

I can't believe people are telling you to move on after just two months I am terribly sorry for your loss. I urge you to start your own thread on here, it might help to get your feelings out in the open and get some perspective. The people on this site are amazingly supportive and I believe can help a great deal. Again, I am very sorry

[rbonds]

The girl that I have loved for the past two years just died in a car wreck. I held hands with her and walked with her to class every day. I love her so much that it hurts. I missed her before she was gone. The worst part about it was that she was with another guy when she died. He was one of my best friends. I loved her and she loved me but when i went to visit my mom for the summer they started going out. I loved her so much and he was such a good friend that I thought i could just wait it out. I thought that when he went to college we would start dating again. When summer was over it was like nothing happened. We still held hands and I still told her that I loved her. We walked to class every day sat with her every morning and every day efter school I would follow her like a stupid puppy just to be around her. I feel horrible because my friend thought that they were going to get married and we loved each other too. Some of her best friends said that we were so similar that we were like brother and sister and girls that liked me wouldn't do anything about it because they thought her and I were going out. I feel horrible and happy at the same time just to know that I had that kind of love but it hurts. I feel empty and alone because I can't tell anybody that knew him didn't know about me and her. Its like she was never here. I walk through the halls at school literaly squezing my hand hoping that hers will be there. I miss her so much. I feel for all those that have lost who they loved and cannot imagine what it must be like for you.

[indierockgrl]

i am soooo sorry for your loss. i know first hand since its been 6 months since my SO died. its so hard to even try to think it will get better. How could it possibly when that special person is now gone. Its a huge void that will never be filled. i can tell you that ena has been my main support through all of this. i have a wonderful support system and i am now in the acceptance phase of grief. most of the time i am strong.. but one small little trigger and i am a puddle of tears and memories. I hope that you can be strong, although if you just need to cry and cry... its ok too. grieve how you need to grieve. most importantly let your emotions come and deal with her death how you need to deal with it. Grief has no timeline.

 

again i am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now.

 

pm me if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.

[rbonds]

Thanks. Its been three weeks since she died. It feels like everyone else has forgotten about her. I don't want to forget. I can only hear her voice saying certain things and its hard to picture her face. I don't want to forget her. I want to feel the pain that I felt at her funeral so that I can know that what I feel is real. Its harder to remember how much I love her. It feels like she should still be be here. I don't feel like I can be me without her. My friends all want me to be funny and joke but I just don't feel them inside me anymore. I promised myself that I would try to make someone laugh everyday as much as I did for her but its hard to even smile. I know that she wants me to be happy but I don't think that I can ever be the same.

[indierockgrl]

R,

all you can do now is take time to grieve and heal. you arent going to feel good or like joking or even smiling. you lost someone you love. i know when Ken died i could hardly function let alone act "like me". i know how you feel about not wanting to forget. he died 6 months ago and i still try to remember his voice in my head and his smile. It seems like a blur alot of the time. just take the time to feel what you have too.

 

noone will expect you to move on till you are absolutely ready too. and if they do, screw them. take as long as you need. its hard to comprehend this person is gone forever. i battle that everyday. stay strong... your not alone.

[rbonds]

Thank you. I was happy yesterday for the first time since she died. I don't know why I felt like it, but Hooked On A Feeling by BJ Thomas came on at 6:20 in the morning and I smiled. I thought of her face and saw the sun coming over the mountains and I laughed. I'm not sure if I'm in any position to give advice, but I want you to know that they aren't gone forever. I know without a doubt that I will see her again and hug her and laugh with her and kiss her and love her just as much as I ever have. I have lost my sense of direction, but I know that there is a life after this one and if I continue to live as she did I will be with her again.

[indierockgrl]

Thank you. I was happy yesterday for the first time since she died. I don't know why I felt like it, but Hooked On A Feeling by BJ Thomas came on at 6:20 in the morning and I smiled. I thought of her face and saw the sun coming over the mountains and I laughed. I'm not sure if I'm in any position to give advice, but I want you to know that they aren't gone forever. I know without a doubt that I will see her again and hug her and laugh with her and kiss her and love her just as much as I ever have. I have lost my sense of direction, but I know that there is a life after this one and if I continue to live as she did I will be with her again.

 

I agree with you..... i hope that when its my time to go, Ken is the one that comes to take me to heaven.... i know why god brought us together and i know why Ken chose to go to heaven instead of continue here on earth. I just wish that our human emotions could grasp the lonliness and the loss easier than we do. I miss him so much... just knowing he was going to be there. He told me so many times when he was alive that he wasnt going anywhere and that he would always be there. Well i hope that he is there. Always, everytime i call out to him. I hope he is there. I try to find comfort in that. (((hugs)))

[Dagless]

So here we are.....nineteen months. Boy that sounds like a long time but really it's not, I couldn't tell you where it has gone.

 

I was talking to a friend at work last week and she said it was her Birthday, so I asked her how old she was expecting her to say she was 22. "24" she said.....24.....it shocked me that so much time could go by without me even noticing.

 

I feel like I have been very slowly waking up. Waking up from a world of my own thoughts and feeling and into the world outside of myself. It's full of people and smiles and so many things I didn't even notice before. I feel so much more settled within myself now, I am slowly moving forward again.

 

For those out there who have lost someone they love all I can say to them is give yourself time to feel, to hurt and cry because your emotions don't care about time. They simply have to dance to the tune your soul has to play and if you don't believe in all that soul stuff then that's alright. Just know that you won't feel the way you do right now forever. Sometimes your feeling change so gradually that you don't even notice until months have past you by but they do change, I promise. Just keep going.

[KG]

^^^Dags,

So true about where does the time go? Sometimes it feels like an eternity, others, as if it happened yesterday. Strange how the heart overules the brain sometimes. Good for you tho, friend.

[tiredofvampires]

I never ceases to amaze me how wily that thing called time is. When something so terrible happens that you feel it's frozen, time seems like something only other people are still experiencing, while for you it's just been petrified -- and like a curse. Having to live through pain without anesthesia is what grief is about. Yes, there are distractions, momentarily, when in the worst of it, but a lucid mind can feel like it's being tortured without end.

 

Yet time is always working for us, in that nothing, no state, is permanent. To me, this is such an immense grace of recognition, even when things seem frozen -- that change is a law of life. And although you will not lose the love you have (a fear people have of returning to living), time will make of it a beautiful shrine where it now feels only like broken and sharp rubble.

 

Dags, it's another milestone. Each one is a testament to how every month is different from the last. No two days, months or years are the same, even with new add mixtures of emotions that you revisit in different ways.

 

It's good to see you post again. Your story and your heart have touched, are touching and will touch many, many, many.

[WaterIsLife]

You're right about that. Emotions about a subject like this do not recognize the days of a calendar nor the hands of a clock. 19 months really isn't a huge amount of time either. But what is one to do?

 

The only true things in life are death, taxes, and change. (Oh, and David Hasselhoff....when the heck is he going to go away?)

[Hendy]

im so sorry what you are going through, i understand totally, like yourself i met an amazing man 6mths ago, i didnt really understand true love until i met him and its an amazing feeling, i loved him totally body and soul,

i lost him 3mths ago to an anrusiem to the brain at only 42, i understand what your feeling unless you go through it, hard to understand, all i can say be grateful that you loved the way you did, not everyone experinces that in alife time and you did.

time is what you need. its being three months its hard, i try to stay positive and hopefully one day i can feel normal again.

To love like you did and to feel the grief you feel is that you have truly being touched by life...

take care,

[SobeOner]

Thank you Dagless and everyone else for posting their experiences and reminding me that i'm not alone. My girlfriend of 7 years passed away a month ago. We were soulmates. She went under cardiac arrest in her sleep. They were able to resuscitate her but went into a coma for 12 days. A happy Sunday at my house was the last time i saw her conscious, she passed on a Friday. We were so in love, sometimes the pain is overwhelming. Im glad i found this site and thread. I was beginning to feel alone in my sorrow. Dagless your story lets me know that there's some light at the end of this dark tunnel.

[Dagless]

I'm so sorry to hear that SobeOner. Yes there is light at the end of all this, even if at times it is difficult to believe that there is. One day at a time, that's all you can do. The way you feel now isn't how it is going to be forever. ((Hugs)) to you.

[wildflower_65]

I am so sorry to hear that SobeOner ((hugs)). I just want you to know that ENA has been a great comfort to me in the midst of my grief (my soulmate died three months ago) and I hope it will be the same for you.

[alcide]

Thats encouraging, just keep the faith to you guys sorry about your lost.

[alcide]

I sooooo sorry about how it go, but keep the faith and i also believe its okay to cry and feel that way, but dont keep your self too much on the down side she is watching you and she won't be happy if you continue that way.xoxoxoxo all the best hun.

[KG]

SobeOner,

It's been nearly 3 years since my wife died. I couldn't ever imagine being normal again, but here I am, close to it.

Keep them in your heart, and try to move forward, even just a bit, because to not to, would not make them happy. We are a living testament to those we have lost.

[SobeOner]

Thanks guys for all the support. This site really does seem to have a lot of supportive people with similar experiences. Trying to take it day by day seems easier said than done at this point. A part of me knows that with time this pain might heal but looking into the future without her by my side seems unbearable. Dagless, your story especially hit close to home for me because it paralleled so much with what i went through, especially after reading all your posts.

 

A dream night with her consisted of me taking some beers or wine over her place or bringing her back to mine and just watching movies and chatting all night. I feel this guilt, I wish i couldve done more to save her. She fell unconscious while sleeping in my house. Her family thanks me for giving her CPR , allowing her more time alive, giving her family and friends one last chance to say goodbye. But the guilt remains. People tell me to be strong and that she wouldnt want to see me crying and sad. I agree, she hated ever seeing me sad but theres only so much i can take. crying seems to be the only thing that eases the pain, if for only temporarily.

 

So many plans, dreams, and aspirations we had together, knowing now that they will never materialize. Its like a dagger through my heart. Life just seems cruel and ironic sometimes. One week your the happiest person in the world with a wonderful person who you love with all your soul by your side and the next week your lonely, miserable, and feeling like your soul has been ripped out of you. I swear before this i had not cried for years and years. Now not a day goes by that i dont breakdown. thank all you wonderful people for taking the time to listen to experiences like mine. It feels good venting to others who know exactly what your going through.