3boys Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Atticus, child support is for much more than just food & clothes. If you're living with your parents, that's one thing; but if she ever moves out, you are partially responsible for also putting a roof over the child's head, paying for heat and water, etc. A formal support order does not immediately start when the child is born, the mother must request it. If you and your girlfriend are together and getting along, there may be no need for something formal. However, if you break up and she files for child support, the judge should give you options on how to pay it. My best friend was granted child support in her divorce and her husband simply wrote her a check each month, but when her ex started getting behind, she went back to court and had it directly deducted from his check. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 My gf and I decided to sign the rights off to my mom when the baby is born. Just to protect us. And she always wanted another kid but she cant cause she'll die if she does. We both will be living over there takeing care of the kid to is this a good idea? and how soon can this be done? I think this may be a smart decision on both of your parts, if that is what BOTH of you want. But also know that you need to go through the full legal crap as well and not just hand the baby off. It is alot to go through. You don't need to do it to "protect" you two but you need to do what is best for the baby. Also think about all the things like how the baby is going to be raised, who is going to be the mom (your mom or the bio mom), is it going to be permanent or just temporary. There is so much you two need to think about and do before the child is born. Also know that your mother can go after you both for support if you don't sign full legal rights over. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 My mom has a lot of money. She told me she wouldn't go after me for support. She even told me. It would also be temporary. For a couple years. My gf will be the mom. My mom will just have a hand in raising the child. I would do it now, but she told me to wait after paternity test. sooo i hope all this works well. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 What rights are you signing off to mom after the baby is born? Just the finanical obligation? Or the guardianship of the baby? It is not clear what you mean when you say that... Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 guardianship. i gues financial also. basically giving her full custody and we still have full rights to see child whenever. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 my gf's parents would love to get rid of the baby.. they don't even want her having the kid. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 my gf's parents would love to get rid of the baby.. they don't even want her having the kid. I know it seems this way to you but i bet that isn't true. They are probably upset still and still a bit in shock that there 16 year old kid is pregnant. It is hard for parents to absorb this as much as it is for you kids. I'll bet you 100 bucks they come around once the baby is born and cherish that kid. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 My mom has a lot of money. She told me she wouldn't go after me for support. She even told me. It would also be temporary. For a couple years. My gf will be the mom. My mom will just have a hand in raising the child. I would do it now, but she told me to wait after paternity test. sooo i hope all this works well.\ That isn't even fair to your mom nor the child in question. Signing the rights over for a few years?? So you're mom is going to raise and support this kid until you just get "Ready" and then you're going to up and take the kid? It's not going to work like that. How can you even think about doing thaT? I dont care how much money your mother has, it's not even fair having her raise this child and take care of you, your gf and this child and she's going to grow an attachment because of this and then you and your gf are going to take the child whenever you want in a few years. A couple of years isn't "temporary" , "temporary" is a couple of months. If the child is yours, you aren't much of a father letting your mother raise this child and not offereing support of any kind rather than just being around. Your mom will have more than just a "hand" in raising the child. If you're going to do that then why don't you just sign full rights over to your mom? Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 the only difference would be is a bunch of papers. they'd still be able to see the kid. if i were to talk to them about this, how would i approach them with it? Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 i am gonna help. my mom is the one who wants to do it to get the law out of my *** Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 In order to do that you will have to sign over your rights to the child, her paying for the child means nothing if the courts are going to be involved. Unless she legally adopts the child, you are still the parent and if it's going to happen, the courts can and will still go after YOU. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 how could they go after me. id be signing off my rights and everything. isnt that the same thing as adoption Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 If you sign over your rights, you're not getting the child back in a few years. The child will be your mothers. I really think you need to educate yourself before you just to making decisions because I don't think you're fully understanding how the adoption/legal systems work. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 i guess ill do it permanent then. will signing off every single right keep the law of my ***? cant support a child if im in jail huh... Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 If you sign over your rights, you're not getting the child back in a few years. The child will be your mothers. I really think you need to educate yourself before you just to making decisions because I don't think you're fully understanding how the adoption/legal systems work. i dont really understand. your right. any websites i can look at for this stuff? Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 i guess ill do it permanent then. will signing off every single right keep the law of my ***? cant support a child if im in jail huh... It seems like all you're worried about is yourself, not your gf, nor this child.. All the reasons you have mentioned for doing this is all selfish , immature reasoning. Have you even discussed all this with your gf?, it is ultimately her decision and she needs to understand that it's permanent and she is giving her child up to your mother and she's not going to just be able to get the child again whenever she feels like it without going through a legal process. and why would you go to jail? if you support your child like you're supposed to you're not going to jail. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 i dont really understand. your right. any websites i can look at for this stuff? You, your gf and your mother need to contact an adoption agency or lawyer in your area and talk to them or even your local Social Services can point you in the right direction for the information you need. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 im not trying to be selfish. if i am then im sry and i probably am. but i just want everything to work out and a smooth pregnancy. every single day, it seems a new problem arises. im just trying to get my ducks in a row so i can actually get this settled. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I'm not trying to be harsh or mean.. I'm really not and I apologize if i'm coming off that way, but I just think you really need to help educate yourself and your gf before making decisions. Just because one option seems "Easiest" for you may not be easiest for all involved or may not be easiest for anyone for that matter. You need to open up to ALL options not what is just best for you. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 my gf wants to do it to because she doesnt want child services takeing her baby away. because my mom said they'll take the child away if they see that she's not able to support it and they'll get on my *** about it. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 im not trying to be selfish. if i am then im sry and i probably am. but i just want everything to work out and a smooth pregnancy. every single day, it seems a new problem arises. im just trying to get my ducks in a row so i can actually get this settled. Welcome to becoming a teen parent (or any parent for that matter). I speak all of this from experience, I got pregnant at 16 and I know it's not easy. It never will be easy but you did make your bed and you do have to lie in it. However, you were old enough and mature enough to have unprotected sex and possibly get a girl pregnant (assuming the kid may not be yours) then you really need to mature enough to step up to the plate and not just try to take the easy road out. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 my gf wants to do it to because she doesnt want child services takeing her baby away. because my mom said they'll take the child away if they see that she's not able to support it and they'll get on my *** about it. They can only take the child away if the child is neglected and/or abused. If you make sure the child has clothes, food, etc then the child will not be taken away. Your gf needs to understand that if she signs over parental rights, she is no longer the parent of this child and she will not be getting the child back in a few years unless she goes through legal proceedings. I think y'all are thinking that you just give the child to your mom for a few months/years and then when things settle down you go pick the child up and live happily ever after.. It doesn't happen like that. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I'll try to call an agency or get my mom to do it. my mom said its not difficult because she and my dad signed the paper in mediation court when they got divorced. i guess thats a complete different thing. they got joint custody (whatever that is) on me Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I'll try to call an agency or get my mom to do it. my mom said its not difficult because she and my dad signed the paper in mediation court when they got divorced. i guess thats a complete different thing. they got joint custody (whatever that is) on me Joint custody to a parent is one thing.. Adoption is another.. Adoption is a huge issue as you're signing the parental rights over to your mother, meaning you're pretty much changing who the parent is. Joint custody just means, time is split between two parents. Adoption doesn't work that way. And obviously you're mother doesn't know that much either if she thinks adoption and custody between two parents are the same thing.. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 idk if i wana give her parental rights. ill just find a better job my kid will probably resent me if i do this i hope ill be doing the right thing. Link to comment
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