Serious situation..

[h0rnyr0b0t]

okay this is really FREAKIN' strange, and i have no idea of what to do. of course, ENA always seems to help me. ok, here we go.

 

i've been with my gf for about 4 months. (were both 17) recently, we came accross the topic of our ex's and things like that. im her 8th bf. we started talking about aborption (forgot how it got to that) and out of the blue, she told me that she was pregant about a year ago. then she told me 5 months ago with her most recent ex, she got pregant again. she said she had an aborption a few weeks after both times

 

this hit me like a lightning bolt. just to think, 1 months before i got with her, she had a growing child inside of her. and how does it happen a SECOND time, i really would think you would learn the first time around..

 

tomorrow, i am going to see her , and we were going to have sex. but im so confused right now. i'm going to call it off, because i really need time to think about this. time to think about everything. she let it go on for 4 months before telling me ? its been 4 hours since i found out and i cant even think straight. i cant even sleep right now. i know ,its been only 4 months and were 17, but this is very serious for me, words cant explain how lost, and dumbstuck i am. any comments on this situation will help me, thank you.

[blender]

Yes I'm sure that was quite a shock, but of course it's pretty amazing she even felt comfortable enough to tell you something so serious and personal after dating you only four months. It's seems she might be moving "too quickly" after having to deal with such an emotional and physically traumatic experience.

 

It is a very serious situation that she went through, hopefully she has had some therapy and won't ever allow herself to be in that situation again. But it seems she is already putting herself at risk again.

 

Try not to judge her, but do be fully aware of what YOU can handle emotionally in all this.

 

Be sure to consider all the responsiblities when being sexually active at a young age with a girl who is so young as well.. physical intamcy carries many risks and needs so much emotional maturity... are you sure you are ready to deal with all the "emotions and responsiblity" in having a physical relationship at seventeen?

 

She could get pregnant, even if you are both using protection, it's always possible to get pregnant, so be sure that if you choose the behavior to continue being physically intimate with her, then you are also willing to fully deal with the mature emotional and all responsible possiblities that come with a physical relationship.

 

Be sure that your mind, brain and heart is fully aware before you are physically responding to your "needs"... and know that there is always a risk of pregnancy, so if you are not ready to be a father then be careful.. and take a bit more time to get to know a girl before getting so invovled...

[h0rnyr0b0t]

thank you blender. i respect her for atleast telling me and not going through with this relationship without. she just told me a few mintues ago it happened twice, and im really losing it. it seems like shes just letting it happen again, but i wont let it happen. ill wait until we both are fully ready. i do understand how it is to be her..i think ill just give it some more time. thanks for the comment

[whoa shut it down]

She should get birth control.

[blender]

hmm..this has something she has done TWICE? and please try not to say "it HAPPENED" twice" because the fact is SHE ALLOWED it to happen twice.. meaning she put herself at physical and emotional risk of getting pregnant.. and even using birth control does not completely rule out the chance of getting pregnant... ugh.. I know it seems like it's no big deal to be sexually active at seventeen..BUT THE FACT IS, IT IS A BIG DEAL.. because it brings many physcial and emotional challenges and risk, and you have to really know any person before you share the intamcy of your physical and emotional self... it seems you are just starting to "know her' in a real way, so just remember it's better to get to know someone BEFORE you take a physical and emotiona risk at ANY age..but especially when still a teen... please take care of yourself, and slow down with this girl.. the poor girl doesn't seem to treat herself with enough respect.. I hope you can tell her she deserves to be more careful with her body.. not to mention the emotional loss of her choices...

[blender]

P.S. you seem like a caring, mature, good guy, so please be sure to pay close attention to your own emotional reaction to this "new information" because the fact is it is a "big deal" but I know you want to be understanding, caring and respectful of her, but it's important that she also does the same for herself.. hopefully she will learn to respect and cherish her body... and also the "potential life" she creates within herself.

[whoa shut it down]

I know how big of a deal it is. Because I've only been with one girl my entire life and that is the girl I'm with. We've been together for 6 months now.

 

The best thing you can do is talk to her about how you are concerned. And try to put the past behind you guys. I trust that if she does get pregnant, you don't want her to have an abortion?

[h0rnyr0b0t]

yes it happened twice, and that really scares me. this is a big deal for me, i decided to keep sex out of the picture until we both are ready. we both decided to go get checked next week. i will certainly slow this down. thank you, you further prove the point ENA is a safe place to get help

[h0rnyr0b0t]

I trust that if she does get pregnant, you don't want her to have an abortion?

 

as long as shes with me, sex wont be a factor for awhile.

[whoa shut it down]

That's probably your best bet.

 

Someone close to me went through an abortion.

 

It was devastating.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[St00f]

Other than that I hope the ex boyfriend/girlfriend talk went well

[ghost69]

wrap your soldier up for sure. there are girls out there that seem to be able to get pregnant from a handshake. i agree she needs to look into birth control too.

[h0rnyr0b0t]

Other than that I hope the ex boyfriend/girlfriend talk went well

awkward for sure haha. im her 8th, shes my 3rd ahah

[h0rnyr0b0t]

i will surely look into birth control when we are ready to take it to that level

[pesh]

Can I be blunt without hurting any feelings...?

 

Ok, I'm against abortion, but I will give a little more sympathy given her age. But the fact that this happened TWICE is unacceptable. Abortions are NOT a form of birth control. It's a dangerous procedure. And even if it's the Abortion pill, that is still very risky. She obviously has no clue how to be mature and be responsible about having sex. It makes me sick to think that she did this. It makes me wonder where the parents are on this. My cousin got pregnant a few weeks ago. She's been sexually active since 12- her mom never took her to the gyno, never put her on the pill, and never restricted her behavior at all whatsoever. My cousin has done whatever she wanted and been with whomever she wanted, and now after the abortion (the first that we know of) her mom is finally taking her to the gyno and putting her on the pill (ABOUT TIME).

 

If you choose to have sex with her, make sure that youre using a condom with spermicide (better ye get her on birth control, but don't solely rely on that because it must be taken at the same time everyday for it to be the most effective).

 

If you are too upset with this then I think you have every right to break off the relationship. If I found out my SO had fathered children and left the girl, i'd tell him to go back to the girl he knocked up.

 

I lose faith in our generation everyday. But you seem like a nice guy, and that helps restore my faith in the general male population.

[Zona76]

I am not pro-life. However I don't think abortion is a form a birth control.

The first time she saw herself pregnant she should have looked at herself and learned from the lessen.

Not only does she need to take some kind of preventative action all the guys there after wont know what they're going to catch from her.

Learn from this girl. Wear a condom. ALWAYS!

You have someone tell you she's on the pill? Let me warn you. Wear it! You WANT to be a Daddy and pay child support till the kid is an adult? Go on with it... But it's not worth one romp in the bed if you aren't protected. A woman that easy who has slept with this many at her age? .... you just might want to go to the clinic and get yourself tested.

[JadedStar]

Good grief two abortions and she is not even 18 yet? Sounds like she is using abortion as a form of birth control. This girl needs to get responsible and quick. It is very alarming that she mentions it so non chalantly. On the one hand you can say she respects and trusts you to share - on the other hand (and the one i believe to be the case) she really doesn't find this to be very alarming or a very big deal at all, and like blender said, it IS a big deal.

[cleo_gurl]

Ask her if she is on birth control now b/c that will help with preventing since you guys are having sex. At least she told you and you really can't punish her for something she did in her past. Twice is pretty bad though she should take some responsibility. Check on that birth control though.

[metrogirl]

I'm concerned that she has had 8 boyfriends and she is only 17. I'm assuming that she has slept with all 8 of them?

 

She seems to lack any type of common sense or self control. She is risking her health and life. She is a high risk factor for std's and HIV.

 

You really need to think twice before engaging in a relationship with this girl.